Does She Fancies Me?

Packed Lunches  - Will someone bringing you packed lunches almost everyday do you good or not? Is there a hidden agenda, or is it just pure kindness on the person's part?
@zed_k4 (17627)
Singapore
April 14, 2008 12:31am CST
Hi All friends, I have this lady at work who works in the same company as me. For all who knows me, do know that I work as an Engineer on graveyard shifts of 24/7, and I can't really be bothered to eat sometimes. And this kind lady at work, she's in the Finance Department, would always on most days when bring packed lunch for me. I felt really bad each time, but I'm afraid if I reject the food, she would be upset. So I took it, and this has been going on for weeks. On most days, she would always bring something for me, and the food is really delicious. But I suspect like perhaps she fancies me???? I'm really not sure about matters of the heart, but what are your opinions on this? Does she really fancies me, or is it normal for a lady to bring a packed lunch almost everyday for a guy?Is there such a thing as a free lunch??? I need your advices, please, because I do not harbor any feelings for her, and I don't want to hurt her nor advance her feelings further, should I accept the lunches in future, she thinks that I might have feelings for her too? So what should I do? Hugs,zed;)
9 people like this
36 responses
@athinapie (1152)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
hmmm... well... if I gave a guy packed lunch everyday it's not really necessary that i'm in love with him or something... or maybe, i'm in the process of falling... either way the point is that i have gone the extra mile just to do something for him.. so there is really something... hehe... congrats man! =)
3 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
15 Apr 08
oh my!! LOLz...so now I have to think of ways to ward her advances off in the most nicest way. I don't want to hurt her, but I really don't have any feelings. Thanks for your response. I think I have to be frank with her totally about this. Take care...;)
2 people like this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
14 Apr 08
do you know anything about her, is she married or single, she might be just trying to be nice, but it might be more into it then that. if you don't make any advances she will eventually stop if all she wanted was for it to go further.
3 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
15 Apr 08
Thanks, winterose, she is divorced and 28 years of age. I hope she's just being too nice and nothing more than that. Thanks for your response. I have to stop taking food for now.
2 people like this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
14 Apr 08
I can see some people doing this just out of the goodness of their heart. If this is all she's doing then I wouldn't read too much into it. Are there other signals that shows she fancies you? If there is you might try mentioning a girl friend or something that would discourage her interest.
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
Thanks so much lucy for your response. I truly appreciate it so much. I wouldn't want to be reading too much into it as well. But the only sign I suppose is how her eyes light up even when I talk nonsense and make lame jokes, she would laugh. And she brings food for me only. Which is kind of makes me suspicious and people are already gossiping which makes me a bit irritated but I just keep my cool, not wanting to show like I'm a big-head or anything like that, LOL. But I suppose I should start mentioning my "imaginary girlfriend" to her, thanks for your advice there. :)
2 people like this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
15 Apr 08
Well the eyes lighting up is often a sign of something deeper going on. You and her are near the same age and she sounds like such a nice young lady. Maybe you should at least think about something more, lol, especially if she's a good cook.
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
15 Apr 08
Oh NOooo!! LOL..but you are right, nice ladies like that are hard to come by. I'll ask my heart about that...:P
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21588)
14 Apr 08
Some people thrive on giving to others, my friend. I don't know how old this woman is but perhaps she has a son who is grown and flown the nest, and has sort of 'adopted' you, so that she has a son figure to look after. She may be feeling that you need to eat, and has noticed that you don't pack yourself a lunch, so she is, very kindly, providing one for you. Maybe, offer to pay for the lunches she brings... she'll probably refuse, but she will understand that you don't have feelings for her, as such. She could also have a son who is in Iraq, or something? It leaves you at a loss as to what to do, when they have to leave home this way. You could well be filling the empty space it leaves when a son leaves home, especially if she only has the one son. Ask her about her family... generally chat with her, in a friendly and interested way. I think you'll find that her feelings are not that scary. Whatever you do, please don't refuse any of the lunches she offers you. Thank her, but don't project anything more than friendship. Maybe ask her if she would like to continue bringing lunches, might you pay for them... tell her you feel as though you're "putting on her" in accepting them every day. All will be revealed in a short time, if you just take the time to find out her background, I'm sure. Brightest Blessings and good luck with this, my friend.
