just growing older or growing wiser?

@Hatley (163781)
Garden Grove, California
August 26, 2012 3:40pm CST
I sent several emails to my son yesterday but received no reply so phoned him on the speed dial he had put on my phone. I was proud of myself for not getting upset when he explained that he could not come to see me today ,.He was busy putting things right in his new apartment when he twisted his knee so he wanted to stay off it for awhile this weekend and will definitely come see me next weekend., I agreed and i really did not feel bad after all. Makes sense to stay off his knee as much as he could as he does not w ant to miss any work days. used to be I would feel sorry for me but I see that' is selfish as he has a life too besides coming to see me his mom' your take mylotters am I growing wiser or just older lol?
18 people like this
37 responses
• United States
26 Aug 12
Awww, my sweet little Hatley! You are one of the most wisest, smartest people here on myLot and everyone learns lessons in life from you. I know you would love to see your son, but it's better he stays off his knee so he can see you next week. I wish you lived closer because I'd come and see you too. If you can't see your son, just come here on myLot and we will keep you company all day long! Everyone here just loves you and you're so much fun to talk to. Plus, you keep us on our toes, haha!
• United States
27 Aug 12
Right back atcha sweetie! I think they are crazy charging that much for a cat, even apartments don't charge that amount! Why don't you start some trouble, haha, and get them to adopt one cat for the whole place so everyone can enjoy the little critter? My bad.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 12
hehe kashmerey es you bad.poor kitty she might have to run for her life arou nd some here but its an idea lol lol but a friend here used to have a gorgeous fluffy white cat but alas she has moved away.she also had the cutest little dog called andy one day the guy who walked andy came by where I was sitting and asked if I wanted to pet Andy so he sat him down beside me and A ndy took to me.When the man wanted Andy to come to him Andy crawled up in my lap and just looked at him. we lau ghed as he had to bodily lift Andy and carry him .
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 12
hi kashmeresmycat still love that kitty avatar wow. thats one t hing I miss a cat.we could have one only we have to put a de posit down then pay an extra one hundred a month and I cannot afford that so no kitty.yes I will see him next weekend and meantime I am having fun here with you and all my other friends t oo.love my lot and all my friends here hugs from hatley
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (84647)
• United States
26 Aug 12
You've reached a point not a lot of us so called grownups have!
3 people like this
@AmbiePam (84647)
• United States
26 Aug 12
Girl, it takes me three months to get to twelve dollars!
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 12
hehe ambie I have all the times in the world and nothing much else to do thats way I can make that. lol
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Aug 12
hi ambie pam yes earlier I wou ld have been moping and feeling sorry for me but I just put myself in his place and realized he was in real pain and needed to be off that knee. Next weekend is not that far off and I can use today to do more catching up on mylot too.after all I am trying to do in two weeks what' ordinarily I would have had the whole month to mylot in. lol but I have already made almost twelve dollars and still have a few days left.six days all told.
2 people like this
@donsky14 (5947)
• Philippines
26 Aug 12
You are definitely getting older AND wiser. I'm pretty sure that your son appreciate's the fact that you understood his situation.
3 people like this
@ravisivan (14079)
• India
26 Aug 12
supposing your son has been staying far away -- say 200 miles or more-- i am sure you cannot expect him to come and see you. if you have web camera then you can talk to him over video chat. you know about it.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Aug 12
hi donsky and ravis yes but hes now just three miles from where I live here in G old Crest.yes of course I would not expect him to'cme see me then at all. but he is my only family here and I did not come here to Gold cr st be cause I just wanted to, we had been living together in a two bedroom apt when he lost his job without m oney we were homeless as we were just renting we owned no home we have no people here ravi he is my only family.I know about web cameras but I have no extra money cannot afford that ,do not have it on my internet,.I do not see this as home,its just a place I have to stay. I need to see my son occasionally.
3 people like this
• South Africa
27 Aug 12
Isn't it funny how we wish them out of the house when they are young, but miss them immensely the day they leave the nest?
