Should I tell my mother in law or not?

United States
July 8, 2008 11:16am CST
My mother in law just gave my daughter and I a hair cut. She is a licensed stylist and has her own shop. She cut my daughters shorter than she wanted and it was not even close to the style she asked for. Now My daughter has natural wavy hair and the style was designed for straight. My M-I-L cut it very nice and close to what my daughter wanted last time but way missed the mark this time. Then I asked for a style that was a bob with blended in bangs. She cut mine in exactly the same way as my daughters. She used a straight razor and gave it two big fat layers and no way resembled the hair cut I asked for. When my daughter complained My M-I-L got pretty upset at her over it. When she cut mine I just went with it and can make it look pretty good. I want to tell her that she did not cut it according to the pictures because a bob is not layered or shagged with a razor blade. I am afraid she will ask me who went to school for it and get mad at me. Should I tell her so that she don't do customers this way or should I just let it go and not say anything?
18 people like this
48 responses
@moondancer (7434)
• United States
8 Jul 08
I would tell her, because you may use her again or she will do your daughters again. Your hair needs to be the way you want it not the way the stylist wants to do it. No matter that you have not went to school to be a styist, you know what you want and how it's suppose to be. If she's going to do hair and claims to know what she's doing then she needs to accept the fact that she may not always get it right. And take the criticism as a learning experience. I have run across many stylist that have not done my hair the way I wanted. They get caught up in what they want or like and do what they want. No matter if you pay her or not if she is going to do your hair it needs to be what you wanted. Making suggestions and letting her know it's not what you wanted is a give and take. This means that you don't have to just take what she gives and she needs to give you want you want instead of you just taking what she gives. SHe does others hair and needs to be professional about it. If you don't tell her and she does someone else's hair this way or everyone else's hair this way, she will lose customers. Someone needs to let her know. She may get upset but you won't have to endure having bad cuts again.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Jul 08
She usually does do the kids hair and usually does a good job. She might have been having an off day. I just rarely let her cut mine because I know that I will not get what I ask for lol. The only reason at all I want to say anything is so that she won't do this to a customer but I am terrified that she will be very upset with me. I did not say anything to her in the shop because she had several customers waiting to have their hair done. Maybe I can bring it up casually next time we are over.
@irishidid (8714)
• United States
8 Jul 08
Hair grows back, hurt feelings take a lot longer and sometimes never heal.
1 person likes this
8 Jul 08
I agree with irishidid!! It may take a while but your hair will grow back, then you can go to another hair dresser and ask them to style it for you. If you hurt your MIL feelings then not only are you hurting hers but maybe your partners aswell (since it is his mum)
1 person likes this
@amanda08 (647)
• United States
9 Jul 08
i do not agree... u should def tell your mother your thoughts... just not in a harsh manner
1 person likes this
@RDugas (247)
• United States
9 Jul 08
I agree. I wouldnt make too big of a deal over but I would def. mention to her that you like the haircut but wish she would have cut it differently. Somethings in life just arent making waves over. Either that or just dont say anything and bring her someone else to get her haircut next time.
@drannhh (15240)
• United States
8 Jul 08
Although I am usually big on being straightforward with people, I would suggest in this case to let it alone and just go to somebody else next time. It is never worthwhile to get into words with a mother in law, I think, not even a nice one. The success of her shop lies with her and her alone and you have no responsibility to try to guide here, nor do you have any obligation to patronize her shop. Others may disagree, but that is my take on it.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jul 08
I have gotten a lot of mixed advice on this one. I am for sure going to go to a different hair stylist the next time. I think I may try to bring it up during a casual conversation but not go out of my way to bring it up. I may chicken out though lol. It has taken us years to get close and well we still are not all the way there yet.
• United States
8 Jul 08
I think you should let her know in a nice way. Let her know that you appriciate what she has done for you and that you appreciate her cutting you and your daughters hair. But let her know that she did not give you the results you were looking for.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jul 08
I am so afraid of hurting her feelings and putting a bigger rift between us then their already is. I have lots of people here saying to say something and others say not to. I am going to see if I can get brave and just mention it.
