Can YOU live alone?
By GreatMartin
@GreatMartin (23677)
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
September 14, 2015 11:16am CST
It took me 50 years, 4 exes, innumerable mini-affairs to realize that I prefer, enjoy, need to live alone.
I make/am a great friend, adviser, listener but as a life partner a dud. It could be I am too selfish, unwilling to compromise when it comes to ME, unable to sustain a physical relationship with one person or a million other reasons. And it's NOT that I haven't found the right person--I did in 1981 but it couldn't/didn't last.
Why do I like living alone and don't feel lonely? Let me tackle the latter first.
I have 7 different, very close friends. If I want to go out to a movie or play, attend an event, spend time at the beach, share a joyful time, cry on someone's shoulder or just talk they are available. If I want to have a physical encounter I have a group of people to call upon.
Now as to not being/feeling lonely: I have many interests such as reading writing, movie and theatre going plus volunteering that take up a lot of my time and there are only 2 things I don't/won't do alone--have sex and eat out in a fine restaurant.
Advantages of living alone:
1) I can come home and not have to worry about how the person I live with is feeling, what kind of mood they are in.
2) If I don't want the TV on it stays off.
3) I can watch what programs I want nor do I have to buy another TV to solve 'arguments'.
4) I have the whole bed to myself.
5) I do what I want when I want
6) I can eat, read or do anything else I want in bed without having to worry about annoying/disturbing someone.
7) I can eat what I want when I want.
8) I can get up or go to sleep when I want.
9) I can smoke, fart, pick my nose, scratch my butt (Oh, I know YOU don't do any of these things) use my fingers to eat (Oops! Maybe I should have listed this separately after the other things mentioned :o)) without any comments or put downs or silly laughs
10) I don't have to hide anything, including what i watch or put on the Internet.
11) Not having a person talk when I am watching and/or doing something when I prefer quiet.
12) I like to vacation, take trips alone, and stop/see where/what I want for as long as I want.
13) I can be sloppy or neat, clean after myself or not without 'nagging'.
14) I can be responsible for myself only and not for someone else.
15) I can have the a/c on or off--depending how I feel.
16) I can say and/or think "I" as much as I want.
17) I won't/don't do anything I don't want to do.
18) I can eat the whole cake, box of chocolates or cookies, bag of potato chips, etc. myself. (I told you I was selfish!)
19) If I run out of something it's my fault.
20) I don't have to lie--not even a 'white' lie.
And the list can go on.
The only advantage I can see to having a live in partner is that when you get old and/or sick someone can take care of you.
Besides all I have seen, or read about, partners are the problems they had or are having.
Plus I don't have to go through the heartache of a breakup :o)
Can you handle living alone? Do you live alone? Have you lived alone?
24 people like this
27 responses
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
14 Sep 15
I have about ten years on ya, four exes and family issues up the ying yang. I probably enjoy, prefer and need to live alone too. I yearn for eating my favorite foods and have peace and quiet 24/7. I yearn for non-boys duds strown all over the bathroom. I yearn for no wet towels on the bathroom floor too. I yearn for no manic phases that disrupt my life and schedule. I yearn for no yelling, heavy foot fall when I am trying to write, disrespect, four letter words thrown my way because I do this thing called parenting. Yes, I prefer to live alone. But I have committed to my daughter to live her and help her raise her son. I even seriously thought about leaving here and moving in my granddaughter about two weeks ago. I was feeling hateful toward my daughter because of another manic phase. She is bi-polar. But I realized that she can't do it without me. She needs someone here to propt and remind her of certain parenting skills that her learning disabilty conveniently has her forgetting. And, then there is my grandson. He would probably be in foster care. He is hard to handle. Not only because he will soon be 13 but because he is ODD and is very disrespectful, Obstinate and defiant at times. Oh, he can be a great kid, very loving and caring, but, he can also be a real nerd at times. Both are on meds and if there is a change in their meds there is a definant mood change that is horrible. Yes, I yearn to live alone. I can really relate to all your list.
6 people like this
@celticeagle (158680)
• Boise, Idaho
14 Sep 15
@Marcyaz There are times I just want to give it all up and run off and have a life of my own. Then I realize what the back lash of that would be and I can't do it. I am literally the glue that holds it all together. And, family does come first.
4 people like this
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
15 Sep 15
As an outsider I see your 'problems' differently but what you do is YOUR decision so you shouldn't put the blame on them.
3 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
14 Sep 15
I had to quit reading after a while, that formatting got to me...but...I was alone for 16 years between marriages and I had the time of my life!