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
27 Aug 12
oh poor guy. i bet it made him sad not to get to come and see you. my oldest son is quite a bit like your son and hes always wanting to be around mom. i sure hope his knee gets better as he will need to get to his new job and back. plus i dont know if he has to get down on his knees to fix a computer, you did say i think he works in computers, right? anyway im so sorry Hatley as i know how much these visits mean to both of you.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 12
hi bunnybon dont know as he was so full of talking about his new apt. and getting settled in but he definitely promised to come'next w eekend and bring some odds and ends of stuff of mine he had moved,. no he has to do electronic repair now as he could not'get a computer programmer job there and took ten dollar cut in wage but as he said a job now is a job. and he is now working full time too.yes I hope he does not hav e to miss anywork as h e needs his wages of course., His visits always cheer me up a lot.
1 person likes this
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
27 Aug 12
You have a good son! he comes and sees you on a regualar basis! Alot of elderly parents aren't visited at all by their adult kids! At all! I think we all grow wiser when we get older. At least some of use do! I need to learn to stop sweating the little things and the things I have no control over! Instead I should just worry about the big stuff! Easier said then done!
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 12
hi blue65packer grr just lost one comment it j ust flew off.yes i am so lucky as many here do not see their loved ones weekly or even monthly either,. I have started making it a point to tell him I appreciate his visits so much.I used to sweat the small stuff a lot too but am gradually working on keeping my cool now.its a lot easier said than actually done,.
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
26 Aug 12
dear Hatley, I am sure it is both ma'm Reminds me of my mom who also feels the same when we forgot to greet her every morning
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 12
hi jaiho thanks yes we older moms really want all the love and affection but I hope we also give it too, some older people here are all scowls and their kin come to see them and I never hear them laugh or smile, yet the kin are so sweet and loving,its kind of sad when older people get all soured up like that hope I never do that lol.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157049)
• United States
26 Aug 12
You are growing wiser, and also more secure. You know that he is getting his life together and that you are safe, even if it is not the life you want, it is okay for now. You know that you have friends and that there will be another time when he will come see you. It is such a great thing that he is in his own place now. I bet he feels good about that. Is his job full time yet?
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Aug 12
hi garden gert y y es I am f eeling more secure.he isin seventh heavenhaving a bedroom all to hims elf. he is really happy to h ave moved into his own place and under section 8 he only has t o pay 30 percent of his income which makes it $400 dollars per mo th and he can afford that., he is still working full time and has he told me worked yesterday too for overtime.. so yes I am looking foward to seeing him next weekend. meantime i am trying to c at ch up on my lotting as I lost the first two weeks of August. wow.almost have 12 dollars so by the end of the month it should helkp on my cable bill a lot.
1 person likes this
@Fishmomma (11378)
• United States
26 Aug 12
I do believe many people get wiser with age, as we have already tried certain things that haven't worked out. I'm sure this is the case for me, as some things I didn't listen to my parents and found out the hard way. Its not easy to make mistakes, but we all learn from our mistakes even in a small way. It certainly makes us think twice before trying it again.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Aug 12
thats so true and most o f us will make mistakes and eventually 'learn what not to do.I began to put myself in my sons pl ace just now and realized it was selfish of me to expect him to come see me when he had just sprained his knee.so next week end will give me something to look forward to
2 people like this
@ElicBxn (63194)
• United States
26 Aug 12
You have always been wise, but you may be becoming a little more aware of things others need - and that's always good.
2 people like this
@ElicBxn (63194)
• United States
26 Aug 12
At 53, would you really want him to start a family? What do you think his chances are of walking her down the aisle at her wedding, or seeing him graduate from college or whatever? My brother had his daughter at 35 and now he's 60 and I rather doubt she's going to marry, tho I don't really think that is that important to him, maybe if she hasn't had children by the time he's 70 he'll start wondering...
