I may be a housewife but I'n not buying a conical bra

@p1kef1sh (45642)
April 11, 2008 5:12pm CST
Many people here will be aware that following illness last year I have taken some time out of work to practice my housekeeping skills whilst my wife brings home the bucks for a while. Now I never do things halfheartedly. Having taken on this challenge I decided to seek some professional help. I went to se my mother. She was a young housewife in the 1950s and would know what was required. Her first comment rather floored me. "Hire a cleaner" she said. "Get her to come in the mornings then you can spend the afternoon drinking gin or seducing the window cleaner". Thanks Mum. Our window cleaner is quite a pleasant chap, but I don't want him flapping his chamois leather anywhere near me thank you. So I borrowed a book of domestic etiquette from her. Apparently, I have to rise an hour before my wife. Trot downstairs and fix her her favourite breakfast. She may have important meetings today about vital business matters that I am not likely to understand, but she needs her energy. I should take her a cup of tea in bed and then retire to the bathroom to bath or shower and make myself adorable and ready to serve her breakfast when she comes down. Once breakfast is served. Midweek it should be quite light: bacon, sausage, eggs, mushrooms, fried bread - and then wave her a fond farewell. Apparently I should kiss her enthusiastically so that she remembers my tender kisses and is not tempted by any of those predatory jocks at her office. If we had children I should also get them up so that they can wave goodbye to mummy. Alone again, my next job is to clean the house from top to bottom ensuring that her clothes are ironed and hung up neatly. She should never see her clothes anyway but perfect. I don't think that I am supposed to use starch on her silk blouses, so at least that's one chore I don't have. Later on I can pop over to a neighbour for coffee. We can exchange recipes and fashion tips. So I cannot stay long as the washing will be done and I need to get it out to dry. Under no circumstances should she come home and find it still hanging. Such indolence might make her stray into the arms of the first man she see. The afternoon can be spent ironing and finishing any little chores not done earlier. Late afternoon I should start my evening meal preparation. Only buying her favourite cuts of meat and making healthy and imaginative food that will keep her from yearning for the attentions of another. I mustn't forget to bathe again and prepare myself in the prettiest way that I can. I should welcome her home at the doorstep. Give her her slippers and the evening paper and settle her down with her favourite drink. I should keep all noise to a bare minimum as she will have had a busy day and may need to be thinking about important decisions that need to be made tomorrow. It is very important that I listen to her and help her relax. This is her home and she needs these precious hours away from the office to recharge her batteries. I shouldn't volunteer any information about my day. It's not important and will only serve to distract her. At last we can head for bed. Once there I should offer to do anything that she wants. Her needs are paramount. In the morning it will start all over again. In the book the housewife illustrated had a different apron for every day of the week and the most glorious conical breasts. I had no idea that housekeeping was so involved. Is this how all you "Domestic Engineers" live. I shall try. But don't ask me to wear a conical bra.
6 people like this
16 responses
• Regina, Saskatchewan
12 Apr 08
I have the same book. It was also my mother's and by the time I graduated High School my mother had made me memorize it. It was also her wedding present to me - just in case I needed to refresh my knowledge! LOL So my advice to you is to burn it - along with the conical bra, although it occurs to me that seeing as the fifties are long gone, wearing the conical bra where you usually wear your tighty whities, might be rather fun for both you and your hardworking, needs a good laugh to relax at the end of the day wife. ROFL Send pics! Please!!!!!
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
12 Apr 08
The image of me in a conical bra is just too funny and troubling to contemplate. As Goodie says, I might greet my wife at the door and kill her with the damn thing! I think that a lot of girls were raised to believe that their lot in life was to be their husband's supporter and general factotum. Things seem to have changed somewhat. Those were the days.
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
12 Apr 08
I was rather thinking a size 32AAA conical bra strapped around the waist to hold your cahones would be more 'male' oriented and .... PLEASE send pics - including one of the look on your wife's face when greeted at the door with you in such an 'outfit'! ROFL
@p1kef1sh (45642)
12 Apr 08
You are nearly as wicked as Nova. Do you mean cahones as in "cahones, the dog's dangly bits". Bit high if they are round my waist. I'd have a permanently strangulated look.
