my kids are out of control

United States
July 20, 2007 10:25pm CST
hello every one if you could have some ideas it will help a lot i have two kids one is 31/2 and the other is turnning 5 on july but they are both out of control, i ask them to take a shower around 4pm and i'm screaming up my lungs about 6pm asking them to please do as i said nothing works i cut down on things that they like but it does not seem to affect them at all. please help i'm getting to tire specially when it's time to go to bed. i don't look like myself and i feel sick from no sleeping so please help.
2 people like this
12 responses
• United States
21 Jul 07
I feel your pain. I have a 12 year old son. He's Autistic. He requires routine at all times. I set a firm morning routine and he follows it. I would strongly suggest, setting them to a routine. If you want them to shower or take a bathe at 4pm, then make sure they do that every single day, at the same time. Make a chart of some sort. They can't read yet, of course, so get a picture of a bathtub and put in next to 4PM on the chart. use some velcro and attach it to the chart. Once they complete their shower, maybe let them watch some TV or something. Then remove the picture from the chart and put in a little pocket to show that the task is completed. But, put it on the chart! Matt's school and camp both use these charts to tell the kids what they will be doing each day and at what time. They have no problems with him. Use this idea for any activity that you'll have them doing, whether is going out, watching TV or bedtime. And above all, remain calm! yelling doesn't help and then they win. Hope that helps you. good luck!
• United States
21 Jul 07
hi jolinar i've try a lot of different things i think this one it's sounds like its fun almost like a game thanks i'll think they'll fallow this one, thanks a lot
• United States
21 Jul 07
I saw this idea on ABC's the Supernanny, too. So, I think it would work wonderfully. What I forget to say, is that I don't really use a routine on the weekends, because even I don't know what we're doing at first, but still, you could change the chart around for the weekends, so that there is still a routine. Hope it works for you. And yes, it can be fun for the kids. Especially, if you throw in rewards for completely parts of the routine in a timely fashion. Give them little reward bucks or points. Say for every 5 points earned they get to watch some TV. Maybe 1 1/2 show. If they don't have enough points, they'll work all the harder to get what they want.:)
• United States
21 Jul 07
thanks again for caring
• United States
21 Jul 07
I agree with some of the people who have taken the more physical approach. I have 3 kids. My oldest, Ben, was rather difficult in his transformation from baby to toddler. He didn't comply with a lot of my loud 'requests', until I realized that God gave me two hands for a reason. My left hand held his left arm so my right hand could swat his butt. I never spanked more than once per time, I never had to. Also, I bet he can't remember more than 3 spankings in his entire life(he's almost 14). My girls Andie, 11 and Courtney, 9, were a bit easier, mostly due to the fact that I found my hands earlier. There is nothing wrong with a spanking once in a while, as long as it's not the first resort. It should be used as a tool to teach kids about action(or lack of) and consequence. If I took my kids to the store and they started acting up, the 1st warning was a spanking in front of everybody, then it became a trip to the bathroom so I could pull down their pants and spank their bare butt. It's amazing- I don't ever remember any trips to the bathroom(except under ordinary circumstances), and I don't remember needing to leave the store due to an unruly child. Bath time was no different. There is nothing wrong with taking your child into the bathroom, setting the water temperature to just a bit cooler than warm, and setting them in the tub, clothes and all. Lesson??? It shows them that they could have a comfy shower if they did it the right way, but since they decided to fight you, it will be done whichever way is necessary. I did it to my son once, he didn't like the cold clothes. The next night, he was in the bathroom getting undressed before I started the water. Parents shouldn't have to yell, we are the parents. The worst thing you can do is give in to them. If they act up in the store, put back one item they picked for every time they get out-of-hand. Don't take them to McDonalds for that Happy Meal, take them home and give them a PB&J. "Incidental Learning" is very important. "Good behavior results in great rewards!!" I used to say that to my kids. I still do sometimes.
