I'm So Depressed

United States
February 16, 2008 4:14pm CST
I haven't worked since September. I spent a little time doing some geographic changes in order to have my children closer to me. As things worked out, my son came to live with me permenantly, so in the end that worked out. However, in doing so, I quit the job I had and I haven't been able to find employment since. My self esteem has fallen to an all time low and I find that I just am unmotivated these days to do much of anything. Most days I don't get dressed, preferring to sit around in a sweatshirt and pajama bottoms. I don't keep the house clean like I used to. I'm luck if I brush my hair and I've gained alot of weight in the past few months, which doesn't help the way I feel about myself either. I've also become very reclusive chosing to stay in unless I absolutely have to go anywhere. I've always taken great pride in myself and my surroundings, but now just don't care. I have had calls for several interviews which if hired would have been great companies to work for at better than average pay, but the travel time would have entailed an additional 5 hours a day to get there and back, which I wasn't willing to do. Anyway, on Monday I have an interview with a wireless company. I don't anticipate that it will pay that much, but just working no matter what the rate is would make me feel like a new person. So I guess what I'm asking is that being this is a site of support for so many people, and being that there is strength in numbers that you keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks.
5 people like this
22 responses
@novataylor (6572)
• United States
17 Feb 08
It seems that you've had a lot of time to get yourself good and depressed, K. So, in turn, it's not going to be an instant fix, no matter what. But this isolating you're doing is dangerous, K. The longer you wait to open that door, the harder it is to do it. I'm so glad to hear that you're going out today to do some shopping for yourself. And listen, don't berate yourself for the size pants you're going to end up buying. It's not the number that counts, it's how you feel in them. Be sure to try them on with the shoes you're going to wear,and I certainly hope you wear makeup and make yourself as pretty as you can, because trying on clothing when you feel you look like shite can be demoralizing. I'm sure that by now, you've already been and come home again, and I'm hoping that you found something you like and that works for you. Psyche up for Monday, darlin, start now. Plan out your outfit down to the earrings and the color lipstick you're going to wear. Try the outfit on beforehand, too, and look at yourself in the mirror. Test out your introduction, right there in your mirror, too, and I mean this. Talk to your reflection like you're planning on talking to your prospective employer. Imagine all kinds on scenarios and act them out. This will help you be able to field whatever comes up in this interview. It might sound silly, but it's gonna help, K, I swear. I'm glad to read that you did your dishes, I'm sure that has helped too. Any step is a positive step. Baby steps are fine too - they are steps in the right direction, at least. This isn't going to be easy, but you can do it. You know what you are, you know what you can do and you know that you can wow them. So do it. Like only you can. I'll be looking for your story about how you aced this interview. Don't make me come looking for you! :)
• United States
17 Feb 08
Thank you. You really took some time to give me an answer and I appreciate it. I'll let you know how the interview went tomorrow afternoon. Lounge, don't sic her on me. LOL.
• United States
17 Feb 08
You're most entirely welcome, K. You touched my heart with this, and I really wanted to be able to say something meaningful to you, from my heart. I've been there, honey, believe me, and it sucks. I know the very bottom of the pit that I've crawled out of, by the skin of my fingernails, and I hate to think that you are in there now. Maybe not that deep, but still there, anyway. It's a hard thing to come out of - it takes great strength of will and much perserverance, but I know you can do it. You have much personal fortitude, that's clear. And I'll be looking for your report, dear!
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb 08
Youre a gem. Your words meant so much to me and I'll be glad to give you a report. I just hope it will be a postive one, or be ready to start in with some more pearls of wisdom.
@o2bfree (226)
• United States
16 Feb 08
I too wanted to share that you are not alone (as i sit here on a saturday,in my sweats)!!! I am actually in a somewhat similar situation, after being seperated and moving out, I knew I needed to find a job quickly. Day after day went by and I could not motivate myself to do what I needed to do in order to aggresively search. I fell deep into a rut of depression. Something snapped in me a few weeks ago though as I realized I have got to do this! I dont have a choice. I must say it was very hard, but with each day it is becoming easier. Going back to work and rejoining the world is a wonderful thing! I pray you will be back to yourself in short order! Big Hugs~Cheri
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Feb 08
Thanks for sharing that. Sometimes when you are depressed, you just feel so alone and like no one can identify with what you are going through. Good luck to both of us. I'm glad things are getting better for you.
