tough question---mother's day

Instead of feeling sad she is coming, why not take it in your stride and make your partner look after you both after all it is mothers day so he can show how much he appriciates you both maybe you and his mum can just relax for the day and talk rather than you feeling like its ruined the day. I always think mothers day is for spending the day with your children and for them to show they recognise how much you do, your children are too small so your partner has to show you for them but at the same time he has to show his mum also. Its one of those days where its hard to please everyone its the same here but i just think well its one day why get upset.

It's not right that she invites herself like that...I think I would feel a bit shafted as well....have you tried talking to her about it? Or talking to your hubby about it, for that matter?

You probably feel bad, partly because you lost your own mother.. I never expect anything from hubby, except faithfulness! and then I'm not disappointed! Valentine's day? What's that? But do I really care..? Lucky for me, no I don't.. I like Mother's Day because right around then is when violets get their purple flowers and I have a whole carpet of them in places.. It's my birthday around that time too.. but my daughter, tho she's now 25 is still in the "I hate my stupid mother" phase.. but our son, the last few years has gotten me very nice cards. I hope your mom's day turns out to be very nice.

I can understand how you feel here stacy but imagine yourself 30 years or so into the future and your son is married and has a child and doesn't have any time for you on Mothers Day after you have raised and loved him all these years! That wouldn't feel too good would it? I felt really bad this year as I wasn't fit to go to my MIL and my partner wouldn't leave me here alone so he didn't see her, that really upset me but his Mum understood! I think if you can share the day with your MIL it would be a wonderful thing - wouldn't you want to see your Mum on Mothers Day if she were still here? I don't mean to upset you - I just wanted to be as fair and honest as possible! xxx

Hi stacyv81! it is just normal to feel that way my friend. You are a mother yourself so, it is just right that you should also be treated special on that day by your hubby and kids. Your mother in law on the other hand is kinda taking the limelight on that occasion, making it her day and not sharing it with you. She should have respected that special moment since her son has a wife who is a mother to his children. However, maybe your mother in law feels a little sad when that day comes and she wanted to feel special too somehow to the point that she never considered your feelings which is of course not right. It would be good to talk about how you feel with your hubby so he can have a separate celebration with his mom. Just my thoughts. Take care and have a nice day!

It is not right for her to just invite herself to come down on Mothers Days though call me mean but I think I would have lied and said I wouldn't be I would have told her we were going somewhere as a family to celebrate Mothers Day and her gift would be in the mail.

My dh mother is the strangest lady in the world, she is completely selfish and all that. She wants to have a mothers day on a different day, she is that way with all holidays as she is never in town when the holiday is truly set on the calendar. Dh sister has no kids. He made a comment to her the other day as she was trying to say why not we all head down to texas (4 hour flight) with the kids (They are 4 and 2) and we can go standby which would make it a lot cheaper, so we can see our mom and our grandma. He said, and this was the perfect statement to her" My mothers day means something completely different than your mothers day" She sort of understood and just dropped the subject. He said this and meant that for him, mothers day is about ME, the mother of his children. To her, her mothers day means celebrating her own mother as she has no kids of her own. It will get easier I think, when your babies get older they will celebrate you. Hang in there, it will get to a point where your guy will start to realize that the only mother he really should be celebrating is YOU!

Because men don't look at it the way we do. Maybe when they get a little older and more mature they will but when they are fresh into father hood (like the first 18 years lol) they are complete bone-heads.....

Have you talked to your guy about how you feel? I can see his mother wanting to spend part of the day with him. However, he should also spend part of the day with the mother of HIS children, teaching them to love, respect and honor YOU on that day. I would suggest that the two of you sit down together and discuss this calmly and rationally, and try to come to some sort of compromise.

my husband,god love him. always ignored me on mothers day too and when i reproved him he always said you are not my mother.so I got wise. I took myself out to dinner on Mother's day left hubby babysit and Had an excellent dinner and enjoyed myself no end. Myson always gave me a homemade gift on Mother's day which I always treasured. so my suggestion is let hubby baby sit and you go out and take yourself out for a special dinner just for you.

Hi Stacy If you knew what time she was coming you could be gone before then..have your mothers day with your children and their Dad and still have time to be with her. At least you would feel like you got to do what you wanted first and then wouldn't feel so bad with her being there. If you do like her then have a little present made from the children for her..nothing fancy.. and if you don't care for her then you aren't obligated to do anything except come back home and be cordial..obviously she doesn't give you anything so unless her Son gives her something, you don't have to feel guilty to do it. No one can make you do anything you don't want to do..its your choice!

Someone already said this and I have to agree...but I will add to it a bit. I had a unique situation for many years, I was a step-mother, I was a daughter (with three mothers) and I was a daughter-in-law. So Mothers Day would roll around I would send cards and flowers to the following: My biological mother (who was an idiot and really didn't deserve it) My adoptive mother (who was a fool and really didn't deserve it) My step-mother (who did deserve it most years) My mother-in-law (who was a drunk and forgot she had a son most years) My wife-in-law and mother of my sons (who did deserve it) Everyone forgot me who was raising the boys especially once they hit the teens. My husband at the time said you aren't their mother why would you get a Mothers Day card? My sons hated me because I was mean and strict. All of the list above just never thought about it. I really use to get my feelings hurt and I use to cry every mothers day. Reality was I was for all intents and purposes their mother and had been since they were 4 and 6. I understood relationships that weren't blood and that they counted. Well then things changed. We divorced. They boys stayed with me. Their father never came around never saw them. Their mother couldn't handle them although she remained a big part of their lives. Now 20+ years later they "get it". My oldest will be a father this year. My youngest is getting married soon. They usually remember me on Mothers Day now. I still send Mothers Day cards to the list above minus one (bio mom who remains an idiot but one I no longer talk to). To circle back around to my original point though. In the early days I use to make an appointment with friends without children for Mothers Day. We would go out for a great brunch. I would leave the children with their father for the day. I would get dressed up and spend the day with people who apprecieated me. In your case, your husband is right. You are not his mother, however you are the mother of his children. Let him do something kind for you on the day that is intended to honor "Mothers".

Stacy you are not alone. I would feel the same exact way. Maybe you should convince him to call her and say hey I am taking my girl and kids out for the weekend can you come another weekend, or hey this coming weekend isn't good we have plans already. He should definitely do something to make you feel special. After all you did give him 3 beautiful children.