I Just Realized Something...
By celticeagle
@celticeagle (180459)
Boise, Idaho
August 21, 2025 2:50pm CST
I have been married 4 times. Most of those were to learn from them, not much love to be had. But, what I realize now after being long out of these relationships is that 3 out of the 4 were abusive and had gaslighting in them. The weird thing about this is that I didn't learn what gaslighting even was until just a few years ago. After I had divorced and been away from them for years. All the manipulation and mean words. "You're too sensitive!", "Everyone thinks you're weird." "I was just joking." ETC. As I look back (not often believe me) I realize that I was gaslit so much of the time. I was made to feel like an idiot. Like he was the only one who knew anything. Some I married because I felt they were teaching me things and I felt so dumb. Now I know better. Isn't that weird? What a realization.
14 people like this
11 responses
@LindaOHio (203175)
• United States
22 Aug
I'm glad you knew to get out of these relationships. You had a really tough time. I'm so sorry.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (180459)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Aug
I kept picking the same personalities too. Gheez!
2 people like this
@celticeagle (180459)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Aug
@LindaOHio .......I sure do. I don't put up with much now.
2 people like this
@kaylachan (79863)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
21 Aug
It's not, it's normal. Most people enter toxic and abusive relatinships, because they don't know they are. Usually until they are well and over.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (180459)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Aug
Looking back I could kick myself, some of the behaviors I put up with.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (180459)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Aug
@kaylachan ......No, I doubt that I am.
2 people like this
@kaylachan (79863)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
22 Aug
@celticeagle I am sure you're not alone.
2 people like this
@sjvg1976 (42501)
• Delhi, India
22 Aug
"I was just joking" is very common sentence which we husbands use and sometimes it really means but wives are really sensitive as they don't understand the joke.
But I am glad that you got out of those toxic relationships. Some people don't gather a courage to speak out and make their life a hell.
But I am glad that you got out of those toxic relationships. Some people don't gather a courage to speak out and make their life a hell.2 people like this
@celticeagle (180459)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Aug
And many men don't understand the sensitivities of women. They don't realize that things they say can be hurtful.
1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (93688)
• Arvada, Colorado
23 Aug
Yes it takes us many years to realize the severity of the abuse..I know exactly what you mean.
I had one of them tell me this...
"You will never get old, you will always be beautiful."
I thought that was a compliment, but I think what he meant was I would never live to be old coz he'd kill me.
He nearly did.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (180459)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Aug
Goodness. Those types sure can manipulate and mess with meanings. I'm sorry you endured such things.
1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (93688)
• Arvada, Colorado
24 Aug
@celticeagle Yes so charming to entice you, then make your life a misery. Thank you friend I too am sorry you had such experiences.
@psanasangma (7919)
• India
23 Aug
I am sorry you must have gone through a lot. I am glad you have come out of it.
"You are too sensitive" and "I was just joking" phrases always carry a meaning. It really hurt a lot whether these are said among the friend circles or closed ones.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (180459)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Aug
Yes, they do. I don't think a person can ever be "too sensitive.
2 people like this
@LeaPea2417 (38536)
• Toccoa, Georgia
21 Aug
What about husbands who always says to the wife how hot so and so is on the TV? I know a woman who feels like she can't compete, like she is not quite as good as the bombshell on the TV.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (180459)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Aug
I had one who did that. I'd tell the husband that he'd also have to take the attitude with the supposed good looks. Many of the 'bombshells' have real attitudes.
2 people like this
@allknowing (154216)
• India
22 Aug
You waded through them all and that is a feat
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (180459)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Aug
I think so. Looking back I could kick myself.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (89737)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
21 Aug
Some of my biggest problems with relationships was due to my mom wanting me to live my life according to her rules. Later we became good friends but there were rocky moment, This was during the time we lived in NYC,
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (180459)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Aug
Oh, I hear that. My mother was very overbearing and I had a major fight with her gaining my independence. Later we were great friends.
1 person likes this
@Fleura (32846)
• United Kingdom
21 Aug
That's quite a realisation, I mean couldn't you learn from people you knew without having to actually marry them?
But yes, 'gaslighting' wasn't really a term, in fact it wasn't recognised as abusive behaviour until very recently.
Anyway I hope you are happy now, whatever your current situation.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (180459)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Aug
What would be the adventure in that? I am very happy.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (180459)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Aug
Exactly. It's like I'm dumb. Just ignorant of this back then.
1 person likes this
@aninditasen (17685)
• Raurkela, India
22 Aug
I should salute you that you had the patient to marry four times. I am a widow now and was married for 34 years to my husband. I should say I am living in peace now. No adjustments.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (180459)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Aug
I just thought I would learn something from each. Wasn't married to them long.