3 people like this
@ravisivan (14079)
• India
26 Aug 12
Hatley aunty In tamil language we have a phrase-- there must be similar ones in English also -- ""Every house has a gate of its own". So problems are there in each and every house or relationship. You are doing right thing by not expecting your son to visit you this week. I remember your telling about the help you son did in fixing your laptop say three week ago or so? How many grand children do you have? I have not read about them.
4 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Aug 12
hi no not really as I am sure if he had wanted a long time back he had several who would have married him in an instant had he agr eed,nope he seems to be happy as he is. Sadly the English woman who was going to help us by sponsoring my sons rent in Antioch Ca for three months wanted him to propose I do believe because she was working thru her sister who was in Antioch and in that apt complex,. I think when Robbie went up there to put a hundred dollar deposit down the sister may have asked Robbie if he had thought of getting married and he would have told her no way. so a few days later we learned that the English lady phoned the landlord in Antioch and told him she had changed her mind and to tear up the agreement to pay our rent for three months she had signed and sent to him as she no longer wanted to do that.which really left us homeless. but we survived and now are okay oh 35 do not give up hope I was 32 when I married and my hubby 37 but I had been so picky,I had had a few chances but they were all frogs so the last one I kissed was not,. lol,.
3 people like this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
26 Aug 12
Hey, they say with age comes wisdom...Of course not every one who ages grows wiser, just some of us..
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Aug 12
hi carm right just thinking with my dad it did seem he got any wiser at all the way he talked when we lost our little daughter to pneumonia when she was only8.he]told me"Sad but its for the best as she wou ld just have been a burden on you all your life." I was furious.I screamed " shes our baby our little girl, shes not a burden how can you say that?" He was a retired doctor yet he abhorred birth defects in children and she was brain damaged at birh.She was so pretty and so loving people rarely realized she was brain damaged.just mildly retarded but yet she was in a lot of ways a smart little girl and in the short 8 years we were privileged to have her she taught us a lot.she loved every one and we loved her so much ,it almost killed us to lose her specially her father as she was daddys little girl.I think something happened in my father's childhood that warped his soul someway.
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
27 Aug 12
HiAtlry, Ism so apply toread that your son now has an apartment. This is wonderful news. I do hope that it may e a two bedrooms apartment so that you will be able to live together again as I know thatnthisnis your dream. Even if isn't a two bedroom apartment, it is an improvement and a step forward to you both being together again. I understand how disappointed you must ave been not to see him and would say that you handled the problem in the best way. You are both wise and like me, growing up more each day. not back fully on mylot as too much s going on in my life but am nearly well now and will be returning home at the end of September from Britain. Many blessings Hatley
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 12
hi cynthiann no apology needed I seem to be the queen of typos m yself,I had to give up the two bedroom dream for now bu t at least he is close enough to come see me weekly and he promise he would come this coming weekend and bring some odds and ends of mine he had in his apartment. so am really looking forward to next weekend,. but for now am working hard here to m ke up for the first two weeks of A ugust when I was offline and could not my lot,i am glad you a re feeling so much better.I know you had some scary times with your heart,It had to be a growing experience what you have lived through and hope y ou keep feeling better and better now.I can imagine it willk be good to get home from Brittain as homes always the best place to be. the thing is to get the job he has he had to accept less wag es but 15 dollars an hour is okay but it precludes any rent of 2 bedreoom apts as they are still obscenely high, 12 00 to 1400 for better apts while a few years back it was 700 to 900 for the best ones in town, weird but it happened
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
27 Aug 12
For the first two days after open heart surgery I honestly prayed to die. But now, despite battling post op depression, I am glad to be alive and slowly have regained my faith and hope. Hope is what keeps us going. You are a strong lady and keep your hope alive. You never know what may turn up in life and life can change in a flash. I pray that he will find the special apartment that is out there for you and him to share together. I pray that your son will get a better job and that you will be okay financially. Keep your hope alive. Many, many blessings to you and your son.
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
27 Aug 12
Apologies for all the typos. Am borrowing my DIL's IPad and it doesn't show me the typos!
