Should I stay with daughter and son-in-law when baby arrives?

United States
October 2, 2011 6:43pm CST
My grandson is due to arrive at the end of November. Daughter said she wants me to stay with her at her house when she goes home for at least a few days. It's her first and she told me that she's NEVER even changed a diaper! YIKES! We already discussed the time while she's in labor and decided it should be a time for only she and her husband and that any more people would complicate things. Do you think it's a good idea for me to go to their home and stay there for three or four days to get them started with the new baby?
7 people like this
24 responses
@asyria51 (2861)
• United States
2 Oct 11
If they are up for it, than I would say do it. I was lucky, my parents came down to see my baby at the hospital, even showing up with a huge chocolate shake, and then went back home until the weekend. I had a few days to get settled into something of a routine. They were extremely helpful when they came down those first few weekends, they did laundry and the vacuuming, even picked up groceries. They would arrive right before dinner on Saturday and leave mid afternoon on sunday. Then I was bombarded by my husbands family. 7 days with 4 extra people in the house at all times overwhelmed me completely. I finally ordered everyone out of my house. I told them I did not care what they did as long as they left my house.
2 people like this
@asyria51 (2861)
• United States
3 Oct 11
I was around babies my whole life, so the diaper changes and things like that were not a big deal for me. It was remember to sleep when the baby sleeps concept that I had the hardest time with, especially those times where I hit my second wind and did not feel tired, but was really exhausted. Also, I nursed so that made it so i had to do more of the actual baby work.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Oct 11
I nursed both of my children, and my first - a son had colic for months! It was terrible and I got very little sleep. I was determined to do the nursing thing and I was an exhausted mess! One evening after several months of this, my mom and dad came over to visit and my father said, "The only thing that's wrong with this baby is he's hungry!" and then took off for the grocery store. He came back with formula and Gerber baby rice cereal and made up a real soupy mixture, put it in a bottle with the nipple X'd on the top and gave it to my son. My son took the whole thing and then slept the whole night for the first night since he was born. My dad was right! Thank heavens for smart moms and dads!
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Oct 11
I can't imagine 4 people moving in for a whole week! With that many it became an extra burden for you! But your parents did good, short stays to take care of some of the chores and get their hugs in with the baby and you! I just want to be sure that I'm not a burden to them and just a help. I do believe that my daughter needs just a bit of coaching to get started with this sweet new baby.
2 people like this
• Indonesia
2 Oct 11
Yes, I think it's good idea. You are more experienced in taking care a newborn baby than your daughter, and by staying in their house for few days, you can share your knowledge and experiences with your daughter and her husband. Then you can go home and let them have fun with all the dirty diapers ;)
• United States
2 Oct 11
LOL - Yes, I should do my time with him and of course I will not be able to wait to get my hands on the little guy! It's been 18 years since we had a baby in this family! I had to laugh at the "Then go home and let them have the dirty diapers!" Yes, There will be days that she calls me, "Mooooommmmmm! I didn't know it was going to BE such hard WORK!"
2 people like this
• Indonesia
3 Oct 11
Oh yes, she definitely will call you. I think you should get your bags packed and ready for another trip to their house :)
2 people like this
• United States
3 Oct 11
Yes, I see it coming! It will be a nice little vacation for me as they live in the mountains and it's beautiful up there. I do, though have to find a babysitter of my own as I have one large macaw and two dogs that need cared for twice a day.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Oct 11
This is a great idea! I don't know what I would've done if it wasn't for my mom the first few days. She stayed with me for 2 weeks and when she left I begged her to stay. Not because I was lazy to do things for the baby but because I was scared and felt like I still needed so much to learn! Give her tips and advice and she will be a great mom.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Oct 11
More than you know! It will make her feel more capable when you are there. It will be like a little bit if training for her. Too bad babies don't come with manuals. That would make things much easier!
• United States
4 Oct 11
I know! I've always wondered why we have to take a driver's test to drive a car, but nobody requires you to do anything to be a parent! WOW, YIKES!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Oct 11
Thanks - I certainly can't stay for 2 weeks with the obligations I have here at my house, but I'll stay a few days. Then off and on, I can drive up for a day or even two until they really get back on their feet and into the swing of things. Moms are sure important at times like this huh?
