Navigating the blended family
By TheRealDawn
@dawnald (85137)
Shingle Springs, California
July 21, 2022 10:55am CST
Boyfriend doesn’t like seeing my daughter’s boyfriend walking around the house without a shirt. He thinks it’s disrespectful to me, and I also think he doesn’t want me seeing that much of her boyfriend’s body. The young man has a physical problem with heat. Anything over 70 degrees, actually, but when I talked to him, he agreed to wear a tank top at least. This avoids me having to deal with a blow up, as the boyfriend had been kind of simmering over about this.
So then yesterday my son walked into my bedroom without a shirt on his way to take a shower. My boyfriend spoke to him really sharply about not wearing a shirt. It was so harsh, you could see my son just stop abruptly and his face was shocked. Boyfriend has mentioned this before, but like I said, son was on his way to the shower and just wanted to ask me a question.
Boyfriend has this tendency to use this harsh, “you’re in trouble”, type of voice, which triggers my son to apologize when he hasn’t done anything wrong. I don’t like anybody hurting my kids, and wouldn’t it be nice if the BF would say things in a more normal tone. Son is 21 and boyfriend has been in the picture 10 years, so son is mostly used to this. Don’t want to be overprotective mother, but don’t want to put up with my kids being treated badly either.
Please analyze.
8 people like this
8 responses
@misunderstood_zombie (8765)
• United States
22 Jul 22
I would be furious at him for talking to my son like that, no matter what his age is. Everyone deserves respect when being talked to.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jul 22
@misunderstood_zombie BF may have meant "wear a shirt" but I guarantee you my son heard "you are in trouble". Sigh.
1 person likes this
@misunderstood_zombie (8765)
• United States
23 Jul 22
@dawnald It's not the always the words but the quality of someone's voice.
1 person likes this
@Fa_Maverick (9491)
• Australia
22 Jul 22
Your boyfriend is crazy insecure to me. I mean it is your daughters boyfriend and your son walking around the house without a shirt Jesus.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Jul 22
I don't particularly like seeing my daughter's bf shirtless, and if he has to wear one, it's fair that my son has to. I just have a problem with how it was said. Bf doesn't treat my son any different than he did his own kids, but he has to remember that my son has autism and that he doesn't pick up on things the way everyone else does. But yes, there's definitely some insecurities there.
1 person likes this
@Fa_Maverick (9491)
• Australia
23 Jul 22
@dawnald Yeah the boyfriend needs to relax honestly does everyone need to wear a shirt while swimming too? If my mother got weird about my partner not wearing a shirt and disrespected him I wouldn't tolerate it. It is their torso it isn't like they're waving their bits about in the air for all to see.
@celticeagle (189833)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Jul 22
Glad you were able to work all this out. I can see BFs point too.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189833)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Jul 22
@dawnald .......That's only right. Nice that it got worked out.
@MarieCoyle (59198)
•
21 Jul 22
I don't think I could live with someone this demanding, but that's just me. Men don't always wear a shirt when it's hot. That's not disrespect. And your own son? He's your SON, he isn't flashing his body to his mom. He wasn't doing anything wrong and he got pounced on. Sorry...you must love the guy after all that time, I just don't think I could live with this. If anyone is being disrespectful, it's him.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Jul 22
I appreciate your perspective on this. I don't think it's disrespectful either.
@Mysticpizza (201)
• United States
16 Aug 22
That's a tough one. Has this truly always been the norm or is BF possibly dealing with some internal struggle that is making him react more harshly. I find that I do that and my husband does that when we are in turmoil in our heads over something. Just a thought.
1 person likes this
@Mysticpizza (201)
• United States
16 Aug 22
@dawnald yes, that's rough. Always something occupying your mind. ??
@JudyEv (382021)
• Rockingham, Australia
22 Jul 22
It seems like the boyfriend has different standards to young people nowadays but I'm not sure what you should do about it. Maybe explain, probably again, that it doesn't really bother you and he shouldn't be making it his problem.
