I'm all for saving money on postage by using email
By patgalca
@patgalca (18197)
Orangeville, Ontario
August 26, 2007 11:17pm CST
but this has me a little confused.
My nephew (step-nephew to be precise) is getting married in October. He is in his 30's. I believe the bride and groom are paying for most of the wedding but I don't know for sure. They are already living together and have been together 3 years.
I received an email at MY email address but addressed solely to my husband. My husband has a work email address that is used strictly for receiving memos. His only other use of the computer is for the plant machinery. He doesn't use the computer at home. He has no interest in it. So I am baffled that they addressed the email to him. But that is besides the point, sort of.
The email addressed to my husband told us that their wedding website was up and running and to click on the link and RSVP attendance at the wedding. Okay, who is invited to the wedding. My husband? My husband and me? Or my husband, me and our two daughters (11 and 14)?
The website, by the way, is very nice. But it also made me think that anyone could pass this lovely email with its wedding page link on to anybody in the world and all these strangers could RSVP to their wedding.
The invitation indicates cocktails at 7pm, vows at 8pm, party/dance at 8:45. That leads me to believe there is no meal, but I am sure they will serve food at some point because you can't serve alcohol and not feed people, right?
Am I being old fashioned in thinking that the invitation sent in the mail addressed to those invited should still be the proper etiquette for weddings, including the return RSVP card?
Also, I checked out the registry (yeah, everybody has a registry now too) and none of the items show pictures of what they actually are. I don't even know what some things are as they are described by the pattern or designer and some initials but don't tell me whether it's plates or glasses of coffee cups. There are a couple of items that come in sets of 4 and the bride and groom would like 6 sets. What the heck are they? I'm guessing wine glasses but I really don't know.
I know they are trying to save money by using email and a website but isn't this a little bit much, and perhaps a little bit dangerous as the invite could find its way around the world?
I have not RSVP'd yet because I don't know who in my family is invited (I'm assuming all of us). What do you think of the new way of sending wedding invitations?
10 people like this
15 responses
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
27 Aug 07
Oh dear I am all for new technology and all that but if they want to be so "new age" or whatever it wont hurt to write a short mail to say who is invited and all that. I prefer the old way of doing things as for presents I dont mind having registry as long as it is reasanable things and they dont cost an arm and leg and I can actually check them out (I do not buy over the internet)
4 people like this
@mrsbrian (1949)
• United States
27 Aug 07
personally i perfere the old fashioned way of doing things ,sending an e-mail invite sems a bit tacky to me. I believe they should have made it clear what they wanted by useing pictures so you knew just what to buy.Also i would yake the invite to include the whole family but now a days I know many people dont want children attending so maby I would check with them about it all.
4 people like this
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
27 Aug 07
I think it is safe to think that you and your husband - no kids - are invited to the wedding and there will be no meal based on your wording (I am thinking finger food and drinks for cocktail hour) and the time of the wedding. The email was probably addressed to him because that is how the software they used is set up and the couple probably did not test how the information was going to be sent out.
My husband and I were married last year and we sent out paper invites (allowed them to mail or email an RSVP), but emailed out to everyone our registry information because we knew people would be ordering gifts online and mailing them so they didn't have to lug them to the wedding (many of our guests were out of state). I didn't know there was anything wrong with having a registry? I thought this was something people have done for ages???
3 people like this
@neon2000 (2756)
• Philippines
27 Aug 07
Yes, I agree that it is safe to think it is you and your husband. But I guess, there is nothing wrong if you check with them about it. Also, I think that it is more formal and appropriate to use wedding invitations and gift cards personally. It depends anyway on what the couple might prefer but it is a tradition I believe to have a souvenir of the wedding inviation.
@patgalca (18197)
• Orangeville, Ontario
27 Aug 07
When my nephew originally talked about the wedding he said "Everyone" was invited. He wanted me to get him email addresses of members of the family who don't maintain contact with us (my late brother's family). At that time I'm sure he said the kids but things could have changed once they made the actual arrangements. Also, my kids are not LITTLE kids but could be the only ones there. And since there is no dinner it's not as if they are paying for a meal. It sounds rather informal.
