Do you like to be controlled?

@Sreekala (33549)
India
April 30, 2012 2:05am CST
Dear friends and mylotters ‘Controlling’ is something nobody can tolerate in any kind of relationship. If it is too much controlling then it may destroy the relationship. Everyone wanted to do things according to their own wish. I too don’t like to get controlled but at the same time, if a person is closer to me then I can listen to that person’s wish too. I mean, I may consider the wish of those before taking any decisions. What is your opinion? Have a nice week to every one. Date: April 30, 2012.
9 people like this
47 responses
@thesids (22205)
• Bhubaneswar, India
30 Apr 12
Hi didi I love to be controlled - by only a few select people - only one in fact - my wife. I love it when she blackmails me at times you know... Chocos, even water melons or even fear But no one else. I cannot stand to be controlled by anyone. But I guess, the more I desire not to be controlled, the more chances are that I will be controlled... maybe my daughter when I have one See seriously speaking, I think unless you are healthy, financially independent - in other words dependent on others, there are high chances that others will find a way to control you... like my doctors... they think they control me by prescribing those horrible diets, medicines and what not...
3 people like this
@thesids (22205)
• Bhubaneswar, India
30 Apr 12
... And when I started typing out the response... there was no one else... and by the time it got posted I am at #3... Now doesnt my ISP control that or even a slow MyLot?
2 people like this
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
Haha,that only means the two there are faster than you buddy,lol! You remind me of my hubby,now I am missing him that much! I don't know why I always unintentionally control my hubby but it's fine with him. Sometimes,he would even ask me first if he's going to do it or not,yay! And what I will say,he will do! But frankly,I don't wanna be controlled by my hubby,lol!
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
30 Apr 12
Dear Sidhu, I know your weakness Your doctor is controlling you, I think definitely you don't like, but under some circumstances you have to. That is life. I don't think I have any control on my hubbyBut he does have the habit of asking simple things, may I do it or not, but in case of serious cases, he is the boss (lol). My sons have some control on me for sure.
1 person likes this
@viji_v2 (727)
• India
30 Apr 12
Hello sis, surely I wont hear if I am controlled by some means. But all of us would be controlled if 'love' and 'caring' is used as weapon. The people who wishes good things always for us would say anything as like order. But if we take those in right sense it wont harm us. Take care.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
30 Apr 12
Hello Vijikutty, Yes 'love' and 'care' is a weapon to control Sadly all people won't like to take in the right sense dear. There start problems. Take care dear.
1 person likes this
@viji_v2 (727)
• India
2 May 12
That is true sis. *hugs
@shibham (16999)
• India
7 May 12
Who is the viji_v2? may i know?
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
30 Apr 12
Hi sree, Controlling can also be seen as 'managing' someone to be 'disciplined'... that is what I do with my children. In a committed relationship we need to give space and freedom so that we also get them in return. Moreover when we have trust and faith, there is no need to control our partner. If he is eating too much and gaining a lot of weight, the controlling could be done by cooking less fatty diets/ meals. And do you think so arguing will keep him controlled? He would go out and eat again. Relations /love can break when it is held too tight. Take a handful of water. How long we can you hold? The moment we make a mistake, the water is spilled through the fingers. So if something is controlled too much, they might go out of control in no time. Have a great week..
2 people like this
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
30 Apr 12
Even i do prepare oats for my hubby.... but he seems to be ok with it but not everyday.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
30 Apr 12
Oh ok then, but here he won't touch it if I prepare.
1 person likes this
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
30 Apr 12
Hey.. try those flavoured ones... or try making dosa / sandwiches etc... Best thing - make what he loves, especially cooked by you...
2 people like this
@celticeagle (124657)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Apr 12
Being controlling in a relationship only breaks down the respect and consideration that needs to be there for love to exist. Without it only contempt exists. Others wishes that we care about are important but if they infringe on our safety or our common good then it isn't something that can be respected.
• Russian Federation
30 Apr 12
everythng depends on the person. as for me, i like when somebody controlles me it eans that he cares about me, that he wishes me the best. but when ny non cntrolles me it is like "Fuuuu" :DD
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
30 Apr 12
Hello celticeagle, Ok I agree it break when in case of partners. What about in other kind of relationship.
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
30 Apr 12
Victoria, I am glad to know that you like to be controlled. Yes, controlling means, there is some more care and concern. The same time it is not applicable in all cases. I mean, it varies in person to person or in different relationships.
