How can a mom not know that her 18-month-old child is speaking?

@TheHorse (238355)

Walnut Creek, California

January 7, 2021 2:19pm CST

Several kids were missing at the preschool this morning, so I spent a good deal of time with my young buddy, Tamir, the 18-month-old I mentioned in yesterday's post about the autistic girl I work with. Tamir's language skills are quite advanced, given his age, and I mentioned that to my friend, the preschool's director, this morning. To my surprise, she told me that his mother had said that the child was not speaking yet. I don't usually use TV in my work, but Tamir and another child were engrossed in an education kiddie show when I arrived, so I just went with the flow, and watched the show with them. When the other child went with another teacher to do on-line school, Tamir and I watched the show while playing "Where's Tamir?" (He would hide inside a little tent, I would say "Where's Tamir?", and he would dramatically poke his head out and laugh.) As we watched the show, I took out a pen and paper and wrote down every word I heard him say. In an hour, I record seventeen words, including the following: ball, dog, cat, oh oh, whee!, apple, 'nana, wha' dat?, and baby. The director said she would give the list to his mom, so she could work on those (and other) words with the child. I found myself surprised that the mother did not realize how rich her son's language development was at an early age. It made me wonder if they were spending enough "quality time" together. Any thoughts?

13 people like this

11 responses

@star_disgate (911)

• Phoenix, Arizona

7 Jan 21

I hate to say this, but a lot of parents these days just put the kid in front of the T.V. and don't pay attention to what they're doing or learning. While I do watch T.V. with my 3 month old, I also interact with him during it. The mom might not work with him or he might not be comfortable around her. It's good though that you are working with him!

7 people like this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

7 Jan 21

I have seen that in my work. If it's developmentally appropriate TV, I'm OK with it, especially if they watch with their child and "discuss" what they're watching. It's almost (but not quite) like reading a book together.

5 people like this

@star_disgate (911)

• Phoenix, Arizona

7 Jan 21

@TheHorse It sort of is like reading a book together, they just get more of the visual with the Television. My son watches what we watch, but he is still young. I turn on educational shows or cartoons for him during the day. He loves it.

5 people like this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

8 Jan 21

@star_disgate As a musician, I hope you let him listen to "good" music too.

1 person likes this

@Torunn (8606)

• Norway

7 Jan 21

Maybe she's one of the parents with a close relationship with her mobile phone? There's some very weird parents around. Maybe this is the opposite case of the ones I've been meeting. "My son/daughter has to take math and physics, 'cause he/she has to study!" although the kid can't and won't do simple algebra and really should learn carpentry, painting houses or taking care of peope.

4 people like this

show previous comments

@Torunn (8606)

• Norway

8 Jan 21

@TheHorse At least when they over 15, you'd expect the parents to have some clue about the strengths of their child, and maybe also what they want to do with their lifes. Although many teenagers don't really have a clue themselves :-)

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

8 Jan 21

Yes, parents have to be sensitive to their child's strengths. Not every child is going to study physics or play piano or violin.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

9 Jan 21

@Torunn That is very true. I am glad I went to a liberal arts college, though. tI gave me more "lenses" through which to view the world.

1 person likes this

Show more comments

@LadyDuck (502729)

• Italy

8 Jan 21

Considering that the kid is only 18-months old and sent to a kindergarten, of course his mother does not spend enough quality time with him. Working mothers often are too tired to spend time with their kids.

3 people like this

show previous comments

@LadyDuck (502729)

• Italy

9 Jan 21

@TheHorse Day Care is not exactly the same as kindergarten... it's a matter of age of the kids, I think also in your country.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

9 Jan 21

@LadyDuck Yeppers. Here, kindergarten is the beginning f "forma schooling," though a lot of play is involved. Preschools and Daycares apparently differ in terms of licensing requirements.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

8 Jan 21

Good point. Heh. We call it "Day Care" here. She accepts kids of all ages.

1 person likes this

Show more comments

@wolfgirl569 (135966)

• Marion, Ohio

8 Jan 21

She cant be paying any attention to him at all. Hopefully it has not all been learned from watching tv.

4 people like this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

8 Jan 21

I did wonder about that. As I mentioned in another response to a comment, I've seen parents put their "wobblers" in front of the Kardashians--totally inappropriate for a developing brain.

1 person likes this

@wolfgirl569 (135966)

• Marion, Ohio

9 Jan 21

@TheHorse Tv can be good for short periods of time. But too much of even good shows is not.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

9 Jan 21

@wolfgirl569 I agree.

1 person likes this

@RasmaSandra (98106)

• Daytona Beach, Florida

8 Jan 21

I have no idea but could it be a mom who thing that her autistic son is backward and does not wish to know anything about his progress which would be sad because it seems he could develop quite a lot given the right care, love and understanding

3 people like this

show previous comments

@RasmaSandra (98106)

• Daytona Beach, Florida

9 Jan 21

@TheHorse then I have no idea what that mother is thinking and why she would not engage with her child

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

9 Jan 21

@RasmaSandra Me neither.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

8 Jan 21

This particular child is not autistic. He is actually very bright and engaging, with much eye-contact and a good sense of humor.

1 person likes this

Show more comments

@Fleura (35092)

• United Kingdom

7 Jan 21

Strange isn't it - many parents can't wait to tell you what new word(s) their child learned on a day-to-day basis! Others I guess just tell them to keep quiet and not interrupt their texting. Who knows? Presumably his parents are not the best otherwise he wouldn't be getting this attention from you, would he?

4 people like this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

7 Jan 21

I treat all kids the same. I do wonder where his good language development comes from. I get grumpy inside when I hear parents tell their kids not to be curious about the world, and/or prop them up in front of developmentally inappropriate stuff like the Kardashians.

3 people like this

@BarBaraPrz (51838)

• St. Catharines, Ontario

8 Jan 21

Maybe he doesn't like talking to his mom.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

8 Jan 21

I have not met her.

1 person likes this

@vandana7 (102698)

• India

8 Jan 21

Are they English speaking folks?

2 people like this

@BarBaraPrz (51838)

• St. Catharines, Ontario

8 Jan 21

I wonder that, too.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

8 Jan 21

Yes, they're Black Americans.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

8 Jan 21

@BarBaraPrz The answer is "yes."

2 people like this

@jstory07 (148771)

• Roseburg, Oregon

8 Jan 21

Most parents are to busy working to realize what their children can do.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

8 Jan 21

That makes me a bid sad. Kids' development is so rapid and delightful when they're young.

@JudyEv (382431)

• Rockingham, Australia

8 Jan 21

The Mum is on her phone all day?

3 people like this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

8 Jan 21

She could be one of those cell phone addict moms. I'm not sure.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

9 Jan 21

@JudyEv Heh. Then she should take a parenting class. Single word utterances are and early stage in of "normal" language development.

1 person likes this

@JudyEv (382431)

• Rockingham, Australia

9 Jan 21

@TheHorse It doesn't sound as though she interacts with him a lot but perhaps her idea of 'talking' doesn't include just single words.

2 people like this

Show more comments

@LindaOHio (222726)

• United States

8 Jan 21

The mother should be spending quality time with the child and definitely reading to him. For a mother not to be aware of the child's vocabulary is upsetting.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (238355)

• Walnut Creek, California

8 Jan 21

I agree.

1 person likes this