would you go back to your ex if she or he hurt you badly before?

@fianne (1059)
United States
January 8, 2008 6:06am CST
my ex boyfriend before hurt me so much that i told myself i don't wanna go back to him anymore. but still, when he said he is sorry, i accepted the apology and we started again. but still, he repeated the same mistake again and so on... one day, i realized that i just made a real fool out of myself... i am in a relationship now, very happy and goinbg strong.
5 people like this
28 responses
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
9 Jan 08
Sometimes it takes twice to realize you made a big mistake in your life. What is important right now is that you are happy with yourself. One important thing to consider now is that you've learned something from that mistake and it prevented you from making more mistakes in life.
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
i really regret i met him... because of him, i failed in my nursing subject so i need to repeat it... it is very hard to accept to myself that i do good in school but i failed just because of him.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
9 Jan 08
I say you start moving on. AS you have said that you are already happy with your life. There's no point making all the accusations for the failing in many ways in life. Just make it a point that that experience has awakened you to a much heightened awareness that you are much stronger and wiser person when it comes to loving someone. Be the best that you can and never be afraid to love again with the best that you can be and that experience of yours should make you be aware of the risks that is involve with it.
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
thanks rsa101. i will take it from you... yes, i have learned a lot, and never that i will do the same thing again.
• United States
8 Jan 08
Good for you. You finally got out of that bad relationship. I understand what you are talking about. I went through the same thing with my EX. I'm glad you got out when you did. I was not smart enough. I stayed even though he verbally abused me for years. I left him and went back when he said "SORRY". As the years went by things got worse and turned to physical abuse. I could take the verbal but the physical got him 3 wekks in JAIL. HaHA! Lucky him. So you see this same thing could have happened to you had you stayed. I too have moved on. I have a wonderful boyfriend who will become my HUsband this week and then I will become a Military Wife. Good Luck
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
graedragon, hi there... hehe, yes, well, he did hurt me physically too. it happens everytime we talk about money telling him i am saving money so i don't have to but much. he gets angry, yelling at me in front of many people, in the mall especially because he wants me to treat him out in any fast food restaurant he sees.
• United States
9 Jan 08
Sounds like he was a real winner. Just remember you are better off without him and you deserve better than that. You are a strong women who does not have to be treated that way by anyone.
1 person likes this
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
yes graedragon, you too. you deserve to be happy and be loved the way you love your partner and maybe even more...
• Canada
8 Jan 08
I actually did that. My boyfriend in high school cheated on me....I was very hurt...we split up and then a year later found out he still liked me and wanted to get back together,,,,ha,,,so we talked and worked things out. We got engaged talked about the future...me moving out west with him and going to school...that spring he cheated on me again...I threw his ring in his face and told him to never speak to me again...have you ever heard the song unanswered prayers by GArth Brooks, It speaks wonders for sure...
1 person likes this
@fianne (1059)
• United States
8 Jan 08
wow. it's nice to know i have someone here who has the same experience like i did. well, that is so nice to know you have moved on too. find the right one for you, i already have found mine... and guess what, i now have a baby and very happy in my life!
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Jan 08
Oh for sure I have 2 beautiful children a loving devouted husband i'm very thinkful that i moved on with my life.
1 person likes this
@fianne (1059)
• United States
8 Jan 08
that is very nice... a very very good blessing... thanks!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Jan 08
I wouldn't go back to my ex if she abused my trust towards her. Other than that, we could probably talk things over. For me breaking ones trust is the most serious offence you could ever have in a relationship. That's why as much as possible I try to be worthy of my girlfriend's trust all the time. It's very hard to earn it but can easily be lost.
1 person likes this
• China
8 Jan 08
No, definitely not. If it didn't work before, how can one expect it can work now?
1 person likes this
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
yes, you see, i told that myself too. still i gave him the chance because i believe that person changes too. but he proved me wring many times.