@jaiho2009 (38980)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
dear sis, I don't want to be controlled. Honestly, I am a hard headed as my family called me. I am not dominant, sometimes I admit I acted demanding, maybe because I love attention- as I am used to it. Being the first grandchild in my mom's side, I was the favorite of all (ahemm- hehehe) I was kind of spoiled but not a brat and that made me demanding most of the times. In any relationship controlling one won't help the relationship to grow. I have learn to understand other's need and listen to them. I have come to understanding that in a relationship it is like a "two way road" it should be "give and take" and one should never control the other. I won't let anyone control me either. I want freedom and that's one privilege that I will never want to be taken away from me. have a great week dear sis
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
30 Apr 12
Dear sister, I loved your response. What about your children dear, will you listen or like to be controlled by them. Am not asking the reverse question anyway.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38980)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
My kids- I don't think they're controlling me. I raised my kids the other way- I am their mom and they are my best friends. Even when they are small ones, I talked to them like adult and not as small kids. That is why they grow up, they treated me like a friend. We fight, honestly, we fight like friends. They can always say and open their hearts to me. they can express their feelings. If they don't like what i said- they can tell me and I listen. We debate and resolve issues. If they want to go out, they go out with me and they seldom go out with their friends. Even late night when they want to drive somewhere and eat or crave for their favorite foods, we do go out and look for a place where we can have some food trip and sit for a while -talk and have some laugh. It's hard to raise young teens alone- but somehow I've manage to tame them :)
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
30 Apr 12
I must learn many things from you dear. I easily lost my patience.
1 person likes this
@Zammeee (66)
• Belgium
30 Apr 12
Only by those who I really love. If it's a complete stranger, that is trying to control me, I really get angry. If it's in a relationship, and it's working quite well, I don't mind. But if there are some problems, and she tries to control me even more, it's over :\ Her choice actually, as long as she doesn't try to control me too hard, I'm ok with it.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164081)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Apr 12
but controlling is not love, the p erson controls as he or she feels the controllee is their poession not a real love for a woman or man.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
1 May 12
Hello Zammee, Love means freedom. Same time those who love us, asked, not to do something, then we may consider the same.
@jureathome (5362)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
Not for me. I never liked the idea of someone pulling the strings for me. Probably, when I was younger, my parents, especially my mother would tell me what to do and what not to, but that is normal. However, now that I'm old enough to watch my back, I want the liberty that I deserve. In a romantic relationship, I also don't like a person who doesn't have initiatives, someone who'd just say yes to everything I want and would always rely on my decisions. I want my man to respect my preferences, as I would for him. It has to be a partnership, not a dictatorial set up.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
1 May 12
Hello jureathome, In childhood it is normal to get control over by parents or elders. Children need to be controlled to learn discipline in their life.
• Philippines
2 May 12
Discipline is good, with the right approach. But, I also have seen the wrong ways of other parents in trying to raise their kids to be obedient individuals. So wrong that they grow up to be rebels and notorious people trying to prove their right to be free from their parents' leash. My husband and his 3 brothers took off from home, one by one, the very chance they get to leave, because they could no longer live the way their father controls them. But, good thing, they still became good men and fathers of their own kids.
@vandana7 (84869)
• India
30 Apr 12
I am fine with being controlled if I think the person is superior in whatever be the activity. But not otherwise. I resent it. At times unreasonably. But normally if I feel the person is wise enough I accept logics and bow down. No issues..If that person wants to control he or she gets to hear the brickbats after all it is his or her responsibility. But if it is my line of activity and I know I am better than if the person is interfering or controlling I get mad.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
1 May 12
Hello vandana ji, That means, you are considering many things when in case of controlling. The person should be qualified to control you, that is what I gathered from your response.
@vandana7 (84869)
• India
1 May 12
Not the qualification that comes from the universities. Qualification with reasoning is the best I can say. I become unreasonable when there is ego conflict if I feel the other person is not as good.
@mtrguanlao (5523)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
Hello my dear Sree! Missed yah! To tell you honestly,I don't want to be controlled by anybody even my hubby,lol! But mind you,my daughter controls me,haha! If she says she wants me to play like the role of a monster,I have no choice but to do it,lol! I love my hubby that much,but I really can't think of any situation that he controlled me. Maybe because he knows I don't want that to happen,lol! Do I sound confusing,yay! haha! What I am trying to convey here is,I know I don't wanna be controlled but the fact that I love the person that much,I was thinking of some instances if that happened to me..hubby controlling me. Hmm..can't think of any!
2 people like this
@thesids (22205)
• Bhubaneswar, India
30 Apr 12
hi mtr my daughter controls me,haha! If she says she wants me to play like the role of a monster,I have no choice but to do it, my response now makes more sense to me... I too mention - I know i will be controlled by my daughter when we have one... cute angels I must say.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
30 Apr 12
Dear mtr, No confusion at all dear. Love does not mean control, but freedom only. Yes, in case of children, we tend to be liberal and act according to their wish. Love to your angel.
@GemmaR (8520)
30 Apr 12
I don't like to be controlled. Actually, I can't imagine anything that I could possibly like less. My partner seems to be comfortable with me being the controlling one. I wouldn't actually stop him from doing anything that he wants to during his life though, as long as it wouldn't be harmful to anyone in our family. I would try and help him to make decisions if it seemed as though he was in any kind of difficulty, but I know that I would never force him to do something that he didn't want to, or stop him from doing something that he was keen on doing for himself. Relationships have to be a little bit more equal than that.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
1 May 12
Hello GemmaR, Asking opinion or helping the other one to take decision among partners is common and needed for a healthy relationship. But the other one never get the feeling, I am being controlled. When there is ‘love’ the controlling seems to be good but too much controlling will definitely break the relation.
