What my friend should do in this situation?
By subha12
@subha12 (18441)
India
December 9, 2007 10:23pm CST
Arranged marriage is more prevalent in our country. Although Love marriages are there still most of the marriages are arranged marriages.
One of my friend's family are looking after prospective grooms for her. Now he father has come across a guy. After few exchanges of photographs, now the Guy wants to get my friend's email ID so that he can mail her. But my friend is reluctant to share her mail Id as she has not even met that person.She has the fear that this guy in future can use her mail id and all in negative purpose if this negotiation do not mature.
But her parents will not listen it and they are saying it is her way of saying no to get married.
she is in real problem.
What should she do?
How she should talk and make her parents understand the potential risk of sharing mail IDS to unknown people?
5 people like this
16 responses
@pree70 (525)
• India
10 Dec 07
hi subha
your friend seems more sensible than her parents!!! (no hard feelings...) in this age, where we have to be wary of everything, she is extremely justified in showing reluctance to part with her mail id.
i guess the best thing your friend can do is to create a new mail id, and give it to the guy. this way, if he starts acting funny in any way, she can always stop using that id..
other than that, she or some other sane elder in the family should try to talk some sense into her parents. i guess they are really desperate to get her married off. that might be the reason
@ssh123 (31073)
• India
10 Dec 07
She should not be in dilemma. She should garner strength to face the guy and (face to face) and take a decision. If she dislikes him, she should not give him the id. If she likes him and if the engagement takes place, then she can give him the i.d. She should also convince her parents that she will select the boy if she has opportunity.
@subathra (3519)
• India
11 Dec 07
I think your friends family should arrange for a meet of your friend with that boy first before exchnaging email ids and other things..Please ask your friend to explain to her parents in a polite way to this meeting and after everything is finalised she can give her mail id for communication..its not wise to share mail id without even meeting the boy as the risk is high..
@gmakesmoney (2923)
• United States
10 Dec 07
First I would use an email address just for that purpose, one that she could close if she does not want to get anymore emails from that person. Second, maybe she should give it a try and just see how the emails go. I've read that arranged marriages last longer than love marriages, have fewer problems and something like an 80% success rate where love marriages having something along the lines of a 57% divorce rate. And who knows, maybe she'll find love with the person she marries? If she would rather find her own partner, perhaps she could tell her parents that she feels she is not ready to marry just yet.
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
10 Dec 07
That is a really tough call for your friend to make if it is that way in your country. I know that they do not want to go against their parents, but sometimes that is harder said than done. If your friend is a Christian maybe they should pray about what to do and then go from there. Good luck to your friend and God bless
@gloria777 (1674)
• India
10 Dec 07
She can give a temporary e-mail ID. Even if she give her real ID, I don't find any problem because if she get any offensive e-mail, then she can ofcourse put his id under Spam. Id is not important rather its the information you share with.
@babykay (2131)
• Ireland
10 Dec 07
as someone already said, why not make up an email address for this purpose? Or perhaps for the purpose of sorting out suitors in general if this one is not suitable. Its one thing having an arranged marriage but by the sounds of it, your friends parents are intent on her being forced into marriage which is a different thing entirely.
@sweetgirl_k1 (3972)
• United States
10 Dec 07
I'm sorry your friend is having to go through this. Can she use an email address just for that guy to talk to her? Then that way if it doesn't work out then she can just delete that email and not have to worry about talking to him anymore. I'm so glad we can pick our own husbands and wives in my country.
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
10 Dec 07
Well I don't find sharing an Email ID is really that big issue..!!
Go ahead and ask her parents.. they would have given him their daughter's phone number also...!!
but if she is still not that comfortable in sharing her Email ID then she can make any another temporary Email Id and give it to him..!!
Tell here not to put her correct address aand any other correct information in that temporary Email ID ..And now its totaly safe to use it with unknow people..!!
:)
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
10 Dec 07
Perhaps she can create a temporary email account. There are so many free mails out there at her disposal. If she thinks that it is not worth continuing with the communication, she can choose not to login to the email and it will be deactivated automatically. Free and easy :P
@sang2k2 (1833)
• India
10 Dec 07
According to me the guy just wants to talk to the girl but why an email address.He can directly talk to the girl through a telephone.
The girl can make an email address which is dummy and dispose it when she doesnt wants to continue with the same one.
And i feel she should explain her parents that rather than emailing she is ready to talk to the guy in the presence of her parents.She should explain her parents that talking to the guy at this juncture shouldnt be much unless the things are actaully gonna materialise.
@nkhanna (922)
• India
10 Dec 07
Hi subha.well i think yuor friend can make a id which she can stop using if that man really bothers her.there are so amny id that people make but they hardly use it.ask your friend to make once suc disposable id.also i think your firend should exchange mails with that guy.might be they can really be good partners for each other.nobody knows when one can fall in love.and since she has to get married and if she has no choice of her own,then i really dont think so that there is any big problem.furthermore since parents always think for the best of their children i will suggest you that you ask your friend to atleast give a try to this relation.still today arrange marriage has an edge over love marraige.
@neetipari (49)
•
10 Dec 07
hey subha dont be so scared. you are thinking of the extreme things and well i say if your friend is planing to get along with him as per her parents choice so then she should not mind it. Moreover now every mail account provide you a service of report spam so that you can block the mails of unwanted person.or even at last you can change your mail account if there would be major problem.
inspite of all those above facts she if your friend is not comfortable then try to tell the boy that it is better we ll communicate with phone first and later we will share our mail ids
dont worry
@dreamy1 (3811)
• United States
10 Dec 07
I don't see the big deal about her giving him her email address. She can get a new address just for that purpose or she could just block his emails. It's not like he'd be able to do anything bad just having her email address. Of she's afraid he might try to get her password she just needs to set up a different email address that she won't use for anything else.
