I'm better than your ex!

I suppose it is natural to wonder about the ex a little bit, particularly if the gap between your partners' last relationship and the one with you is a short one. A lot depends on how much your partner talks about his or her ex. I once had a brief relationship with a lovely man. We got along very well together, there was a definite rapport but after a while it became clear that he hadn't really gotten over his last lover. This wasn't because she was "better" than me, just that he had split up from her before either of them were ready, there was still love between them. I let him go and told him to see what could be rekindled there.

I'm not like that. Frankly I'm the kind of person who doesn't really want to know about the person I'm withs path. I mean of course if they were married/divorced/widowed/with child/have stds...etc... that of course I'd like to know. However, what the ex looked like, who was better at this or whatever I'm certainly not interested in. My ex constantly talked about one of his previous ex's from 2 years prior. She was "the only girl he ever cared about". What a wonderful thing to hear right? She cheated on him. Broke his heart. The only girl he cared about. Saying this right to the face of his current girlfriend. He'd also talk about other previous ex's like they were psychotic. He didn't know a thing about my past and oh how I wished he'd stop talking about his. He's my Ex.

I always try my best mot to compare the past from my present. Since I do not know what goes on a girls mind, I try my best to make her feel secured and well-taken cared of. I believe that comparing one from the other will not do good, just having a thought of it makes me feel sick already. For me, I always make myself feel contented on what I had and for who I am with as of the moment..

I too have compared myself to my husbands previous girlfriends or lovers. I would ask him who was the better lover, who he thought was prettier, who treated him better, even who he loved more. I sometimes do it to this day, even after 3 years. He always says to me, "look who I'm with, you." Whenever he says this to me, I realize I am the better one, because he chose to marry me, not those other girls.

Congratulations on your long-term relationship. Nowadays it's difficult to maintain one. Congratulations also for being friends with his ex. I think that's quite difficult to do. That means you now feel completely secured. I don't think I've been in a situation where I had to feel insecure with an ex-bf. What's important is that I feel that she loves me. It's even okay if she would talk about him often. Maybe both of us can learn from their previous mistakes. As long as I love her well I'm sure I will emerge better than the ex!

I have been in this situation from the other side. I came from 2 abusive marriages. I got councelling and took time off from dating to focus on raising my girls. I have grown very strong and independent and I have no tolerance for abuse in any form. I have dated some men that were controlling and overbearing. When I end the relationship, they say, " you should be grateful I didn't beat you! You have to admit i was better than he was to you!" Its as if they think I have lower standards because of what I came from. I could avoid this by not sharing my past but it cuts to the chase. Their true colors come out real quick. Thankfully not all men are like this!

hehe, I do not have this problem since I am the first serious girlsfriend that my bf has ever had. W ehave ben together for a year and a half and we are iving together. I have never felt competition with him =) he felt a bit insecure in the beginning since I had a relationship before him that lasted 4 years - but he knows now that he has nothing at all to worry about =)

I have resolved to stay single forever. No more competing with others. No more jealousy. Just me, myself & I.

The problem is, he/she isn't going to tell you you're not better than the ex. So the competition thing is worthless. Still, I understand feeling the need to compete, or try to be better. But if doing so turns a person into someone you're really not, are they prepared to keep up with that charade for a long time? It's best just to be yourself and not care who's better.

Well, sad to say I never experienced becoming a friend to my boyfriend's exes. ( He had a few relationships before me..)Yes, I admit that there was really a time in my life that I tend to compare myself to his ex's which I know is not a good attitude at all. As you've said, "He found me and there's no competiton there" and you are right about that. I need not to compete myself for them. I think I already have proven that to him. I just don't know why but my bf's exes were really not comfortable being a friend of mine. They just simply don't like me until now. Why is it so?. Well, whatever their reasons maybe, I do respect that. I don't have to try to hard too to become a friend of theirs. I can deal with that anyway. ;)

I don't experience this kind of situation but as far as I know it's a normal feeling that there's always a comparison between the past and the present relationship... For sure both parties are working its best for the better not to have another mistake again if there is...

