'Some mothers do have 'em'

@MsTickle (24962)
Australia
April 4, 2008 3:24pm CST
Girls are "expected" to be able to keep house and to know how to do all the housework type things. They generally start "helping" at an early age. They look after their dollies and so on, being groomed and grooming themselves for the role perhaps, of wife and mother. But what about boys? Boys will also grow up to be parents...not all , but some, same as girls, but boys generally seem hopeless in household affairs. I believe, that it's up to parents, especially the Mums to train their sons... to be able to help around the house with cooking, laundry and cleaning etc. to share the responsibility of running a house and raising a family. Or, is that a contradiction? What do you think?
17 people like this
45 responses
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
4 Apr 08
I can't agree with you more MsTickle that equal time should be spent with parents raising their sons to know how to do basic "domestic" chores. I don't think this is much of a problem with those of the male gender who leave the nest at a certain age and live on their own until they do get married as they then have to "fend" for themselves...hehe...but it seems that once they do get married expect the woman to do everything...like duh? What happened?
4 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
4 Apr 08
They seem to get an invisible stoopid certificate along with the marriage certificate. The thing is, when a guy does get involved, things go so much better. Family life is smoother, and more fun.
2 people like this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
5 Apr 08
many now do, and they these men when living alone become very great housekeepers and cooks, I have known several myself.
3 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
10 Apr 08
I was actually talking about men being trained when young so they could help their wives and set agood example for their offspring. It's my belief that this sort of attitude and hands on approach is conducive to a happier family and strongger family values. So saying, I believe men are quite capable of domesticity, it's not a cut and dried female role. Many of the world's greatest chef's are men.
2 people like this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
11 Apr 08
I totally agree with you.
• United States
4 Apr 08
My husband and I are a bit old-fashioned in our beliefs, but we are raising our girls to be feminine and homemakers and our son will be raised to be the provider and to do the more "masculine" jobs around the house (vehicle work, lawncare, take out trash, etc). Having said that, we are teaching our son how to cook and clean as well and our daughters are being encouraged to pursue an education that they could use if they chose to or needed to work after they start their famiy. It works well for us to have distinct division of labor, yet we also have respect and care for each other as well. My husband generally makes all the money (works 2 jobs to do it) and takes care of the masculine work around the house and I cook and clean and raise the kids. However, I am able (and educated) to provide the necessary income if my husband ever had to stop working and I help to ensure that we are not wasting the money he earns (I also contribute a small amount each month to the income, but nothing to brag about). In return, my husband realizes that our children were created by both of us and he is always helping to "parent" the children when he is home. He also helps out with cooking and housework when there is just a lot going on or if I am not feeling well. I understand not everyone feels it is "right" and I respect their feelings, but this works for us and we are happier than we were before when we tried to make sure everything (income, amount of cleaning/cooking/childcare) was exactly equal.
3 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
4 Apr 08
The thing is you are both making a positive contribution to your family as a whole and this is to be commended. Many husbands opt out of taking an active role in all the family doings and I believe this makes for many family struggles, difficulty in communication and a breakdown in the strength of family ties. Not always of course, but a lot of the time. Your family sounds happy and organised.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (99295)
• United States
4 Apr 08
They are being equal partners. That is how life is made to run. People supporting each other.
1 person likes this
@Ohara_1983 (4120)
• Kuwait
5 Apr 08
i dont know why MEN, are like this, or maybe they called there self us a big hero of lazyness :), nope not all men actually some of them like a woman did to thier own family , home, but some also they never do works, even not heavy.
3 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
10 Apr 08
Men are lazy because they have been allowed to get that way from the time they are children. It makes them very unattractive. If they decided to help and do some work their life and that of their family would be better I think.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Apr 08
Everything I do I plan on my sons learning how to do as well as my daughters. They will iron, do laundry, change diapers, look after their younger sister, cook, pick up after themselves, etc. I spent too many years catering to too many men who didn't know the difference between a doily and a dish towel and I won't have my kids end up like that.
