Attempted Murder?

@webeishere (36377)
United States
June 12, 2007 11:32am CST
As a lot know I am an alcoholic. I have been clean and sober since 4-6-91. Now when one sobers up there are danger signs, red flags if you may say, that one has to watch for or get rid of. My main red flag was and still is my younger brother. He is totally blind and uses that as an excuse for his drinking and drug problem. Well when I first sobered up I tried to remain friends with my brother but his drinking and using was too much a temptation for me. So I therefore decided that even though we were good friends as well as brothers I could not hang out with him anymore. Nothing worse then not associationg with a close relative. Anyhow this went on till about 4 years ago. I had not seen nor talked to him but a couple times in 12 years. Since dad got ill I can't refuse talking to him and filling him in. Let me say this about my brother also, in my eyes, even though I love him dearly, he is not a man. Not close at all. he has a history of abusing women. Both his wives left him due to the beatings. Now the meat of this topic.....My brother lives in Superior Wisconsin. Not a big city but not too small either. So this made the local news big time I understand. I just got a call from my Neice ToTo. She told me dad (Jim) was in jail. Evidently him & his girlfriend got into a huge heated argument as usual. he threatened her. Then he set the couch on fire in their apartment building destroying the whole place. I understand, but am not certain, it was an 8 unit building therefore displacing 8 families etc. Now he is in jail and goes to court today. ToTo, my niece, had to pick up her son from her ex today so she couldn't make it to court. But she says he isn't charged with attempted murder. (yet) Today was just the charging phase. So this is going to be a huge family discussion to say the least. I have not heard if there were any injuries or not either. Like I said this is all just coming in to me. Thanks for letting me babble about family problems. All this after my talk of being a pyro and my bonfires too. HAHAHAHA!! How ironic huh? HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
20 people like this
25 responses
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
12 Jun 07
Hi Bob, you were right and you know it, your brother has to come to believe, and accept responsibility for his actions, and you agonizing over it is hot going to make one bit of difference. Only he can change, and as you well know no one can make him do it or do it for him. And as for remaining in his presence, he has destructive tendencies, and dose not care who he brings down,and you are informed enough to not get caught in that vicious cycle. It is sad, because you and I know the answer is a phone call away, and yet we are held helpless watching some one lose this battle. We can only spread the word, we can not make any one obey, that is a personal decision. Stay strong my friend.
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
12 Jun 07
I don't associate with him so I am not sure of his address but from what I understand it was just his unit that was damaged. And minor at that. So searching thr news from his area this is all I found that may have been it. I still can't get ahold of my niece ToTo. Here's the link to what I THINK is the story so far. More added when I find out more. http://www.northlandsnewscenter.com/Story.aspx?preview=&type=ln&NStoryID=6354 HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@TerryZ (22146)
• United States
12 Jun 07
Oh geez and I thought my family was a pain in the butt. I think he will be charged with murder for doing that. Thats a serious thing. Hey I can understand you not talking to your brother. I want to say congradulations on being clean and sober for that long. Good job my friend. Keep it up.
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
12 Jun 07
Thanks very much also. Now ya wanna hear another one.... I have a half brother thats been in prison since 1969 for murder. I've seen him once in my life when I was about 21 or so. HAHAHA! Does this murder thing run in families? I hope not as I worry about my son. HAHAHA. Just kidding there about my son. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
3 people like this
@tredale (1313)
• Australia
12 Jun 07
well done on knowing your red flags I think this will go a long way in helping. I am sorry for you family problems as I know first hand how they can be miles away and still feel like yesterday. As for your younger brother I think its normal the way you felt and still feel. Its hard to express him any real care at this stage but as for you stay strong and keep the flags at bay you have a wonderful record 91 I truely hope you get through.
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
12 Jun 07
Oh this is no where near making me want to use or drink again. It's been 16 years and I am too strong to let this happen at this time and stage in my life. Thanks also for the kind words of support also. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
3 people like this
@Fishmomma (11599)
• United States
12 Jun 07
Sorry to hear your having family troubles and makes me realize my troubles are minor with my family. One of my family members recently passed away and now two members are mad because certain items weren't left to them. I think its sad and believe people should not be fighting and should be trying to work out problems calmly. Good luck with your troubles. I can understand that you want your brother to change his ways. Sadly, we can't always convince other family members to change their bad habits. I sure wish we could as my brother was told to lose weight by his doctor, but he hasn't been losing any weight.
