Im Very Happy For Now But Realistic
By minisam
@miniam (9151)
Bern, Switzerland
April 18, 2016 3:34pm CST
I know I'm happily married .In my heart I know he`s the man of my dreams.does he feel the same? l don't know.I'm not 20 any more so am realistic and don't bury my head in the sand, I know when something is fake or not.
Been married 2 years(will be 2 years later this month) but I feel like it`s a 1 sided marriage.He`s refusing to take me out,we went out a lot before marriage, we had plans for this and that, since marriage,the plans are forgotten,a day or night out is history.
If l try to talk about the future,all I get is vague answers
I have vacation next week,coinciding with my marriage anniversary, I suggested we go to Spain and the answer is no.
So i have concluded, he might not leave me today or tomorrow but I know he will some day.
I have had serious issues in the past, been to a place i never want to go back to.I`ve had my share of struggles and i dont want another surprise pain, im preparing myself for the day he will walk away.
Before he walks away on me, I will walk away, maybe not today or next month but l will,this is my decision.
No he`s not having an affair or anything like that but I feel he married me to get a Swiss residence permit.I know he will walk away.
I'm l wrong thinking the way I think?
12 people like this
16 responses
@Teep11 (7673)
• United States
18 Apr 16
As long as you have peace. That's the important thing. Aan can walk out at anytime. We have to accept if they choose to. It's best for us to make preparations for our future. We really can't depend on people because some change accordinh to who's winning.
2 people like this
@miniam (9151)
• Bern, Switzerland
18 Apr 16
Thanks,l have accepted he will walk out one day,no doubt in my mind.When i started to notice changes, thought I'm just being silly,but the changes are there that even a 10-year-old will see.
Thankfully we don't fight or exchange bad words at all and im grateful for that.
1 person likes this
@miniam (9151)
• Bern, Switzerland
18 Apr 16
@boiboing
Come on now, dont feel sad or sorry for me, I think it`s better this way than to bury my head in the sand and to come back from work one day and find him gone.Then there will be too many questions, as it is now,I will say to myself *l knew and l was right*.
@miniam (9151)
• Bern, Switzerland
18 Apr 16
And im convinced im right,and this is a bitter pill to swallow.I could not in 100 years imagine I could be so stupid or something like this could happen to me such things happen to other people not to us,we see such things on TV and think "how could they be so stupid?*
@celticeagle (189833)
• Boise, Idaho
19 Apr 16
I am so sorry to hear of this. I left a bad relationship in 1997 and haven't had another one. If he just married you for a Swiss residence permit then I'd leave too. You are not wrong in your way of thinking. I look at it this way ......You only go through this life ONCE. It is short and I would not stay in a relationship that isn't good and doesn't make you happy. How long are you going to wait? I'd start saving your money, pick a date and go for it. Life is just too short. Next time I would be very careful and wait a long time before getting involved again.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189833)
• Boise, Idaho
19 Apr 16
@miniam ...That's how I felt too.
1 person likes this
@miniam (9151)
• Bern, Switzerland
19 Apr 16
Im saving very hard, l have not yet picked a date or a month because deep down l want to be wrong but i know im not.
But there are some milestones am waiting for.You can be sure if l end this one,there will never be a next time this im sure.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45490)
• United States
19 Apr 16
I think you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him. Two years and your unsure now...were there not red flags prior to marriage?
@miniam (9151)
• Bern, Switzerland
19 Apr 16
There were none at all, interestingly l thought i had found my mr.perfect. We talked so long down to little details.
In the 2 years l knew him before marriage,there were really no red flags at all.2 years into marriage,it`s all red flags almost right from the beginning.
@AbbyGreenhill (45490)
• United States
19 Apr 16
@miniam I don't like to give advice on these matters but you asked...If your gut is telling you one thing and he isn't telling you anything different...one of you needs to leave.
@miniam (9151)
• Bern, Switzerland
19 Apr 16
@AbbyGreenhill
Thanks Abby, and dont worry, you know? you can advise,say what you like at the end I have to decide what`s best for me so dont worry, feel free to say what you want to.
@JudyEv (382107)
• Rockingham, Australia
18 Apr 16
This is very sad but I guess the signs don't look very promising at the moment do they? It was very deceitful if he married you just to get residency.
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
18 Apr 16
Only you know the answer to this. If you feel he will walk away by how he acts then your probably right. We know our own situation best. I am sorry that your going through that, it must be a terrible feeling knowing the man you love will walk away. =(
I do have to tell you if you feel that way after only 2 years of being married that's not a good sign. The first 2 years are the happy/honeymoon years-so if things are going down hill already its not good.
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
20 Apr 16
@miniam Even though I know you say you don't have time to feel sorry for yourself I know you must be sad when thinking about it. =( And that makes me sad for you. I will keep you in my prayers and I am always here if you need to talk.
@miniam (9151)
• Bern, Switzerland
18 Apr 16
Thanks Jeniffer, it`s not what he does, it`s what he does not do and there are too many of those.
It`s not even a terrible feeling,i have accepted it and enjoy it when it`s here.I dont have time to feel sorry for myself,will only make me sad.
1 person likes this
@miniam (9151)
• Bern, Switzerland
20 Apr 16
@LovingMyBabies
You are so kind,thanks so much, really apreciate.
@carebear29 (32002)
• Wausau, Wisconsin
19 Apr 16
I been married 13 years on 7/8. Ask him for something nice to do or eat. We don't really celebrate either.
@miniam (9151)
• Bern, Switzerland
19 Apr 16
Asked for a night out last 11 days when it was my birthday,was ignored,he went out with friends instead.I Insisted we go out to Zurich 2 weeks ago,managed to miss the train i got mad and went alone
Asked we visit his family next week I will foot all the expenses,the answer was no.
Yes im trying hard
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (64346)
• United Kingdom
18 Apr 16
None of us could possibly answer that question as we don't know the two of you personally. However I do know that negative thoughts and feelings can rub off on those we live with. Perhaps you could try being more upbeat around him, let him know you care, but don't be clingy.
If nothing works, you may have to walk away.
@amadeo (111937)
• United States
18 Apr 16
You are wrong.What make you think t his way.Are you jealous of him of someone out there.Have you talked to him about what you are feeling.
That is wrong.People do not talk to each other.Try it you make like it.
@PainsOnSlate (21845)
• Canada
19 Apr 16
Only you know what is going on in your house. I'm sorry things are not like they should be. I met my hubby in college and we've been married for almost 50 years. Its not all rainbows and balloons, but i know he will be by my side forever...
@PainsOnSlate (21845)
• Canada
21 Apr 16
@miniam I am feeling your pain, I know there is no norm...Two people together can be any of thousands. I'm feeling your pain in a way and I hope you make the choice that is best for you.
1 person likes this
@miniam (9151)
• Bern, Switzerland
21 Apr 16
@PainsOnSlate
Thanks so much, l keep hoping im wrong,time will tell, im giving myself time because i want to be wrong.
1 person likes this
@fishtiger58 (29819)
• Momence, Illinois
19 Apr 16
That's so sad, and yes maybe you should be the one to walk away if you are this unhappy after only 2 years of marriage.
@miniam (9151)
• Bern, Switzerland
19 Apr 16
Thanks Dianne,funnily I'm happy for now I'm happy for now because l have seen what is there, l know what to expect.
Much better than waking up one day to be told it`s over when all along l pretended all was well.I do not think counseling will work if my suspicions are true
1 person likes this
