How do you feel about hugs?

Hugs from people I barely know make me homicidal. Good old PTSD. *rolls her eyes* I don't mind hugs from close friends of either gender, married or not, in fact I quite like being physically close to my friends. However, if someone I had just recently met chose to hug me, regardless of gender or marital status... I'd have to try REALLY hard not to slug them. If you don't like him hugging you, you should just say so. Just make sure you don't do it in a hostile way, or one that makes it seem a personal problem with him. Just say "I'm not really comfortable being hugged". I would feel more comfortable saying something like that to the person myself rather than asking someone else to do it, personally, but I'm not sure what the proper etiquette for that sort of thing is among your particular social circle or area. What you definitely shouldn't do is just put up with it. Even if there is no ulterior motive involved, letting him think you are comfortable with such physical intimacy would probably mean that his attempts at such with you increase as you get to know each other better. It might go from hugging you when you say goodbye to hugging you spontaneously all the time, or such things.

Nice discussion, sometimes people love to do that hug skill. This is for who you really know. But the person you describe i think he just feel want to hug you. Maybe because of how you look like; cute,most friendly,beauty. I think he would NOT hug somebody with bad look like or when is wife was there. I also don't like he style, hope the guy that you discribe would know his limit. I think to let he know, don't tell directly to his wife. You can you use friends, tell your friends to let the wife know but not use your name. I think it is danger.

Hugs are just a mere show of affection, and I'm not averse to getting them. I know you haven't known this couple long but I would say that men, in particular, don't regard a handshake as a show of affection... they are much more likely to hug a woman... even a man, sometimes, but their masculinity often stops them from hugging a man. I wouldn't place so much importance on this hug... it's just a genuine show of affection as a friend. I'm sure you have nothing to worry about and no cause to pass your feelings on to his wife. She's probably aware of his habits anyway. I would suggest you deal with what's going on within yourself, that you can't accept a hug... maybe you have some underlying issue regarding hugs and intimacy. I don't know... that's just a thought I get from reading your reasoning. I hope you can continue to be friends with this couple as they sound to be very nice, caring people. Don't worry about the hugs... accept them in the knowledge that you are liked, for what you are, a friendly person. It doesn't make you anything sordid. Brightest Blessings.

I never had hugs growing up. I did have friends that occassinally hugged me & that was it. I went threw things as a child that makes me uncomfortable if most men hug me. My in-laws are huggers & kissers & they know I shy away from that. I do hug & kiss my kids because I do not want them to go threw what I did. I occassionally hug my husband but he does not really care for it. I do think a hug can go a long way in healing you though.

I don't mind a hug..a quick one. I find it's a very nice way of someone letting you know that you are a special person to them. But if you don't like it the next time he approaches you, step back and say I don't feel comfortable. Everyone has the right to say that something makes them uncomfortable! Be direct...then offer your hand.

I like hugs, and I think everyone needs them, but only from people you know well! People need to know their limits and issues of personal space. But some people just don't get it... Sounds like a tough situation. It's fine to put up with a hug from a stranger if it's just once, but when you're seeing them often like you do, it's important to let them know how you feel. I always like being direct but not everyone feels comfortable to do so. But if I were you, I'd say to confront him directly and say something like, 'You know I'd really rather you didn't hug me as it makes me feel uncomfortable' but in a casual way while there's a pause in conversation or something. Hope it works out! Definitely don't put up with your discomfort.

I am not a hugger. A simple 'ey conveys all my emotions to my friends and family. My inlaws are from another country and are huggers AND kissers. Whoa dude! I met my father-in-law for the first time and he kissed me three times... was a little ticked at my wife for not warning me first. It's OK that is their tradition so I can roll with it. If it is someone I don't know then I would probably have a huge problem with it. Thanks Zelo

I think if next time it happens, just put up your hand to stop him and take a step back. At the same time (if he doesn't stop) just say with a smile, 'Sorry, I'm not comfortable with hugging - nothing personal' then continue with the good byes. Or you could ask your husband what he thinks you should do. If it was a big affectionate bear hug I would be uncomfortable too but if it's just a 'slight' hug it wouldn't worry me too much. If it did worry me I might even exit the scene excusing myself for some reason as the goodbyes are being said.

I think hugs are an excuse for guys to rub up against womens chest! ;-)