@o2bfree (226)
• United States
16 Feb 08
You bet! Thank You! And yes they will continue to get better for both of us! Right now, I am going to be homeless in 45 days. I will lose the use of my vehicle in 3 months or so. I have no men to help with the 4 children they helped me create. I have 75 dollars in the bank, 30 in my pocket. I will also lose most of my furniture in the next 3 months. All from circumstances surrounding my seperation and soon to be divorce. BUT I have not and will not ever be without faith and hope!!!!!! Keep on Keeping on....It is all we can do, and it will only make us stronger in the long run ; )
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Feb 08
Oh gosh, I am so sorry. I have been homeless before for quite some time and it so sucked. You are keeping a positive attitude and that is good and I wish the best for both us of now more than ever.
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
16 Feb 08
Oh I do widh you all the best, I know how it is to feel so down, but it only takes a small thing in life to lift you back up again, you know for me just to re-arrange my rooms and put plants around lifted me up a little, it actually took the passing of one of my best friends to wake me up to how little time we have and we should not waste it, think of yourself as number one, do what makes you happy, we all have our own journey to travel and we might as well enjoy the ride...cheer up my friend, we are all here for you and we will all wish you well...
• United States
16 Feb 08
Thank you so much. You know I actually just did my dishes and even that made me feel a little bit better. But I think most of all its just getting it off your chest sometimes, thats why I chose to write about it on here. Once again, thanks.
1 person likes this
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
16 Feb 08
I think sometimes we are all a little hard on ourselves, it is ok to have time out where we just want to do nothing, but so long as we we snap out of it and bloom again, yes it is good to talk about things, you have many friends here...
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Feb 08
Thats exactly why I decided to share my unhappiness, because I knew after getting a response or two, it could only serve to make me feel better. Thanks.
@Deea48 (1168)
• United States
17 Feb 08
Hi there Katherine, I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling so, been there done that. I am here to tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have had those times of struggling too. One thing I try hard to do and at times it is hard, is keep my space tidy. My mom told me that. She said it is hard to get started but once your space is clean just the act of doing it can lift your spirits.It works , I literaly force myself sometimes. But I feel so much better when it is done, and if often moves me on to other things. You and I both know it is only us who can get us moving. It is in the action that we take. I am glad you found this place to help you move forward. I have complete faith Katherine, you will find a job that suites you, and excelle at it. Just keep pushing foward G/F. and don't be to hard on yourself. *hugs* and know this too shall pass*smiles*
• United States
17 Feb 08
You're right about that Deea. It makes you feel worse just to sit in your own muck. LOL. I cleaned up the kitchen yesterday and it was a good feeling to get up to something being half way decent. Made breakfast this morning for my boyfriend and son, so I guess I'll go and clean up that mess in a minute before it gets out of hand again. My boyfriend was sweet yesterday. He knows I like to scrapbook, but haven't had the motivation to do it in a very long time. So he went out and bought me bunch of scrapbooking supplies to give me another outlet besides the computer and maybe a different perspective. I was really touched by that.
@Deea48 (1168)
• United States
18 Feb 08
Thats great Katherine, some times it just a bunch of small steps and before you know it. You are climbing out of your funk. So have you had a chance to start working on the scrap booking yet. I have never done it myself, but I know of people that just love it. I like to bead myself. Crafts are a wonderful way to build self asteam. Have fun!
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23707)
17 Feb 08
Well done kb - you have made one of the biggest steps sweety - you have realised you have a problem! It sounds to me very like you are depressed and you sound as though you are now ready to fight the grip it has on you! Not all people who are depressed need medication and sometimes taking certain steps yourself will help, taking exercise, making an effort to keep appts or meet friends , giving yourself realistic goals can all help. I have battled against clinical depression for over 14 years, I have periods where I am well and periods where I hit rock bottom but getting to know yourself and the signs that you are getting ill is one of the best ways to deal with it! Of course I will keep you in my prayers - if you ever need to talk give out a shout and I will give you my email - there are many who understand what you are going through - you are not alone sweety! Big hugs xxxxx
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26793)
• United Kingdom
17 Feb 08
Depression is like a rollercoaster, one day you are up the next you are so down that you fear you will never experience another good day in your life. Having something to look forward to is soooooo important and for me it's been my anchor, having my retreat I go to really does me the world of good, going out on the town once a fortnight to let myself go works too. Having supportive friends to be there come what may like my lovely sister here will also help tremendously. Mummymo is right you are NOT alone and don't ever expect to go through depression thinking you are alone xx
2 people like this
@mummymo (23707)
18 Feb 08
Well said my darling but don't forget that you have been my rock too! xxx
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb 08
Things will turn around. You are in my prayers and I wish you the best of luck with everything. I know how you feel. My husband and I are both unemployed cause our job went to Mexico. We've been trying to work from home, but we keep finding all the scams. My father passed away two weeks ago and I'm feeling horrible cause I wasn't with him. Anyway, enough of my whining. You have my support. There is strength in numbers, we need all the support we can get. Keep us posted. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb 08
I'm sorry that both you and your husband lost your jobs. I too have looked into online employment and recently my stepfather recommended a site to me which he said his son had worked for and made about $3000.00 a month. I do know that there only fee is a $30.00 background check, other than that I don't believe there is any start up fees. Here is the link. I hope you can use it. http://liveops.com/
• United States
18 Feb 08
Thanks for the link. I'll be checking that out. :)
@valerie37 (981)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
17 Feb 08
I will definitely be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. And I hope all goes well with the interview Monday so you can start to feel like a new person. Trust me, I've been there done that as far as being that depressed goes so I know exactly how you're feeling.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb 08
Well usually if I can at least get to the interview, my chances are pretty good, but please say a prayer anyway.
