Is it necessary for a person to get married and have his or her own family to be happy?

@annierose (18926)
Philippines
April 6, 2016 7:37am CST
I have always been pressured by my family that I should get married and have my own family. I am already 31 years old and my family thinks that I should be the one who should get married first before my youngest sister. The problem is that I have a different view in life. For me, I do not need to get married and have my own kids. I do not think so that having your own family will guarantee you that you will not be alone when you get old. Since I am a dreamer, I just visualize myself living on my own staying from one country to another. Having a husband who does not agree with what I like will just be a burden.Likewise with having kids. I am afraid I could not take good care of them with the personality I have.
19 people like this
26 responses
@Lucky15 (37346)
• Philippines
6 Apr 16
When my younger brother got married and me.still single, i was really pressured. But then just shrug it off
4 people like this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
6 Apr 16
I understand. That what my family feels but not me. I do not mind being the only one not married but they always worry about my future. They think that I will be a miserable person when I get old because there will be no one to look after me.
1 person likes this
@Lucky15 (37346)
• Philippines
6 Apr 16
@annierose and people assumed that ;(
@jaboUK (64363)
• United Kingdom
6 Apr 16
Not everyone is cut out to be a wife and mother. It's something I wasn't really keen on when I was young, but then I met the right person and changed my mind. If you meet someone who you can't envisage being without, then it may be the same for you. However, if it doesn't, don't let anyone put you under pressure to conform. It's YOUR life.
4 people like this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
Thanks Jabo! Yes, this is my life and I am the only one responsible for my own happiness. I could not bear the hardships of being mother and a wife. I do not know if I will really get happy having my own family or being in a single status for all of my life. I am not sure what lies ahead for me.
1 person likes this
@LdeL0318 (6402)
• Philippines
6 Apr 16
Things will all come and happen at the right time. No need to rush and look for it. It will definitely come for you if it will. Good things happen in the most unexpected moment.
3 people like this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
@LdeL0318 It is true! I am always trying to be positive in everything.
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
Thank you. I agree with you about good timing in life. It happened to me before. I was not searching for a man to love me and whom I will also love back, but he came into my life. I am uncertain about my future. It depends on God's plan for me.
1 person likes this
@LdeL0318 (6402)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
@annierose I suggest you just embrace whatever life will give you.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72317)
• Philippines
6 Apr 16
Continue your life as it is. If a husband comes someday then let it be, but never allow anybody to change your own decision. Don't get me wrong. I love my family and I'm happy that I got married and have a son. However, if things were different back then and if I hand't met my husband, I would have stayed single and I believed that if i did, i would have been a happy bachelorette.
3 people like this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
6 Apr 16
I think you have you have a satisying life. I guess many people gets jealous with you secretly because of your success. Some people tell me they get jealous that I am single and I can do everything I want without worries since I have no husband or kids to take good care of. Yes, I love my life now. Many of my friends and classmates gets married already -- but not me. And sometimes when I tell them I am still single, they just ask questions like when will I ever plan to get married.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
@toniganzon Then after few weeks they will come back with same sets of question.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72317)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
@annierose You should tell them NEVER!
• Valdosta, Georgia
6 Apr 16
I think everyone is different. Some people need a family to be happy (myself included) and others don't. I couldn't picture my life without having a family but everyone is different and there is nothing wrong with that at all. You do what makes you happy, don't let anyone pressure you to do anything-it's your life and your choice.
3 people like this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
Thank you Jennifer. When I was young, I dreamt of getting married at the age of 25 and having kids. But everything changes. Nothing is permanent. Now, I do not think of getting married at all nor have children. I do not know if after many years, I will change again my thinking or I will stick to what my hear desires at the moment.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (454979)
• Switzerland
6 Apr 16
I do not believe that the marriage is a necessity. I am married, but we had no children because we have traveled a lot during our life, of course my husband has my same ideas.
3 people like this
@LadyDuck (454979)
• Switzerland
7 Apr 16
@Cintronwriter I agree, if you do not have a mutual goal a marriage cannot last.
2 people like this
• United States
6 Apr 16
Yes, a mutual goal or love for something is the key to sharing in each others lives.
4 people like this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
That is my aim too. I want to live life to its fullest and I really have a deep thirst on other's traditions and cultures. I want to experience them. My boyfriend and I share the same interest of travelling and I am happy with that. But even we have same interest , we do not have any plans to get married.
2 people like this
@kaka135 (14921)
• Malaysia
6 Apr 16
No, it's certainly not necessary to do so, and shouldn't do so as well. Otherwise, it will be unfair to yourself, your partner, and perhaps the children in future. I think getting married is our own decision, it's not for anyone else. I can understand parents started to get worried when the children are not getting married, as my elder brother who is 40 years old is still single. My parents have been worrying for years, but they dare not pressure him as well. If he has not found his significant one, perhaps it's even better for him to stay single, and enjoy his life. So, I don't think it's good to force ourselves to get married just to make someone happy, even our parents. It might not be easy for some parents to understand this.
