would you tell

Bahamas
March 8, 2008 4:49pm CST
i found out a few days ago that one of my friend's boyfriend is in a relationship with one of my coworkers.my friend is very much in love with this man.My coworker is a nice person.but my loyalty is to my friend.YES i told and need i say the drama that started.did i do the right thing? what would you have done? please respond.
10 people like this
39 responses
@soulist (2987)
• United States
10 Mar 08
I would have told my friend and the co-worker because neither of them need a man who would cheat on them (if he cheated on the friend who knows if he wouldnt cheat on co-worker). Yea there is drama, but in the end it's better if they knew.
• Bahamas
10 Mar 08
thats so true. thanks alot.
@sidonna (64)
• Jamaica
16 Mar 08
forgive me for my smartness but i'm a person that keeps it real with any of these discussions. why? because that's what mylot is basically all about telling you the truth regardless of what. and it's the same if i ask a question i want the truth in return. now about you, and your friend sometimes it's best we mind our own business. and stay out of other people affair it's a posssibility that they make up, and turn on you later. life is about learning, and accepting consequences for all of our actions. if people were to go around saving each other all the time what?, how? would we learn and experience life i hope the outcome don't back fire in your face. but forgive me when i say you should of mind your own business. friend or no friend
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
16 Mar 08
your honesty is refreshing. theres nothing to forgive. although your views are different from mine it still counts with me. but i value honesty as well and i felt at the time that my knowing and not telling her was dishonest on my part. i've always been a speak your mind person... i always say that i have to live with my concience for better or worst.
• Jamaica
16 Mar 08
i understand that you feel that you owe loyalty to your friend. but in some cases somethings are better left unsaid
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
17 Mar 08
You'r right. and there are times that i see like i dont see, and hear like i dont hear. {i swear}lol.
@Crysi23 (515)
• United States
9 Mar 08
I probably wouldn't have told the work place people I would have told just my best friend that I knew that I could trust.
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
10 Mar 08
i did'nt tell anyone at work.i would never complicate my working relationship with personal issues.
@Crysi23 (515)
• United States
10 Mar 08
Oh sorry dragonfly towards the end of the discussion it sounded like someone told the workplace. But to give a better answer to the discussion yes its a good thing that you did tell your friend because she did need to know. Because if she ever found out and asked you if you knew about it and didn't say anything than the friendship between you 2 would go sour.
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
10 Mar 08
dont be sorry.it did in fact get around in our workplace.it's just that it was'nt by me thank goodness because that was round two of drama {but thats another story}.
@Annmac (950)
9 Mar 08
I was once in your friends position and my friend told me and although at first I didn't want to believe her and even accused her of saying it because she was jealous, I was really glad that she did. I had it out with my boy-friend and told him that I wasn't prepared to put up with it and my girl friend accepted my apologies. We are still good friends and the boyfriend is long since forgotten. As far as I'm concerned you did the right thing!
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
10 Mar 08
i'm sorry to hear that happend to you. but i'm happy to hear you had ashouler to cry on. is'nt it great to have friends.
@Annmac (950)
10 Mar 08
It's not only great to have a true friend who cares but funny how things work out! I married my next boyfriend who I wouldn't have got together with if I'd still been with the other and as we've been married 37+years whilst the ex has been divorced three times it shows I made the right choice. Hope your friend realises that you only want the best for her too!
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Mar 08
What a difficult situation to be in! I would have to concur with those who support your decision to inform your friend and your co-worker about their mutual boyfriend. I, too, would agonize over this situation. I'd hate to be the one who had to bear the bad tidings,not wanting to hurt anyone and certainly not wanting them to "shoot the messenger". However, I would feel that in the long run, I am doing my friend and co-worker a favor by helping them to disengage from a man who is dishonest, who will likely continue to hurt each of them.What's to say that he won't add a third women to his "harem"? Although you feel badly about blowing the whistle, your friends will thank you in the end. When I am unsure about how to handle a situation, I try to put myself in the other person's shoes and think about how I would want to be treated in that situation. Much as the news would hurt, I would want to know who I was dealing with and cut the ties before they get tighter. Ignorance is bliss, but knowledge is power.
@ycanteye (770)
• United States
9 Mar 08
I agree with everyone else, you did the right thing in telling your friend as well as telling your co-worker. Hard telling how many other women this man has on the string.
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
10 Mar 08
thank you. i guess that having friends that has your best intrest at heart can only make you stronger.
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
8 Mar 08
If really do consider that person as a best friend, I would surely inform that friend of mine of what seems to be a troubling detail in their relationship. I would only be looking after my friend's welfare. My friend might get angry as well as that co-worker but surely, they know what's wrong or not.
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
9 Mar 08
thanks i feel alot better now.
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
9 Mar 08
Just do what good friends would do to their best friends. If you think its right, do it. Just accept anything that would come after doing your decision. Your welcome, glad you feel better now ^_^
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16193)
8 Mar 08
I would have done exactly the same no matter what. Believe me it hurts far more to know that a friend knew all about an affair and never said a word, I know that from experience. I would definately tell any friend of mine if I knew her boyfriend was cheating, no matter what the consequences. You definately did the right thing, I only wish my friends had been as loyal to me.
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
9 Mar 08
Thanks.and i hope your friends turn out to be as loyal as you are.
@gemini_rose (16193)
27 Apr 08
Unfortunately they did not turn out to be loyal, but that is a very long story!! Thanks for best response xx
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
13 May 08
i would have done the same thing!!! if you love your friend, you know that telling her would be the best thing - to keep her away from such a person who is only taking advantage of her and who does not love her. all you can do is be there for your friend.
