Grief Can Cause Confusion.
By Marie Coyle
@MarieCoyle (28518)
September 23, 2022 11:36pm CST
A friend of mine lost her husband last weekend, he dropped dead of a coronary. It was very unexpected. They live about 125 miles from me. With my son being sick this week, I didn't feel like I could leave. My son also wanted to go to the services, as this is the parents of one of his best friends. But we didn't tempt fate and didn't go. We sent our condolances and explained, and left it at that.
She just sent me a message, said it was so, so good to see my son at the visitation, and what was wrong that I didn't come along with him? Umm....he was here with me, miles from that funeral home, during the services. I hated to tell her it wasn't him, but it just wasn't. Did she just imagine it, or mistake someone else for him?
I didn't ask. But it does make me wonder.
13 people like this
10 responses
@DaddyEvil (137142)
• United States
24 Sep 22
Either she wanted to see your son so badly that she put him into her memory as being there or, if your son was asleep at the time, he was there in his dreams and she saw him. *shrug* Can you prove either one of those "theories" is wrong? Can you say empirically that I'm wrong?
3 people like this
@MarieCoyle (28518)
•
24 Sep 22
No, I can't prove it and would not try to. I think most of us have had similar happenings, when we were sure we saw someone and it wasn't them, but we were sure it was. She has had little sleep for a week, and is deeply grieving, so anything is possible. Thank you, you said what I wanted to say.
3 people like this
@snowy22315 (169966)
• United States
24 Sep 22
With what she is going through, she probably barely knows if she is coming or going.
2 people like this
@1creekgirl (40523)
• United States
24 Sep 22
It's easy to understand being confused while grieving. I would just let it go. She was pleased to think she had seen your son.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (40523)
• United States
25 Sep 22
@MarieCoyle I'm sure she knows you both would have been there. Under the circumstances, it probably was better to explain she was just mistaken rather than wonder why you weren't there.
@MarieCoyle (28518)
•
24 Sep 22
I had to tell her the truth, because she and I are so close for so many years, and she couldn't understand why HE would come without me, as she knows how ill he has been and he cannot currently drive that far. There is one other friend there that looks a lot like my son. I am thinking that is who she saw. Both big men, very tall and have brown hair and a brown beard.
We certainly would have gone if we could have.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (118442)
• Gainesville, Florida
25 Sep 22
I'm sure there is a lot of confusion and mixed-up feelings and emotions in her mind right now. It's possible she someone who resembles your son, and her brain just latched on to that thought and it became "real" for her. I wouldn't say anything to her at all about it, she's got enough stuff on her plate right now.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (118442)
• Gainesville, Florida
25 Sep 22
@MarieCoyle Oh no, that doesn’t sound good. How’s her health?
@MarieCoyle (28518)
•
25 Sep 22
I fear she could grieve herself into the grave. They did everything together, always.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (28518)
•
24 Sep 22
She is very thankful they had many years together, they really complimented each other so well.
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@HomewardBound (551)
•
25 Sep 22
Grief can really mess with a person’s mind, she must not remember hearing from you. Maybe you can get together when your son is well and she’s had time to process the loss she has suffered. Being with friends can be so healing at a time like this.
1 person likes this
@HomewardBound (551)
•
25 Sep 22
@MarieCoyle Yes, she’ll need your visit more when everyone else has gone on with their lives.
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@MarieCoyle (28518)
•
25 Sep 22
@HomewardBound
I thought so, too. Once all the people are gone, she will need her good friends around her. Thank you.
@MarieCoyle (28518)
•
25 Sep 22
Yes, we will make the trip there when my son is more stable. Plus she has so many people around right now anyway, it would be hard to visit.
1 person likes this
@peachpurple (13884)
• Malaysia
24 Sep 22
No, i think he has mistaken someone else. Or somebody told her that yr son came. Not grief cause the confusion unless she has dementia
@oahuwriter (26780)
• United States
25 Sep 22
Me too, who was it that your friend saw, then. You couldn't go, though, your son and you had to stay home. Maybe, when time is better, you can explain to your friend, about it and find out, who looks like you're son? Up to you.
1 person likes this
