How Do you deal with being blamed for something you did not do?

@winterose (39928)
Canada
April 28, 2008 1:25pm CST
Today I had to write an email to a friend who is a member of my e-zine, some how or other she got deleted and she thinks I have terminated the friendship. I don't send out the e-zine a professional email host does called zinester and I had to write to her and explain that. I told her the only thing I could do is write to zinester and find out what the problem may be. I told her it this was a result of computer technology and please not to think it had anything to do with our friendship. Have your ever been blamed for doing something wrong when you had absolutely no control over it? Please tell us what it was and how you resolved the situation.
5 people like this
25 responses
• India
29 Jul 12
Hi friend, sad to know about this, some times we are in need to face this kind of issues in our life,. if i face the situation, i will try my best to explain the real thing,. otherwise i will remain silent
1 person likes this
@winterose (39928)
• Canada
29 Jul 12
Yes that is the best way to do things
• United States
26 Jul 12
I don't know how true it is, but I had read somewhere (maybe an article on the Internet) that if someone is blaming you for something that you did not do, and you defend yourself too many times that they will think that you did do whatever they're blaming you of doing. Did anyone else ever hear this?
1 person likes this
@winterose (39928)
• Canada
28 Jul 12
I haven't really heard that before but people often wonder if the defender is telling the truth. However, there are times that you do have to defend yourself and your honour regardless of how people thinks of you.
@sun2day (1063)
• Virgin Islands (U.S.)
2 Jun 08
A few years ago I workrd in a nursing facility, apparently one of the patient was senile and he said he lost his money. The nurse question a few of us. I told them I saw him with his money and that was all I knew; they failed to believe me, so they choose three of us to take a lie detector test. I felt so hulmiliated. I have been working home in public health for many many years. I built up some resenment towards those people. That was the worst thing that has ever happened to me that I could recall. What an embarrassing moment!
@winterose (39928)
• Canada
2 Jun 08
Oh Gosh that is awful, I do not even think they have the right legally to do that. I would have quit that place on principal.
@whyaskq (7553)
• Singapore
29 Apr 08
It would be tough to deal with such a situation unless the friend understands technology well. Other than explaining to her, I would copy her in my email. It is enough proof that I am innocent. This is what happened once. My colleague was on remote support and insisted that I had disconnected his line. It went to my manager whom I had no idea who he believes is at fault. I decided to drop an email to the manager explaining what had happened with my own analysis on how the line cannot be disconnected by me. My colleague was put on copy. There is no way he can further put the blame on me.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39928)
• Canada
2 May 08
she was copied on the email to zinester and she was even sent their response.
• United States
29 Apr 08
I know how you feel. This is one of my biggest pet peeves in life. It makes me feel like I am picking up slack for some other person. I HATE THAT and I won't be blamed for what someone else did wrong! I had a situation a couple of months ago where I was PARTIALLY in the wrong and I felt like I got blamed for the WHOLE situation. That wasn't fair but I still held to the fact that I was not totally wrong in the situation. There were others responsible too you know? If you feel like you did no wrong then stick to that. Others can either take it or leave it. Really, you need to reevaluate your friendsip if it was so easy for her to blame you and think you did something so wrong.
@winterose (39928)
• Canada
2 May 08
this is her issue not mine, as a publisher, I have a certain role to play and I play it it is as simple as that.
@kaerfaima (103)
• Philippines
29 Apr 08
having caught in that situation is really making me out of my mind....how do I deal with it....hmmmn..I calm myself and think that nothing happen. in that way I could be free of problem thinking and having a bit of stress from it.
@winterose (39928)
• Canada
2 May 08
that is an interesting perspective. Thanks for responding.
@nengs10 (3190)
• Philippines
29 Apr 08
This thing happen rarely. If this would happen to me, I would be very disappointed of course. But I will really make sure that I can explain my side of the story. It is so important for the people concerned to know and understand where I am standing with the issue. I really have to defend myself and I know, the truth will prevail later on.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39928)
• Canada
2 May 08
good points.
@gratitude (181)
• South Africa
29 Apr 08
I have been blamed so many times i given up keeping notes on it all. If you now in your heart you are innocent, don't let it worry you, the person accusing you needs to take a step back and try to listen to your story or move along as far as I am concerned. I get blamed so much for things I actually cannot wait to find someone to make me a noddy badge that states BLAME ME EVERYONE ELSE DOES!
1 person likes this
@winterose (39928)
• Canada
2 May 08
blame me everyone else does, it sad but funny at the same time. I am not worried over this friend, I explained to her that I had know control over it.