1 person likes this
@minnie_98214 (10574)
• United States
11 Apr 08
Ha Im a stay at home mom and its nothing like that hear lol. I do try and do as much as I can but heck if im perfect. I have no cleaners too flirt with either. Like today Im here on mylot. I still have a kitchen to speep and clothing to iron and I dont care. I love my hubby but he can iron his own clothing if its that important to him he has clean stuff he can wear. And I am a lousy cook hed rather I didnt make him breakfast at all.
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
11 Apr 08
You are shattering my illusion Minnie. You mean that not all housewives are like my description? This is very worrying.
3 people like this
• United States
11 Apr 08
Sorry and we whine and complain alot too hehehe I love shattering those perfect images.
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
11 Apr 08
But why wold you whine and complain Minnie. Don't you just yearn to serve your partner. To make his every wish come true.
3 people like this
@pumpkinjam (5764)
• United Kingdom
12 Apr 08
If any housewife really does all that, I'd like to know where she got the other hours from because 24 wouldn't be enough! You have probably worked a lot harder if you have managed to do all that stuff! She should appreciate what you do just as much as you appreciate what she does! I would not expect someone to tell me about their day without being able to talk about mine. Some of this old fashioned stuff is ok but some of it is just complete pigswill as I am sure you know! I think you might look good in a conical bra. I don't have one of those though. Nor, in fact, do I own an apron. I believe my other half owns two, not that he ever uses them, just complains when he spills something down his t-shirt!
2 people like this
• United Kingdom
12 Apr 08
I forgot a bit. Having the time for a tea break with friends would be nice.. I don't do all the things your silly book says and I don't have time for friends. This is my "break" here before everyone else is up.
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
12 Apr 08
You are a modern woman though Pumpkin. The poor souls that were exposed to that book were on the road to emancipation, but they still had along way to go. I cannot imagine that any woman actually did all that stuff. But they will certainly have done some Although these were the days before jeans and sweatpants etc and I can certainly remember my mother and my friends mothers always being quite smartly dressed whenever they left the house. As a boy if we went shopping in either Oxford or Reading (our two nearest large towns) I used to have to get dressed up. Jacket, tie, Shorts(!) etc. It really was quite a palaver. The idea of somehow being subservient in the relationship is also alien to us today. But many women then were entirely dependent on their husbands for money and to keep that supply coming, maybe it was felt that they needed to be somewhat servile. I think that you will struggle to see me in a conical bra. Can you still buy them? The thought of me in one is a little troubling and not at all attractive. LOL.
3 people like this
• United Kingdom
14 Apr 08
I am old fashioned in some ways. If it was actually possible to be entirely dependant on a husband, I might do it! And I do still doubt very much that any woman at any time could do all you said although I was thinking about it and it would be nice to have two baths a day!
@SViswan (12072)
• India
12 Apr 08
lol...I'm not a conical bra type either....but that kind of sums up a housewife's role....haha especially in India...where women (hardly any husbands stay home) do exactly what you mentioned in your post. I was just talking to my girlfriends yesterday (yes, the mid morning coffee break) ...and we all agreed that we were maids who did the housework and that's how the husbands saw us....we didn't like being called a 'housemaid'. Well, this is more like I am when I have no toddlers are around...now I tend to leave chores undone if I don't feel upto it. But I'm making sure that my kids don't grow up thinking that this is how a 'Domestic Engineer' lives...even if they decide to be the ones staying home. But I see a lot of my friends this way....the only difference is that the coffee break (or the tea break) is a walk in the evening ....and if the husband turns up when the wives are talking their regular walk, you will find the wife rushing off to make tea for her tired husband (even if she is mid sentence with a friend)....who decided to come home a few minutes early(not that they are going to spend the time talking or sharing).
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
12 Apr 08
The description (and there was much much more) does read rather like the duties of a maid than a wife don't they. I imagine that people did, to some extent live this way. I don't remember my mother being quite like this though. But she did, and does, spend an awful lot of time doing housework related stuff. She actually does have a cleaner, but they are both about the same age and seem to spend most of the time drinking coffee and chatting about who is doing what to whom. LOL.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
11 Apr 08
I use to long to be a "Domestic Engineer," until I read that. How routine and boring. I mean, I kind of knew what it was all about. But reading it together like that, just seemed so uneventful. Knowing me, I would have to watch all kind of drama on television or start some of my own, hehe. It is very nice of you to have taken over for your wife though. That is really cool. I do not think she will need all the same things that the male ego requires, however.
