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@tiffiny (872)
United States
December 19, 2007 12:29pm CST
I really need help here. My son will throw a fit untill he gets something that he wants in any store that we go to. It doesn't matter if it's the Walgreens!!! And we give in becuase I don't want people to be like why can't she control her kid blah blah blah. But now that I have two I can't keep giving in becuase then we are going to have both of them throwing themselves and such. Do you guys know how to defuse this with as little tantrums as possible?
5 people like this
13 responses
• United States
19 Dec 07
I ignore them. The worst thing you can ever do is give in because then they get the idea that tantrums will get them what they want and they WILL throw them every time. I really don't care what other people think so I ignore them until they get on my last nerve then they get a spanking. It rarely happens because my kids know they won't get anything if they don't behave. They almost never ask for anything when we are in the store. I mean, they will ask once, maybe twice for something, like a piece of candy when we check out but that is it. They don't whine about it or keep asking. We always go through the toy section and none of them throw tantrums because they know we aren't getting them anything, so what's the point. They have learned tantrums will actually get them less things because, not only will they not get what they want at the store, but when we get home they are going to lose something they already have for their behavior.
3 people like this
@tiffiny (872)
• United States
20 Dec 07
I'll try really hard to ignor him. It's just really hard to because he's throwing a fit and everyone is looking. Augh. Thank you for your help.
2 people like this
• United States
20 Dec 07
That's why you have to get a thick skin. Then you learn to ignore everybody, lol. It's none of their business any way.
2 people like this
@Sillychick (3279)
• United States
19 Dec 07
Talk to him before going into the store. Explain that if he does not behave, you will leave the store with nothing. Tell him Exactly what you expect from him. 'We can't buy you anything, so no crying.' Bring a toy or snack for him to have in the store, go when he is not tired or hungry- which shortens his patience. Make the trip as quick as possible, at least at first. Then tell him how great he is doing. If he starts to act up, give him one warning, and if he keeps it up, leave the store immediately, no more warnings. He will probably kick and scream and attract a lot of attention, but just go. Then explain to him that you left with nothing because he didn't behave. Do this as many times as it takes to get him to behave in the store. If you are consistent, it will work, but it will take a few times of leaving with nothing. I know this makes your life harder because you have to then go back to the store later, but it will be worth the extra effort when you get him to the point of going shopping with you without having a tantrum. Remember- Consistency is key, and reward good behavior often with praise or special privileges. Once you have established good behavior, you can decide whether to reward him by letting him get something once in a while, but be careful, it might lead him back into the tantrums on the trips when he gets nothing. May be better to bring something with you and give it to him After you leave the store.
2 people like this
@tiffiny (872)
• United States
19 Dec 07
I know consistency is the key but why does it have to be so trying and freaking hard!!!! Lol Maybe keeping like a sucker or fruit snacks in the purse will be enough insentive for him to behave.
1 person likes this
@blueunicorn (2409)
• United States
19 Dec 07
Stop giving in right away! Each time you give in you make the tantrum worse the next time because your son knows that he can talk you into the things he wants. I have left my cart in the middle of the aisle and walked outside to the car with my girls, went home and put them to bed. It only took a couple of times of that before they realized I was serious. I understand what you mean about being worried other people will think you can't control your son. Just remember, it is not them raising him and living with him. It will get better soon!
1 person likes this
@tiffiny (872)
• United States
19 Dec 07
Thank you for reminding me that I'm the one who has to deal with him in the end. My whole thing about that is that I look really young (I'm 22 but could pass for 15 16) and I don't want people to pass judgement you know. Like when my best friend first saw me with my son and daughter she honestly thought I was the older sister. So I know that's what other people think too. But thank you for reminding me what's number one. Him!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Dec 07
One of the biggest things you need to remember when parenting is that it does not matter what you look like. I understand looking young. I'm right there with you. I'm 33 and still pass for 18 or under. It sucks in a way! LOL Anyway, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, you know the truth. As a parent, it is going to be like that right up until your children leave your "nest". My first grader already comes home with, "everyone else does..." My answer is "I'm sure glad I'm only your mom, not everyone else's". I guarantee you that the other parents in the store have been there. They understand exactly what is happening. The people who don't have kids can judge all they want but I promise that when they have kids they'll be sorry they did all that judging. So... go out there, parent your child in public, and don't worry about the way things appear! I promise you that taking care of the problem now will lead to a much easier life in the future. In that case, what's a few minutes of embarrassment in the moment?