2 people like this
@Amanda81587 (3042)
• United States
3 Oct 11
I think it is always a good idea for someone to stay with a mother to a new baby. Even if it is her second or third. If the husband has a job he is not going to be readily available to help her out so it would be nice for her to have someone there to help her. Since she is a first time mom I think it is definitely a great idea that you stay and help her out with the baby. Help her make some dinners and get some cleaning done help her with motherhood as well. Mine are still young but I know I will help mine when they get older and start to have kids.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Oct 11
Your welcome. My mom was a lot of help for me when I had my kids. I had to get c sections as well. So it took me longer to heal and it was worst when I walked around.
• United States
3 Oct 11
Fortunately, her husband has parental leave from his job too! But I'll still be there for her. You gave me a great idea! I'll start now and make up some casseroles and spaghetti, and so forth that I can freeze and take up there when she comes home from the hospital. If I start now, I can easily have a week's worth of meals completed even before she goes to the hospital! Thanks for the great suggestion.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Oct 11
Oddly enough - my first child I had natural delivery, then the second I had to have a c section also. To this day I swear that the c-section was much easier than the natural delivery. I had been in labor for over 24 hours before he was born and my insides felt ripped out of me. With the c-section, after about 36 hours I was jumping out of bed to go to the bathroom and begging to go home. The doctor chuckled and said I see you getting in and out of bed, you have to stay here long enough for the hospital to give you and your husband a royal dinner of filet mignon, then we'll let you go on home.
• Philippines
3 Oct 11
Congrats! Nice to hear that you can help your daughter out. I am in the same situation like your daughter but the difference is that, my mom will not be able to take care of me because I'm living abroad and the one we asked to look after me was my mother in law. It will be my first time too but I do watch and browse a lot of info online so I have an idea at least of how to's (giving bath, diaper changing,etc.)but having an extra help is good for me, so I will appreciate when my MIL comes here with us for a few weeks.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Oct 11
Congratulations on your upcoming baby! Boy or girl? I'm so glad that your mother-in-law is able to come and help you. When I was younger and had my first, I had had a lot of babysitting jobs over the years, had helped raise my youngest sister, as well as had a class at one time about child care that gave me some kind of certification for babysitting. So I handled my first just fine, although I know that my mom would have loved to come to the house for a few days. I just felt like I'd not get much rest if I had guests, so I opted out of that. Please let us know about your little one - boy or girl - and when is the big arrival day?
1 person likes this
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
3 Oct 11
Hello, dear. That would be heaven for your daughter and son-in-law. I am a mother now of four adorable kids and everytime I gave birth, then, I always ask for my Mom to stay with me for awhile. It gives me the feeling of security and assurance that I'll be OK and the baby with my mother being by our side to help us. Your daughter needs you now more than she have ever needed you before. So, be with her. Your son in law will definitely appreciate the gesture.Don't hesitate, enjoy being a grandma to your grand son.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Oct 11
You sound so sweet! Yes, I'm excited for little Carter to arrive! The baby shower is this upcoming Sunday and my friend has planned such a nice get-together, Kara will sure enjoy it. I will have to make arrangements for somebody to tend to my animals when I'm up with Kara, Eric and little Carter, but I'm sure that I'll find somebody. I am really looking forward to it.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157327)
• United States
3 Oct 11
Definitely. My mom never really stayed long enough to suit me, and I had some experience but not enough to feel super confident of my skills. My son in law specifically took time off until I could come and spend a few nights when my first granddaughter was born. You daughter should be checking into some childbirth classes and maybe some classes for new parents just to help her confidence. Did she never do any babysitting?
• United States
3 Oct 11
She never did get babysitting jobs. We lived out in the country, so transportation was a problem with babysitting jobs. I do hope she does get some classes for new parents, otherwise I'm going to be the instructor! I believe she and Eric are taking childbirth classes - the hospital where she is going is excellent about that and with tours, etc. Matter of fact, my sister is a long term RN employee there and in the upper management. That should help!
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
3 Oct 11
I think that may be a good idea. I think you could help them out alot and they would really appreciate it.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Oct 11
I agree - we all have to agree though when I go there that whenever they feel like they want me to head out that they can say so without hurting my feelings. I definitely don't want to overstay my welcome.