@youless (91099)
• Guangzhou, China
8 Jan 08
I am so sorry to hear about your experience. If my ex-boyfriend hurts me badly, I don't think I will accept him again. I know it is hard to forget him because I totally get involve in the love. However, if he can hurt me so badly, how can I expect him to treat me good in the future. He won't be a good partner for me. So even though it is so hurtful and difficult, I have to give him up.
1 person likes this
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
youless.. thank you. that is a nice comment. yes i agree. he did hurt me, i made a fool out of myself by accepting him again many times.
@honeylore23 (1085)
• United States
8 Jan 08
As for my opinion, i think giving him another chance for a mistake he has done for the first time, is just ok, especially if you still love the person and you think he is sincere, but if he is doing that a lot of times, 2 times is just enough. There are many guys that would be deserving for your love. So If I am in your place, I would look for another man who would love me faithfully. Well I am happy you have move on and realize what your ex boy-friend is doing to you. Best regards
1 person likes this
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
thank you verymuch, honeylore... my bestwishes to you too and my regards to you as well.
• Philippines
8 Jan 08
Well I wouldn't, because I believe that if he hurt you even just once, he could do it again and again and again :)
1 person likes this
@fianne (1059)
• United States
8 Jan 08
that is so very true... i am the living proof.
1 person likes this
• Kuwait
8 Jan 08
Of course NOT... i will not come back to my ex if he hurt me badly before,, why i will do that? to get hurt again? no way...sometime we are so blind to not see the reality and we continue to be crazy on our life,,but we have to be strong and walk away..
@fianne (1059)
• United States
8 Jan 08
annettenasser, yes, that is very true... look what happened to me, but i learned. and i am very happy that i was able to move on. but no, i didnot walk away, i faced it. he even still contacted me thru phone, emails, trying to get hold of me again. i had a hard time telling him it is over between us and i am trying to move on.. until he made stories that were not true. oh well. so much of him, hehehe...
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
8 Jan 08
good on you for getting out of a abusive relationship.i know it was probably hard for you to do,even though he said he was sorry ,leopards never change their spots. i am glad you have moved on into a new relationship and you are happy.cheers sue
1 person likes this
@fianne (1059)
• United States
8 Jan 08
thank you suehan1.. yes i was able to move on now. iam very happy and very conteneted. you are right, even snakes changes skin, but still they are nake.
1 person likes this
@diillu (5128)
8 Jan 08
Well, there's no point on going back when we are already hurt so bad and already tried to break of the relationship. I wouldn't go back if I had already break the relationship and if the reason for the breaking up would be his mistake then I would never ever consider going back. Cause going back and being with that person will again hurt me the same way like before.
1 person likes this
@fianne (1059)
• United States
8 Jan 08
yes. i really was a bad bad bad girl that time, i did not give love to myself. what i was thinking was, i love this person and i know he does too. but on the later part, i realized, why is it he is like this and he wants to do the same mistake again. he does not love me, he only cares for himself because he does not even care how i feel when i am hurt. thanks for the comment.
1 person likes this
• India
9 Jan 08
Every individual is different so you can never generalise this opinion that you shoul never go back to your ex if he has hurt you. I think you should always follow your heart. since you didn't stop yourself from going back to your ex because may be you felt things will settle down but now your heart feels you should leave him..so leave him. Its good to know that now you are happy.
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
no, i did not generalised the opinion you said... it was a decision, MY DECISION.
@jeff_td (27)
• China
9 Jan 08
The action of man attack woman is too bad, it should not be forgiven.
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
great, jeff_td... i will take it from a man like you against to a man like him.
@yanxchick (252)
• United States
9 Jan 08
There was a couple of times I wanted to get with an ex. And as much as I wanted to my friends were there to remind that there was a reason he became my ex. I had to forget about the sweet talking and pretty eyes. I had to remember that he treated me badly when it really counted and people don't change. He was going to hurt me again and I didn't want to put myself through that. I am glad I listened because now I am with someone who is amazing and I couldn't imagine a relationship like this with my ex.
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
thanks to your friends, you are now having a good life and relationship... i salute your friends.