• India
8 Jul 08
have you thought so much if she would have been your mother, of course not. So dont think here too......because after all she is one of your dear one. Of course the way you would say so would depend how the person in front would perceive it. Generally people have aility to speak out their mind and in process they offend not one but many people. Its more of an art to express one's view. Try the 180 degree aprroach wherein you just praise what she has done and ask her what she think if the hair cut would have been of size which you have explained in your post/ I can bet she would realize her mistake and keep this in her mind for all future action. good luckm
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jul 08
I know my own mother would not take it so personal. I am afraid if I tell her she will think I am attacking her or that I dislike her. I am going to try to maybe bring it up in a casual conversation. If I get brave enough lol.
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
8 Jul 08
I would just let it go and go to a salon next time to get it done the way you want it. I had a stylist years ago who did something similar. I kept going in with different pictures, but I always came out looking the same way I went in. LOL I finally realized she cut the way she wanted and didn't much care for MY input. I quit going there and found someone who would listen.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jul 08
I am for sure going to start going somewhere else to get mine done again. I let my fear of hurting her feelings ruin my good sense lol.
• United States
13 Jul 08
You should tell her and you should do it like that Juice Newton song, Break It To You Gently.since she did your hair exactly the way you wanted, then she can follow instructions, so she just made a mistake with your daughter.
• United States
13 Jul 08
D'oh. I meant Break It to Me Gently.
• United States
16 Jul 08
Oh no she did not even come close to doing my hair the way I wanted lol. I just got lucky because I could make mine do something. I used the curl in mine to make it look okay, my daughter refuses to work with her curls to make it look decent. Neither of us got the cut we asked for and in fact our hair was cut the exact same way and the pictures we showed her was not anything alike.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jul 08
Oh. I am sorry. You have to tell her but be as kind as you can.
@ch88ss (2270)
• United States
14 Jul 08
HI Travi Wow a difficult one. Do you usually have a good relationship with her. if you do then I don't think she will mind, maybe next time you can ask her opinion casually and say do you think you can do this style on me? Will it like good on me? etc these questions my ligthen her up a bit. By the way, the day you got the haircut, was it a busy day for her? Maybe going in on a slow day will help. so sorry, can't help with much. good luck
• United States
17 Jul 08
Hi ch88ss, Not a good relationship with her so I am afraid even gently will rock the boat. I have thought maybe casually bringing it up might be easier but I am still not sure lol. It was a very busy day and I think she gets flustered easily. I tried to get out of her doing my hair by letting all her paying customers go first but the next lady was a family friend and she insisted I go next. I was hoping hubby would say no we got to go to get me out of it but I guess my ESP was not working that day lol.
@ch88ss (2270)
• United States
18 Jul 08
That is too bad, Well maybe you can find a new stylist and that way you can come up with some to say. Like, “oh I want her to make time for her paying customer etc.” Good luck
• United States
21 Jul 08
Thanks for the great excuss when and if she should ask about the haircuts we get from now on. I tried to get my daughter to go somewhere else to get it fixed to where she could live with it. she refused saying she did not want to go any shorter and her friends convinced her she would have to go very short to get it fixed. One of these days she will learn to listen to her mother maybe instead of her friends.
@Trace86 (5033)
• United States
13 Jul 08
Definitely keep your mouh shut! Just go to a different stylist next time for you and your daughter. Let her paying customers complain. If she ever asks you, don't lie. Just tell her that you wanted to see what a different stylist could do with your hair. Tell her if she doesn't think what the customer wants will work, she needs to tell them and explain why instead of just doing her own thing and making the customers mad. PS. It sounds like your MIL gave you the same haircut that I got last week that I didn't ask for. Only I can't work with mine so well unless I take extra time to flat iron it to make both sides match. One curls under and the other flips up.
• United States
17 Jul 08
I will for sure go to someone else for my haircuts. Maybe our stylist went to the same school lol. Our styles sound pretty similar. Mine was working for a couple of days and now it is not doing anything.
@Trace86 (5033)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Dorothy Hamill - The most famous wedge haircut ever.
I just couldn't stand what that girl did to my hair for another minute! Yesterday I went to my regular girl and asked her to fix it the best she could. She had to cut it a smidge shorter, but now I almost like it! It is kind of like a little wedge now, only a bit longer.