I know what you mean. When I was still in college, one guy that I date, his ex just so happen the kids of wealthy person in my country. i said she's little bit snob. And she went to same college just different major with me. Somehow I just sensed that she hadn't get over it yet. So there was little bit "competition" there. but after a year me and him broke up. And she dated another guy, and whatever "competition" just gone in the air

Hi mean_queen, its good to hear that your friend with your ex-boyfriends ex, some people usually can't face those kinds of reality because of insecurities, but on your part you did good :)on my part on the early years i felt the same, tryin to compete with my girlfriends ex-bf, but somehow i also realized im a much better person than her ex, my gf showed me these thru her actions and feelings towards me, so now no more insecurities :)

Hi mean_queen! I think its usual to try to compare one person to another, but I think it's not good in relationships, not when it looks like you competing to beat someone, because you don't need to do it. I guess that it's just to afirm the relationship but if you do it, then the person will never really forget the ex. Never was in this situation, but I think I won't like it anyway. Just my opinion. =)

Well though I have to admit that these feelings are natural but I also would like to add that I'm kinda different here. Well right now I am single but when I was in a relationship I never used to try to act more like or better than my gf's ex because I believe that we all are unique and posses certain qualities that other people should respect. I would want a girl to like me for who I am rather than to like me for what I pretend to be, it's a huge difference when you come to think of it and not only that but you end up losing the real you and before you know it you are just a confused person not knowing what went wrong. Well those are my thoughts ^^

I don't compare myself to anyone else. I may compare my boyfriend to an ex-boyfriend (which I shouldn't) but not the other way around. I figure that his exes couldn't have been that special if they're not around anymore. The past is history. It doesn't matter anymore. The here and now is what counts. For some reason I always find myself thinking I'm a lot better than any of the ex-girlfriends my boyfriend had. I automatically think I'm better so I guess I feel I don't have to compete. Plus, my boyfriend says I am too. :)

I used to do this a lot when I got back together with my boyfriend. We first started dating 7 years ago, and after we broke up he met a girl and was with her for 3 years. Everyone always talked about what a perfect couple they were. I remember shortly after they got together, his brother brought a picture of the two of them sitting on my ex's new motorbike and told me about all the things they had in common. I was so upset, and I wanted to just let him go, but I didn't want to lose him altogether, so we stayed in touch by email, mail and the phone a few times a year. when we got back together a few years ago I could tell she still had a hold on him, so I told him I couldn't stand being #2, when by all rights I should have been his #1 (first love, first serious girlfriend, first lover, etc) so we broke up for a short period of time. He came back to me after he got his life figured out, and for the longest time I would think I would never measure up to the standard that he and his ex measured up to -- the perfect couple. They had tons of things in common, his family adored her, and she was this thin, petite successful woman. Now that I realize the 3 years they spent together wasn't all happy (or even remotely happy for a lot of it) and that he hated how much effort he had to put into being with her, and that I'm 'the best thing that's ever happened to him', I feel a lot better. I may not be thin, blonde and successful, and I may not love Bikes/Star Wars/Scuba Diving like she did (and he does), but if I can make him happy, I must be doing something right.

u may b better tan ex but i dont think will be as the real one

well ok..maybe i am different from others. Actually and to be honest, i have never act to be "somebody else" just to win his heart or to prove that i'm better than his ex.No! i wouldn't do that. In fact,from my experience,all the guys who was trying to get involve with me, they act like that.I mean, they try to their best in front of me and i knew for sure that that's their trick. I did that because i don't want to be somebody else.I just want to be accepted just the way i am. That's my principle! so i will let a guy to know me from the first time.If they're fine with who i am, then they will go on.but if not,well..it's up to them.it's their problem,not mine!

I don't think everyone will be comparing that to their EX. It is very much depends on that particular individual ...But one thing is, its not good to do comparison with Ex and current partner ... Every person is different and some GF/BF will not know their ex .. WHat i mean is that they will not know what kind of person is for their ex ....