I don't think there is anything wrong with a registry I just think the products should be a little bit more clear.
2 people like this
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
27 Aug 07
I would say check about your kids. We had a no child policy except for direct relatives (because no one we directly new had kids). One person did bring their 16 yr old daughter and she was bored out of her mind because she had no one to talk to. I felt bad for her. When we go to formal events I don't bring my son. He is 8 and behaves but I know he will be bored. I woudl rather leave him with my parents where he will have fun.
2 people like this
@acuityplague (763)
• United States
27 Aug 07
I prefer paper invitations, they just seem more fitting considering the occasion.
I would think that the invitation is extended to your entire family. I've never heard of a wedding where children are excluded. RSVP for 4! yaya
Forget the gift registry and buy them a book- "how to, formal occasions". lol
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
28 Aug 07
I have never heard of emailing invitations before but assume it will become more popular with the way the internet is used now adays . I would be curious as to why they send it the way they did leaving you with not really any clue as to who is exactly invited and what you are expected to bring and do agree that by way of email , that this is a way that invitations could be sent to others and they could have God only knows who show up at the wedding . The whole idea may have been well intended but didn't go out very well as the guests should not have to be confused on what is going on .
3 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (45675)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
28 Aug 07
And what about people, say, older relatives, who don't have email?
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
27 Aug 07
I do not like it. Obviously they were living together to save money (I hope it was not because 'everyone's doing it' and 'we're not harming anybody' (except maybe the ones who really care for them,) so if they saved enough money, they should have enough to pay for the proper invitation cards. I did not have a register when I was married, but that was years ago when we had hope chests and were expected to save most of the stuff ourselves and I was twenty-nine not some young chick. As for the registry, it is easy to find out what the items are when you go to the store. Just show the list to the store clerk. But to not show who is invited and to not have any food. I guess they only want people there to get plastered and eat ahead of time. It sounds as if they're cheap.
3 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (45675)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
27 Aug 07
You probably had a wedding shower, too, where you received your gifts, instead of a "doe" where everyone just "parties"...
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
28 Aug 07
I think the problem here is with how the invite is worded, not how it is delivered. My fiance and I thought of a cocktail party, because that does not include a meal. They also need to be specific about who is invited. I am going to check with my cousin, for example, to see if she wants to bring her boyfriend (rumour has it that she has one, but I've never met him, so I want to make sure of the final count) and once I know how many people will be coming, then I will send out the invites. Does that make sense?
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
27 Aug 07
UGH I don't know if I could do that LOL Having a wedding that late may mean its just a simple get together without all the *big wedding bangs* that go with it. It sounds like it will be nibbles and such and not an actual full on full course meal.
As for the invitations I would expect that even though it was sent to your husbands email address, it would be for ALL of you. I would RSVP for you both and your children (unless they stated no children under a certain age allowed)
As for the registry list I never had one and preferred family and friends to bring what they wanted.
I personally like the old fashioned way with sending out invitations and asking for RSVP's and such.
3 people like this
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
27 Aug 07
I would call this nephew for further clarification first and foremost, although I don't believe he would have left the rest of your family out by intention. Everything is going high tech nowadays, so having everyone RSVP online is not such a big leap of the imagination, although if I were getting married I would rather send out invitations so everyone can have a keepsake from my wedding. Depending on how the site is set up, they may have it so they e-mail the invitation with details back after a person RSVPs, this way they can filter out any people they don't know who are trying to get in. I wouldn't ask what they are registered for, as long as the prices are listed. They want this stuff for the wedding, so they should know what it is they want. I wouldn't stress over it because its not me that wants the miscellaneous items.
3 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (45675)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
27 Aug 07
And I thought it was bad form when one of my neices sent out an announcement of her upcoming wedding that failed to mention the actual time and place of the wedding ceremony itself! They also did not have a dinner, and the reception only started at 8:00 pm... Is it any wonder some people did not attend?