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
3 Oct 11
I think as long as both she and her husband are in agreement over you staying then go for it. Having a baby for the first time is a scary thing if you don't have experience with children. I worked in daycare for almost 5 years when my daughter was born and I still had worries and questions. When I had my first my mom and my husband were both in there with me. I think he was glad to have her there too because he was scared and not used to seeing me in pain. With our second one it was just me and him and then with the third it was me him and my sister. I was glad to have my mom there too because I was scared and wanted her there.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Oct 11
I sure don't want my daughter to be scared, but I'm sure she'll be amazed at how small he is and afraid that she'll hurt him. I can't imagine Eric being scared.... but then again maybe I can! LOL I will be there as long as they want me (to a point of course)and should it become an issue, I'll head on back down here to the flat-lands! It will be a great time for all. Our family sure needs some young blood, it's time for the pitter-patter of little feet!
@junmae (1586)
• Philippines
3 Oct 11
I cannot see anything wrong with it, staying for few days and not few years are good enough to teach your daughter how to take care of the newborn and for her self. When I gave birth to my child, I wanted my mother to be on my side until the time my baby grew up because I needed her guidance as a first time mother. I don't even have idea how to carry a baby and change it diapers and my mother was very patient in guiding and teaching me. Go ahead there's nothing wrong with it.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Oct 11
Thanks Junmae - I can't wait for little Carter to arrive, I'm glad that everybody here thinks it's ok to go stay! I can't wait to tend to little Carter, but don't want to overstep my bounds. I sure hope that this will even help me and my daughter and her husband to become even closer.
• Philippines
3 Oct 11
You have a kind heart. You know that you daughter needs you and so does you new grandchild. What you suggested is a good arrangement. I don't know about your son in law but if I am him I would appreciate your sweet gesture.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Oct 11
Yes, my son-in-law is in agreement to have me stay there for a few days. He also has paid leave from his job for some time after the baby is born, so I'll get them both started and then he'll be there for her for several weeks during the day.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
3 Oct 11
Why not my friend? It's the first time that your daughter has given birth. The fact that she has never ever changed a diaper, means she needs someone who can teach her how to things with the baby. Besides, they will surely be glad to have you at their house for some few days, to help them with the baby. Your daughter having just given birth would still not be too strong to do all the chores at home, specially if the husband will be working. They need you to help them with the baby and in the house.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Oct 11
Fortunately, Eric has paid leave as well and will be home to help out too. I hope Kara recovers fast - as I was pretty fast to get on my feet and get going. I know that we'll have a great time together getting little Carter started in this world. I'm really excited about it!
1 person likes this
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
3 Oct 11
Here (in the Netherlands) most babies are born at home. It's normal to have some help during the first 10 days since this is the time the mom has to rest and needs to find time for her and is getting used to the baby. For most mothers it's the same nowadays: they never changed a diaper before. So what? If all those mothers can't do it your daughter will learn it too and it doesn't matter if it will be great or bad. I don't know what is the habit in your country? I think it all depends on how your daughter will feel after the birth and what kind of baby your grandson will be but also what the father will say about this. It might be nice for her is you can help her out for some hours a day so she can catch some sleep/have some time for her and you make a walk with him or so. There is nothing wrong with that. I would tell her you will decide what to do if your grandson is born and they are back home. Unless you already know by now you don't like to be there. Then tell her you won't because to your opinion they should start the new family without interfering of other family members. You and your daughter never ask yourself how all these other moms are starting those first days after the birth? There are enough mothers who don't have family or friends to help them out and even don't have a husband and they all do a great job. This is what we call: nature is calling (and telling you what to do)
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Oct 11
We did have a talk and decided that I will stay with her for a few days after they come home from the hospital. I hope she bounces back fast - I was pretty much up and going full steam ahead within 3 or 4 days after giving birth. I hope she does as well. Also her husband has maternity leave as well, so he'll be there to help out too. I think once I get them started they will be in pretty good shape between the two of them.
@Playte (8)
• Singapore
3 Oct 11
Yes I think it is a good idea. Daughters mostly asked their mother's help when it comes to taking care of the baby. I myself always ask my mother regarding my babies. It will definitely help your daughter and son in law.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Oct 11
I'm getting more and more excited about it as time goes on. I should though go by their home and see the "lay of the land" as I haven't been to their new home yet. I will go up there in the next few weeks to see where I will be staying and where little Carter will sleep, etc. I won't stay overnight, but spend an afternoon with them, do you think that would be ok?
@AmbiePam (85122)
• United States
4 Oct 11
I think it is a great idea. It is comforting.
• United States
5 Oct 11
Looks like I'm so excited, I can't wait to go! Thanks!