• Christiansburg, Virginia
18 Feb 08
I definitely will. And good luck.
1 person likes this
@sminut13 (1786)
• Singapore
17 Feb 08
well, i can't give much advice to you but to wish you all the best. for me, whenever i feel depressed, i try not to think about it. yes you can say i'm running away. but when running away, for a while it makes me relaxed about other things, then when sober, i knock myself and push myself back up. don't stress too much. you'll have grey hairs sooner. hehe but, i do hope that you'll feel better whether you get a job or not. well, if you don't want to go out to work, then might as well do freelancing then. but feel better soon. like you said, there are many who support you and give you advice and just listen to your frustrations. so we'll also be really happy when you are your cheerful self again. take care
• United States
17 Feb 08
I try to ignore it too. I get involved with the computer and pretend everything else doesn't exist, but I know thats not very healthy.
@sminut13 (1786)
• Singapore
18 Feb 08
yes, it is not healthy. sooner or later, you have to come back to earth to sort out the problems. but at least, you can talk to us like this here and vent your frustrations. i hope everything works out well for you. good luck.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Feb 08
I'm wishing you good luck at your interview, I'll pray you get the job. I know how life can get you down sometimes and you need that first little break to start lifting yourself back up. Also, I know you said that you were feeling down to the point where you don't even want to get dressed or brush your hair, but my advice would be to force yourself to a day or at least a few hours in which you pamper yourself. Take a nice bubble bath or whatever you prefer, maybe paint your nails, etc. I know it might take a little more effort than you feel like putting out, but I find that when I'm really down like that, that sort of thing really helps me to feel a bit better. It's kind of hard to get started to do that when you're feeling so down, I know, but once you get into it, it helps. In any case, I hope things start picking up for you and all. I'll be thinking about you. Take care
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Feb 08
Thank you. I've received a lot of support on this subject and it all helps, it really does.
@aseretdd (13736)
• Philippines
18 Feb 08
I feel the same way most of the time nowadays... although i have a job that is close to my apartment and the time is flexible... i feel that i am not doing what i am suppose to do... i want to find another job but that would mean lesser time for my baby and more time for travelling... What keeps me going is the thought that my priority right now is my family... career is only a second option... and that when my baby is old enough... i can get apply to a job and finally have a career again... but then... i want to get pregnant again.... so i think i will take me a long while to return to the professional world again...
• United States
18 Feb 08
That was some of my problem. I had two children late in my life and had quite a bit of time off of work. By the time I returned to the work force, my skills were outdated and I have had a hard time finding a job since.
@p1kef1sh (45640)
17 Feb 08
Of course and I am genuinely sorry to read that you are feeling so low. I have no doubt that you will get your self respect back. I am not going to try to advise you. Just that I'm thinking of you. Take very great care and good luck on Monday.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Feb 08
Thank you so much for taking the time to offer your support.
• United States
17 Feb 08
I will definitely keep you in my thoughts kbourgerie. It must be boring not working. You don't feel like your contributing to anything. I give thanks everyday that I work because you never know what is going to happen. I know people who haven't worked in years and I am like, how can you not work? I am check to check, but i would still rather work. Don't get depressed because that is just going to make your situation all the worse. Our heavenly father knows your situation, just depend on Him because He knows all of our needs. Is the sun out where you are? If so, open the curtains and let the sun in, turn on some uplifting music and try to think positive for your interview tomorrow ok. I wish you the best and will pray for you as well. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb 08
I wouldn't mind living check to check if at least I have a check to look forward to. I live with my boyfriend and he does ok, but its not like having your own money and feeling like you can contribute. I hate having my hand out all the time and having to go to him if I need something. I'm not used to living like that.