This is a great discussion. To me the social implications of hugging have a lot of 'layers.' The one that jumped out at me is how your personal boundaries are not being considered. Friendly, huggy, touchy people often cannot fathom why others do not enjoy it as much as they do. Many of these people are 'feel good' people and hugs are an extension of their warmth...and you have picked up on that. However, there are other things that we all need to be aware of...and that is respect for the feelings of others. The fact that you are uncomfortable with hugging probably has something to do with you upbringing. My hubby used to be very uncomfortable with touches from strangers...and still isn't really into the hugging thing even with close friends. When we first met he said that was how he knew he was in love with me because I am a touchy person and he felt an instant connection between us...and a high comfort level. The reason I am sharing this is that our ability to honor how we feel is key in all healthy relationships. If you feel like hugging...then hug...if you do not...say so. The test of any friendship is whether both sides can create emotional safety and respect for boundaries. In my view it will be very important for you to be able to explain to this couple that hugging and touching from strangers is not something you are comfortable with. You have a right to having your personal space honored. If they react negatively to your request...then you have a big clue into who they are and how they think. In my experience most emotionally mature individuals do not take issue when other speak their truth in a respectful way. If you explain that not wanting to be hugged is not a rejection of them...or their friendship..just a need to have them respect your boundaries I would hope they would understand and accept it. To me it would be unhealthy for you to "suffer the inconvenience" to placate them. Not a healthy way to start any relationship in my books. I live with the idea that in openness there is trust..and it trust there is love. Without those ingredients I don't think there is much of a 'relationship.' Good luck with it..let us know how you make out. Warm regards, Raia

-yes, this hugging can be a bit over the top..i think he thinks this is ok but maybe a subtle hint could be like.."a handshake is ok?" i don't like this type of hugging and so does my wife been ill at ease...some people just either hub too much or have just made us feel uncomfortable...best way is just to endure this but if it bothers you then tell his wife.. the last time my wife got a hug is when she bought a new house and the sellers gave her a hub and she got their cold as the husband was very sick and the wife got sick later...so my wife told her that you gave me your husbands cold.. my wife has been very sick..she had to cut her vacation/trip short..very short and come home ....i don't know if this was the reason for her sickness but it is not a good sign....i am not amused as i was supposed to have joined her in the Philippines and stayed for three weeks and flown home with her May 28.2008...but this MAY have caused the cold..but next time..no hugs..no way...lol

-yes, this hugging can be a bit over the top..i think he thinks this is ok but maybe a subtle hint could be like.."a handshake is ok?" i don't like this type of hugging and so does my wife been ill at ease...some people just either hub too much or have just made us feel uncomfortable...best way is just to endure this but if it bothers you then tell his wife.. the last time my wife got a hug is when she bought a new house and the sellers gave her a hub and she got their cold as the husband was very sick and the wife got sick later...so my wife told her that you gave me your husbands cold.. my wife has been very sick..she had to cut her vacation/trip short..very short and come home ....i don't know if this was the reason for her sickness but it is not a good sign....i am not amused as i was supposed to have joined her in the Philippines and stayed for three weeks and flown home with her May 28.2008...but this MAY have caused the cold..but next time..no hugs..no way...lol

I think the greatest thing between humans is a hug. It is warm, affirming, and appreciative. But personally I only closely hug someone I wish to hug me, or a woman, not a spouse for someone else. I agree that if someone does not feel comfortable with it, then it does not feel as enjoyable as it should be, and you are entitled to how you wish to be treated. I would mention it to him directly, and quietly, by saying something like: "I wish I was a huggy feely person like you, but I am not and I have to accept that. So do you mind just touching through hands in the future? Nothing personal, it just makes me feel more comfortable." If you talk to his wife or your husband first it make create problems where none was before, as it might make you sound as if you have a complaint rather than a request. See if it does the trick.

I am lucky. In China we seldom hug but shake hands. When I was in US, I usually hug my female friends and didn't like to hug or be hug by male friends. That makes me uneasy.

i see what you mean here! You mean you don't hug from whoever and from whatever reasons. So just say you don't like to hug before any person intend to hug you.

There is no way I'm fine with a man hugging me that I barely know now. My husband wouldn't be fine with the situation and I would feel so uncomfortable. It would be even worse, if I'm the only other woman he hugs. I would tell him not to hug me or if that would make it worse, then that is one house that we won't be visiting. My marriage doesn't need any troubles. Good luck and hope you are able to resolve the situation.

I would not suffer the inconvenience. I hate to be hugged by someone that I barely know. I would make a time where both you and him and his wife could sit down and discuss the fact that although this is done innocently that you would prefer it not be done. That you are not comfortable with this. That might be the way that you are but I would appreciate it if you would honor my request. I would make sure that it was a good time for discussing and that there would be no interruptions while you all were discussing. I don't believe in putting up with something that makes me uncomfortable. If they are the kind of people that you say they are they will understand and respect your wishes.

I am a very huggy person. I just love hugs. I think you should just be straight up and tell him. maybe when you are all sitting around, just bring the subject up and tell him how you feel about it. I have a very very good friend who did that. I was not offended in the least. She just explained to me that she is not the huggy, touchy kind of person. And so I stopped. Just once after that...I hadn't seen her in a long while and she stopped by. I refrained from hugging her when she came in but before she left I did make her tolerate a hug....she just giggled. For some people it just comes natural and for others it does not. He should respect your wishes and no feelings hurt. just be upfront to him.

Aside from my husband, kids and family I don't like hugging either. I feel really uncomfortable. I don't come from a touchy family so maybe that is why. My husband's family are a bunch of huggers. It doesn't bother me anymore when they hug me thankfully. I am a suffer in silence kind of girl. If something like that bugs me, my husband is usually the only one I tell.