She Didn’t Even Shed A SingleTear

By rebel_woman06

@SIMPLYD (90717)

Philippines

January 23, 2019 12:37am CST

As most of my friends here know , my father-in-law passed away last Jan. 14. When we broke the news to mother-in-law, she took it like it was an ordinary news. She didn’t cry nor even shed a tear. This is what again happened during the burial. He just watched his coffin being brought down to the pit. She didn’t cry nor shed a tear as like when she heard the news. When hubby asked her why she didn’t cry , she said she is not that type who cries. She said she just controlled herself from crying. Her daughter in Australia told me she has never seen her cry even when they were kids, not even when my father-in-law had his stroke that made him bedridden for more than a year. I think she is a very strong woman. But on second thought, it could be that because she has dementia now. Are you someone who easily cry in sad situation? I am. I cry when I am sad and even when I am so angry.

20 people like this

21 responses

@jstory07 (148731)

• Roseburg, Oregon

23 Jan 19

Maybe she does not cry in public.

5 people like this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

23 Jan 19

It is hard to hold back tears and hide your emotion. I told her not to hold her tears nor her emotions, because it might make her have a heart attack. She didn't say a thing.

3 people like this

@LadyDuck (502379)

• Italy

23 Jan 19

My maternal grandmother was like this, she never cried, never in public. I do not cry in public I know to control myself, I cry at home, usually hidden in my bedroom.

3 people like this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

24 Jan 19

Wow, so you too and your maternal grandmother are like her. It takes so much control of yourself to do that. Me, sometime, I even would suddenly feel the tears in my eyes when I am riding a public transport , whenever I remember my late father. Though, I tried to control myself inside, but the tears would still fall, I have to get my handkerchief to wipe it.

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

25 Jan 19

@LadyDuck Oh really! You were a Papa's girl maybe?

2 people like this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

25 Jan 19

@LadyDuck I think you are right. When a parent die at a younger age, we tend to be so affected adversely, because we don't expect them to die at that young age.

1 person likes this

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@rsa101 (40968)

• Philippines

24 Jan 19

Well at some point there are advantages to that being very strong. I think that we as emotional beings do expect to become emotional when such things do happen. And it usually does not show well when you are in that situation and she is seemingly not responsive to that situation.

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@rsa101 (40968)

• Philippines

24 Jan 19

@SIMPLYD I see but you mentioned that even before your mom in law is really that hard that her children never saw him cry at all. But of course if she is taking some medication for her dementia it might be the cause why she is emotionless before.

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

24 Jan 19

@rsa101 No she isn't taking any. On the onset of her dementia, she was prescribed a medication. When she took it for the first day, she was dizzy and kept vomiting, we didn't let her drink it anymore. And my brother-in-law didn't take her back to the doctor for the medication to be changed.

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

24 Jan 19

Yes, we have the notion that people who doesn't cry are weak people. Although that is not true. Men tend not to cry unabashedly in public. Though, they are just good in hiding their feelings. As I have observed, her dementia made her like she doesn't know how to be sad anymore.

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@DianneN (254926)

• United States

26 Jan 19

Some people are like that, and I'm sure she feels badly and sad. I cry all the time, even when I'm happy.

2 people like this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

26 Jan 19

Yes, i think so. Good thing her older sister is with us, so she keeps her company, when we are at our offices.

1 person likes this

@DianneN (254926)

• United States

26 Jan 19

@SIMPLYD Good to hear she has company and doesn't have to be all alone.

@JudyEv (382019)

• Rockingham, Australia

23 Jan 19

Some people are able to control themselves in public. And if your mother-in-law has dementia, she may not fully understand what has happened.

2 people like this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

24 Jan 19

Yes, I admire them that they are like that. Maybe indeed her dementia added to her not feeling the loss of her husband. Besides, she might be just so tired of taking care of him ever since he got a stroke at the age of 43. He recoveredd physically, but his reflexes were slow already and he has to be attended to most of the time by her. Lately, she would always shout at him when he doesn't follow her instruction.

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

25 Jan 19

@JudyEv Yes, it is understandable indeed. She was relieved.

1 person likes this

@JudyEv (382019)

• Rockingham, Australia

24 Jan 19

@SIMPLYD If he needed so much care maybe she was pretty worn out from looking after him. I can understand that to a degree.

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@sunrisefan (28524)

• Philippines

24 Jan 19

My condolences to your family, Ms. LT. It's been a while that I have not seen you :)

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

25 Jan 19

Thank you.

I have been busy at work and that week. It seems you also aren't here for weeks.

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

25 Jan 19

@sunrisefan You breally are so busy. That is good because it helps to keep you healthy both in mind and body. I suppose your daughter is back in NZ?

1 person likes this

@sunrisefan (28524)

• Philippines

25 Jan 19

@SIMPLYD I've been here every now and then. Been busy with my daughter's unannounced coming and was in Iloilo for 4 days too and getting busier with projects of our coop coming one after another. Until now, we've not taken off with our San Carlos (Neg.Occ.) branch building construction though because we've been stuck at the frie department requirements. We've now finished with our Phase A floor slab of the hotel. Very soon, we're starting work with our Carcar,Cebu branch offic too.

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@Sreekala (34312)

• India

23 Jan 19

May be she is mentally prepared for the same. Don't know the exact reason. RIP to your father-in-law

1 person likes this

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@Sreekala (34312)

• India

23 Jan 19

@SIMPLYD It is natural to get tired of taking care as she is also old and has problems. She might think that he escaped from his sufferings so it is a kind of relieving thing rather than sorrow..