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14921)
• Malaysia
13 Apr 16
@annierose Yes, I am a mother of two children now. I guess parents always like to say that. It's true that you might understand some of the parents' concern when you are a parent, but that's not necessary. I also think that as parents, we should respect our children, we should respect their choices as well. I always think I am here to guide my children, and support them to be whom they want to be. We shouldn't force our children to follow our ways or our path, but encourage them to walk their own path. Well, I understand it's not easy for a parent to see the child falling down or doing something they might be worrying, it's something parents need to learn as well. Frankly speaking, I really enjoy being a mother, though there are a lot of challenges, I have really learned a lot. Hope your parents will be happy with what you have chosen in your life.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
13 Apr 16
@kaka135 What if your child want to venture a very dangerous kind of job like being a soldier, police or media man, would you allow him? My brother wants to be a soldier while my sister wants to work as a news caster but mom did not allow it. She said she worries very much on those kind of jobs so my brother and sister did not able to meet what they aspire to be.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
6 Apr 16
Are you a parent already? My parents always tell us that we will only understand them if we are already parents ourselves too. Since I do not have a plan of getting married, I wonder if I will understand them at all. I think being a parent is a tough responsibility.
1 person likes this
@zaga_cleuth (1407)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
I'm only 24 and they keep on asking who my BF is so I could marry before 30's. But after my last relationship, I started to love myself more and the people around me. I enjoy doing everything without me pleasing and asking somebody for approval. And same as your views, I don't find it reasonable to get marry to someone to be quoted as "whole". I mean a lot of people think that when you have a family, a person is really a person. Without considering the real source of happiness.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
I remember a video I saw in facebook. It was all about things that we should try before getting on our 30's. Well, I am already on my 30's. You are still young and there are so many beautiful things you can still do while you are not yet married. I think being married will someone will somehow lessen your freedom to do everything that you want.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
@zaga_cleuth Yes, thanks for that. I have my boyfriend but we do not have any plans to get married. We just enjoy this bf/gf relationship.
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
@annierose at some point yes. But don't close your door in finding that special someone who could be your partner in doing the things you love to do.
• Preston, England
6 Apr 16
I faced the same peer group pressure but at 54 I am still staying single and independent
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
How do you react whenever they pressure you to get married? It is quite difficult when they do it almost all the time.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
@arthurchappell I understand. Sometimes I feel hurt too when one of my colleagues told me maybe my bf really does not love me because I am still not getting married. I do not know why they cannot understand that I am not really into marriage, yet.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
7 Apr 16
@annierose I just ignore it though I was hurt when I heard my parents thought I was gay - the one girl I brought home felt interrogated by the family who were appalling to her - never brought girls home to meet them since
@rakski (112993)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
I agree with you there. Not having a family does not mean you ill not be happy in life and vice versa. And if you want to catch your dream and see yourself living abroad, then so be it, you will still be happy. My sister is 45, single, living abroad but happy and contented.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
Yes, that is what I want too. It is really my dream to live in abroad. That is another reason, I did not pay attention to any Filipino suitors I had in the past. I worry that if I fall in love with any of them and then get married, I won't be able to follow my dreams.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
@rakski Thank you very much! I trust God and always think that something good is always about to happen. Although I may have already have this vision of spending half of my life overseas being single, I still accept the truth that it will still be God's plan that will happen with me. And whatever it is, for sure it is the best.
@rakski (112993)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
@annierose very true. I always dreamed of that since I was a kid. But my sister is really the dreamer, I am the day dreamer. lol. She try to catch her dream and I was left to tend to our family and now I am married. Though I wish I had the opportunity, I accepted that God has other plans for me. Go and catch your dream!!!
1 person likes this
@hydraa (807)
• Mumbai, India
6 Apr 16
I share the same view as you do :)
2 people like this
• United States
6 Apr 16
Maybe the marriage pressure is cultural?
2 people like this
@hydraa (807)
• Mumbai, India
6 Apr 16
@Cintronwriter yes it is. I don't know about other countries, but yes in India it's like you are born to just get married someday and have your family. And I am totally against this thinking. I really get miffed when my parents and relatives talk about my marriage plans and all
2 people like this
• United States
6 Apr 16
@hydraa oh man, I'm sorry to hear that. Are pre-arranged marriages also something you have to deal with? I can't imagine applying pressure to my daughter to get married. I'm the opposite. Take your time. Wait it out. Enjoy what life has to offer, it's a big world so explore it.