• United States
21 Jul 08
.I am glad that you got yours fixed to where you at least like it some. I tried to get my daughter to go some where else to get hers fixed to where she might like it better. She refuses to do it. She said she don't want to go any shorter and she said they will have to go shorter to fix it. Her friends convinced her of that fact. I told her that they could trim some of it and make it do something without taking very much off and it would not look any shorter. She said she would put it up and live with it. I give up. Glad that you got yours fixed. I am going to go have something done with mine in a couple more weeks. I hope they can fix mine up as well
@chrislotz (8203)
• Canada
2 Sep 08
That is what happens when you go to a family member to get your hair cut. But not always. I have a sister that has her own shop and she does my hair great. But then she knows the styles as she is still young. I think maybe your mother in law did yours and your daughters hair the way she wanted, not the way you wanted. I am sure she doesn't do that with her other clients. If she did, they would find another hairdresser and not go to her. They must be happy with her or they would change hairdressers. So I think it is only because of you being related that she did what she thought would look nioce. I, pesonally, wouldn't complain or say anything to her about it. You would be insulting her profession and that can only lead to hard feelings. Just start going to another hairdresser. If she questions why just tell her that you want to go to one that knows today's styles and you want to try something different. I don't think that would insult her and then you can keep peace in the family.
• United States
2 Sep 08
Thank you and I think you are right. She probably did do what she wanted because we are family. I think she might want to use us to experiment on so that she can try new things and knows we won't get to mad at her But I am going to take that advice and not say anything and just go to someone else for my hair cuts. Thanks again.
@chrislotz (8203)
• Canada
2 Sep 08
Yeah, there is nothing good that could happen, if you were to talk to her about it. So to save peace in the family, it is good to just not say anything. I was surprised to get this comment so soon after I posted my reply to your discussion. It is nice to see that I am not the only member here so early in the morning. Usually I respond at this time of day, and don't recive any comments for hours, so it's nice to hear from you so early in the morning. Good for you, my friend.
@msedge (4012)
• United States
18 Jul 08
I am sure your mother in law would get hurt if you will say something about it.Probably she thought that she was doing the right thing and was happy doing it for both of you.Just show appreciation of what she did and pretend that you like it anyway, your hair will not stay that way because it will just grow.
• United States
21 Jul 08
You are right I think. It will hurt her if I say anything. I found out this weekend how sensitive she really is and I don't want to hurt her by bringing up our bad haircuts. I think you are also right and she thought she was doing the right thing. So far I have pretended that I liked my haircut and let it go. Thank you so much.
@msedge (4012)
• United States
28 Jul 08
Your welcome
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
10 Jul 08
It is better to tell her the truth now! Resentments have a way of building up. Maybe that is the way she really wanted it cut, so she did it that way! I have curly hair, and almost every time I have gone to get it cut professionally, I end up crying when it is done! I can almost never do it the same way and end up waiting until it grows out.
• United States
16 Jul 08
I don't think I would let this become a resentment after all it is just hair. I won't go back to her though for another one that is for sure. Curly hair is so hard to deal with. I also have curly hair and have learned to go with the curls and stop fighting it. My daughter needs to learn this as well but she will probably fight the curl until she gets to be my age lol and finally gives up the fight.
1 person likes this
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Yes, curly hair here too and most of my children have some kind of curls!
@bmorehouse1 (1029)
• United States
9 Jul 08
Sometimes "honesty is NOT the best policy". If you want to have a good relationship with your MIL, then let it go. Next time go to another person and if your MIL notices that your hair is cut in a different way you might say "yes it is, doesn't it look good?" and then move on to a different subject. Of course if she persists and asks why you didn't come to her, then you will have to think of a tactful answer. Do you pay her or does she do it for free? If she does it for free, you might say that you didn't want to take her time away from paying customers. Good luck!
• United States
16 Jul 08
oh I love your answer for if she asks why I went somewhere else. I have so many times tried to pay her for our haircuts and she won't let us. I have told her that I don't like feeling like we are taking advantage of her. So that is a great answer if she should ask why we went somewhere else. I think you have really gave a great answer and advice from the first sentence to the end one. Thank you.
• United States
16 Jul 08
Hope it works for you! Good luck!
@Craz3hC (110)
• United States
9 Jul 08
Well, to have a healthy relationship, I think you should just tell her how you feel! You shouldn't have to keep it in. Just tell her in a nice way, you know? I dunno...that is kinda complicated.
• United States
11 Jul 08
Thanks. It is complicated and I am scared that she will get very upset if I bring it up. Maybe if style comes up in a casual conversation I can work up the nerve.
@Craz3hC (110)
• United States
12 Jul 08
Yeah...that's a good tactic!