• United States
9 Jan 08
Soo let me think about this...UMM NOOO WAY IN HELL!! i went this route soo man yt imes and im telling u once a cheater always a cheater no matter how many times they say there sorry..of course theer sorry..THEY ARE SORRY THEY GOT CAUGHT!!..im tellin u..its bull..my latest ex was a serious ho bag..i was in the hospital and was in theer for 2 weeks and my best friend took me in afterwards and cared for me and the whole damn time he was doing her!!!! oh yesss!!jerk!! well i wil tell u what..kciked his bum to the curb as well hers..and that sucked even more since she was my best friend and was like my sister to me..and i dropped them bot outta my life forever..babes..its not worth it..i was in a serious depression for a month..and now i found soemone..who is so wonderful..i know he will never stray..he treats me like a queen..and i love him soo much..and hes soo romantic..a bit over jelous..and insecure about himself..but we are workin on that..hes soo afraod that i will be the one to stray/./and well it wil never happen..soo after all this book i typed lol..i say run...RUN AS FAST AS U CAN..it always happens again..and iw ish u the best luck in ur new life..:) April
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
ohhh cloud_kicker_32... i am so sad to hear your experience... but i am happy you now have found the true love of your life, making you happy, treating you like a queen. i have found mine, too. that makes us very happy, isn't it? i hope you get more blessings and more happiness.
@enbrown (282)
• United States
9 Jan 08
no never get back wth an ex
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
ok enbrown...
@mcjeannie (704)
• Philippines
9 Jan 08
When I end a relationship, that's it for me!It would be good to have a second chance but in my mind it would always be at the back of my brain about"What if...then it would be happening again"!In this sense better to have the person be truthful in changing his/her bad attitude before accepting him/her again.In that way, you wouldn't be hurting yourself and the other party again.As much as this is so called a relationship, it takes the two of you to make up, contribute and make it better than before.It takes two to "Tango" you know...don't spoil your lover or the "crap" would come out in him/her.
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
thanks mcjeannie, yes you are right. i should have done that. i should have made him prove to me first that he has changed for the better rather than accepting him again and again and again proving me wrong everytime.
• Philippines
9 Jan 08
The answer to that question relies on the sincerity of the ex coming back. Maybe giving a second chance has no harm. But if he keeps on hurting you everytime and then asks for forgiveness again then I would not let the world go around with him again. There should be a limit to his saying of sorry and his hurtings.
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
yes marymarj2002. well i realized on the later part that his saying sorry to me is not true, if it was true, why continue bitting me up and embarass me in front of many people? he says i love you in texts, but no, he does not tell me that personally.
@adforme (2116)
9 Jan 08
Hi fianne, That is a very hard question. If a boyfriend hurt me, I would definitely have to think twice about taking him back. This depends on the guy and how I was hurt; but if I thought the guy deserved a second chance I would go back to him. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, "What if he treats me better next time?" If you try and find this out you will have answered two more questions. The first being , "can he change?" and the other is "will I regret not giving him a second chance?" Anyway, in your case the second chance showed him to be someone to let go. Congratulations on finding out and your new relationship. Take Care.
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
hello adforme, yes i asked that myself. and i gave him many chances... i loved him, yes, i know that myself. that is the very reason why i am taking him back again and again and again. but, yes he proved me wrong.
@JJ4Ever (4696)
• United States
9 Jan 08
I believe I would go back to my former lover who hurt me, but only if he proved himself to me that he wouldn't hurt me anymore. I believe people are completely capable of change. I wouldn't want him to change because of me; I'd want him to change because it's the right thing to do. If he were to change just because of me, the change would only be temporary. If my former lover refused to change and continued to hurt me (as was similar in your unfortunate situation), I would get out of it for good. There's no sense wasting time when nothing will change with that guy. Obviously, I wouldn't be worth it to him if he was stubborn like that. Great discussion! By the way, I'm so glad you found an awesome relationship. It's so wonderful to be loved!
@fianne (1059)
• United States
9 Jan 08
JJ4Ever! yes, you are very correct. the relationship was stubborn and full of hatred, one-sided. yes i feel great i am loved now, it is really wonderful to be loved.