3 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
10 Apr 08
I used to hate when my partners would put me in the position of despising them for their stupidity in areas of maintaining the home. I became incredibly intolerant as the relationship developed in some areas but never in this area. I've never had a son so I have no experience to pull on. However, I think that guys who refuse to even have a go at helping and supporting their woman are totally disrespecting them and it's my opinion that eventually this will bounce back at them.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12072)
• India
5 Apr 08
I definitely agree with you. I have two boys. The younger one is too young for chores besides putting his toys after he is done with them (he's 16 months and needs a reminder everytime). But my older son (who is 7.5 years old) is taught to help around the house. It's a good thing that he always liked to help me around...make my work of teaching him a lot more easier. When he was younger, he would follow me around watching how I did things...and slowly he started to do little things...and I gave him more chores to do. My younger one likes to TRY and sweep the place....and I let him...because I don't want him to think it's not a guy's job (that's the mentality in India today...and my in-laws would be shocked if they knew I was getting my son's to do it! They wouldn't like it if they saw my husband washing the dishes either.) Even before I was married....I knew I would train my sons/daughters to do household chores. I never bothered with cooking and cleaning when I was younger and knew how hard it was when I had to do it after marriage....I didn't want my kids (boys or girls) going through that.
3 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
10 Apr 08
I'm really pleased to hear this. Some boys enjoy doing things around the house and those that don't shouls still be encouraged to learn. Times are changing and I believe a family that is capable of working together is happier. It should be no trouble at all foer the husband to help his wife sometimes. That's respectful and considerate.
1 person likes this
@Ldyjarhead (10157)
• United States
4 Apr 08
My boys were raised to be able to take care of themselves. They know how to run the dishwasher and wash dishes by hand, washer/dryer, iron , stove and vacuum cleaner. They're now 26 and 23 and do just fine.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
4 Apr 08
Good for you. Are they married?
1 person likes this
@Ldyjarhead (10157)
• United States
4 Apr 08
The younger one is. He's a handful in other ways, though!
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
5 Apr 08
I'll bet he's the family comedian too?
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
5 Apr 08
I di dteach my sons all that told them they might not have a wife to do it all the time . Me now I hardly ever played with dolls. Momma made me one for christmas once when I was 3 I think I put it aside went and found me a stcik and playd like it was my horse.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
10 Apr 08
I can see you now Joan...riding your pony and loudly telling him to giddyup! So cute. I DID play with a couple of dolls, got the cradle and the cubby house...my Dad was very handy, but I wasn't too good with them much preferring to play cowboys and indians and to make mud pies.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
10 Apr 08
yup we did the cowboy an dIdian too.
@mmiller26 (1932)
• Canada
5 Apr 08
My son is 6 years old and thankfully, is at the age where he still wants to help with things. He wanted to shovel the driveway. He wanted to help me vacuum the house. He helps me do laundry. And together, we get quite a bit done. My husband is disabled, and while he tries, he has a hard time doing a lot of things around the house. My son is a tremendous help. Another thing we implemented is the "Chore/Fun" chart. Every week he has a specific list of chores that he has to do; everything from picking up his room to remembering to brush his teeth every day. These are things that make my life easier since I don't have to hassle him to do them, and at the end of the week, he gets to go or do whatever he wants. This week he was supposed to make sure his room stays clean, and to get himself ready for school or daycare. He did it, and tomorrow we're going to the zoo. So it makes it fun for him, and he sees the value in earning his rewards, rather than just having things handed to him.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
10 Apr 08
While I see the merit in this idea I feel that certain things have intrinsic rewards. Helping around the house being the case in point. If a child grows up with the expectation of a reward of payment or an outing for helping out around the home he will be sadly disappointed when he realises that the reality is far different. Being co-operative, helpful, respectful are all fundamental family values where the only reward is a happy family. Helping each other is what being a family is about imo.
@mmiller26 (1932)
• Canada
11 Apr 08
On the other hand, it teaches him that that's how the world works. If you want money, you have to work for it. If you want good things to happen, you have to work to make them happen. I see a lot of kids who have things handed to them and are given allowances and such simply because they think they should get one, without having to do anything for it. All that teaches them is that money and possessions and stuff are supposed to come to them without any effort on their part, but when they grow up and find out the real world is quite different, they don't know how to adjust. He's old enough to have some responsibility and to learn that if he wants to do fun things, he needs to take care of business first. It's a nice idea to say that he should feel good simply for having done something, and certainly there is something to be said for volunteering. I'm a volunteer at the Humane Society, so he sees me offering up my time with no expectation of reward. And he's one of the most giving people I've ever met. Whatever he has, he's willing to share and doesn't get the gimme-gimmes.
