Goodbye, sweet baby.

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I'm having trouble still not crying. This morning when I woke up, Angel was bleeding from her backside. I called her regular vet, but they were booked solid, so they reccomended an emergency vet that was here in town. After calling a couple of people, the pastor offered to take me there, and she was inside a long time while the pastor and I waited in the parking lot. I thought I had forgotten my phone, so I gave the vet the pastor's number, and he called him when they figured out what was wrong. They said she had a sore by her "bum" which is what was bleeding, but they also found problems with her liver. :( The doctor said they could do this or that, but I didn't want Angel to live and be uncomfortable, plus I didn't have the money for a lot of procedures, so I decided to have her put down. It was the first time I'd ever had to make that decision myself. The vet gave her a sedative in another room, then brought her into to the room where I was and let me spend time with her. They gave me a little "beeper" to let them know when I was ready for the vet to come in and put her down. I spent about 15 minutes with her and told her I loved her and that she was my sweet baby, though from the sedative she wasn't herself, of course. Finally I pushed the beeper and the vet came in and did what he did, then they let me stay with her. After about another fifteen minutes or so I decided it was time to go. A nurse apologized for asking me to pay the bill, but that was okay, then she asked if I wanted Angel's ashes, or they could do her pawprint. We've never kept any of our dogs' ashes, but I did opt for the pawprint. When I got home, two of the ladies I sometimes met with their dogs were out front talking, so I told them. A lot of people there knew Angel, and I'm not looking forward to going for solo walks and running into them and getting asked, "Where's Angel?" but someone I spoke to on the phone this evening said that that might actually be theraputic. It might--right now everything's still fresh. So, I'm going to be crying a lot for about a week, I'm guessing, maybe less, but... That's how my day's gone.