@mom210 (9170)

• United States

24 Jan 19

yes, I am a big baby, when I am happy I cry, when I am sad I cry, when I am sad for others I cry.

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

25 Jan 19

Wow, you really are a big baby.

As for me, I get easily teary eyed when I remember a sad part of my life.

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

25 Jan 19

1 person likes this

@mom210 (9170)

• United States

25 Jan 19

@SIMPLYD my son used to get so confused by it, when he did well, I cried, when he did bad, I cried.

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@Shiva49 (28375)

• Singapore

28 Jan 19

I am overtaken by emotions when younger people die especially children. When the elderly suffer and pass on, I am rather relieved that their sufferings are over but think about their lives - siva

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

29 Jan 19

I can relate. With the older people my thought is that they now have come to finally rest and be with the Creator. As to younger ones, I feel so sad that they weren't able to enjoy the rest of their lives anymore.

1 person likes this

@Hannihar (130150)

• Israel

27 Feb 19

@SIMPLYD I am sorry about your loss. Everyone mourns in their own way. Maybe she does cry when she is alone. Yes, I cry when things are so so hard that I just do not want to do about them or where to turn.

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

2 Mar 19

Crying is good for everyone undergoing a sad situation. It's bad that we suppress it.

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

4 Mar 19

@Hannihar I think so too.

1 person likes this

@Hannihar (130150)

• Israel

3 Mar 19

@SIMPLYD I cry and I do not feel any better when stop crying. Maybe she cries in private when no one is around.

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@Happy2BeMe (99353)

• Canada

23 Jan 19

Some are like that. They are good at controlling their emotions in public but when they are alone they cry when others can not see them. Some see tears as a sign of weakness. I am an emotional person and I do cry especially when a loved one passes away.

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

24 Jan 19

I admire those people who are in control of their emotions. Just like you, I am also an emotional person. Even just remembering the sad moments of my life would bring tears into my eyes and I try to hold them back when I am in public by a handkerchief.

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

25 Jan 19

@Happy2BeMe We are just human, that is why.

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@Happy2BeMe (99353)

• Canada

24 Jan 19

@SIMPLYD memories will do that to me too

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@banksim (5347)

•

23 Jan 19

we can only pray to god

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

23 Jan 19

Yes, that is given.

I find it weird that even her children haven't seen my mother-in-law cry or even shed a tear. Maybe in the confines of her bedroom she does.

1 person likes this

@banksim (5347)

•

24 Jan 19

@SIMPLYD ok my friend may be

1 person likes this

Nevena Zivkovic

@Nevena83 (66063)

• Serbia

24 Jan 19

I'm very emotional and I often cry.

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

25 Jan 19

It only means you are sentimental ?

1 person likes this

Nevena Zivkovic

@Nevena83 (66063)

• Serbia

25 Jan 19

1 person likes this

@Sheali (7461)

• India

23 Jan 19

I don't easily cry.. I don't know why but if I am surrounded by many people, I can't cry I cry only in front of my parents or close friends

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

23 Jan 19

Maybe my mother-in-law was like that. Though, even with just us, she wouldn't cry or even get teary eyed. But I am thinking, she got tired already of taking care of him, since even if he has a caregiver, it's her he would always call to change her diaper and even go to the toilet.

@Sheali (7461)

• India

23 Jan 19

@SIMPLYD may be

1 person likes this

@cupkitties (7421)

• United States

23 Jan 19

I learned to hide my emotions over the years. My kids had never seen me cry til now. Last month I had to go with someone I love to the hospital because of an over dose. That was the first time in ages I was unable to hold back tears

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

24 Jan 19

I think, we are just humans who cry but would hide it as much as possible. Unlike you I become teary eyed when I remember of the sad times of my life. Though, I only cry in our bedroom when I am alone and I feel so lonely.

1 person likes this

changjiangzhibin89

@changjiangzhibin89 (17239)

• China

23 Jan 19

I think that having dementia is the reason why she didn't cry over her husband passing away.

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

23 Jan 19

But her daughter said that even when they were kids they haven't seen her ever shed a tear.

1 person likes this

@hereandthere (45628)

• Philippines

23 Jan 19

maybe later when she's alone in her room, she will.

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

23 Jan 19

I think so too. Well, she said she was just holding back her emotions, maybe because there are lots of attendees. So she cries inside her bedroom. She doesn't like to share his room anymore, ever since he cannot go up the stairs anymore.

1 person likes this

@wolfgirl569 (135690)

• Marion, Ohio

23 Jan 19

She might not even understand anymore. Or she could have already dealt with a lot of it. I cried when my mom passed. But it was a relief when my dad passed. I cried a little but not like I did for mom. But dad had not been good for several months and I was dealing with it every day a little at a time. That was the difference.

1 person likes this

@Deepizzaguy (122133)

• Lake Charles, Louisiana

25 Jan 19

I cry when someone who I love and is close to me passes away. I also take solace that I will reunite with them in the next life.

1 person likes this

@responsiveme (22923)

• India

26 Jan 19

She must be a private person

1 person likes this

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

27 Jan 19

In that way, maybe. She is actually a dominant person. She likes her decisions to be the one to prevail, even now that she is demented.

1 person likes this