I feel bad I just told a 12 year old she can no longer be around my girls.
By TriciaW
@TriciaW (2441)
United States
July 8, 2007 3:35pm CST
My heart breaks a bit for this little girl but the last straw made it no other choice for me. I have to be a mother to my own daughters first. Last night in our small little town all heck broke loose due to 2 young girls. Fires were started, flowers were destroyed, cars were keyed, a semi was broken into and sinks flooded the little shelter at the park. All this done by 2 girls 12 and 14. People in town saw them this time. The 14 year old is the one that had threatened my daughter and her friends all younger and much smaller then her. The 12 year old was one I didn't trust a lot but allowed her in my home because her mother wasn't mothering her. To the point she only attended school 5 times in 3 months last year and was kicked out of school at the end of the year. I always felt sorry for her but she does know right from wrong and I have talked to her about bad behavior in the past. I have grounded her from coming over for a few days before due to behavior but this time I had to tell her it was done. She was not to be around my daughters anymore. I now worry about what will happen to this little girl but I believe I have done all I can. I can not take the chance anymore that she won't be with my daughters and do something that will get them in trouble. It is just sad to me and I struggle if there was anything else I could have done.
9 people like this
23 responses
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
8 Jul 07
I think you've done all you could. you tried to be nice to her and talk to her about her behavior, and you've grounded her from coming over before. I wouldn't want someone who did stuff like that to be around my girls either. Hopefully she will learn from this.
@sturner03 (326)
• United States
17 May 08
You can only do so much a good person to talk about this would be sisterjinx she has alot of experience with those situations.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (85661)
• United States
9 Jul 07
That must have been hard. It sounds like you have been more of a mother to her than her real mother. Maybe she will see the consequences of her actions and maybe turn around her life. If not, at least you know you did all you could. And that you did right by your daughters. : )
@eden32 (3973)
• United States
8 Jul 07
I think you've done all you can for this girl & you're right, your daughters well-being have to come first. Perhaps you can keep an eye on this girl, and if you see that she's changed her ways invite her back in the future. But I wouldn't get my hopes up that that will happen.
1 person likes this
@KATRINKA (1624)
• United States
8 Jul 07
I understand your guilt, but you did the right thing and put your own daughter's safety first. It is unfathomable to me how kids so young can be so destructive. Where are the parents? I was so sick to my stomach when I heard about two pre-teens kidnapping a toddler. I hope they didn't hurt him.
I would be like you, worrying about what will happen to the little girl you sent away, but I would be more worried about what she might do to my family or to my daughter because of it. If the 14-year-old has threatened your daughter before, it could be possible she will or the 12-year-old will. I'm not trying to scare you. These are the thoughts coming from a mom. It's summer, so for now you can keep a closer eye on your daughter. But I'm worried about what will happen when she goes back to school. Can you trust your school to protect her? Then again, if these girls cause any more destruction, they may be picked up and sent to a juvenile detention center. Do you know anything about their family life?
My thoughts are with you and your family.
@llewrah2k5 (8)
• United States
9 Jul 07
i have to agree about being cautious about her still comming around. once a kid gets a taste of the bad side, and comes from a bad home, they're gonna stay that way because that's all they know, and that's the only way they feel accepted. maybe they'll grow out of it when they get older, but i doubt it. kudos on being a great mother. =)
@phoenix25 (1541)
• United States
16 May 08
Wow, if those were my kids...they would be in big time trouble. Where are the parents while all this is happening? I really want to know why someone hasn't called CPS or DHS on the mom since her kid is hardly even going to school. That's terrible. Props to you for trying to help out this girl, but I think no amount of niceties from concerned neighbors is going to save this girl from a long, troubled life.
1 person likes this
@mansha (6298)
• India
17 May 08
Talk about similarity. I had recently posted a discussion about my nieghbour's son. Though now they have left on a month long trip but day before leaving her son bit my son on hand so badly that the skin came off and hand swelled next day. It was paining him a lot. I was so mad at her for not discipling her son that I never even went to say bye to her before she left. She also never came and apologised to me for her son's behavior. I have decided that now I am nto going to allow her sons to play with my kids anymore. Everyday my son comes home crying and in pain because either of them have hit him. I have now had enough and once she is back from trip I have to speak to her to either discipline her kids or keep them away from mine. Sometimes you have to take stern steps , you just can not help it.