2 people like this
@ravisivan (14079)
• India
26 Aug 12
Hatley aunty; See you will get a lot of responses from mylotters. yes. you will get response from nephews and nieces. You know he has a problem and difficulties in commuting distance. You should tell him not to travel and strain. After all he is your son --your blodd-- accept and relax. you are becoming wiser.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Aug 12
hi ag ain something wiped out all my comment. yes iam now more into seeing things through his eyes,only three miles a way but a sprained knee will not heal unless he can stay off it so I will see him next weekend. meantime I am catching up on all my mylotting so I will have more than minimum for payoff.I am becoming wiser and less selfish.,I am very lu cky as so many peole here do not s ee their loved ones for weeks and weeks,.thats so'dad,. here and just forgotten.
2 people like this
@pahak627 (4558)
• Philippines
26 Aug 12
Hi Hatley, I guess you're just getting wiser this time. As we grow older our minds and thinking is still the same however, we tend to be more understanding and our patience stretch and become longer. That is what I observed in me. When I was younger specially during my teens, I was impatient and tend to be selfish. I wanted everybody to understand me. But now, not anymore.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Aug 12
hi pahak yes I have seen looking back that it was a little selfish of me at times to expect him to just come to s ee me every weekendnot matter what.and when he told me he had hurt his knee'I was quick to say"oh you mus stay off it as much as yo u can' so I will just see you next weekend. take care now." we get lonely here for our fa milies and hes my only family . some people here do not see family members for months and I feel so sorry for'them.
1 person likes this
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
27 Aug 12
hi dear Hatley I think you are super considerate. Others in your shoes would sulk and start a tantrum cause there are sometimes other things coming first, like also adult children got to take care of their own health sometimes. But you are so super patient making do for a weekend without your son knowing he will be there as soon as time and knee permits. Huuuuuuugs
2 people like this
• Lippstadt, Germany
27 Aug 12
hi dearest Hatley, I had asked your son about you and he was so kind to reply its the computer that gave you problems that was the reason you were not online for a while. Please say hi from me and I hope his knee heals soon. Hope he doesnt have to carry lots of stuff into his new place so he can rest and let that knee heal.....
@mansha (6298)
• India
27 Aug 12
How mature and nice, it will certainly improve your relationship with him and woman in his life, its best to let go a little , everyone hates a nagging and intruding mother in law...and I too have a son and I dread the day I will have to let him go too bit then that's part of raising them. When he starts coming to see you on his own then you will know you have raised him just right...now if you can just resist the urge to visit him in a day or two and wait till he comes back next weekend...you can really give yourself badge for mother of the year...lolz just kidding
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
31 Aug 12
mansha thanks and being more thoughtful will help.sadly he seems determined to stay a bachelor so no g randchildren but its his life and I respect him. we will have a lovely visit this coming weekend, meanwhile tomorrow being the 31st of Aug I am mylotting like crazy .
• India
27 Aug 12
First of all wisdom never comes with age. Wisdom is state of mind. I have seen many people who are younger and much wiser than old age people. So, I think being wiser is not dependent on age. Secondly, my aim in life is to be independent emotionally, mentally and psychologically. It should be the aim of life every human being. Every human being has its own space. If someone or even your son or daughter is ignoring you, just take it easy. Let them do what they want to do in life. Call them and just ask them how they are? Never expect anything and just let them know that you miss them. he or she will definitely come to see you. Giving space to others is also the most important trait of a wiser person. I should call being independent and free is the first characteristic of a wiser person. Hope is make sense. Enjoy life.