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Oct 11
hi Kizzycatfish oh by all m eans I never had mymom stay with me for either baby as my dad did not like my getting married. I was 32 but he never thought anyman was good enough for me. so he wou ld not let my mom come and stay with me. So do that for her as she will really need and welcome the fact of y oui caring enough to be there for here for just a few first days. you will love it I am sure. Grandmothers are always welcove for their grandbabies.
• United States
3 Oct 11
Thanks, Hatley! I'm so sorry about your dad and what he cost his family by being like that. And yes, I definitely do plan now on going up and staying for a few days! You know, it's the first time since my daughter became a teenager that I think she finally realizes that every now and then she needs her mom! :-) About time! This discussion here has also given me the idea to cook up some different casseroles before she goes to the hospital so I have them here and ready to go when it's time to go to stay with her for a while, and to leave a few behind as well when I have to come back home! I'll have them all frozen and ready to go! Thanks so much for your response.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
6 Oct 11
Newborn - Newborn child
Yes why not? I don't think you can complicate things but rather you will be of big help to your daughter. My Mom stayed with me for sometime when I delivered my first son because I did not know how to take care of newborn. She helped me with changing diaper, and bathing of my infant and she also taught me a lot of things about feeding, burping, and many more things I really did not know. When I was already ready to go on my own, my Mom went back to her home. You will surely be just as useful to your daughter so go and stay with them.
• United States
7 Oct 11
What a beautiful gift you have given me by writing that response. I do believe that I can do those things for my daughter and for my grandson that is about to arrive. I am glad that your mother helped you through your first learnings of how to be a mother. Once one catches on, it becomes natural. I just have to be careful when I am staying in their house not to become overbearing or to overstep my grounds.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
4 Oct 11
Surely why not? She will need all the help she can get. I have done this for both of my daughters. My first granddaughter was born back in 2006 when both my daughter and her husband were living with me. They lived with me for two months and I helped in anyway I could and they appreciated it. Then this past January I traveled from Puerto Rico to New Mexico to help my other daughter with my grandson. In fact I was in the delivery room along with the father of my grandson. It was the most gratifying thing to experience. I stayed and helped out for two months. Now come December I will be traveling back to New Mexico because my first daughter who had my granddaughter back in 2006 is having her second girl in December. I love doing it because I get to bond with my grandkids and I just love babies so much. I think being a mom its only the right thing to do to help your daughter. Especially if she is asking you for help. I don't understand what could be the downside of doing such a great thing for your daughter. Unless you don't get along with your son-in-law.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
4 Oct 11
That is great news and a great idea about the casseroles. Ok is Carter the babies first or last name? The reason I'm asking is because my son-in-law's last name is Carter. I just found that funny when you said that you can't wait to see baby Carter.
• United States
5 Oct 11
He is Carter James - first and middle names. A little story, My first born was a son, Sean Farabee, and a wonderful child, very loving and absolutely beautiful. He and I had bought a little rocking chair for him when he was about four years old, and we did a project together of sanding it and refinishing it together. Sean loved his little rocking chair. His father (from who I was divorced) took him on visitation one weekend up to the mountains, then drove drunk down the mountain, crashed and killed my son, just six days away from his sixth birthday. I still have that rocking chair today. A dear girlfriend of mine has helped me clean it up after thirty years and she has placed darling decals on the seat that says Carter, then two hand prints right where little Carter will put his little rear end.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Oct 11
Oh, Eric and I get along just fine! And he wants the help as well. He will be off work for paternity leave too! So that will give me some time to get to know him too. The general consensus is a resounding YES! GO! And so I am! I will also be making up some frozen casserole dinners before heading up so nobody will have to worry about cooking dinners for the first week which I think will also be helpful! Can't wait to see baby Carter!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Oct 11
I think it would be an excellent idea! You will be able to help your daughter through the first few difficult days, as well as enjoy being with your grandson. If you can take the few days away from your own family, I think you really should. Congrats in advance on the new grandson's arrival.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Oct 11
Thanks for the Congrats! We're all excited about new little Carter James! I am single and care for my large macaw and two dogs. I also give dinner to a 90 year old man every night who lives on this ranch. The man will be ok as he still can drive to restaurants (YIKES!) But I will have to find a babysitter for my own critters. I will do that though, or even drive up and down the mountain so I can help my daughter!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Oct 11
You have a kind heart. You know that you daughter needs you and so does you new grandchild. What you suggested is a good arrangement. I don't know about your son in law but if I am him I would appreciate your sweet gesture.
1 person likes this