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
13 May 08
That's exactly how i feel.I regard her as a part of me and felt i had no choice but to tell her. I'm glad to say our friendship is stronger than ever.Thanks for your response chiyosan.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164736)
• Garden Grove, California
13 May 08
I think thatyour loyalty to your friend should supercede that ofthe coworkers. I think were I int the position of your friend, I would have wanted to know.Your friend shoul dappreciate you for what you did.
• Bahamas
13 May 08
Thanks for that Hatley. I felt the same way,i didn't want to get involved in her personal life, but i just couldn't know about this and say nothing.Our friendship is stronger and we are having fun, she's dating someone new and although it's to early to say he looks like a keeper.
1 person likes this
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
17 Mar 08
i would have most definitely told your friend. you did the right thing. she wouldn't have deserved to have gotten even more hurt from finding out later on than when she already did and the friendship probably would have ended had she found out that you knew the whole time and didn't tell her. you did the right thing for sure. God bless
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
18 Mar 08
Thats how i feel about it too. she's a lovly person and has a good heart. and she's been there for me through everything. and i could not risk losing her friendship. she's the type of friend that will tell you when you'r wrong.. but still have your back.
@alysya (159)
• Philippines
17 Mar 08
yes I'd do the same thing.. and wouldn't care if my co worker wouldn't talk to me for life... it's not a question of whose loyalty or whose side are you in.. but who's doing the wrong thing... you know that someone is being cheated and you'll just be quiet??? see what i mean... don't be bothered.. you just did the right thing!!
• Bahamas
17 Mar 08
Thank you so much for that alysya.
@MsEddie86 (236)
• United States
16 Mar 08
i would have most definately told because you owe that to your friend but first i think you should have went to your co worker and talk to her first and let her know what was going on to see if she would end the relationship out of respect if not then you can go to your friend about it but yeah i actually had one of good friends boyfriend come on to me when she went back to college. it really bothered me cuz he would come over to my house and say man ya girl left me here wit nothin to do and then he said lets watch a movie and when i would ask what would u like to watch he said a flick and lets do what they are doing. i told him i think its time for you to go and he would say i'm jus playin and i had to tell him not to joke like that cuz he was with my friend and i told her what was goin on it caused them to get into an argument but i couldnt let him tell her any lies about me cuz he's that type of person to do that.
• Bahamas
17 Mar 08
I thought about talking to the co worker but felt that she may not have been happy hearing it from me.
• Philippines
16 Mar 08
I think you did the right thing and I'd do the same if I were in your place.If the boyfriend doesn't love your friend anymore,he might as well call off the relationship.It's hard to force love when the flame has already disappeared.
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
16 Mar 08
that is so true. i could'nt put it any better.
@MelanieW (66)
• Indonesia
11 Mar 08
Yes you are doing the right thing. If you are consider a friend of course you dont want your friend to get hurt. If the man is not worthy, is your job to warn your friend. Is better she know it now, instead of later when they get married. Just be with her and support her. Coz she need you now to deal with the issue.
• Bahamas
11 Mar 08
thanks for responding. being there for her is what i totally intend to do.
@Bethany1202 (3432)
• United States
11 Mar 08
I'd want to know if my boyfriend were cheating on me. It's never a nice thing to go through, but it's usually better to know. Just think of the diseases that could be spreading, or if he got your co-worker pregnant... What then? I think if you were 100% totally sure your friend's man was cheating on her, it's best to let her know.
• Bahamas
11 Mar 08
your so right. there's so many what if's out there as it is. and i know she'd do the same for me.
• India
10 Mar 08
well love can happen to every one so we should not interfare in any conditions like this
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
10 Mar 08
your so right. but do you think your right. but do you think you can love two people at the same time... and not love one more than the other? and if so would it be easy to choose one over the other?
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
9 Mar 08
I agree that you have done the right thing here. R/s can sometimes blind another's eyes. The picture is always clearer from another side of the fence. Yes, your friend may be sad that she isn't the choice in this case but it is always better to know early before everything is poured into it, making it even harder to let go. You deserve a pat on the back. Take courage.
• Bahamas
10 Mar 08
thank you...just doing my best as a friend.
@winterose (39922)
• Canada
9 Mar 08
yes you did the right thing, your friend needed to know, you would not really be a good friend but a hypocrite if you new and did not tell her.
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
10 Mar 08
thank you. and your absolutly right.
@bogeyboy (14)
• United States
9 Mar 08
You seem to have found yourself in a very precarious situation. It also leads to discussion of guy code and girl code, which is easily one of the most confusing topics ever taken on. My thoughts are there is no set guidelines on how this situation should be handled. I guess the easiest way to look at it would be to put yourself in the place of the person who was wronged and ask yourself what would you like for someone to do for you if the situation was reversed. My thoughts are that I would always want to know no matter how much it would hurt. So in this case, I feel you have done exactly what a good friend should do. You may have exposed your friend to deep hurt and complicated people's lives, but it a complication that was brought on by the unfaithful party. Even though your friend may be hurt right now, I believe you saved from and even more painful experience that was sure that happen further down the road. Kudos to you for making a hard decision and standing up for your friend.
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
10 Mar 08
that was very insightful thank you.
• India
9 Mar 08
Hey you have done the absolute right thing...you dont have to feel guilty, infact you actually have been a good friend and also you saved her in one manner to know the truth, coz any1 in that position deserves the truth...and well she can just move on with her life...so actually that was good, for both of them...rather the 3 of them...
1 person likes this
• Bahamas
10 Mar 08
thanks alot for your responds.and i felt,if i said nothing in some odd way it would have been dishonest... do'es that make any sense? i dont know but thats just how i felt.