8 Jul 08
I'm so sorry that you and your daughter got unsatisfied haircuts. As for your question,if you told her the truth,maybe your mother in raw will unhappy and get mad at you,but after all, you are doing something helpful for her and for her customers. In addition, if your mother in raw can understand that your telling is just for being good for her,she must be not angry with you. so ,i mean that you should tell her, and do not just let it go.No matter whether she would be angry with you ,at least you had done something what a daughter in raw should do . good day!
• United States
10 Jul 08
I am almost sure if I tell her she will be upset. I truly do only want to tell her so that she won't lose customers and might even bring in more when they know she will listen to a customer. I might try to tell her but I am afraid I will chicken out.
11 Jul 08
if you will chicken out ,so there would be nothing for you to do,moreover,what you can do is just let it go. but still, i think you should be brave to tell her,my father told me that you can do anything if you just believe yourself.so trust you can do it,for your MIR,also for your responsibility as a daughter in raw. good day!
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
8 Jul 08
Wow, this is quite hard for me..LOL! When she is open-minded, it will be easy to give your comment and suggestions but after knowing that she was upset, I am scared that it might ruin your relationship with her, If I am in your situation and My MIL is not very open-minded, I will just wait for a customer to complain and I will be going to a different hair stylist next time!
• United States
10 Jul 08
I am also scared that it will ruin an already shaky relationship with her if I tell her. I am hoping that maybe I can casually bring it up with her at a later time.
• United States
10 Jul 08
ANyway, if so far no one did it to her, maybe she was doing great with customer and only that time she wasn't able to imitate the style that you want perfectly for some reason!
@phoenix25 (1543)
• United States
15 Jul 08
I wouldn't say anything because it's a situation that's bound to get ugly. I just wouldn't go back to her for a haircut. Nobody said that because your mom is a hairstylist you have to go to her for your haircuts.
• United States
17 Jul 08
I think you are right that if I say anything it will probably get ugly. Even if it don't turn into a yelling match it will probably cause some tension which will make an already unstable relationship even worse. I will for sure be finding someone else to cut my hair. Thank you so much for the help.
@PearlGrace (3172)
• United States
15 Jul 08
Hello travibabiesgirl. This is a tough question about whether to tell your mother in law that she has not cut you or your daughter's hair the way you had wanted. I must say that I am leaning toward not telling her and simply finding another hair stylist. I say this because it sounds like she was unhappy when your daughter complained. If you don't say anything and find another hair stylist, you don't have to say anything negative to her her. When/if she notices that you or daughter have a new haircut, you can then play it cool and say something like, "we thought we would try a couple of different hairstylists just for fun." It sounds like you've done what you can to get the hairstyles you want. You told her, you showed her a picture. Maybe it's time to move on to another hairstylist. Take care. I am sure you will make the best decision, travibabiesgirl.
• United States
17 Jul 08
I will for sure be taking the finding a new stylist advice. You have given me a great answer for if she should ask why I went somewhere else. Thank you for helping me.
@jessieBee (1046)
• Trinidad And Tobago
10 Jul 08
Its a tough call to make... she's your mother in law and not just a stylist you can tell the truth too and never go back to have your hair done. She has feelings and she sounds like someone who doesn't like to be told she mad a mistake. And this is what makes the situation so tricky. But at the end i don't think you should tell her you daughter and your hair too will grow back. But the pain and embarrassment she will feel will take long to heal. And if you ever go back to her after that she may feel weird cutting your hair, if you let her know she did it wrong so don't tell her. Keep it to yourself, you will look back and laugh about it one day.
• United States
16 Jul 08
Thank you for some great advice. You are right I also think she don't like being told she made a mistake. I also didn't think about it causing embarrassment but I knew it might cause her some pain. Thank you for bringing up that point because it puts a new perspective on it.
@aretha (2538)
• United States
10 Jul 08
i don't think i would say anything but next time i would go somewhere else to have it done. do you think maybe because you are family that she decided to do it her way and not the way you wanted? kind of sounds it to me. if she does do this to someone else and they say something to her its not gonna hurt as much as it would coming from you and your daughter. noone ever cuts my hair the way i want it. i have very thin curly hair that i can do nothing with. i haven't cut my hair in almost 3 yrs and i'm afraid to now cuz its longer then it ever been and they always cut way to much off. good luck
• United States
16 Jul 08
I will for sure go to someone else for my next big haircut. I think you are right it would hurt worse coming from family then a client. IO know what you mean about thin curly hair sounds like me and my daughter.