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
Hello there, Darkwing thank you so much for your wonderful comments and insight on this. To answer your question, the lady is actually 28 years of age, I think and I just got to know that she has divorced before and with no kids. I hope that she's really into her "caring nature" and nothing more than that. Thank you so much my dear friend and God bless you too. ;) But I've yet to find out more from her, perhaps she has a dear sibling or someone that is closest to her that makes her remember me upon seeing me. I've got to find out about that, and at the same time, show her that I am her good friend and willing to hear out her problems should there be. Take care there..;)
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21588)
15 Apr 08
Yes, there could be a lost sibling there, and it wouldn't hurt to talk things through with her. You could always say that you're happy to be her friend, but you're not looking for a special relationship right now. Put her down gently.
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
15 Apr 08
I'll certainly put your tips into action. Thanks once more. It's time to act now, -smiles-
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
i think that's part of what you call "wholesome flirting". haha! I read that somewhere on a book that girls can flirt so that guys remember the good things they did for them. does it make sense? anyway, sharing or rather bringing for food for lunch can also be an act of goodwill. it could be that she go the mile to bring extra food. I think she really likes you but it's too early to tell if she's up to something beyond liking you. If you're the one on that avatar, then there's no doubt about it.. ^_^ but seriously, the best way for you to know is to gather all your guts to ask her. I think she won't take it against you. So, i wish you goodluck!
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
Thank you so much, heavens for responding to me. I think that she is more than kind already but hope that I'm not getting freaked out by the day. I really have to take your advice on this and "ask" her. Thanks again and I hope I could muster up the courage to ask her soon.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Apr 08
yeah i hope so. Then you tell us what happens next.. lol
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
15 Apr 08
I sure will my friend....-smiles-
1 person likes this
@Sonadora (356)
• United States
14 Apr 08
This is tricky. You're right, she probably would be offended if you didn't take the food. Has she made any other advances? It could just be a friendly gesture, some girls feel a need to play the mother role, so she might just be looking out for you. Why don't you try making the extra effort to pack your own lunches? That way next time she offers you have a polite way to turn her down without risking hurting her feelings. Keep doing this and maybe she'll get the hint. If she really is just caring, then she'll stop worrying. However, if she really does fancy you, then she'll find another way in. But at any route, you've closed off this route.
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
Thanks Sona, I guess I really have to do something lest she gets the wrong idea. I REALLY have to. So, I have to stop taking her packed lunches. And let her feel upset now, rather than later. You are right about that.. Thanks for posting sweetie. ;)
1 person likes this
@Sonadora (356)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Yeah, you really do have to do something before it gets out of hand. Just try to do it in a subtle way. Good Luck!
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
I'll try my best, sonadora, thanks again ..:)
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
17 Apr 08
In the first place, I think she does have a pleasant liking and not forgetting a good impression about you to begin with. However, before you jump into any conclusions I would prefer that we be a bit more practical with our perception and understanding. It would really be too conclusive that just because you accept her lunches means that you are misleading her. I mean the both of you had not even started anything besides sitting down and enjoy her home made lunch. So do be casual and not be too alarm by her kind hospitality. I believe that communication is essential here and that you should just be natural and go along with the flow. You can always be a friend to her and start casual conversation not forgetting to compliment her tasty lunches which you have enjoyed so much. I am sure as long as you are aware of yourself and your actions I am sure the other party will never be misled. I would encourage you to be open minded and share your views on certain issues in order for the other party to know and understand you a little more and as the days go by the both of you will have a better understanding of each other.
• Singapore
17 Apr 08
I almost forgot, just for your information most divorcees will not be jumping into another relationship hastily. I have seen quite a number of cases where they just need a listening ear and someone to relate and talk it out. Not go right into another committment straightaway.
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
17 Apr 08
Hello skysuccess, Thanks so much for your wonderful interpretation of this problem. I think you are probably right in your theory and that I shouldn't jump to conclusions just because she brings me packed lunch almost everyday. I think I should go with the flow like you said certainly and just see what happens; if she starts talking about feelings, then I would be frank. Otherwise, I would just enjoy her "friendship" as a colleague and see what happens next. Thanks so much for your sincere opinions for I truly appreciate it, my friend. Have a nice day. ;)
1 person likes this
@renee0909 (152)
• China
15 Apr 08
hey, I really admire you for you have got so many kind and useful suggestions. hehe. have you begun to find out it now? how about today? is she still bringing you lunch? hehe, i think anyway she is a careful and kind girl. be careful not to hurt her. when you solve this problem, will you be kind tell me the result? hh, hope you feel better.
