Tomorrow I meet "her"
@GardenGerty (169591)
United States
January 28, 2016 8:05pm CST
I told you in an earlier discussion, about the first of December, that I had been contacted by a woman who is my first husband's half sister. His dad messed around a lot. She never knew her dad, or her half brothers.
She is very "needy". She has met the two brothers that are living and a brother with the same mother, different dad. She tracked them down with genealogy sites. She has contacted both of my kids. My daughter met with her while she was here before Christmas. My daughter said she was nice. I think she is very controlling, but I try to be sympathetic. Her dad dumped her mom, and her mom did not particularly want her either. She was very lonely growing up. I am guessing she is about seventy now. I cannot fix that for her.
The thing is, my first husband would have been thrilled to have a sister.
Anyway, I will be gone until late tomorrow. Unless of course I get up really early and visit you then.
I just quit being part of that family when his brothers quit contacting me. I do not feel like a part. I certainly do not need any more relatives than I already have.
15 people like this
13 responses
@celticeagle (190074)
• Boise, Idaho
29 Jan 16
Well, perhaps if you aren't overly friendly she will get the picture and move on. I can see why she is needy but still......?!
5 people like this
@GardenGerty (169591)
• United States
30 Jan 16
I had lots of anxiety about this and also kind of a false assumption of what she would be like. We spent five hours talking. My other issue, and it cannot be helped, is it makes me miss my first husband. It also makes me feel old.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (190074)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Jan 16
@GardenGerty ...I can understand that Maybe she needed some closure at her end and you should feel good that you were able to help her with that. Now do something nice for yourself. You deserve it.
@GardenGerty (169591)
• United States
30 Jan 16
Yes, they do. She is very sad because we lived so close and she did not know us. My husband worked for a company in her town and we shopped there a lot.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
29 Jan 16
well, I hope the visit is nice, she does sound needy
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (169591)
• United States
30 Jan 16
The visit was nice. Yes, she is needy in some ways, and is anxious to belong to a family. She must not have had any cousins either. I forgot to ask.
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
30 Jan 16
@GardenGerty well I am glad it was nice, I feel bad for older lonely people with less family
@GardenGerty (169591)
• United States
30 Jan 16
Having spent a few hours with her, I feel much better. I like that the brothers all accept her. I was able to give her some insight from my perspective.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (169591)
• United States
30 Jan 16
I think, having visited, that I do not mind being her friend. I do not want to really have much to do directly with the other parts of the family, and that is alright as well.my brain also got stretched this afternoon, and that was fun.
2 people like this
@JudyEv (382664)
• Rockingham, Australia
30 Jan 16
@GardenGerty That sounds like a good outcome. There is only room in one's life for a certain number of friends and acquaintances but of course that varies from person to person.
1 person likes this
@Dena91 (17038)
• United States
29 Jan 16
Prayers that everything will go okay. Not knowing much about my Mom's side of the family because of secrets and divorces, I am just now getting to know some of my kin from that side. I met, on facebook, 4 of my cousins over the past several years. It's a nice way for us to interact in each others lives and getting to know one another. Have a blessed day
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (169591)
• United States
30 Jan 16
Thank you for the prayers. The man who was her father, and my first husband's father and the father of the two older boys was not a good father, and she has carried his rejection a long time. So have the "boys". Today I realized a couple of things though. My first mother-in-law saw something in him to love, so there must have been some goodness at one time. The other thing is, I never knew he served in WWII and none of us can know what he went through or how that might have changed him. He may have been a hurting soul as well.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (169591)
• United States
30 Jan 16
And see, we are not related at all, but I was married to her half brother for 23 years, and had we known each other, we likely would have been friends for many of those years.
2 people like this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104615)
• United States
29 Jan 16
It's a little strange that she is contacting you. I can understand wanting to meet your children but it's still a bit odd she wants to meet you. She does seem very lonely. I hope the visit goes well for you though.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (169591)
• United States
30 Jan 16
It went much better than I had anticipated. One reason she wanted to meet me was to see if I had ever met her dad. . . and also to learn what Larry (my first husband) was like as an adult. I was married to him for twenty three years and that is longer than he was at home as a kid brother.
2 people like this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104615)
• United States
30 Jan 16
@GardenGerty I am glad it went better than you had anticipated. I can understand her wanting to know more about a brother she hardly knew.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169591)
• United States
30 Jan 16
She is having a good relationship with the two older brothers and the younger brother who is no blood relation, but says that of course she is his sister and they are all family. I am glad for that. She is trying to get a mental picture of a man she never even met.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (169591)
• United States
30 Jan 16
I was very nervous. Also afraid I would say the wrong thing. It went much better than I thought.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (169591)
• United States
30 Jan 16
I am happy with what I have, and more particularly, I have a very needy older sister. However, it is a nice visit, and she may make a very good friend.
1 person likes this
@DeborahDiane (40852)
• Laguna Woods, California
29 Jan 16
If nothing else, this will be an interesting experience. I understand what you mean about not needing more relatives, however.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (169591)
• United States
30 Jan 16
I think it is going to be okay. I was a little creeped out at first though, because when she had found out where my first husband was buried she says she visits his grave. I have a few relatives that are a little strange, and I do not feel I need that.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23193)
• Bangalore, India
30 Jan 16
Wow!! What a sad tale you told!! It was heartbreaking...... I don't think I am old enough to advise you on this or suggest you something..... So I will just share my views with you....
If I ever found out about a relative that I have never known, sure I would be curious to know the hows, the whys and the whens of it all. I am curious enough that I would like to see or meet the said person.... get to know him/her and then I would put him/her in one of the categories of my relatives(that I already have in abundance). Don't take it in the wrong way but we all have different kinds of relatives. Cool, funny, weird, scary, stuck up, caring....and lot more... The new one would be added to that coz you want or not the person is family....
But in your case she is not directly related to you. So, maybe you should just be friendly or cordial for the sake of kids???? I mean she had already been through the worst kind of rejection from her parents.......For I feel there isn't any rejection worse than that.........
I don't think she is needy. She is just desperate........ You said she never met her father....... who made half of where she came from.......her half identity kind of.....She is trying to know that part of her..... Who wouldn't???
She is in her seventies or almost there as you said....... Don't you think she had lived long enough without knowing that part of her??? Shouldn't she have the answers to all the questions she have had for God knows how long????
No, she isn't your responsibility.I get it...... But maybe for your first husband you should try. What would you think he would have done if he was still alive???? I think maybe you should honor him and his memories by helping his sister...... Share happy memories with her, re-live them . It would lessen the pain....and make it easy for you to talk or share things about your first husband.....
I know I went on a rant there. Please don't take it the wrong way.... You have many years over me.... I am well aware that you know better than me and have more experience..... I just told you what I felt.... And I felt her pain and loneliness........
I apologize profusely if I offended you in any way...... It wasn't my intention.....
