I'm not your lover
By SomeCowgirl
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
United States
August 26, 2012 9:31am CST
I'm putting this here because I figure MOST EVERYONE has this interest, and what I have to say pertains to mylot.
Don't call someone by an "endearing" or "pet" name if you don't know them in real life. I just got called a very... "intimate" name in my opinion by someone I've only interacted with once, maybe twice (I'm not sure).
I understand that we have all different countries here, but I think we all can agree that if you are called something that is usually reserved for intimate friends or close friends, being called it is just uncomfortable and rude.
So be sure, even if you are just trying to be nice, not to call someone you've hardly interacted with by a name that you would only use with close friends or intimate encounters.
That being said, there are people here who've called me by "endearing" names and I could care less as I've interacted with them before...
Have you been called "baby" today by someone who doesn't know you?
4 people like this
20 responses
@mysdianait (66005)
• Italy
26 Aug 12
It used to bother me too but not anymore. It is not only related to certain cultures either. It is international now.
I was in UK last year and I noticed that everyo9ne there gets called 'darlin'', 'love', 'mate' and so on everywhere they go. On public transport, at the market, in the shops, in taxis.... 
I don't use those terms enough with those close to me who deserve them and I certainly would NEVER use them to total strangers. I guess we have to realise that they don't hold their true definition nowadays 
I don't use those terms enough with those close to me who deserve them and I certainly would NEVER use them to total strangers. I guess we have to realise that they don't hold their true definition nowadays 2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
26 Aug 12
I live in the south of the USA as you may remember. I've hears "Sugar" "sweetie" "Sweetheart" "darlin'" "Baby" even being used by ladies or men alike to strangers. I've called people "hon" myself.
Out in public, it's a bit different then here on mylot or any other forum.
That being said, it definitely DOES NOT carry the same meaning as it used to, but maybe that makes it even worse with the world of online when we have a hard enough time understanding each other without emoticons sometimes. 
@mysdianait (66005)
• Italy
26 Aug 12
Yes, I do remember where you are 
If we all have a name then surely that is enough, epecially online. Maybe those using these terms are from a new generation where certain boundaries no longer exist. Hwy, we are getting old!
If we all have a name then surely that is enough, epecially online. Maybe those using these terms are from a new generation where certain boundaries no longer exist. Hwy, we are getting old! 2 people like this
@Sandra1952 (6047)
• Spain
26 Aug 12
In Devon and Cornwall, it's quite common to be called 'my lover,' or 'my handsome,' but it's just part of the way they talk down there, and it has been for centuries.
I'm fine with that, because it's just an idiomatic thing, and I realise that because of where I am. However, online you have no way of knowing whether it's just customary where the poster comes from, or if you're dealing with a pervert, and that's why it's unsettling. I prefer my online perverts to come straight out with it by screaming 'boobies!' or something, then I know where I stand. 
3 people like this
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
26 Aug 12
I had a similar discussion a while back and it was interesting to me to see some of the responses. I think that people don't think about what they are saying. I don't use "dear" to anyone who is not dear to me, but others throw it around like "buddy."
It's just like saying "M'am" to someone; M'am is short for Madam and has nothing to do with age. The standard should be to say Miss to everyone and let a married woman feel flattered and correct the speaker if she feels inclined. The problem is most people don't know the difference.
2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
27 Aug 12
Oh I do, and when I was married I felt more annoyed that people said "miss" instead of "Mrs."
I might say "hon" or "sugar" or something like that but not online, and I use it very rarely anywhere really.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
27 Aug 12
Wait -- you're not married? I know I was away most of the past year, but last I remember you were making all sorts of plans. Is this a recent development?
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
27 Aug 12
It was also what they said afterwards. Though I suppose I can almost chalk that down to lack of translation on their part, but I also find it to be ignornat of them as well.
I was just so upset at the time, I had to make this discussion.
1 person likes this
@bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
26 Aug 12
hi SCg,
I use endearment to few mylotters which are close to me even I don't meet them yet
Well as long as they will address me in a nice way that will be fine
happy mylotting
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
26 Aug 12
If I've interacted with the person here, who just know how they are I'm fine with it as well, but "dear" is much better then "baby".
Though both have to have a "silent" agreement on it so as not to step on the others toes.
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
26 Aug 12
Hi friend, i think there is nothing wrong in using nick and pet names, but we must give this kind of names to our best friends and beloved person, in mylot different kind of friends calling me in different manner, but no one called me as baby
2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
26 Aug 12
There's nothing wrong with it in the right settings, but mylot just isn't the place to be calling anyone "baby" that's for sure.
@ravisivan (14082)
• India
26 Aug 12
Again this also matters -- gender of the person making response and the gender of the person receiving it. For Vidhyaprakash --I normally call Vidhya -- though in Tamil Nadu women have the name Vidhya -- and he doesn't mind it because he knows I am 62+.
In mylot "baby" cannot come become minimum age is prescribed for becoming a mylot member,
1 person likes this
@inmyopinion (213)
•
26 Aug 12
It could be a cultural thing like you say. I have a friend who is always calling people "sweety" and "love" and "darling" etc. It is a completely innocent thing on his behalf - just a habit he has gotten into I think. I do feel a little weird when I am with him though and he does it. I personally like to keep my interactions pretty neutral even when I do know someone well. The last thing you want is someone getting the wrong idea and then having to try and fix a situation you never intended to end up in!
2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
26 Aug 12
I live in the south of the USA where endearments such as "hon" sweetie/ sweetheart" "sugar" and "baby" are common BUT that's offline, not online. I got offended also but what they said, but to put "baby" on it just brought me over the edge.