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
12 Jun 07
Well let me say this about wills and family members relating to my brother mentioned here. That's the only reason he started calling me was when my dad became ill and I took him in to care for him. He wants to make sure he doesn't miss out on much when dad does pass away as he is worth a bit more than any of us expected or knew. But he is in for a rude awakening when that times come as he is getting very little actually and me and my oldest brother are geared for a big court fight if needed. Thanks for the response also. I don't care if he changes his ways. I just care about those he hurts. I am not one as I gave up on him years ago actually. I just dread hearing this even though we knew something was coming soon once again. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (90290)
• Marion, Kansas
12 Jun 07
Yes, but grandpa Bob, you have let yourself be changed, and it seems never have had some of the problems or habits that your brother has. Will they be asking you to testify for him? Have you told your Dad yet? I am such a nosy busy body, I would ask you a hundred more questions. It is sad that your brother has allowed his lack of sight to cripple him in all of his life skills. I have a very close friend who is blind, but is very productive. He lost his vision as a preemie, who had to have too much oxygen. That often causes vision problems, even today. You can come on here and babble all you like, your friends will listen, and if nothing else give you a pat on the back, say a prayer for your situation, or, like me, babble right back. All the best. I know you control your bonfires.
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
12 Jun 07
dad said, "I aint helping that axxhole." HAHAHA! That's the whole families feelings. he knows noone will bail him out etc. ToTo may visit him that's about it. I don't think Jim would ask his atty to ask me to testify as I would only speak the truth and that would hurt him in court. Hahaha!! Yes I do keep an eye on my bonfires. A close eye. Hmmmmm fireeeee, Flamessss! Ahhhhh!! Hahahaha! HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (90290)
• Marion, Kansas
12 Jun 07
I was concerned that it not cause your dad grief. At some point we each are responsible for ourselves. He is such a mess.Happy ranting.
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
12 Jun 07
Yeah dad is okay with it as he never has let anything any of us kids do affect his life. HAHAHA!!
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I'm so sorry hon. I can't imagine what you are going through right now thinking about your brother. I sincerely hope his girlfriend is ok, along with the rest of the families. Keep us posted, ok? (At least your bonfires aren't situated in a piece of furniture....are they? LOL Just kidding hon.)
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I just started a discussion called "My Brothers Story" Go read this one with the newspaper story link added.
@charms88 (7546)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
Hello grandpa. I think your brother needed to straighten up himself and start being a man again. I'm sorry to hear that you are involved in another family crisis. But truth to tell, your brother needs a splash of really cold water to sober up his mind. I hope wherever this trial will lead to, everything will be back to normal like before. You did the right thing by staying away from your brother. Granted, he is your flesh and blood, you are wise enough to do the right thing by moving on.
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
13 Jun 07
Yes I did good. Now I am going to be better and not ALLOW him in my house at all. Sounds harsh but it's what I have to do I feel. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@howard96h (11665)
• New York, New York
13 Jun 07
Thank God no one was killed or seriously hurt. What a burden this must be putting on everyone. Seems like your the backbone in the family keeping everyone going. Stay strong Grandpa Bob.
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
13 Jun 07
YEAH SEEMS i AM THE BACKBONE AS OF LATE. tHT'S COOL BY ME. i CAN HANDLE IT. aFTER ALL i AM grandpa bob!!~ HAHAHA
@jennybianca (12918)
• Australia
13 Jun 07
Ahh, now I see the story. When I read your other discussion about your brother, I was a little confused. Your brother must be a very confused man, & fails to se that not only is he destroying his own life, but others as well. He will end up with no family. I can understand you not talking to him. My husband has not talked to one of his older sisters for very many years. If she is going to be present at a family function, then he won't go.She has said & done some very bad things, & the latest I can't even print here. So, yes, I see where you are coming from. I guess you just have to hope that your brother gets the medical help he needs.
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
13 Jun 07
Ahhh glad to see ya made it here. HAHAHA!!! He is beyond confused. He has been this way almost all his life sad to say. Let me say he isn't destroying my life. He just threw a wrench into it for a few days is all. HAHAHA!!! He doesn't run my life nor will he ruin it if I can help it. Thanks also. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@susieq223 (3742)
• United States
13 Jun 07
Gosh, Grandpa Bob! Reading about your family is better than watching soap operas! That is some story. Let us know how it comes out!
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
13 Jun 07
Well let's see now.....write a book about my carnie life, then seLl the rights to my family story to a TV producer. HAHAHAHA!!! HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
• United States
12 Jun 07
Grandpa Bob, I am so gald you are not drinking any more. My heart goes out to you, I bet your heart hurts, for him and his family. What a wasted life, I hope this is a wake up call for him and he gets his life straighted out. I hope this is bottom for him. I am glad he did not kill someone. I am worried about dad, how is he taking all of this news? Does dad even know what your brother did can he even comprehend the megatudite of your borthers actions. I feel family needs to be their for each other, but I also feel family needs to not to bail each other out and saving each other. I feel your brother needs to go through this. I am so sorry for you and your dad.
