How do you deal with unwanted attaction?

Canada
May 16, 2008 1:33am CST
A really good friend of mine had a traumatic experience when she was young and ended up moving out of her parents house at the age of 14 and began living with her boyfriend (at the time) and his friends. When their relationship ended, she bonded really close with his best friend and they have lived together (with another male roomate) since the break up 5 years ago. Her ex moved away and she just stayed living with the two guys. She has always treated them and referred to them as brothers, and just the other night, her exes best friend confessed his undying love for her and she panicked and fled from the house. When she got home later the next day and he was at work, she found two dozen of her favourite flowers sitting on her bed with a card that simply read "Consider it?" So after hearing this long story and seeing her apprehension and confusion of having to deal with it, I started to think - how do we all deal with those types of situations? I mean, every time i've been attached to someone i've had at least some people ask me out or try and get close to me, but i've never been in my friends position - where you truly cared about the person that wanted you, just not in a romantic sense. How do you let someone down easy in a situation like that?
4 people like this
11 responses
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
17 May 08
I have been in those situations. I just tell the person that I value our friendship very much but I don't look at him in that way. Sometimes it is a bit awkward at first but not for long. I've never lost a friend by just being straight and honest with them. If he is a good friend and really cares about her, then he will understand. I'm sure he knew that there was a chance that she didn't return the same feelings. He just had to ask...just in case.
@cripfemme (7718)
• United States
17 May 08
The only really significant occurrence I had of it was when i was a grad student and one of my students - who was an 18 year old freshman (eww) decided he liked me in an inappropriate manner. Eventually I had to report him to the university, which was not my goal. But it got scary after a while. My advice is it's fine as long as it's harmless. If it starts to creep you out, however, tell someone.
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
17 May 08
It's difficult to comment without hearing the full story. This man obviously knows the full yarn and he loves her so he has been brave enough to declare himself and he wants her to at least consider what he has said. I think if this guy loves her he also wants the best for her and if she thinks of him as a brother she probably feels safe and comfortable with him. Saying all that it seems that the two people should be able to talk about things. If they stand back and look objectively at things they will see that this is the best course to take. He has been courageous and honest with her. She owes him the same courtesy and respect. Just my opinion...
@angelface23 (2498)
• United States
16 May 08
I had a sorta similar thing happen to me. there was this guy I went to high school with. I met him through my best girl friend. I always figured he had a thing for me but we were friends and I thought he understood that. I only saw him now and then though. Then one night him and his friend picked me and my friend up and we went driving around and they had vodka so we were drinking. He must have been really drunk cause he professed his love for me. I was kind of serious with this guy (my first love) and I told him I wasn't interested but he wouldn't leave me alone and was screaming and crying. Really made me uncomfortable. Nothing ever came of it. I made him take us home and never heard from him again. But knowing how I am I probably wasn't nice about it.
@ambkeb (782)
• United States
16 May 08
Well, I think that that is kind of romantic. But I can see why she would be apprehensive about the relationship. I know I sure would be. She has lived with him for so long and Im sure that they have been through special times together, good or bad. Does your friend have any feelings for him at all? Would it be such a bad thing to have atleast one REAL date with him? If things are awkard on that first date then she would know that it couldnt work. I mean...Does a person really date someone that they have feelings for? Ive been a few dates with guys that I had absolutly no feelings for, until later. My husband for example. But if she absolutly does not and will not ever look at him like that, it can be hard to let someone down easily. Expecially if you consider them as a friend or even "family" I would make sure that they sat down somewhere quietly and talked everything out. Maybe just hearing, REALLY hearing what eachother has to say about everything would help make those awkard times that they are bound to have....better.
@chaigay20 (166)
• Philippines
16 May 08
I think that she should be honest with her feelings. if she doesn't like the guy (in a romantic sort of way) then tell him straight. this is kinda hard because they've been friends for too long. her worries would be how to deal with him after, it wld certainly be awkward. but i think the awkward stage will pass. =) then again, maybe she should think it over and check her feelings for the guy. maybe she feels the same way....
@subha12 (18453)
• India
16 May 08
actually i have never been into any relationship. neither there was something that I felt there was unwanted attraction. once it was little like this although. one team mate of mine was a bit attracted when he was already in a relationship. i corrected him in this.
• United States
16 May 08
one needs to be specific wht one needs from another person. when u find such a guy, dnt just jump into relation but just try to know what he expects from u. If u can offer what he wants, then go ahead in the relationship but if u can't, just dnt hesitate to turn them down, otherwise in the long run it will lead to breaking of the relationship at some or the other point in life. And always remember that, whenever u r with a guy, be true to him as no guy who's nice and honest will bear u moving close with another guy.
@sugarfloss (2140)
• Malaysia
16 May 08
I would start dating and sooner or later he'll get the idea.
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
16 May 08
Well I think she should be as honest as she can be when telling her about her true feelings for him. This is just what it means to make things right as soon as possible. I think that will hurt the guy but if that guy is also decent enough he would accept her as a friend instead. I think that should be the best way we could make thing right.
• United States
16 May 08
In this situation it's always hard when the guy seems like such a nice guy, like her friend. And she doesn't have feelings for him like that at all? Maybe she is just a little scared and not used to the idea... but if she knows 100% that she doesn't love him like that, only as a friend...that is exactly what she needs to tell him. No matter how cliché this sounds, she has to tell him that she loves him as a friend only, and does not want to lose that relationship that they have already built. But your friend should also know that, if she has any romantic feelings for him at all; maybe the fact that they have been friends for sooo long, it would make a relationship even better and stronger. She should just be really sure before she has to hurt him a little bit... Best of luck to your friend and hers! Hope everything turns out okay for everyone!