It's best to just use the username or "dear" as they are less likely to be taken the wrong way.
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
27 Aug 12
Well I mean I used to be a waitress and I used to call people hon or honey, so I understand that part, I mean heck I live in the south, we say that kind of stuff all the time. However, when it's a complete stranger online, i get a little iffed about it.
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
27 Aug 12
I did someone called me "baby" here but she's a dear friend to me and I actually saw her personally we have bonding times here in my town. I will also feel bad calling me baby with the person who I don't know.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
27 Aug 12
It's definitely fine if it's someone you've interacted with here and even offline, but to be called a name like that by a complete stranger? I also think that for me it was what they said after that irritated me. I suppose if they see this they'll know who they are.
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
28 Aug 12
I have not experience this problem and I am do glad. I dont think calling someone you have no relationship with is appropriate in any culture unless your flirting or something of the sort. I dont see what could give someone the impression to do that , we also have to be careful of the impression we might give people .
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
29 Aug 12
We also ahve to be careful of the impression we might give people.
Well Said. We do have to be careful with what we say, anywhere, here or offline alike. I am not as upset as I was at the time, but it still irks me that someone would call me something so intimate.
Well Said. We do have to be careful with what we say, anywhere, here or offline alike. I am not as upset as I was at the time, but it still irks me that someone would call me something so intimate. @JenInTN (27514)
• United States
30 Aug 12
I think that the people in our areas are some of the worst about that. I have heard cashiers refer to people as "honey, sweetheart, sugar, baby." It's almost like they do it out of habit. I don't care for it either. I actually had a guy at work call one of the women baby once and I thought it was going to get very nasty. She very offended and because I am in management and she told me, I had to address it as quickly as possible. People that use those terms don't realize they are not always taken as nice greetings.
@Sandra1952 (6047)
• Spain
26 Aug 12
No I haven't - and it's just as well, because I don't handle that sort of intimacy from strangers well at all. I get annoyed when people call me 'dear' or 'my dear,' because it sounds so darn patronising, I want to rip their heads off. It's probably a language thing, but it still makes me cringe when I see it.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
26 Aug 12
Not sure where you're from, but I'm in the south of the US. We hear endearments quite a bit depending on where you go. I work for a grocery store and I've heard endearments many times. It doesnt' bother me UNLESS I KNOW It's patronizing as you've said.
However, online it's a whole other story, and seeing as the person also seemed to be reinforcing and telling me where I needed to go (though how nice it may have been) I wasn't having any of it.
@Sandra1952 (6047)
• Spain
26 Aug 12
I'm from the UK - originally the Midlands, where 'babb' is a sort of derivative of 'baby,' and it's also common. I lived in Devon and Cornwall for some time, which is why I know so much about their terms of endearment.
I don't have a problem with local customary talk, even from strangers. However, online, you don't know who you're dealing with, and you can't pick up on non-verbal clues, so it is worrying and/or annoying.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
7 Sep 12
I was calling a dispatch for a freight company today. We had some shipments that had to go to a supplier. I think the person on the other line was new, and a bit old-er than the previous dispatcher because she kept calling me 'dear' over the phone.
I honestly don't mind it. It was just surprising to hear.
@ravisivan (14082)
• India
26 Aug 12
Somecowgirl:
Your mylot id -- is different -- gives an impression you a fun loving person. so you might have been called by "endearing" names.
People call me "ravi", "uncle" and I like it.
yes. we have people from different countries of the world and that is why usage of words is important and practices are also important.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169449)
• United States
27 Aug 12
Objections noted. I will not call SomeCowgirl "baby,dear, or honey" Now where my grandparents and aunt and cousin used to live they might holler out "hey, you heifer", but that is also not respectful. I have friends from other countries who call me "friend", "respected elder", "auntie" and "grandma" but all from respect. I had another friend get mad when someone called me "grandma" but it was respectful.
@celticeagle (189838)
• Boise, Idaho
27 Aug 12
Yes, I sure have. I am a member of a social networking site and I am for ever being called "sweetie", "babie", and even "honey" bugs me. I think it is just too familiar and it usually comes from some jerk that isn't impressive but sure thinks alot of himself. He just doesn't have anyother way of trying to impress someone.
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
28 Aug 12
I generally don't call people anything in discussions, not even their screen names. I figure that, unless I am commenting under someone else's comment, it is clear who I am addressing with my response.
I do agree that there are certain boundaries when interacting online. Getting overly familiar in one's responses to someone one barely knows can be a tad weird and off-putting.
@Porcospino (31365)
• Denmark
27 Aug 12
I would find it a little strange if someone called me baby, because that it is not the kind of thing that you expect to hear from a person that you hardly know. Here on Mylot most of us don't know eachother in person and if someone called me a pet name I would think that it was simply their way of speaking to people. I would think that they probably didn't intend to offend me and just spoke that way because they were used to that in real life.
There is only one impression that I really don't like, and that is an impression from my local language called "lille ven". Directly translated it means little friend, but it is very different from the normal use of the word friend. If someone calls me friend that is not a problem at all, but I can't stand it when people call me little friend, because that is a very condescending word.
@jaiho2009 (39140)
• Philippines
27 Aug 12
Such address "baby" will make me feel awkward as well.
I haven't encountered someone calling me such endearment aside from "dear" which I guess sounds fine than "baby", maybe it's fine for the others.
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
26 Aug 12
I hate it when they call me baby, because of the connotations. I don't mind sweetie, honey or others, unless it's in a negative light and manner, like cynical... on the net. In real life, I like it when cute old ladies call me that, but if a guy who doesn't know me call me this, I find it really rude.