@Trace86 (5033)
• United States
17 Feb 08
I have faith in you! I know you can land this job if let them see your sparkling personality and lively wit at the interview. They will be lucky to have you. I bet, after a few months there they will give you a big promotion and a fat raise. By this time next year, you will be running the place! My thoughts and best wishes always are and forever will be with you!
• United States
17 Feb 08
Youre the best. Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. They mean the world.
@crazynurse (7489)
• United States
17 Feb 08
I applaud your willingness and courage to state your issues on myLot and use the wonderful support system here. Just putting your feelings in writing and seeing them on 'paper' is often cathartic. I would like to offer one tiny suggestion, do one nice thing for yourself each day. By nice thing, I mean a 'positive' choice. Each time you do a positive thing, you will feel so much more confident and in control. Example: this morning I CHOSE to take a 10 minute walk. After doing so, I felt so good...like I had done something good for my body. Yesterday, I chose a healthy drink midafternoon...a glass of water with lemon rather than my mid-afternoon coffee. I felt so good doing that positive thing for my body. If you do these things each day...it really helps with the feeling of being in control!
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb 08
I talk to my boyfriend about it and he is very supportive, but he is also very biased as he is too close to the situation. Having opinions of people who don't know me personally and can be objective really helps. Thanks.
• Canada
17 Feb 08
Thanks for sharing your experience.Can totally relate as I have been doing alot of what you're describing. In fact, some days I won't even leave the bed. Have gained weight and don't feel motivated to do very much. It is nice to know that I'm not the only one out there feeling this way. Hopefully, I'll snap out of it soon. I wish you all the best. ingridb7
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb 08
I hope things work out for you also. I know one thing, you can get alot of support from people here at this site, so perhaps if you put it out there like I did, you can also get the encouragement you need. Good luck to you.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
17 Feb 08
I hope you get the job!! Even if the pay isn't so great, just being out and with other people will be a boost to your ego. It is really hard being a single parent. I was out of work for a short time when my girls were real young. I had to resort to welfare and my ego which was already pretty down went even lower. I felt like such a loser. I finally got a job...not a great one and we did struggle but it made me feel so much better about myself.hang in there! It is so tough but if I did it...you surely can. you aren't alone. And you got your son!! Thats a step forward and incentive right there! keep us posted!
• United States
17 Feb 08
Yes, at this point I don't care what the job pays. Its just a matter of self respect and regaining some sense of independence. Thanks for your reply.
@lys123 (37)
• China
17 Feb 08
i can't give you of too many opinion,you shouldn't give up,should have an oneself of target,my wish you.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb 08
Thanks, things will get better.
@youdontsay (3503)
• United States
17 Feb 08
Statistically you are more likely to be hired if you are employed. My theory is that being unemployed lowers your self confidence and you don't look as good in an interview. Anyway, whether it is paid work or volunteer work you need to be working every day. Volunteer for a non-profit a few hours a day and job hunt the rest of the day. You've got to kick yourself out of the house and get going. The job market isn't going to get any better while your wait for a job to come to you. I hate job hunting, so I know how you feel. But you just have to do something. Good luck to you!
• United States
17 Feb 08
Thanks for the suggestion. I've asked to help in my son's classroom, but they don't need the help right now.
@drannhh (15240)
• United States
16 Feb 08
I will certainly keep you in thoughts and prayers, but the little price tag on that is that I get to nag a bit. So please allow me to just remind you that a big part of self-esteem is physiological in the sense that what we are is what we eat and it is very easy for people who have good reason, as you do, to feel a bit down to seek out comfort foods and choose what is expedient over what is nutritious. Here is a very good link that may help you even more than moral support: http://www.healthy.net/scr/article.asp?Id=2805 Good luck with your interview and remember that sometimes we have to let bad things go to make room for good things. In the circle of life there is nowhere to go from down except UP again. :-)
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb 08
LOL. Well you wouldn't be the only one to nag me about what I eat. For the most part I am a vegetarian, but I eat alot of carbs. My boyfriend is on me night and day about my diet.
@shymurl (2768)
• United States
16 Feb 08
I understand what you are going through. The thing to remember is your children need you. Do what you can for them and everything else will come to you thereafter. Good luck. You are in my thoughts and always remember you can vent on here it helps to get things out.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Feb 08
Thank you and after watching this site for the last couple of weeks I knew it was just the place to come to for some encouraging words when I need them the most.