How do you say ‘no’ to people?

@Fleura (28949)
United Kingdom
July 6, 2022 7:08am CST
I’m not very good at saying no when people ask me to do things. This has got me into a few awkward situations in the past, when I made something for a friend as a little joke, and then others asked me to do the same for them, or I did some work for one person and then someone else talked me into doing the same for them, but for a lower price, creating awkwardness. Nowadays I am trying to be more firm. This has just come up because a couple of years ago I was asked to do some work for a foreign student, let’s call her Naida. She was a colleague of a person I had previously done some work for, who was lovely and had recommended me. So I said yes to Naida. But when I explained my terms and prices she haggled and complained that she didn’t need such intensive work, only a brief glance which would take only a short time. So I agreed to half the usual price. Of course when she actually sent the work it turned out to need a lot of intense scrutiny. I pressed ahead anyway, since she obviously needed help. But then she started to hassle me about it, emailing me after a day or two (when I had already explained that normal turnaround time is one week), then after a few hours, and finally even calling me repeatedly at home at 10 pm or later! I was glad to hand over the finished work and wash my hands of her. Of course she didn’t pay even the reduced rate and I had pretty much written that off as being worth it to see the back of her, but finally almost two years later she did actually pay the majority of the fee. But now she is back asking for my help again. I just don’t want to go back there. I have politely explained that I think it would be better for her to find someone else, and suggesting a range of providers. I really hope she finds an alternative! Have you ever had to deal with awkward people like this? All rights reserved. © Text and image copyright Fleur 2022.
9 people like this
11 responses
@Beestring (13072)
• Hong Kong
6 Jul 22
I haven't dealt with such awkward people before. I'm now doing some freelance work. My clients are reasonable people. I normally reject work which requires a very tight deadline because I don't want too much stress. I can just let them know without any problem.
3 people like this
@sjvg1976 (41134)
• Delhi, India
6 Jul 22
@Fleura Most of the time we hesitate to say "No" to the friends, not clients.
2 people like this
@Fleura (28949)
• United Kingdom
6 Jul 22
That's good. I should have just said no in the first place if she wasn't willing to accept the normal terms, but I felt obliged to help because of her friend.
3 people like this
@Beestring (13072)
• Hong Kong
6 Jul 22
@Fleura Saying "no" in the first place would avoid problems afterwards.
2 people like this
@yanzalong (18987)
• Indonesia
6 Jul 22
I am afraid I haven't dealt with such a person.
3 people like this
@Fleura (28949)
• United Kingdom
6 Jul 22
That's good, I hope you never meet any!
2 people like this
@m_audrey6788 (58487)
• Germany
6 Jul 22
Sorry for having a bad experience with people like that. I do helped someone but I always tells them that I will only do what I can do, if I can`t I will ask them to look for other people who can help them better
2 people like this
@Fleura (28949)
• United Kingdom
6 Jul 22
I should have been more firm.
1 person likes this
• Germany
6 Jul 22
@Fleura Yes
1 person likes this
@sjvg1976 (41134)
• Delhi, India
6 Jul 22
It's with me also. It's tough for me to say "NO" to people and that's the reason many people take advantage of me. A few years back I had a close friend who asked me to lend him some money I had to give him. A few days later a friend of his asks me for some money as he thought I will pay him too. I was in a dilemma about what should I do but as usual, I could not say "NO" to him. But he didn't return my money. I got a lesson but for a few days, still, I find it difficult to deny things to the people
2 people like this
@sjvg1976 (41134)
• Delhi, India
6 Jul 22
@Fleura Money is the cause of bitter relationships. I had many such instances when did not receive my money back and lost a friend. These days I try to avoid any money transactions with a friend.
1 person likes this
@Fleura (28949)
• United Kingdom
6 Jul 22
@sjvg1976 You are right. I guess you can just say 'Sorry, money causes too many problems, I have given up lending any'.
1 person likes this
@Fleura (28949)
• United Kingdom
6 Jul 22
That is a difficult situation. Some people just take advantage. And then of course you are wary of helping anyone ever again. A long time ago my father lent some money to a friend, but he didn't get it back and then lost contact with the friend - but then, many years later, out of the blue he suddenly received a letter with a cheque! That was a nice surprise (although it would have been even better if the friend had added a bit extra as interest for all that time!)
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (455008)
• Switzerland
6 Jul 22
She only paid hoping that you would have helped her again. You are right to be firm, this person is rude.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (455008)
• Switzerland
7 Jul 22
@Fleura She wanted to show you that she is someone who pays, but how long did you wait to be paid? I would not help her again.
1 person likes this
@Fleura (28949)
• United Kingdom
7 Jul 22
@LadyDuck I was a bit surprised, firstly because her friend/colleague (who recommended me) was so lovely, and secondly because she was a student from Saudi Arabia studying in the UK, so I did not think she would have much difficulty in finding the money!
1 person likes this
@Fleura (28949)
• United Kingdom
6 Jul 22
I think you are right. I don't want to deal with her any more.
1 person likes this
• Smila, Ukraine
7 Jul 22
I think the best way is to say: "I'm very busy."
1 person likes this
@Fleura (28949)
• United Kingdom
7 Jul 22
I guess that does avoid the issue! As long as they don't say they are willing to wait until you have time.
1 person likes this
• China
7 Jul 22
It was mean of her to do so ! She had the cheek to ask for your help again !
1 person likes this
@Fleura (28949)
• United Kingdom
7 Jul 22
I did not appreciate her attitude. I can say no, I have other clients!
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (93525)
• Marion, Ohio
6 Jul 22
When she started harassing me I would have gave her the items right back and told her I was done. Just tell her you will not do it for her.
1 person likes this
@Fleura (28949)
• United Kingdom
6 Jul 22
I hope that now she will just go away. She will probably say bad things about me but there are a lot more potential clients in the world.
1 person likes this
@xFiacre (12541)
• Ireland
6 Jul 22
@fleura I wouldn’t feel bad about saying no to such people - they’re obviously sufficiently thick skinned to take it. I’d also always carry on me a print out of costs etc to hand to anyone who asks a ‘favour’ and tell them to give me a call if they were happy with the conditions. Then walk away.
1 person likes this
@Fleura (28949)
• United Kingdom
6 Jul 22
You're right, I should have said no at the beginning, it was just that her colleague had been so lovely and appreciative that I expected better!
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (323744)
• Rockingham, Australia
7 Jul 22
There is no way I'd help her again. I read once to just keep saying 'no', politely but firmly. Don't feel obliged to give a reason. If you do, they can come back with a counter-claim. Of course, it's easy for me to write this!! Good luck but I do hope you won't give in.
1 person likes this
@Zufaqar1 (246)
7 Jul 22
Some say no it's Useful for us. But the current we didn't know.