@pumpkinjam (5774)
• United Kingdom
5 Apr 08
I completely agree with you, which is why I am teaching my two boys to help around the house. My 8 year old helps with dishes, dinners (he was making his own sandwiches at 2) and is responsible for his own room. He also mops and sweeps sometimes and takes it in turns with me to watch his brother while I do chores. My 2 year old is not as coherent as his brother was at that age so I don't expect quite so much but he does help. He will load the washing machine and carry his own clothes into his room. I see no reason why boys shouldn't be taught the same things as girls. My partner is rather selfish and lazy when it comes to housework and child rearing. It seems he has been brought up to think that provided he goes to work, he doesn't have any responsibility at home. I don't want my kids to grow up like that. I don't know about the little one but my 8 year old knows what hard work it is to look after a home and family. It is up to parents to train their children to take responsibility in all areas of their life. If one parent is at home then it is mainly their responsibility but it helps a lot if the working parent helps too otherwose children are still going to grow up thinking that if they go out to work then they shouldn't have to help at home.
• United Kingdom
5 Apr 08
Men take jobs in areas such as cooking and cleaning so I don't see any reason why doing the same at home should be any different. My partner, for example, works in a female dominated environment because of the job he does, he also previously trained as a chef (where I assume he would have learned about clearing up after himself too) but still does nothing around the house as if it's expected that I will do it.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
10 Apr 08
You are a good woman and I'm sorry but IMO your partner is a lazy creep who does not respect you or care for you. In my last relationship my partner drove a cab. He did not make much money and he was out on the road for anything up to 13 hours 5 days a week. A lot of that time was spent doing nothing (I believe he also snuk off to watch the cricket and spent time playing the pokies) and he constantly felt sorry for himself. On the other hand I worked a 35 hour week in a very demanding strenuous job 6 days a week that would leave me aching and exhausted. I earned marginally more than my partner. As well as running the house, doing all the cooking, cleaning, shopping I also paid the bills. My partner would come home and spend the night watching TV and getting drunk....every night. He felt, that because I worked many less hours than him that I should have to do all the work. Even his mother chided him that if I did the cooking he should clean up afterwards. That was the rule in their home when he was growing up and that was the fair thing. He paid no attention to her and expected to be waited upon. He would help me hang laundry out and collect it, he mowed the lawn sometimes but that was all. He readily admitted that he was lazy and selfish as if that made it ok. If he had a different attitude, things would have been so different. He was a lovely guy otherwise but he degraded me by his attitude and his laziness and selfishness.
1 person likes this
@mememama (3077)
• United States
5 Apr 08
I only have one son, but he does help around the house. Especially loves to vacuum, probably cause the vacuum has wheels-and we all know how boys loves wheels lol. I think the roles of women in the home, and men out of the house are changing. I want to raise him where he does everything and helps his future wife (or husband hehe, never know) around the house.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
11 Apr 08
I agree with you about roles changing and I also think couples perceptions are altering. I think your ideas on raising your son are wise and thoughtful.
@rhettaa (214)
• United States
5 Apr 08
I absolutely do agree that boys should be taught to be as responsible for household chores as girls,and to do their own laundry, dishes, cooking, etc. In my case, I wasn't even taught to do domestic chores very well. I learned to cook after I was married, by necessity. I'm still not very domestically inclined, and neither is my husband. I do laundry and basic cleaning, bu the house is cluttered and disorganized. It would help if one of us had been taught those skills growing up! My mom just did most things (except dishes and laundry) herself; she worked but she still thought it was easier that way. If men know how to do these things, then they are more independent and don't need to lean on a woman to 'take care of them' and that is better for everyone!
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
11 Apr 08
It's a good thing you and hubby are similarly inclined in this area...it's just awful when one is a slobbo and the other is a neat freak. These sort of chores are more fun when shared but I can also relate to a Mum choosing to do it herself...there's the old adage..."if you want something done right....do it yourself" I've also heard over the years lots of hubbies bemoaning the fact that when they try to help out their wives criticise them so they don't bother to help after a while. I think this is such a crappy attitude on behalf of the guy...I've had one of these and they don't even try, the attempt is a failure so they can use it to cop out of the responsibility. Sorry, had a little rant there...welcome to myLot rhettaa. Hope you are happy here.
@Darkwing (21588)
5 Apr 08
I don't think that boys are useless around the home, my friend. My eldest son, when he first left school, worked in a creche. He had to change nappies, feed babies and organise play times. Granted, he didn't do much when he got home because the babes had tired him out, but he's turned into a wonderful father to his two daughters. My younger son didn't get involved with child or baby care, but I used to have to go to work. When he first left school, he had no work to go to, but every evening when I got in from work, the house would be spotlessly clean and the dinner cooking. I was so grateful to him, after an eight hour day and an hour's journey home from work. So, you see, they're not all as useless as you think. I didn't have to do much to teach them either, other than they had to do small chores around the home as children... nothing drastic. Brightest Blessings, love and hugs. xx
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
11 Apr 08
Hello dear friend. I don't know where the idea came from that I think boys are useless around the house. But then I guess they are if they are lazy or as adults pretend to be ignorant in the ways of cooperation and lending a helping hand . The post is about should parents train their boy children how to cook and clean, do household chores and to pitch in. In a vast majority of responses here the mum's are saying that they agree that it's a good thing to train boys. Even showing them how to do little chores and encouraging them is better than nothing at all. Many of the responders have said their husbands do little or nothing by way of helping at home and I think this breeds ill feeling. Brightest blessings to you too...
