To tell or not to tell - that is the question
By Judy Evans
@JudyEv (382542)
Rockingham, Australia
January 16, 2020 8:44am CST
The photo has nothing to do with the text but is another of our beautiful banksias.
We’ve just come home from another International Film Festival film. However, I want to talk about the first one we saw which was ‘Farewell’ where a Chinese family gathered together back in China after learning that the matriarch was suffering from lung cancer and not believed to have long to live.
The family were at odds over whether the old lady should be told, or not told, that her time on earth was limited. It seems the custom in China is not to tell a person such news but to try to pass off their complaint as something else.
The family who came over from America, and in particular a grand-daughter who was close to her grandmother, were in favour of being honest with the woman and the film explored the tensions between the family.
So I’m wondering: If you had a choice, would you tell someone near and dear that they had a terminal illness or would you prefer to keep it from them? I think in these days it might be hard to keep a diagnosis from a person.
18 people like this
18 responses
@sprite1950 (30461)
• Corsham, England
17 Jan 20
I love the picture, itlooks almost as if it has been plaited.
It's difficult to say whether I would tell someone they were terminally ill. People deal with bad news in different ways. Some would want to be told while others wouldnt. It think it would depend on the character of the person and the depth of my relationship with them.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (382542)
• Rockingham, Australia
17 Jan 20
@sprite1950 Times have changed and I think most would want to know about it now.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (382542)
• Rockingham, Australia
18 Jan 20
@sprite1950 Me too - and most Westerners would feel the same I think. Maybe, as the lady in the film was in her 80s, there wasn't much that needed to be put in order. I found the culture difference interesting.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (382542)
• Rockingham, Australia
17 Jan 20
The mother's sister, who lived with her, had managed to intercept the reports. And actually the one doctor in the story, again a very traditional Chinese person but young, agreed she shouldn't be told so that was another interesting factor. He managed to dodge the issue.
1 person likes this
@dgobucks226 (37621)
•
17 Jan 20
Difficult hypothetical. It really depends on the person and how they would handle it. In my view I think a younger person would be better equipped to handle a terminal diagnosis.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (382542)
• Rockingham, Australia
21 Jan 20
@dgobucks226 This was more to do with cultural influences. It was interesting and raised a lot of questions.
1 person likes this
@dgobucks226 (37621)
•
19 Jan 20
@JudyEv I guess individuals and even cultures deal with it in their own way. With family involved it makes one's choices that much more complex.
1 person likes this
@DocAndersen (54399)
• United States
16 Jan 20
that sounds like an amazing film!!!!
1 person likes this
@DocAndersen (54399)
• United States
17 Jan 20
@JudyEv yeah we watch the Sundance channel, they focus on art films rather than commercial releases!
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@JudyEv (382542)
• Rockingham, Australia
17 Jan 20
@DocAndersen That would suit us too.
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@RebeccasFarm (91297)
• United States
16 Jan 20
I had to do this very thing with my Mother RIP a difficult choice but best told.
1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (91297)
• United States
17 Jan 20
@JudyEv Is it now Judy..interesting.
1 person likes this
@crazyhorseladycx (39503)
• United States
16 Jan 20
depends'n the person? some jest give'p when faced with such, others choose to battle. i dunno how one'd keep such from someone these days? here y'ave gotta sign papers fer anyone to be privy to yer medical info, e'en a spouse.
fer myself, i'd wish to know so's i could get my 'ffairs'n order. perhaps e'en do a bit 'f livin' that's been put off.
what a beautiful flower!
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (24066)
• United Kingdom
16 Jan 20
Mostly we would not withhold that kind of information from a patient as they may have things that they want to put in order before they are unable to do so. We would discuss their options. Everyone has the right to know their prognosis.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (382542)
• Rockingham, Australia
17 Jan 20
I think so too but that didn't seem to be the case in Chinese culture. I found the arguments for and against very thought-provoking.
@Butterfingers (66603)
• India
16 Jan 20
I think it's better not to mention because those affected can be shocked about it
1 person likes this
@hostessman (11871)
• Tucson, Arizona
16 Jan 20
if it was me i would want to be told about it
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@Marilynda1225 (91169)
• United States
16 Jan 20
I think I would want to know even though I suspect we know in our hearts if something is wrong with us. Telling someone else in the family would depend on how much time they have and what kind of care they would need. I guess I would tell them.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (382542)
• Rockingham, Australia
17 Jan 20
I think, in Western culture, most would tell their family member. The film brought up some interesting questions.
@JohnRoberts (109841)
• Los Angeles, California
16 Jan 20
I think the age of the person would be a great consideration in the decision.
1 person likes this
