When you're trying to reconnect with a person but realize the person wasn't there for you

@valherma00 - I understand very well your feelings. Some people are there only to receive and never to give back. I supported my brother, I helped him when he divorced, I took care of his daughter when he was alone and later he became aggressive and even avoided to talk to me. I moved on, but I feel sad and angry.

I agree that it's bullying and there is no trust.It is sad how in the day, a woman just wanted to settle down, found a man who didn't love her enough and then she got kids and every emotion she didn't get from husband or a respect, she emotionally threw at the kids. Older child was maybe spared and was good at so many things, self-centered as well, but younger didn't understand why was it always passive agressiveness in the house. One day you are loved, the other, they behaved like you did something wrong, while you don't remember it. You were tolerant and suffered so many things, waiting to be noticed and cherished a bit and you learned late and on your own, that you shouldn't fight this hard just to be loved or heard. The last words that were spoken to me were, i am here for you, silence,if you need money.not there for me for free, for just supporting me.2emotions that i felt for so long were feeling ashamed and angry.

@LadyDuck thank you for understanding. i am sad too that he acted like that, when you really were there for him.i hope the feelings you feel will disappear one day or they won't trigger a bad memory anymore.i wrote this post actually about my mother while my sister never helped me with anything, told me to help myself and when she did help me,she made me to leave or asked me not to reveal that she is my sister.the last time when she "helped me",she called ER instead of listening how i'm feeling and i won't ever forgive her for that.she didn't even apologize.she really hated apolozing and thanking me,saying she already did that.removing yourself from people's lives, they can't hurt you anymore.the only satisfaction.

When you got depressed sentence doesn't mean that person still suffers from depression or that was ever the case;do you suffer or have experience concerning that, if i may ask? I wonder, what is wrong for just once speaking up for the person, if you've done that for her, to help out? Of course people are not mind readers but if someone after so many years spent together doesn't even know basics about you,then what is the point in doing everything, while that person enjoys the free ride, in a way. Talking doesn't solve everything and can lead to constant repetition without a solution. Can i ask you, is it okay to watch someone being humiliated and you just standing there, like you're not with that person? Thank you for your opinion.

@valherma00 Yes, I've delt with depression. I also know about things like the bystander affect, and other things. Without seeing how you two act over a period of time, I can only give my opinion based on lived experience, lessons learned and my own personal struggles. I know how someone suffering from depression thinks. I also know what it can be like when you're the on the outside looking in so-to-speak. The bystander affect, basically means when something is happening (eg: someone falls on the sidewalk) most people will walk right on by afraid to get involved. Their mind is telling them, 'someone else will handle it'. Your friend or family member could very well be using this same manataility when she's with you, and something happens to you that you perserieve as humilliating. In her mind, she's thinking you'll either speak up, or the problem wi will resolve itself. In both examples, the person who's standing by has the same fear: fear of ridicule or conflict. In the example of someone falling on the sidewalk, the fear is they could be really hurt and moving them could hurt them worse. Or, the person staged it and ready to shoot if you help. Or, in the middle, and lash out and fight you for helping. In your example: her fear is that you'll lash out and be angry with her for stepping in and fighting your battles for you. Or, that she's doing more harm by enabling your reactions to whatever's going on. It's not always black and white. I know you might not think talking helps, and you're talking to a brick wall, but it's not always about the words used but rather how they're used. Let's take your example about her standing by and you being humilliated one step further. Another thought that could be going through her mind, is that her stepping in will make you feel worse about yourself. If you want her to stop being a bystandaer, then simply ask her 'Hey, next time this happens again, please help me and speak up for me'. It may help resolve that particular senerio. Again, there isn't enough to say for certian if this person is toxic, or if this person is acting normal and doing what nine out of ten people would do.

@kaylachan i asked her many times to step in after some situations were uncomfortable for me but she said sorry and continued with her old behaviour. i feel no situation can solve on its own. our relationship is not steady for years. i feel it's comfortable for her to stay in the same pattern. no, it's not black or white but navigating person isn't my job. she said that i should tell her how to behave. like in that taylor swift song, i gave so many signs. i can't do for others things they don't do for me until i stop breathing.

@valherma00 Caring from a distance can sometimes be the healthiest choice. Please take care of yourself and trust your feelings. Sending you a hug from afar.

@annierose i will, i have to, in fact. thank you. i am sending you a hug back

Same patterns are repeating and it makes you feel very uncomfortable. Caring from the distance might be the best.thank you.

it's been on and off for years, this kind of communication and she doesn't express a will to change or adapt.last night, after i wrote a message that i am not sure how can i communicate with someone i can't trust, she sent me today a photo of her cat, not mentioning earlier talk at all. just hide it under a rug policy.

@valherma00 Sometimes things can't be fixed, no matter how much we want them to be. I'm sorry that's happening. I don't know what else to say.

@DaddyEvil thank you. We can't find all love in this life,even if we badly want it.

I don't know what came to me.i was having a good day, maybe wanted to check if things changed and after a couple of messages we exchanged, feelings of feeling sick and uncomfortable emerged and words in my mind that is too late.it is kind of hard making new friends when you haven't had real friends before.everyone wants a perfect version and with having no stable job, a topic which is on everyone's mind, i don't fit in that box.and don't let me start about non existing love life.i can only laugh