@dvschic (1796)
• United States
20 Dec 07
YOU CAN'T GIVE IN!! i tell my nephews and lil sisters that if they throw a fit in the store, we will go home immediately and they will have a time out. that is not how good boys/girls act and i will not put up with it. giving in to tantrums only shows them that throwing tantrums get them what they want. who cares what other people think, you know your child best and if he needs to be taken to the car and given a talk, they'll hold your stuff.
1 person likes this
@vanities (11387)
• Davao, Philippines
20 Dec 07
well i think i have already passed that kind of stage as all my children are all grown up now.but i will share my experiences to them...yes its true children will cry if we dont buy what they want..what i do actually especially its in the stage that they seem not to know the value of money was before we go malling i have to talk to them seriously first and ask them specifically what they want and told them that was the only thing that i could possibly bought for them and if ever they crossed the line again i will not let them go with me in the mall..and thanks God they understand about it...children now a days are smart and can easily understand if it was explained to them...
• United States
20 Dec 07
First of all, I know it is hard and it feels like everyone in the store is glaring at you like you are a terrible person, but it's okay if your kid throws a tantrum. It is his way of trying to manipulate you and most kids do it at one time or another. I can't give a ton of advice because my child is just now getting to the tantrum stage, but I wanted to let you know you aren't alone. My son actually threw a box of diaper wipes at an old lady while he was throwing a fit! Some things I have read about the situation include trying to reason with them, or negotiate. This I think depends on the age of your son. You can offer one reward if they are good (which doesn't have to be buying them something, it can be allowing them to do something as well). I think that being strong is going to be your biggest triumph in this one though. He has to learn that that isn't acceptable behavior and it won't work any more. I know it isn't easy...
1 person likes this
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
20 Dec 07
At this point, this is a difficult situation to be in. There is no easy way around it. Find a corner store thats not too busy and alert the manager as to your problem. Arrive there early in the morning as soon as the store is open. Tell your child you will buy something he can have when you get back home. When he begins to act up, just ignore him and continue shopping around the store.Let him scream as much as he wants. Just relax and keep looking at the merchandise. Soon he will realise you are not going to give in, and also that you are not embarrassed or upset. Then he will settle down and you can take him home. Remember the three things he must realise.......1 you are relaxed,2 not embarrassed,3 Will Not give in.
22 Jan 08
When you tell him no, and he starts to throw a fit, take him in the bathroom and pop his butt. next time, ask him if you need to take him back to the bathroom. If you don't agree with spanking, then your best course of action is to leave your cart, take him outside and put him in the car and take him home. Giving in is the worst thing you can do. Mine only threw ONE tantrum in public. After that, when they would pester me for something and i said no, they me keep asking, but they don't get it. Sometimes, they will even cry a little, but they don't get loud and throw a tantrum. I don't care if they cry, when I say no, I mean it. They more they hound me, the least likely they are to get something. You have to show them YOU are in control. Giving in to them now will only make it worse for you later. You can't let them run over you, you are the parent.
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
20 Dec 07
I had this problem with our oldest. What I finally did was leave her home with Dad and go by myself even if it meant I went in the evening when he was home. I explained to her why she couldn't go with me and she finally "got it." It did take a few years but she learned. I explained bad behavior she gets nothing, good behavior I will buy her something small. I wouldn't care what other people think. I know it's easy for me to say now because I was in your shoes several years ago.
• United States
20 Dec 07
Punish him when he starts that. You've created a monster. Either leave him at home, or just tell him no and pop that butt when he starts screaming.
@marketing07 (6266)
• South Korea
20 Dec 07
Ohh,dear tiffiny we have the same problems.
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
20 Dec 07
I really dont know what to tell you cause my daughter is 17 months and just had her first public tantrum yesterday cause i wouldnt let her push her stroller and i wanted to put her jacket on her. She flung herself down on the floor in the middle of the mall and screamed and flailed her hands wildly. So my friend and i just watched her and waited for her to be finished having a fit. People were watching, but what can you do really ? If they dont get the attention that they want by giving in then i assume soon enough they will stop trying that tactic of trying to get what they want. At least i hope, but id ont know this from experience! I am also expecting my second, and its REALLY bad timing! just in time for terrible two's i will have a newborn, i am scared. How old are your kids ?
@irishidid (8714)
• United States
20 Dec 07
Your first mistake was giving in the first time. Let people think what they want and quit giving in! You want to know how many temper tantrums my kids have had in the store? Zero.