• United States
22 Jul 07
hello jessigirl116 i try some of those punishment and it work for a while and then he goes back to no listening and that is when i lose my patience and star screaming like a warlock is going to get me but i will go back and try anything that is posible just for one day of piece of mind. thanks for the tip
@mejluvya (213)
• United States
22 Jul 07
spanking only works for so long because kids become tolerant to pain. I know I've been the recipient of the spanking method. I've never had to hit my children and I don't threaten to hit them. Consistency with rules is the best way to go. And another thing with the spankings, it may teach your children that violence is a good way to get what you want. Oh and I take that back about hitting my children, one time my son smacked me in the face (he was 6yrs old) I did hit him back and told him if he ever put his hands on me again it would be the last time he ever used them. So I was wrong when I said I hit my son but in order to get them to follow rules just be consistant eventually it will become routine for them and it will make your life easier as a parent.
@liyan97 (2128)
• Northern Mariana Islands
21 Jul 07
Hello there, I know how you feel because I have three kids of my own. I believe that you are still able to take control over them because they are still pretty young. I know that at times we don’t want to yell or try and correct them, but I also believe that you have to put your foot down now before they get older. I saw the other post about buying them bubble bath and toys and you responded with they won’t follow directions. Well, then is that is the case then you just have to be firm with them and no longer give then the choice of staying in the bath. You have to let then know that there is a time for everything and set a limit to their schedules. I hope in works out for you, I will admit that there are times when it seems to much for me to handle but I simply put my foot down when it is necessary.
• United States
21 Jul 07
thanks for your understanding and thanks for aswering my post all this ideas will help me keep calm. thanks
• United States
21 Jul 07
thanks for your understanding and thanks for aswering my post all this ideas will help me keep calm. thanks
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
21 Jul 07
HI there. I read thru all the responses and of all the advice you got, I have to agree that the yelling is maybe what is causing you to be so stressed and your kids to be so out of control. I have yelled at my kids when I have lost control and it really does no good at all. remaining calm...or at least giving off the appearance that you are is very important. One lady suggested a chart system. That is fun and does work also. I used to have those little colored stars. They earned their stars and when they earned enough , there would be a treat of some sort. Do you have a husband or friend that could give you an occasional break. Breaks are important in keeping from feeling overwhelmed.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
21 Jul 07
Yeah, I agree. Stop with the yelling and stuff. These are 3 and 5year olds. They don't really know what 'stress' is. You are wearing yourself out because you allow your temper to go out on its own. Remaining calm does sound better. Here's a funny story to keep you calm: Little Johnny's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad mentioned that if he so much as hinted anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears he would get the spanking of his life. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The new mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny." Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes." "Can he see?" asked Little Johnny. "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision." "That's great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be in trouble if he needed glasses!" =)
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jul 07
thanks for your response is tru i just stared yelling the past coupleof month and i realize how bad it is thats why i figure to get some advice from other parents and you guys are great thanks again
• United States
22 Jul 07
Go get the book 1,2,3...Magic. Trust me it will turn all things around.
• United States
22 Jul 07
who is the author of this book please
@ky1119 (699)
• United States
21 Jul 07
You've gotten a lot of great advice here. I just want to add one thing. You said once you get the kids into the shower, they won't come out, even staying in for two hours. Out of my three kids, my ten year old boy is that way. I don't have any problem getting him in the shower, just getting him out. I tell him when he gets in that his has 15 minutes, and then a 5 minute warning after ten minutes has passed. Then I go in the bathroom and tell him, it's time to turn off the water and get out. This is your warning. If he doesn't listen, I calmly go in the bathroom, reach in the shower, shut the water off and hand him a towel. I know some places you don't have to pay a water bill, but I have to pay one here and I can't afford for him to be in the shower all night. Just an idea for you.
• United States
22 Jul 07
thanks for your comments i really apreciate everyones opinion since it bring me back to sence thanks
@mejluvya (213)
• United States
21 Jul 07
I am currently having trouble with my 13yr old due to puberty. But I definitely can help when it comes to younger ones. I have three sons and screaming does not work it only gives you a headache. Stop screaming I know it's going to be hard but the best thing is time out no lie they hate it. And don't send them to their rooms. This is what you do. They get three chances. First time tell them what you want (stop running or no fighting or time to get in the shower) Second time tell them if they don't do what you ask they will get timeout and third time put them right into time out. Pull a kitchen chair out from the table nowhere near a wall or anything they can touch or kick. Sit them there for one minute for each year of their age (3yrs old 3min) don't talk to them until the time is up. Then kneel down and ask if they are ready to do what you ask (are you ready to get a shower now) if they say no tell them they will sit for three more minutes. Here's the hard part, when you first start doing this they will test you. Getting up, screaming, crying, anything to get their way. DO NOT FEED INTO THIS!! If they get up quietly pick them up and sit them back down and all you say is now you have to sit there for three more minutes. It will take forever the first few times you do it. But if you stay absolutely consistant with this, eventually by the time you get to "If you don't do what I ask you will sit in timeout" they will listen. Good luck and I totally understand because I used to be a screamer also once I lost my voice.