1 person likes this
@AkoPinay (11546)
• Philippines
13 Apr 16
They are wrong all we need is money so we could pay a caregiver when we get old if we have children that's what they are going to do also -- hire a caregiver if they are busy with their career/business
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
13 Apr 16
That is what I have been seeing too especially if their sons or daughters are very busy already on their own family. I think, being married and having kids does not mean that I will not be alone when I get old. I have seen many old people being neglected. So many old people around, homeless.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
13 Apr 16
@AkoPinay Do you also plan to be single or you are already married?
@AkoPinay (11546)
• Philippines
13 Apr 16
@annierose that's true. They are married and have many children
1 person likes this
@rina110383 (24497)
6 Apr 16
No, one's happiness does not depend on his/her civil status and whether or not he/she has kids. I'm 32 and I'm lucky that my parents never pressured me to get married or have kids I live alone and I consider myself a happy loner. But at the same time, I'm not discounting the possibility of meeting someone in the future who would love to be my man.
2 people like this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
I am not yet toally 100% independent. My dad treated me like a baby when he was still alive. Whenever I will approach him so I can also learn how to cook, he will always push me away and just tell me to play with other kids. I think that becomes the reason I grew up with no interest in cooking at all. I have been spending my entire time with my job alone and no longer have much time to do household chores. I guess, that is another reason they want me to be with someone who can take care of me but I know I can take good care of myself. And I know if I am already alone, I will learn those different household chores by myself. No need to depend on someone to do it for me.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Apr 16
Do you. Don't allow others to dictate how you should live life. Kudos to your younger sister for marrying at a young age, but that is not you. What you wish to do in life can still be done with a man who supports you and your dreams. I don't necessarily believe marrying a man will burden your efforts of traveling the world, maybe he wants to travel as well. I don't think as humans we are to be alone, we must have someone to share our happiness with, whether that is a best friend or lover.
2 people like this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
I agree with you. I do not know about marrying part. I am not sure if my boyfriend and I will get married in the future. Although we share the same passion on travelling, building a family is still up in the air.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157027)
• United States
13 Apr 16
This has been a problem for young women for a long time. If you have not met anyone who makes you want to settle down and have a family, do not do it just for the sake of those around you. I know that is probably hard for those around you to accept.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
13 Apr 16
It is not only my family but also my colleagues and friends who are trying to push me to get married. It was funny,because just this afternoon, a collegue told me about her friend who is not yet married. She told me her conversation with her friend that her friend is no longer getting any younger. So, it was like she also want to say same thing to me in an indirect way.
@SIMPLYD (90727)
• Philippines
13 Apr 16
Then maybe you should make them understand what you want so they won't be badgering you anymore to get married . They have to understand that people have different preferences and beliefs.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
17 Apr 16
I think that they somehow understand me. It is just they cannot accept that I will be alone in my life with no husband and kids.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90727)
• Philippines
18 Apr 16
@annierose I suppose you aren't at that age where you are supposedly be married . The right man will come , just pray for it . Meanwhile don't be bothered by their teasing .
@cherriefic (10401)
• Philippines
6 Apr 16
It's not necessary if you don't want it in the first place. Our culture just dictating it but they cannot do anything about it if you don't really want to.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
Yes, I agree. I am the one responsible on my own life. I know they just care for me and they just worry that if I have no family of my own, I will.be miserable. I do not know how to answer them yet about it.
@JESSY3236 (18760)
• United States
7 Apr 16
I'm not married yet either. I'm 36 years old. My family isn't really pressuring me. I don't want any kids. I have been engaged for many years now.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
It seems your partner does not want children, either? It is good that you share the same beliefs. I think that majority of men and women want to have their lifetime partner and have kids. When I told my brother that I have no plans of getting married nor having kids,he thought I am impossible.
1 person likes this
@JESSY3236 (18760)
• United States
7 Apr 16
@annierose Yeah my fiance doesn't want to have kids either.
1 person likes this
@snurgr (147)
• Mumbai, India
7 Apr 16
Marriage is certainly not something you need to do because you are pressurized to.. it is mostly something that should come from within after you meet someone with whom you feel you can share everything.. there might be somebody who like you wants to be with someone who like moving around and staying at different places... so when time comes and if it does you will get married...
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
7 Apr 16
Thanks for sharing your opinion. I agree about that. I will not close my heart of getting married provided that my partner will share same beliefs and ideas with me.
@Lekaxxx (58)
6 Apr 16
I don't think is necesary. Personally, I have made the desition of not having kid, I live in a country where the situation every day gets harder and harder and I would like to fulfil my dreams without harming anybody else.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18926)
• Philippines
6 Apr 16
That is what I think so. I have realized that nurturing a child is not an easy task to do. I also feel that giving birth to a child might make die young as it is very painful.