2 people like this
• India
1 Sep 12
Thanks for liking my views. One more thing i would like to share. I am going to get my Mom married again. Its very difficult in India but I thing situation is not different in other parts of the world. there are people in India who got married again after 80 also. They wanted to be independent, this thought sound bit paradox but, actually its straight forward. I am 28 and in India I am just stepping into maturity. Emotionally, my mom is not independent and I have to understand it and accept it. We young people may be understand it but, such craving for a person to told, share and love can lead to many emotional, psychological and also physical discomforts. I will be the first son who is getting his mother marry again to right person.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 12
hi beachlover great response you are so right, my son has always shonw a lot of common sense and wisdom. I have tried to learn to be independent in all ways as I had the loveof my life but he was always doing it for me when I asked how to do som ething expecting to be told how to do it not having it done for me,.my son was the same way until I almost blew up as I did want to do things for myself.,so many wonderful young people think we older ones have to have every thing done for us when the o pposite is more true.we want to be as independent as possible,its our human nature.so I made my son show me how to do things on m y computer for example then let me try it and if I goof he can just t ell me what I did wrong and I correct it,.I think you have stated thigs much better than I could.Each time I manage to do something new for myself and succed I feel really proud of me.After all 85 or any other age we 'never should stop learning new things also this keeps u s older people's minds active and healthy not senile.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (157593)
• Boise, Idaho
27 Aug 12
I think you are growing wiser. We are old but you have learned alot in your years. You have shown real wisdom in all things. You usually have some great ideas for things and are always with your thinking cap on. I hope you aren't too put out by your son having his new situation and all and a hurt knee at this time.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 12
hi celticeagle I hope this does not fly off like th e others this evening as I have to copy all my comments or lose them, grrrrr I think being here has helped me to learn a lot over the past three years.I am okay as I can concentrate now on getting as much' mylotting done in the next few days to earn more as I lost the first two weeks of this mo nth.he deserves to enjoy his new apartment and I do hope his knee gets b etter soon, I will be fine and will soon be next w eekend anyway as time does fly.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (157593)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Aug 12
I have had an ocassional glitch this week. Yes, he does deserve some down time. I haven't been doing much on here this month. Sleeping weird. TIme does fly. Especially when you're having fun!
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
27 Aug 12
My dear Ms Hatley I am too young to say if it is the age or the wisdom but yes, I do feel it is the love. And I am sure, somewhere deep within, you would be wanting to go to your son and have him some rest to get back with his healthy knee. Hope I am right on this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 12
hi the sids yes you are and I do wish I was not darned dependent on this walker., oh well cannot be helped., It is the love that is it in a nutshell and putting myself in his place so I can realize how he feels too,I am just hoping his knee will not make him lose days off from work.and am looking really forward to this'coming weekend, now I am really working on getting as much'earnings as I can seeing I missed two weeks of August being off line,.
@KOSTAS499 (1624)
• Greece
27 Aug 12
I say wiser. He has his own life and that does not mean 90% mommy. There is no way he will forget his parents but he also has other things to do. Could you please call my mother and make her understand it too? :)))))))))
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 12
jhi Kostas wish I could as so many time we older ones push a guilt trip on our adult kids which is not fair. they have lives of their own and they will come to visit when they can not when 'we want them to. He is an adult with his own life but he did promise he would come see me this weekend. hope you can get through to your mom that you cannot spend all your time with her as you do have a life of your own,
1 person likes this
• India
27 Aug 12
dont get down wid dis situation of urs. might b ur gettng older n wiser too. older in sense of ur age n wiser in sense of undstndng d situation of ur son. sumtyms they really might b busy n may nt find tym fr u so u shd undstnd dat decides ur nature of ur wiseness. nd sumtyms it also lies frm ur son s point of view even he might show less interst hoping u might undstnd him so u ought to hav undstood him. so grow old n wise too. the ultimate reason will b ull b happy wid ur mind n be peacefull.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 12
hiamritha welcome to mylot and please remember mylot admins tells us to use only English and not textese as a lot of older p eople do not know textese., you are right I have to understand where my son is coming fr om and give him his space.I know he will come see me next weekend so now am working on making as much earnings as I can here on mylot.I was off line the first two weeks of August so now am wo rking hard to make as much as I can here by the 31sto of August. lol
1 person likes this