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
15 Apr 08
Thank you renee for responding to my discussion. I really am thankful to all my friends here including you for giving me good advices and definitely wonderful insights. I sure would give back everyone a + for their kind suggestions and advices. And I love to answer everyone's discussions. I try my best but once I go to site, I might not have the chance to answer. Hmmmmm, as for the lady at work, I would have to "sound" her indirectly whether she has feelings for me or not. I'm kind of scared for fear she would be offended but I just have to do this. Will put the update on that soon. Take care and have a nice day..;)
2 people like this
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
14 Apr 08
ya think she likes ya? seriously...most people do not do anything without an alterier motive...i would say she does like you...if you do not feel the same way, just find a way to politely say no and stop taking the food from her.
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
Yess, I wouldn't want to give her the wrong idea again. And yes, I think she might like me. Oh no! Okay, I'll find ways and means to politely say no, no matter how hard she wants me to just eat the food she brings each time. Thanks for your comment there..;)
1 person likes this
@limcyjain (3523)
• India
14 Apr 08
Now if somebody is bringing in food for you for weeks together and you expect that there are no feeling involved, its not possible. She is surely having feelings for you otherwise why would she care for you. Would you be doing this for someone unless you are very much concerned. You have been accepting that for weeks and now you say there are no feelings from your end. Then please stop accepting the food and open up the whole issue as the more you delay the more she would be hurt when she knows the truth.
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
I have feelings like a sort of platonic one, and I care for her like I care for my sister. I think I have made a mistake in accepting her food, right? But she won't let me buy which makes me think she's just being so nice. So now I have to open up most definitely lest she gets the wrong impression. Thanks for highlighting this important factor to me, I must solve this a.s.a.p. Take care there..;)
1 person likes this
@mikeysmom (2092)
• United States
14 Apr 08
wow, this is a tough one. is this lady much older than you? if so she is probably just being motherly. i tend to be that way because i have a son. if she is closer to your age she most likely has a thing for you so if you do not feel that way about her you should not accept the food anymore. in addition, no offense, but you are a grown man and you should be providing your own food.
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
Hello mikeysmom, thanks so much for your reply to my discussion. She is 28 years of age and is a divorced woman. I'm not sure why, but I just can't resist her food, though I'm not a freeloader. There was one time that I was on medical leave and my colleagues said that she did bring the food for me as well. I should be running scared, or perhaps, she is just being TOO NICE? But why she brings food to me only. Do you have any suggestions on how I can be "frank" with her, without hurting her that I don't harbor any feelings, should there be any from her? I don't want to end up being a bad guy here. Even when I want to go out and buy my own lunch, she said not to because she has brought me food. I can't simply say no, therefore I'm in a difficult spot.
1 person likes this
@ruby222 (4848)
14 Apr 08
Hi Zed..well you dont say f she is the same age as you or olred?...but my first thoughts were that maybe she was taking you under her wing...and trying to look after you a little...a lot of females love to fuss over someone...and I quite like having someone to make a fuss of too!!!....it could just well be that she is keeping an eye out for you....and looks upon you as a friend... But maybe just carry on sharing the lunches with her...take something into work for her....and you could say something just gently in conversation to her..such as...Oh you are just like a sister/mum to me...that maybe would give you an insight into her feelings for you.... But it could well be Zed that she just looks upon you as a friend...
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
Thanks ruby for responding to me. She is a divorced lady of 28 I think and perhaps you are right after all, she really does look at me as a friend and concerned enough for me. I might be wrong after all that she harbors any feelings at all. Take care sweetie and thanks again..;)
1 person likes this
@mssnow (9493)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Maybe she just likes to bring you lunch. Unless she does anything else like ask you out or flirts with you I would say enjoy the lunch. Maybe you could bring her something or chip in part of the lunch or something. Like bring cookies or a cake for dessert.
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
You might be right about all this all along. I might be just imagining things. Who knows she just likes me as a friend and is really nice. Hmmmm. I think I should reject her food and bring her food instead. But make light of things like bringing everyone a bit of food too. Now I have to think what to bring for them all, since I'm really lazy to even eat, ha! Thanks for responding..
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
14 Apr 08
I think she likes you or she would not care..Now if she is an older lady she might just be mothering you,some women will do this because they see you are not eating...If this woman is in or around your age group ,than i think she likes you..If you are at all interested at all ask he out for dinner or coffee,and get to knowing her better..One thing for sure ,she has a kind heart...