As for registries... I think that's being greedy. Especially if the couple has been living together for a few years. Presumably, they have already accumulated everything they really NEED. They just WANT new stuff, and they want other people to pay for it. I think they should be grateful and graciously accept whatever people GIFT them with and not dictate specific items.
My ex-husband's parents told us that when they were married, back in the Maritimes in the late 40s, the "rich" aunt gave them a chicken as a wedding present...
2 people like this
@patgalca (18197)
• Orangeville, Ontario
27 Aug 07
The Maritimers are still cheap when it comes to wedding gifts. We got $20 bills in our cards, or a little bride and groom figurine. LOL!
My nephew and his fiancee hosted Thanksgiving last year. He works in an industry where he has some "entertainment" connections so he rented everything from dishes, cutlery, chairs and table cloths. I think they like to entertain a lot and are looking to have several sets of things so they can do that instead of renting. I understand the need for registries (don't know why they need 4 bath mats), so that there is no duplication (ie 4 toasters). But I can also see where they can look at the website and see what people have ordered already and know what they are getting. That kind of spoils things. I won't be ordering from the registry but I wish I could have at least seen pictures of the items.
2 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (45675)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
27 Aug 07
THAT explains it! My youngest uncle married a Newfie. They gave us $20 in a card. My ex-husband's youngest brother, aged 12, gave us $50...
(My uncle worked at Massey-Ferguson and his wife managed a bank... little brother had a paper route.)
1 person likes this
@8ctavarium (552)
• Australia
28 Aug 07
That is great. You are also saving on usage of paper as well. And from using email, it is so much faster as well as long as the other people who are receiving mail are checking their emails constantly. They are much more reliable too as I find that from using the normal postage, you start to worry about whether the mail will get to where it is suppose to as well as when it will arrive as well. But with email, everything happens pretty quickly and more efficiently too. I don't have very neat writing either so typing messages on the computer is always a treat for myself.
2 people like this
@RosieS57 (889)
• United States
27 Aug 07
I kind of like this new way. As an arthritic cripple, this would save me a lot of trouble. RSVP'ing online and not have to snail mail the card back. Just whip out Ye Olde Credit Card and buy the wedding gift online and have it shipped. Easy peasy and quite considerate of me, actually.
Now if they could just learn to do the actual vows thru videoconferencing I wouldn't have to leave the house at all for weddings! Kudos to them for doing it Web 2.0 style.
3 people like this
@faith210 (11224)
• Philippines
27 Aug 07
Hi patgalca! I would rather prefer having the traditional wedding cards and invitations. They are more formal which is much suited for a wedding occassion. With regards to trying to save, I think I wouldn't be saving on the expense of doing away the traditional invitations because I will really like to make my guests to feel special by sending them the traditional invitations with all the scent and laces maybe. haha.. Well, this is just my thoughts. Take care and have a nice day!
3 people like this
@Fishmomma (11377)
• United States
29 Aug 07
I would ask them who is invited, as its not clear. Personally, I would have never e-mailed people to invite them to my wedding many years ago, as its tacky to me. I don't have a problem with a registry, but items need to be clear, so people can purchase them. If they did mean everyone, then your daughters can attend also, but they might be bored. Good luck and look forward to hearing more about the wedding.
@patgalca (18197)
• Orangeville, Ontario
29 Aug 07
I did send an email asking who was invited. I received a reply this morning stating we all were invited and that a PAPER invitation would be coming in the mail soon.
As for the registry, I will not be ordering off of it. I have an idea of what they want so I will get what I feel like getting them. As I said in an earlier post, when they hosted thanksgiving they rented everything right down to the table cloths. However, table cloths were NOT on the registry so I might by them one. You can never have too many of those.
@Fishmomma (11377)
• United States
29 Aug 07
I agree can't have to many table cloths. I'm very old school and have never ordered from a registry. If I can't figure out what to give the couple on my own, then its a wedding that I shouldn't be attending. Good luck and hope the weather is perfect.