@bambi_doe (566)
• United States
9 Jul 07
It sounds to mean like you were her gaurdian angel when know one else was. If she chose to continue the bad behavor then it was not your fault it was her own mothers. If she truely had your family in her heart she will come and at least appoligise for her behavor. Then and only then will you be able to somewhat trust her again. If she does not do this then there is no more you can do for this child. After all you do have to protect your own family from making the wrong mistakes in life. Give yourself a hug and here is one from me HHUUGG and just note that you did your best. Hugs
@GINAGINA (12)
• United States
9 Jul 07
Why would you feel bad?? Oh heck no, that little girl is 12!! She definitely knows right from wrong. It is NOT your responsibility to care for each and every child/teen that happens to come your way. You are a mother to your kids first and that's what you're doing, protecting THEM from the wrongdoings of others. Please don't feel bad/guilty. That kid will be an adult in 6 more years and you've done what you can to protect your own family. You are not a shelter, psychologist, or child welfare to worry about other people's kids. Also, if it's THAT bad, then you would contact someone to take care of the problem. I know I may come off a little harsh (seems you are a very nice person)- but it's the truth, you did fine on your part, take care of your own.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
16 May 08
tricia you did all you could without being the childs mother
and its sad that a mother cannot raise a child to respect
other people and the rights of others. that mother needs
to be taught how to be a good mother or else bive her child
up to people who can raise her as she should be raised.The authorities should be told about this child and the child taken away from a negligent mother and given to someone who will love andtrain her the way she deserves.
@choudhary03 (943)
• Hyderabad, India
15 May 08
You did all you could do. You cared for her but inturn it is their parents responsibility. Dont you think that talking to her parents makes more sense than talking to that poor girl. But you did a right thing for that girl also because she will know what is right from wrong.
@twinrachel (215)
•
28 Mar 08
Unfortunately as a mother you need to put your children first. It is nice that you have tried to help the child but unless she gets help from all of her influences (including her parents) it is difficult to know how much influence you could possibly have. I woudl certainly have done the same thing as you in your situation.
@Maggiepie (7816)
• United States
17 May 08
Kudos on doing the right thing for your daughter. But there actually IS "one more thing" you have the power to do -- report that girl to Child Protective Services.
Clearly, she is NOT being decently parented, & if the State gets hold of her (& any siblings), they could find her a decent, watchful, loving home. Whatever is calling itself a parent in her life is not fit to hold the title.
I think she's JUST at the cusp of being unalterable. If she were placed in a good home RIGHT NOW with parents who are patient but firm, she stands at least a CHANCE of coming through this time of life relatively ok, even now becoming a good citizen.
But I still wouldn't let your kids hang with her, until & unless she shows profound change.
Maggiepie
@jrsmith (292)
• United States
18 May 08
Maybe your local DFACS could help in this situation. Where I live children services will step in if there is a legitimate problem and all complaints has to be investigated. Give them a try. Also keep close eye on yours because sounds as if these girls are into a lot with no limitations to what they will do, and I worry that they will jump your kids sometime. Contact your DFACS and hope they will step in. Maybe a good foster home will help. If not sounds as if they are headed to juvenile hall before long. Good luck and I keep ya'll in my prayers.
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
9 Jul 07
It is sad that you had to put your foot down, but you don't want your daughter thinking that she can do those things. The girl may come from a home without much of a mother but she still knows right from wrong. In my opinion, you have done the right thing. You don't want her talking your daughter into doing things that will get her in trouble.
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
9 Jul 07
You have done the right thing by keeping this girl away from your daughter. The influences she would bring will be nothing but negative.
Hasn't anyone turned these girls into DSS? I am wondering how they can cause so much havic and not have any authority step in.
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
9 Jul 07
This girl needs help! I don't blame you for keeping her away from your kids, but shes desparate for help. Is there no institution available to help abandoned Kids? In canada we have the Childrens Aid. she could be put in Foster care. Our school system would take action if she didn't attend school. A truent Officer would look into it and take proper action. Do try to find some help for this poor child, please!
@crazypumpkin (501)
• Philippines
9 Jul 07
I understand how you feel. But you are right, you are a mother first to your daughters. It's not your fault she turned up that way and you already did what you can do to help her. But if you still feel guilty I guess phoning a social worker to get her help will do, but since she already got into trouble I bet a social worker is already on her way to look into her case.
@sharonercastillo (888)
• Philippines
9 Jul 07
i understand that you are being a mother first, before anything else, dont feel guilty for that.. but i should say dont give up on the child, she's still young, there still so much life ahead of her.. if you dont trust her around your kid, is there anyway you can help her without letting her into your house,,... maybe there is..
@KraZyDaIZy (42)
• United States
9 Jul 07
DO NOT feel bad. We all have choices... we all have to live with those choices. If you really tried to help these girls before, then you did your part. The only thing you can do is hope that your daughter does not follow in the path of her fellow destructors. Those girls need a reality check, maybe you banning them from your daughter will be the start of it!