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
Hello there, I agree with you that she is very caring and has a motherly nature. But she is near to my age; 28, I think. So, I smell trouble. But I thought it was just harmless packed lunches. Anyway, I don't have that kind of romantic feelings for her, just normal platonic sort of friendship. Thanks for responding, I appreciate your answer so much. ;)
1 person likes this
• India
14 Apr 08
hmm a tricky question dear. well it is def not natural for someone to bring you food every single day that sounds odd. firstly other then the food that she brings you, do youll chat a lot what about meeting have you'll ever met out of work? well you can be a bit suttle about it. there is no need to hurt her feelings. just talk t her and tell her that you are not very comfotable with her going through the trouble of bringing you food everyday or better still a couple of days just dont go to eat at the same time as her. try to go with someother coleggues. but do not be rude as she got genuinely mean well
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
Hello there monish, I only made small talk with her each time; like about the weather and all and nothing really personal. But I noticed something funny; she would laugh at all my jokes and even when I'm not commenting something funny, she would be ready to smile or laugh. I wouldn't say that I'm particularly a charmer and I didn't purposely do that, but I think that's weird. I guess being a guy I'm pretty slow at catching up on things and it's been a while that she has been bringing food and now I realized that something is a bit wrong. But like you said, it's time to be firm and take my stand. I wouldn't want her to blame me someday that I didn't say anything to ward off her advances (should there be one). Thanks for your response, I really like it so much. ;)
1 person likes this
• India
14 Apr 08
Well may b she does care about you, but in which way? dont know. THats gud that you dont want to hurt her feelings, but if you think there is something to it and you dont wanna make her feel you have feelings for her, you better stop accepting what ever she gives you, just politly refuse and make up something for not accepting . Then you can find out whats going on after all
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
Hello there, thank you so much for your response. You have highlighted something truly important there; I think I should politely refuse her food from now on. It is not right to lead her on, even if I don't really "lead, lead" her. -sighs-, so I have to make the move now and stop all this. Is there a way I could say; like how? Thanks sweetie for your response again. ;)
1 person likes this
@jesbellaine (4157)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
Perhaps she is fond of you or like you a lot as a friend or more than that. I tend to bring packed lunches for my guy friends but not always though. if you feel that she harbor some feelings for you but you don't then you may talk to her regarding about it (if what is doing is making you uncomfortable).
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
Hello jesbellaine, first of all, I really love your description of life on your page. It is very interesting and I really like the "motto" there. You are so nice to bring packed lunches for your guy friends, but you do it for all. I have a bit of a problem because she only brings it for me. Help needed!! LOL.. But I suppose you are right, I should think of talking it out to her. Now I need the guts to do that, ha!
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18453)
• India
14 Apr 08
hmm. i think you can better know this. look for the gestures she makes.also try to understand what you would have done in her situation. if you can get an answer, its best.may be she cares for you.
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
I think she likes, me, I'm kind of sure, subha. But I don't have any feelings for her. But she might just be too nice, but she can't be too nice to just me, right?? So, she does have feelings for me, I suppose. Now, I'm thinking of how to stop her advances in the most subtle way. Thanks subha, I appreciate your answer so much. ;)
1 person likes this
@ellie26 (4128)
• Malaysia
14 Apr 08
The question is does she do this to other co-worker too? If she does, probably she is just a caring person and concern about her co-workers welfare. If not, then she might just want to know you better than the rest of the co-worker. Why don't you bring her for a free lunch one day as a token of appreciation and see what is the outcome from there.
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Apr 08
Thanks ellie. I would want to buy her a lunch or something because I feel bad that she brings it every time, but again, I don't want to send any mix signals, and I can't be frank about it, because it's just food that she gives and not love signs directly, LOL. So, I'm kind of stuck! And to make matters worst, she doesn't do it to any co-worker at all. Only me. So hmmmm about that, LOL. I'm still thinking here...
1 person likes this
@sharon_ (1171)
• United States
28 Apr 08
Ok Zed, could it be that after all these weeks of her brinking you lunches that just maybe you have taken a wee bit of a fancie to her? You have been eating her food for weeks now. I take it that the food is homemade,so you know that she is a good cook.She seems to be about your age.You have been letting this go on for weeks now...so I'm wondering.
2 people like this