@arlera (86)
30 Apr 12
hi, having someone control another i think can be very damaging to a friendship,people need to breathe a little,and b who they are without someone watching their every mood.
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
1 May 12
Hello arlera, Yes, controlling may make you hide things from your friend or the person who controls you.
@kalav56 (11466)
• India
30 Apr 12
So, argued with your husband?? Hmmm! WHO likes to be controlled Sere? Every person is an individual and would not like to be controlled. Some have a desire to control others. I can never figure this out; if it is matter of children then we worry about their welfare and having given birth to them it is also our duty to bring them up with proper sense of values and discipline. Here parental control does become necessary when children are young. Otherwise, no one likes to be controlled and if any one does it the relationship does suffer. Sometimes elder of the siblings tries to gain control and this is remnant of their past childhood when parents entail them with responsibility as "elder brother" or “big sister". This also mars the relationship if it continues.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
1 May 12
Hello Kala dear, Have I written anywhere I have argued with my husband? No way, and this discussion is not related with him at all. I rarely argue with him, I argue when I am sure that I can win else 'silence is golden'. Now a days kids also don't like to be controlled.
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
I sont like to be controled.What i want ia iwill control myself rather than i will be ccccbe controled by somebody..
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
1 May 12
Hello thelmadacullo, Controlling ourselves, I think that is a must in our life.
@stanley777 (9107)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
In my opinion, I think no one wants to be controlled by anyone. Anyone who just follows order is like a robot who can not make her/his own decision. It's just sad that their are some people who enjoys bossing other people. No one has the right to control anyone because we all are distinctly different individuals.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
1 May 12
Hello stanley, Yes, that is something ridiculous to listen, 'don't do this and that'. Even kids don't like to get controlled all the time.
• India
30 Apr 12
Hello friend, I like it very much. But it is not possible in every time. I try my best this time. Have a nice day.
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
1 May 12
Hello Tamosree, You like to be controlled?
@doroffee (4225)
• Hungary
30 Apr 12
I wouldn't call it controlled, and I don't want to be 100% controlled. But as a woman, I'd like a man to be my partner, and I'm attracted to those kinds of guys, who I feel protected by, who are steady and firm, who have their own views, opinionns and are not afraid to stand up to them and people I can look up to. This may result in them being the more dominant in the relationship. But I'm not gonne givce up my right to be an equivalent partner.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
30 Apr 12
Hello doroffee, When we start to living with our partner/husband, automatically some control is coming up and I think it is necessary too. It does not mean that the partner may destroy our freedom. All the best to you for getting an understanding partner in your life.
1 person likes this
@cupkitties (7439)
• United States
30 Apr 12
"I too don’t like to get controlled but at the same time, if a person is closer to me then I can listen to that person’s wish too. I mean, I may consider the wish of those before taking any decisions." That's not control though. Its normal to seek out your partners opinion on the things that may effect both of you. There is a huge difference between both. A controlling person will never come to you to find out how you feel about anything. Everything in your life which includes how you breath, how you feel, if you have friends, who your friends are, what you wear, if you ever see your family, etc. That's definitely not the kind of life I would want.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
30 Apr 12
Hello cupkitties, How do you conclude that I mentioned about my hubby/partner here. I have so many other close in my life, children, parents, siblings etc. In case of my hubby, I know him very well, what he like and don't like.
1 person likes this
@shanizzt (33)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 12
Yeah me too, i don't like to be controlled too much. Sometimes i still try to smile, although my heart is really hate with him/her who do that. But, i have an exceptional. I like to be controlled if - God - My Parents - My Husband So for my opinion, the answer is relative.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
30 Apr 12
Hello Shanizzt, I agree, it related with the person and situations. When there is love and care, nobody can deny the control (as in the case of you)
1 person likes this
• Russian Federation
30 Apr 12
i do not like to be controlled. it makes me feel annoyed with the person that is controlling me i think like that they do not trust me. and it is sad. but sometimes my boyfriend controlles me. i like it. it is so cute then i understand that he cares. :)
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
30 Apr 12
Hello victoria, You felt that control (your boy friend's) is a care, that is understanding dear. Understanding and compromises are essential to lead a happy life.
1 person likes this
@obe212003 (2300)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
Control for me is a measuring tool that would surely bring discipline and stability in any relationship; too strict and tight, one would not be able to breath in and explode, lol!; Too loose and lenient, one would tend to take advantage and irresponsible. Control could very well set boundaries of some ground rules to respect and hope to follow so as to cause harmony in any relationship.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33549)
• India
30 Apr 12
Hi obe, What I understand from your response is, we are controlled in some way or other even though we don’t like to be controlled. I mean we have some kind of limitations and it is a part of disciplined life.