• United States
22 Jul 07
i remember in a supper nany episode they use that technique i'll try it too thanks
@ivyoon (673)
• United States
21 Jul 07
I watch that show "Super Nanny" a lot, and she's always harping on not screaming because that gives the children the upper hand, and they no longer take you seriously when you start screaming at you. In fact, they'll often laugh at you when you start screaming at them. Unfortunately, it's hard to keep your cool. You might try explaining to them why they need to shower, or if they're not the listening type, tell them that showering means they're doing a grown-up thing. Kids often like it when they're doing something "grown-up". You might also try giving them some incentive for getting done with their showers, say a small snack before bed time (nothing messy, lol, or they'll have to get back in the shower! :) If they know that taking their shower, and in a timely manner, is going to get them a snack, or another special treat, they'll be more apt to listen. I don't like doing this too often (I feel like I'm bribing them) but it can be very effective when you are at the end of your rope. Also, talk to your kids. Ask them why they don't want to take their showers. Sometimes they may have reasons, sometimes not. If there is a reason (sometimes fears/etc.) try to sooth them. If it is just that they don't like to listen to you, it is important to keep calm and tell them that you are only making them shower/go to bed/etc. because you love them. Kids like to hear that. If all else fails, I say take them into the shower (even if you have to get in there with them) and show them what needs to be done, and how long it should take them to do that. Kids are a constant chore when it comes to showers and bedtime. Good luck to you, and I hope I've helped.
• United States
21 Jul 07
i have to say everyone has been great with their advice it realy helpful and yes you already help by posting your answer a little advice from each one its going to make a different. thanks a lot
• United States
21 Jul 07
i read the other responses and you got a lot of good advice there. i can say that the yelling does no good. at the ages they are taking away things dont always do it either. we have found different ways of doing things around my house and it works for my kids but all kids are diffent and respond to things differently. when my kids were smaller we did this and it worked good. we made a chart of all the things we knew they had to do every day. like brush teeth, take bath, pick up toys in living room, my kids didnt like meat so we put down eat meat, most kids it is veggies lol, you know though all the things you are having to say to do every day. then i went and got little start stickers. i use a grade book that i got from walamrt. i explained that everytime they did what they were supose to do without me having to say it more then 1 time then they got a star next to that thing. we are big about not watching alot of tv so we told them once they earned 10 stars they got 30 mins of tv time. or they could save the stars for something specail. i made a list every month of things they could use them for. like 40 stars go to the movies, 30 stars go to what place you wanted for lunch one day. 100 stars go to the zoo. etc. the youngest was only 2 at the time so she didnt get what you could really do with stars just yet but she soon figured it out. once the oldest did what she should the youngest just followed. you know monkey see monkey do. its worth a try lol
• United States
21 Jul 07
wou i am glad i post this it will help me a lot i guess when you tire of talking to them specially after coming home from work i can't think, thanks everyone has been so helpfull and the ideas are great thanks a lot
• Belgium
21 Jul 07
isn't there in england a nany in belgium there is suppernany does it cals its on tv to
• United States
21 Jul 07
there is no suppernany in NYC but i don't think they are that bad, i seem the suppernany show and some kids hit there mom i have to repeat myself constantly but they don't trow things at me its more listening than anything that gets to me specially when i am tire and have to get up early to go to work
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
21 Jul 07
Why are you screaming? you are the parent if you want them to do something take them by the hand and lead them to the bathroom and tell them it is bath time, dont leave them on there own and expect them to just go about getting it done on there own. show them a little who is in charge by leading them into what you want done and hopefully things will be a little calmer for you and the children.
• United States
21 Jul 07
thank mrbrian i think it'll make a different if i do that i think i am talking to my kids like they are adult, thanks again
@azimsay (545)
• India
21 Jul 07
Today is SUNDAY and I told him to do his home work,but he want to see the cartoon on tv.I told him in good word but she is not listening me,afterword I old in firing word but he is not listen.