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
11 Apr 08
But surely that is the way that housewives work. Ever mindful of the needs of their partner. It'd drive you nuts wouldn't it. Male egos. No idea what you are talking about! LOL.
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@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
11 Apr 08
Oh yes, you know exactly what I am talking about, Mr. Mom, LOL.
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22940)
• United States
11 Apr 08
..oh my......I should be fired....YEA RIGHT! like my husband could live without me!!!....well actually he probably could...quite happily too I'm sure LOL Our window cleaner is quite a pleasant chap, but I don't want him flapping his chamois leather anywhere near me thank you ROFLMFAO omg that is too damn funny!!! and as for the conical bra...try it..you just might like the way it feels against your skin
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
11 Apr 08
I am sue that you husband just loves the way that you are always perfectly turned out for him. I know that this is how you really live your life. A willing slave to domesticity. As for the bra. I suppose that it's somewhere to hand tea towels and cloths as I move about the kitchen.
2 people like this
• China
12 Apr 08
I am prepareing to be a housewife now. However I don't want to be a housewife myself. I am forced by my mother-in-law. It seems that my husband likes this motion. I don't know what should I do. Combat or obedience? Maybe I should go on working for a while and ponder carefully.
@p1kef1sh (45642)
12 Apr 08
You should never allow yourself to be forced to do something that you don't want to do. I should take the time to think some more.
1 person likes this
@Breath (1298)
• United States
11 Apr 08
Honey also remember you got to rub her feet while she is thinking about her day.Don't never talk unless she says you can.Don't ever let her know if your upset or she might think your too needy and rush to the arms of a less needy man...lol...Did you find that stuff back in the 50's...It was cute to say the least thinking of you running around in your little pink apron and dusting and such...I am a little stay at home bumble buzzzer my self and I am much more full of my stinger then the honey.I clean and cook and all the other good stuff but if the hubby needs to come down to earth I don't mind stinging him...BUZZZZZZ
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45642)
11 Apr 08
I wasn't there in the 50's. I just borrowed my Mum's book. But I am shocked Breath to think that you don't adopt this as your own mantra for domestic bliss. LOL.
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
12 Apr 08
lol is that book from the 50's as well ? lol. I dont do half of that hahah. That made me laugh pretty hard p1ke. thanks for the laugh ;) i'm sure you will do fine at home and your spouse would apprietiate any help with housework that you give her! And besides if its just you and her at home, no kids, then you should be able to keep up with the housework fairly easily, as long as your not like pigpen (character from the peanuts, charlie brown) like my hubby.
@p1kef1sh (45642)
12 Apr 08
I'm more Linus I think. Always there with my blanket. Now I just know Sissy that you do all that stuff and more. You're just too modest to admit it. I understand. You don't want all the other wives and mothers getting jealous now do you?
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
12 Apr 08
lol i must admit that i DO have my moments.. but i havnt had any of those moments all week! its really hard to keep up with the houswork no matter how small or big the job is if you feel that no one is appreitating it or could care less one way or the other. . *sigh*
@p1kef1sh (45642)
12 Apr 08
I'm sorry you're not feeling too appreciated. I appreciate you Sissy. Always cheers me up when I see a post from you. Remember even Pigpen had his admirer.
1 person likes this
@skinnychick (6907)
• United States
14 Apr 08
LOL..Is the book called Fascinating Womanhood?? If not it sure sounds like it. I have this book and it is great for a laugh when you need one. Wearing that bra should be the best part...
@p1kef1sh (45642)
14 Apr 08
I don't remember. But it miht have been. It was really a cookery book. But it had this fascinating preface that set out what the author thought made the ideal housewife. Sorry to disappoint you, but unless I am plied with strong drink over an extended period, there is an extremely remote chance that you would ever see me in a conical bra. But if anyone on this site can get me into one. I promise to use the photo as my avatar for a week. LOL.
• United States
14 Apr 08
OOOOOHHHHHH...that is on!! You better invest in a conical my friend!!