5 people like this
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
15 Sep 15
Now you have me curious--what do you mean about the formatting?
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
18 Sep 15
@AbbyGreenhill All I use is chrome--I did have problems with my facebook and this site yesterday. I wrote this post 3 days ago. Just curious--as I am using chrome now--if you do would you have the same problem?
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
18 Sep 15
@GreatMartin If I use chrome it locks up every few minutes and I have to get out of it, which takes time, then back in - I am way to old to deal with that. I'm using Opera w/o a problem.
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
14 Sep 15
I do not like living alone after my husband passed my son was staying with us at the time I decided to sell and move back to the Phoenix, AZ area where we had more family. My husand had no family left i Oklahoma except a second cousin who we were not really close with. I am able to do what I want and eat pretty much on a schedule (my choice) and now I have moved again to Minnesota where I have another son and daughter in-law. I like being able to talk to my family and spend time with them.
4 people like this
@vandana7 (98702)
• India
15 Sep 15
Much depends upon what sort of family you had, and what values were instilled in you. As long as your need to be with family does not infringe the rights of another, I see nothing wrong. In fact, that need is considered normal since we all are conditioned to believe that we are "social animals" notwithstanding how much we fight, kill, bichh, and what not.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
15 Sep 15
Family is a whole other discussion for me--I 'divorced' my family when I was 16.
2 people like this
@Blondie2222 (28611)
• United States
15 Sep 15
I get bored easy and I hate quietness so I don't think i could live alone. I like to have company so i'm not alone. My boyfriend and I our moving into a house here soon together but we just got some repairs to do yet before anyone can live in it. So hopefully next year and it'll be nice so we don't have to keep going to each other's parents house to spend time together.
2 people like this
@Blondie2222 (28611)
• United States
15 Sep 15
@GreatMartin I just get bored easy if i don't keep busy
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
15 Sep 15
With some much life ahead and around you how can you be bored???
Good luck with the new home.
@rosekiss (30380)
• Eugene, Oregon
15 Sep 15
I have been living alone for 8 years after my husband and I divorced. It was very hard at first, but as time has gone on, it has become easier to cope with. There are times I wish I had someone to talk to, but I soon realize I am okay with that too. I do like the fact I can come and go as I please, get what I want and if I want to stay home, I will stay home.There are different advantages to living alone that I would not have found out about until I got the divorce.
2 people like this
@rosekiss (30380)
• Eugene, Oregon
15 Sep 15
@GreatMartin Talking to you all in here gives me people to talk to. Sure it isn't the same as having someone close by, but it is better than nno having anyone to talk to at all.
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
15 Sep 15
"I wish I had someone to talk to," that's what friends are for
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8528)
• United Kingdom
18 Sep 15
I have never lived completely alone but I have lived without a partner. I currently do. As I've never been completely on my own, I'm not sure whether or not I would like to. I'm sure I'd be able to. There are lots of advantages and, having been in a really horrible relationship, I know that being alone is better than being in an unhappy relationship.
I might struggle because I have very few friends I could call upon if I got lonely or wanted a companion for anything. Then again, I'll gladly do most things alone. So, I guess, I CAN live alone but whether I'd want to, I don't know.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8528)
• United Kingdom
19 Sep 15
@GreatMartin Well I don't like people so that causes a bit of a problem with the friends ends thing ?? I have many acquaintances but not really friends I would call on. I am lucky that I now have a partner who is also my best friend but I agree that a small group of good friends could be better than a partner.
@joygracia (1325)
• Philippines
14 Sep 15
I'm still single but I guess I'm too vulnerable of the thought of being alone. My thoughts right now is that I'm open to a possibility that I may remain single all my life but I do still hope of finding my better half. Maybe because of the fact that I like to care and be taken cared of; however, I would gladly accept right now what future may life bestow on me.
2 people like this
@joygracia (1325)
• Philippines
15 Sep 15
@GreatMartin Right! I guess having a partner is never an answer to complete happiness. Thank you. This kinda let me think out of the box.
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
15 Sep 15
I never bought into that 'better half'--I didn't need someone to make me complete as I am a complete human being on my own.
1 person likes this
@fufurinha (11930)
• Portugal
15 Sep 15
I only lived alone for one year, during weekdays while I was studying away at university.
1 person likes this
@fufurinha (11930)
• Portugal
21 Sep 15
@GreatMartin It was okay, I think that I prefer not to live alone.