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
12 Jun 07
Well his daughter tries her best to avoid him but he is her father. Hahaha! As far as me my heart goes nowhere anymore for my brother. he made his mind up years ago and the only feelings left are the feelings of love as a brother and thats it. The friendship, caring, respect, trust etc all shot in the arm due to his choices. he made that choice not I. Thanks for the response as well its appreciated as is the compliments. dad knows and doesn't care one way or another as he also gave up on him years ago after he stole from him as well as other family members. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
12 Jun 07
First of all CONGRATS on your yrs of sobriety!!! My husband has been dry for a good wow 20 yrs now and I have been dry off and on (its still a struggle in a way but I'm far more under control after a recent 10 months on the wagon)....It is definately about changing your whole life too..even if that means not seeing ppl you love, care abotu and are close to..in any case BRAVO to you Grandpa Bob!!!! now on to your brother..so he hasnt been charged with attempted murder "yet" but could he be? would it be against the other tenants or the against the gf?? Wow thats crazy....Luckily (as it stands) nobody was hurt!!! OMG an 8 unit building with I imagine neighbouring buildings and if that fire had have gotten out of control who's to say what could have happened.... This may sound harsh and I'm sorry ahead of time but maybe prison will do him some good ya know....he could get clean and sober for starters and also get help he may need for anger issues etc via group in prison ya know....I realize that sounds kinda mean and like I said I dont mean to be at all....
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
12 Jun 07
Thanks for the grats and for a response also. It is all about change. the hardest part as far as near family is that I know whom I am now being sober. But my wife and daughter still fear the old me coming back. They fear I may drink again. I know that for TODAY I won't drink so I am okay with that. One day at a time is the only way to stay sober for me. As far as the fire etc I am still waiting to talk to my niece to get the final details. I fear it's been blown out of proportion but one never knows. HAHA!! HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@aidonia (4210)
• Greece
12 Jun 07
Reading all your story more than once (because of my bad English)I couldn't stop myself thought only one person....your dad.I hope he doesn't know anything from all these.He is him son and him health not so good too so he doesn't need such bad news. |Anyway I wish the best for father first ,for you and all your family and last for your brother.(maybe he just needed a good shake to wake up). PS: You can babble when ever you want here.It's always nice to read your discussions even if I need spend long time lol:
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
12 Jun 07
Thank you very much. I get my attitude from my father so I told him right away. he is okay with it as he knows he isn't going to help him either. Thanks for the well wishes for us all as well. Your english is fine by me. I have very little trouble in figuring out your words. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@Logos_1 (52)
• United States
12 Jun 07
Your younger brother is not only physically blind, he is also, spiritually and psychologically blind. Being blind is the number one reason why he should not drink. He needs extra help of all other senses. No excuse at all for his drinking. If he stops drinking, he has some chance of decent living. Only under that condition can you, elder brother can take him in and synergize with him. If not do not compromise at all with him. He might make your cross heavier to carry
1 person likes this
@sjohnson628 (3197)
• United States
12 Jun 07
OMGOSH! This is terrible news. I am sorry to hear this Grandpa Bob. I just don't know what to say. Hopefully he won't be charged with attempted murder but I do know it is a very serious charge! Especially since it wasn't an abandoned building...there was people's lives at stake here. I'm at a loss for words right now.....:(
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
12 Jun 07
No problem being at a loss for words. I can only imagine if I read this about someone else on here I'd be at a loss also. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@Sherry12 (2475)
• United States
12 Jun 07
I'm so sorry you are having to go thru this. I know you can't help but be concerned about him, but remember it isn't your problem. You are doing great with your life, so don't let what he has done bring you down. Prayers are with you and your family.
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36377)
• United States
12 Jun 07
Thanks for the prayers. But my brother is BEYOND prayers. He needs a miracle I feel. Hahaha! Thanks again it's greatly apperciated and needed actually. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
12 Jun 07
Geez, how can you stand all this boredom in your life? lol. Making a bonfire is one thing, but setting a couch on fire in an apartment is something totally different. Let me get this straight. Your brother drinks, beats women, is blind and regularly goes nutzo and gets out of control. Hmm. Compared to him, I am the boringest man on the planet. What does he do for fun? lol. And he has a girlfriend that puts up with this crap? Even though he is family, I can understand why you don't hang out with him. That takes a lot of guts to make a choice like that. We may not have much in common because I was never a regular drinker, but April 6 is my birthday. So you picked a great day back in 1991 to get your life back. Regards and many happy campfires.
1 person likes this
@happymommy3 (2014)
• United States
12 Jun 07
Oh wow, what a story! Good for you first of all for thinking about yourself and staying away from temptation. I'm sure it must be so hard and hurt not to be able to see your own brother but you can only help people so much then they have to do the rest of the work on their own. Even though your brother was in another state where this all happened it must be affecting your whole family greatly. I am going through some things in my family as well, not as serious, and it's difficult at times because it feels like it changes your whole world too, even though you had nothing to do with it. I really hope he isn't charged with attempted murder, and finds some serious help. God bless you, you and your family will be in my prayers:)
1 person likes this
@djbtol (5501)
• United States
13 Jun 07
Sounds like a mess. I wish you the best as you attempt to help your family.
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
13 Jun 07
I also have a brother that has an abusingproblem. He keeps changing what he is abusing though so it is hard to give him a "name" I am sorry that u have to go throuhg this, but you seem to still have both feet on the ground and look at it for what it is. I hope that it all will work out, sooner or later.
1 person likes this