@p1kef1sh (45642)
14 Apr 08
Oh no. Thats has to be provided. This isn't going to be an easy challenge. LOL. I'm a bit nervous now. Me and my big mouth.
@dorypanda (1584)
12 Apr 08
Errrm, yes......yes, that's exactly what we all do.......no.........really. ;) Oh don't say you don't believe me. :)
@p1kef1sh (45642)
12 Apr 08
Now come on Dory. I know that you are a domestic goddess. You are too modest. Really. I bet you were up at 6 cleaning the house ready for your partner. Took him tea in bed. Cooked breakfast. I just know it
1 person likes this
@dorypanda (1584)
12 Apr 08
Oh yes of course, then I went and shovelled coal to stoke the fire, then I errrm, what else? Oh yes, then I sent our son down the mine, and errr, I got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed all the floors, then I oh, hold on a mo, oh, that's not what I did, that was someone else. I just got up, did brain training, washed up and came on here to play. :)
@p1kef1sh (45642)
12 Apr 08
See that brain training isn't wasted. I bet you were sharper than ever doing the washing up! Wish I could train my brain. But to do what? Got to find it first.
@teeaye98 (287)
• United States
13 Apr 08
Oh My Goodness..... That is all I can say. My husband would ask where his real wife was if I were like this. That is way too much going on. I can say that I do clean, cook, and take care of the children, but not to this extent. I don't feel all of this is necessary because my husband is home most of the time anyway. He runs his business online, so this enables him to be home a lot. Now of course he does nothing but sit, watch TV, play video games, and practice (he's a full-time musician) all day. He still believes I should do all the housework though. I must say, hail to this housewife, because I'm not doing it!!!
@p1kef1sh (45642)
14 Apr 08
Sounds like you do quite a lot already. Now you are always beautifully dressed and made up when you do it aren't you? No jeans or sweat pants now. LOL. I wonder if anyone really did all that stuff. Must be barmy if they did.
@agfarm (930)
• United States
13 Apr 08
This is Fantastic!!!!!!!! I don't know about other people , but my Husband doesn't want to hear anything but good news when he gets home from work. When we first had the Baby.....I wouldn't dream of telling him how the Baby bit me in the neck , Back , and shoulders ( he was using me as a teething ring ) I looked like I just climbed out o' the Boxing ring for about a year and a half ! Perhaps that's why I had a nuclear meltdown!!!! ( UGH ) I've learned it's just easier to bite my tongue. But every once in a while.....I put my foot down ( He complains about that too ) I still love him.....it's just who he is. You get used to it!
• India
13 Apr 08
hey!now you got me thinking!i first thought that i would be a housewife rather that's what i wanted to do for long,very long.i thought i would love to take care of the house,be there for my husband and have fun and long talks when he's back.never before i thought that there would be different things to do at the same time.if this is what being a house wife means then i wouldn't want to be one!
@p1kef1sh (45642)
13 Apr 08
That's what it would have been like in the 1950s, they say. I doubt it really. Give it a try and tell us. LOL.
@Hatley (164772)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Apr 08
Oh my whoever wrote that book must have been living in a different era for I do not remmber doing all those things as a house wife. whew it made me tired just reading all that you must do to help you working mate. most of us also held a job so some of that just would not have flown. but it is fun to read. I am so glad I did not have to do all of that myself. but no conical bra, shucks nellie.
@p1kef1sh (45642)
12 Apr 08
I suspect that it was written by somebody that did not know one end of a brush from the other. But it is a giggle. There are quite a few such books about. As for conical bras. Not really my thing.
@novataylor (6572)
• United States
12 Apr 08
I know you deserve a better response than this, but I just can't get past the image of you in a conical bra! I remember those things, not that I ever wore one, I was a bit too young when they were all the rage, but I can remember seeing them in and among my sisters and mothers things. Yikes! Scary things, they were. But have you considered a couple of tassles stuck sweetly to those little pink nipples, darling? I haven't tried them myself, but I understand that it's not too hard to learn how to make them go in opposite directions at the same time. And if you figure out how to do it, could you provide me with a demonstration, please? I wanna do it too.
@p1kef1sh (45642)
12 Apr 08
You want me to go around like some Mississippi show boat gal? What a sight. Would be very funny though. Until the red necks caught up with me. Haha.