@DanieGirl80587 (2713)
• United States
14 Sep 15
I couldn't help noticing a lot of "I" in there. Maybe some people such as yourself are better off living by themselves.
Me, I like living with someone. I love being with my husband and child, even if both drive me nuts at times. Yes there is a lot of compromise, but when you are with someone you can't just think about yourself anymore.
I have always hated being alone or lonely though too. It's too quiet and boring. Having someone to share my life with makes it more fun and exciting.
2 people like this
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
15 Sep 15
"if both drive me nuts " "there is a lot of compromise" " you can't just think about yourself anymore." "a lot of "I" in there" I never said I wasn't selfish--I am not willing to compromise MY life and I could go on.
" my life with makes it more fun and exciting." I can do that myself and/or I have friends to do it with. I don't ever remember being bored and I live a full life.
I am not saying I am right and you are wrong but.....
@simone10 (54189)
• Louisville, Kentucky
19 Sep 15
@GreatMartin If I could get around better, I probably wouldn't have time to get lonely either. I could think of a number of things to do but right now, I am confined to the house and it does get lonely and boring sometimes.
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
18 Sep 15
I really don't remember the last time I got lonely--I have too many things to keep me busy.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
15 Sep 15
Have you ever lived alone? Family, the service, married, Mike--whereas I lived alone more than with someone.
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
15 Sep 15
This made me laugh so hard. I honestly don't think this should be a big deal for anyone. If you want to be single, that's perfectly fine! Not everyone has to be part of a half. If you are happy you are happy! I am part of a half, but my half is gone much of the time for his work and schooling. I often spend a couple days alone and happy for it, I can be as self centered and selfish as I want!
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
19 Sep 15
Ah but I can be self centered and selfish 24/7/365--366 in a Leap Year!
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
19 Sep 15
@GreatMartin hahah! I like that you took the time to include a leap year!
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
15 Sep 15
Yes that becomes a problem!! LOL You get very territorial about YOUR space and don't want anyone to invade it!!
@glenniah (1197)
• Mandurah, Australia
15 Sep 15
Yes Martin I like to think I could live alone, I may not be so good at motivating myself to do much tho, Right now I have an amazing network and friends who have supported me over the last few difficult years. So life is good
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
18 Sep 15
I live alone, I motivate myself and I have an amazing network of friends--life is better! Seriously I don't remember the last time I was lonely!
Seriously I don't remember the last time I was lonely!
@cmoneyspinner (9221)
• Austin, Texas
15 Sep 15
I can live alone but would prefer not to.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
15 Sep 15
And I can live with someone but prefer not to! Everybody makes their choices--can only they are happy with the choice they made--I am.
Everybody makes their choices--can only they are happy with the choice they made--I am.1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
16 Oct 15
I've been separated longer that I was with my 4 exes in total---and I love it!
1 person likes this
@gregario888 (1276)
• Aurangabad, India
15 Sep 15
That's a long list for the pros of being single. What about the cons? While solitude may be bliss, even if you have a very loving and caring life partner; there might be more to it than that.
1 person likes this
@gregario888 (1276)
• Aurangabad, India
18 Sep 15
@GreatMartin That surely would have been awful, wish there is some one who can help you, in case you have to move around on a wheelchair. Say-a friend, or a brother, or a sister.
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
18 Sep 15
Honestly I have only ONE con and that come to light lately--I didn't have someone to help me when I fell and busted my knee to cook for me, push my wheelchair around, etc. Actually not quite true as my friends and neighbors helped a lot but the con is not having someone around when you are sick and need bandages changed, etc.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
18 Sep 15
I could never again live with a 'stranger' which is one of the reasons I have chosen to live alone!
@MrZ0mbiesFanatic (168)
• Shreveport, Louisiana
19 Sep 15
You gave some good points on advantages to living alone, but I don't think I could handle it. It would be too boring and lonely for me to want to live alone. I like having the company of others to talk to and enjoy being with them.
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
20 Sep 15
" I like having the company of others to talk to and enjoy being with them." That's what friends are for!!!
I don't remember the last time I was 'bored'--I am too busy doing things I love to do, seeing things, writing, reading, going to the theatre, movies, restaurants and, sometimes, just relaxing with no interference.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
20 Sep 15
@MrZ0mbiesFanatic most people don't enjoy or even know how to live alone--it is all a choice!
@MrZ0mbiesFanatic (168)
• Shreveport, Louisiana
20 Sep 15
@GreatMartin Ya I understand where you are coming from, sometimes I wish I was alone but most of the time I enjoy not being alone.
1 person likes this