@mbs730 (2157)
• Canada
29 Apr 08
i am sorry this happened and YES I know how it is, I have been blamed PLENTY for things that I never did. This is why I try to not point the finger at anyone for something that went wrong.. even if I suspect that a certain someone was responsible for causing a problem. Unless you know for a fact that someone did something on purpose, its wrong to blame anyone for something.. because they may have been innocent all along.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39928)
• Canada
2 May 08
you are absolutely right, pointing fingers is not the right thing to do, unless you know for a fact what is going on.
@xParanoiax (7007)
• United States
29 Apr 08
It's harder for me, at least when it comes to people who're family or friends. Five times straight, whenever something's wrong with the computer my Mom always blames me and says my activities brought on a virus (which isn't so, her activities are far more likely to bring one of those on)-- even though this is NEVER the case. Five times in a row. You'd think she'd learn. *shakes my head* Much yelling and drama usually comes of being wrongly blamed _
1 person likes this
@winterose (39928)
• Canada
2 May 08
Yes hon, it is very upsetting. My son and I went through the very same thing, but now we both have our own computers, so if there is a virus on mine I know I caught it.
@Hatley (109878)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Apr 08
winterose my son was fussing at me several months ago as he thought I had not cleaned the microwave properly. so I recleaned it for Mr. Clean and let him stew about how it woudnt heat his cofffee properly unless it was a1 clean. I had tried to tell him that the oven was malfunctioning and it was through no fault of my own. later that evening I heard him make some loud explosive soundsand smelled burnig plastic too. I hurried into the kitchen and there stood my son with the oven door open and smoke pouring out and smell of burning plastic so strong. " He said you were right its just self destructed. I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying I told you so. lol
@winterose (39928)
• Canada
2 May 08
that showed him didn't it lol
@Rosekitty (19760)
• San Marcos, Texas
29 Apr 08
Mine was at work and i was blamed for not taking care of a customer (waitress)I had been there for 10 yrs and every customer knew me, but the new owners felt like i would be acting like i was in charge..so accusing me of being a bad waitress was to them there way to get rid of me..they wouldn't even let me talk so i left and so did most of their customers... and waitstaff..they knew the truth and figured to hurt them where it would..i had tons of job offers to work for others but decided to never work for anyone else again after that. Have been self employed for 16 yrs now.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39928)
• Canada
2 May 08
Good for you, you had a lot of support. I wish I had the know how to open a business.
@sacmom (14361)
• United States
2 May 08
Unfortunately I don't know what it was about, but I was blamed for something that I did not do back in the 7th grade. There had been another girl in my first period class with the same first name as mine. A boy that was in the class was totally in love with her, but it was obvious that she didn't feel the same way about him. One morning while I was sitting at my desk he came up behind me and asks me if I'm Annette (not my real name). I said yes and he grabbed the back of my hair and pulled HARD! He said something about how I ratted him out. Once the bell rang for class to start he finally let go and went to his seat. I was astonished as to what happened, but also speechless. After all, what was I going to do, say it must have been the other Annette? What good would that have done? The next school year I worked in the office. The boy that had pulled my hair came in and I was supposed to help him. But when I saw him again I got angry for what he did so I didn't. I didn't care if my grade was going to suffer. As you can probably guess, what happened was never resolved.
@KrisNY (7609)
• United States
29 Apr 08
All the time! It stinks--- You know what- mine are usually not online though- In my offline life- I have decided to actually drop a couple of friends- because this happens too often. I can see a few times- you know things happen ~ people misunderstand people. But all the time- it's not worth trying to fix it all the time. I hope your friend understands this- it isn't you- you don't send out the e-mails. Good luck!
@flamenca (82)
• Canada
29 Apr 08
The best way always, for me this works, is to be the most neutral possible. Meaning not reacting, feeling guilty, nervous, ashamed... etc. This works best for me as people usually like dramas and if you are neutral, it means that you do not get involved in their drama. It is not yours.. Flamenca
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
29 Apr 08
YUp I have and it went on for years I just egnore them no use to saying I didnt do it that just fed on to what they were blaming for so I just dont pay attention to them any more!
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Apr 08
Many times. I try to explain and if it's a big deal I try more than once but if it's not a big thing I shrug my shoulders and leave it be. I do the same shoulder shruggin technique after my third attempt to set the record straight.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Apr 08
Yea that happens alot when eaither you end up acidentaly doing somthing or something goes wrong then the person gets mad at you even if you really didnt do it. So yea I understand what happened and it does happen.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Apr 08
hell, I'd just admint to it. If they don't believe you, then that must mean their not your friend enough to believe you.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Apr 08
hell, I just admit to it and get it over with. If they don't believe you, then that must mean their not your friend enough to believe you.
1 person likes this