parenting

@aztcgirl (267)
United States
March 31, 2008 8:48pm CST
my mom was over affectionate with me and still is and believe that telling an child constantly i love you and giving kisses should be the right thing to do. as an adult i have become the complete opposite i dont say i love you to anyone even my children that often except my husband. and my my mom think something was wrong with me as child due to the fact she wasn't my biological mom. could her being over affectionate caused me to not that affectionate to any one in my life?
2 people like this
10 responses
@madlees (1381)
• India
2 Apr 08
There is nothing wrong with youdear. Too much of everything is bad .that is my version. As you feel saying daily I love you to kids or to your husband will tire them out. It will do for me and I'll start wondering if they are true words. I am not thetype to say things, I always show it in action. I hug kids whenever I can that too particularly when they do someting commendable etc. Whatever good or bad happensto them I am always by their side helping them out. The same thing our kids are doing to us now. My Daughter is married and son is in another city working , but they call us regularly not everyday.. If we need their help they are there and that is the only thing we need in our age. You need not worry that you are not being verbal about this. They will be all right and will know that you love as they do you. You atleast tell your husband but i don'tdo that either but he can never be without me either. he needs my moral support for all the things he does. All the best
@aztcgirl (267)
• United States
3 Apr 08
im told all the time from parent at the school and my friends that im a good mom i had a parent tell me he knew i was a good momand he doesnt even know me that well
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Apr 08
you sound to me like a very good mother and that is something to be proud of; my mom never said a lot of I love yous to me when I was a kid but her actions spoke volumns to me and I always knew she loved me and I could always go to her for anything unlike my dad.
• Canada
1 Apr 08
I believe that children need to be told that they are lived, once per day, by both mother and father. When I have a child, I assume that this is how it will most likley be. I don't think there is anything wrong with you, but I do think you should tell your children that you love them, because it is extremely important to hear that. It could have made you not want to be affectionate, because you didnt like it when your mom was overly affectionate. You just need to find a balance of affection towards the people in your life.
@aztcgirl (267)
• United States
1 Apr 08
yeah and i think my mom went over board with it.i tell my daughter i love her and i try to be supportive of her when it come to school and in fact she is getting an award tommorrow at school dont know what subject but im proud. i think of you are right. i jut didnt know if it was me or if my mom was being over affectivenent. my parent alway wonder why i dont give them hug and kiss and stuff and i tell them im not that affectionate and they dont understand why. lol my parent are dumb sometimes when it comes to common sense .
• Canada
1 Apr 08
Lol, well atleast you know your parents love you alot, even if they over do it with the affection.
@Taskr36 (13925)
• United States
1 Apr 08
Well you said she wasn't your biological mom. Were you adopted? Were you in an orphanage or was your biological mother neglectful? An aversion to affection is often developed in the earliest stages of childhood. When a child isn't hugged or held by her mother often as an infant, she learns to live without physical affection and doesn't crave it as other people might. I think that's more likely than the idea that you got tired of receiving affection from your mother. Most children raised by very affectionate parents subsequently become affectionate themselves. The key is that it starts at birth, not at the age of 2 or 3 years old.
@aenasao (129)
• China
1 Apr 08
aztcgirl,there are no exactly the same persons in the world,everyone has it's own likings and dislikings,your mom do that cause she think that's necessary,there is no mistake with her.For you,you seldom said i love you to your children,there is also no wrong with you.As we all are adults now,so,we already had our own thoughts.what you told are just only two ways of teaching children.If i were in that case,i will say i love you to my children sometimes,yet,it should be not often,if i say it everyday,my children will be dull with it.
@aztcgirl (267)
• United States
1 Apr 08
yeah i think that is what happened with me i got bored from it
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Apr 08
Maybe because you were not her birth child she felt she had to go overboard just to make you know she loved you and as kids are pretty saavy she came off to you as being a bit artifical or insincere when she truly did look you but did not know how to prove it other than by being overly affectionate. And that has made you afraid you might go overbroard also.
• United States
2 Apr 08
Everyone reacts to their environment very different than others and you may have taken the extra affection more as an annoyance than as something you wanted. My husband is very affectionate to me but i still as an adult dont show to much affection or atleast not enough as i should. My parents always said i love you to me and my sisters however it was never in excess and now as an adult sometimes i just exspect things to be that very same way not realizing people like my husband were raised different. i do believe our environments do affect how we are as adults so yes it may have caused you to say it less in your later years because you heard it so much before. I think even if you never realized you didnt like all the emotoional things going on you now see it as something that may make you a little uncomfertable. Your mother not being your biological mother may have caused her to believe she needed to show extra affection towards you also so that you would never feel like you werent truly her child like so many adopted and foster children can feel.
@ersmommy1 (12600)
• United States
2 Apr 08
I don't know if biology has anything to do with it. I am like your mom. I tell my daughter every chance I get. "ILOVEU" Now she yells it back to me. I think it helps her be the confident person that she is becoming.I'd rather have my kid come to me later in life and say you loved me too much then not enough.The world is harsh and a scary place. More so now than ever. A kiss and a hug or I love you goes a long way.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
1 Apr 08
i do not think so. may be you felt that too much affection is not correct at all. so may be you are cautious with your children. i also support that parents should not mention so much that i love you.
• United States
1 Apr 08
No I would think it would be the very opposite for you. I know my mothers family never told her they loved her. She grew up with a complex. She has to tell her kids just how much they mean to her. Your not doing anything wrong doing it your way. I am glad you had the love from the parents who raised you.
@emarie (5451)
• United States
1 Apr 08
yes..it can. there is a thing as TOO MUCH as your mom did. What you are doing now may be TOO LITTLE. You may think you're doing the right thing, but children NEED affection. They will say when its too much. You need to find a middle ground in effect. the I LOVE YOU phrase should be said every day to everyone close to you. your children, your husband. I say that to my children at night before they go to sleep. I say i love you to my husband before i sleep and when he leaves for work, and when getting off the phone with him. it may be something you need to work out slowly, maybe even talking to someone about it. but it can have a negative effect on your children and relationship because you may cause them to have some trouble in relationships and affection when they're older.