@rowantree (1190)
• United States
5 Apr 08
My husband and I had this discussion recently! Our son is 7 and does a good job of picking up after himself. My husband and I both agreed that as our son gets older, he will learn how to do household tasks (laundry, washing dishes, scrubbing toilets, etc). We both agreed that we feel these are life skills that he needs to know and that we wouldn't want him to depend on someone else to do these things. I do have to note that my husband does not do any household tasks at all, which I think is horrible!
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
10 Apr 08
When a man doesn't do his share it can create such bad feeling. I know it did in my case. My brother was the youngest and I can't remember him doing too much because he had 3 older sisters who were more than capable of doing everything...our Mum worked. I'm wondering why everyone has agreed with me...where are the mothers that did NOT train their boys in this area?...are they ashamed to speak up I wonder...lol.
@palonghorn (5486)
• United States
5 Apr 08
By the time my stepson was in high school, he was doing his own laundry and was a pretty good cook. On the other hand, my daughters knew how to check the oil, water and transmission fluid on a car. They knew how to do minor repairs around the house, take care of a yard and home. No, it's not a contradiction, it's preparing them for the real world, where they may or may not get married, but they will be able to do things on there own, for themselves, without having to have someone there to do those things. I was always independent, and I wanted my girls to be also. I could live on my own and take care of things, I didn't have to have a man around the house to do it for me, it's nice, but not a necessity.lol
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
10 Apr 08
This is such a sensible idea...I mean, why wouldn't a parent want to see their children capable and independant but also concerned about helping their mate? It's just good sense from what I can see.
@cher8558 (425)
• Canada
5 Apr 08
Well hello MsTickle, I know right off the bat we have something in common. My mother (God rest her soul) and I used to watch that show, "Some Mothers Do Have Em". That show was about the funniest show I ever saw. That guy was so hilarious. I wish they would put that back on again. Anyway, my opinion, there is no hope for guys. They just don't have it in them. Their clean and my clean are definitely two different things. My boys are great in all the other ways men are, but house work. I'll keep that for myself. See ya friend, Cheryl
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
10 Apr 08
Ooh Betteee...the cat's done a whoopsey in my beret. Yeah, he's a scream. I do think Cheryl that things are changing and guys are happy to do the togetherness thing. We just can't let them get away with "I'm just pathetic at housework so you'll have to do it all" crap.
@7_fluffy (26)
• United States
5 Apr 08
i feel it takes to poeple to run a household.by sharing its not left to one person to do it all.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
10 Apr 08
Sharing, co-operation, help, support, all good words that create a happy family.
@weemam (13377)
4 Apr 08
When out 2 eldest were young ( now both in their 40's with teenagers ) I taught them how to bake cook iron and generally learn to take care of themselves . My mother thought this was terrible as boys shouldn't do that sort of thing , They are great guys ( all 3 of my sons ) and my DIL's think it was great xx
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
14 Apr 08
Yes, lucky is the girl who gets a boy with these skills.
• United States
4 Apr 08
I have two daughters, but if I had had a son, he would be just as capable as the girls of cleaning house and cooking. My Dad was quite good at cleaning and cooking. I don't think it's fair to boys to not teach them survival skills, too. Men who don't want their boys taught these skills are such cave men! When both parents are working, (which mine did), it takes two people to keep it up and do a good job. My grandson is on his way to being a great cook and he's only 10. He's been cooking for several years now. Washing dishes...not yet. Hopefully he will, though.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
14 Apr 08
It's important I. Chores shouldn't be left fot the mother or the females to do. think for boys and girls to be encouraged to be a part of the household.
@sherrir101 (3670)
• United States
4 Apr 08
I had one half brother. When he lived with us, he was expected to do the 'girl' chores, also. He complained about it, sure, but he did them. I think that all boys should be raised this way. I think that girls should learn how to do the 'boy' chores, also. It is only fair that they both be required to learn to do each other's 'gender responsibility' things.
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
4 Apr 08
It only follows that people would be much happier if they were capable of supporting each other this way and that they actually did so.
1 person likes this