Another rant...but more about stepson this time

@foxyfire33 (10009)
United States
July 15, 2008 1:31pm CST
I figured I had to be fair, if I went off on a rant about his girlfriend then I can rant about him too. Part 1: He gave away two tires and wheels off my car! Ok, granted it is my Mustang that I haven't driven for months and was probably going to sell anyway but still...those were my tires and wheels! Who is going to buy a car with only two tires? He did it because his friend needed them. He says his friend might buy the whole car. We've been hearing that for months. We made it clear that the car did not leave this property until we had the full amount of cash in hand...I guess we were wrong to assume that implied no pieces of the car could leave either. Part 2: He had one job to do today for his dad. Move his car away from the garage, push his grandpa's race car to the garage door, remove the drive shaft (simple job as it sits). He's done other things, he's played video games, but his car is still blocking the garage. He's mad that his dad hasn't let him race this year. The deal was, if he stayed in school his dad would help him. He dropped out though so he's got to earn his way. That means he has to buy his racing license $115, plus fuel every week and tires and whatever other parts. He also has to help work on all the cars. Seems fair to us....but no, he says he won't do any of it. He says he's not going to do it because his dad won't let him drive...well if he did his part he could drive! We aren't stopping him from racing, he just has to pay for it himself because he dropped out and he has to do the work. The car itself is already his. He doesn't understand. And finally... Part 3:He's treating girlfriend like his personal maid and servant, and he has a terrible attitude toward her. I think it is at least borderline abusive. A few weeks ago he was "teasing" her by chucking stuff at the door everytime she'd walk in. It was funny to her at first when it was socks or her pillows, but then she got annoyed and told him to knock it off...then it got dangerous. The idiot threw a drinking glass! He didn't aim it at her or near her, he actually threw it at the wall opposite the door because there is a mirror there and he thought it would be "funny" to scare her. Everyone...including her own parents and us...keeps telling her to just stay away from him (especially since 'technically' they aren't dating, just living together...don't ask me to explain how that works because I don't understand either) But I guess she won't listen to her parents and they still keep letting her leave. I think he's probably making her feel like she has to stay with him "or else". So there's my second and hopefully final rant for the day. I'm hoping they leave again so I can call his mother. I'll take advice...just understand, I still have no say over discipline and this isn't my house.
2 people like this
9 responses
• United States
15 Jul 08
He has to learn for himself, if he wants to do something so bad he has to earn the money to do it, not just sit around and wait for you guys to pitch in and help him out. Next he'll be wanting you to pay his bills. Secondly, sooner or later this girl with realize that he's violent and mean. When she realizes that, she'll leave. Hopefully, sometimes, girls don't.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
15 Jul 08
Ugh...we're already beyond that. We pay his car insurance, he eats our food (but I'm putting a stop to that), and we pay MIL for half of the bills around here but don't get a dime from him...also something I want to put a stop too provided my s/o will actually listen.
• United States
15 Jul 08
Is your hubby doing anything to help? since you lot are married he should be supporting you. At least, that's how it is with my parents. No matter what us kids do or what we think is right, Dad will always take Mom's side on situations. They'll talk about, no doubt about that, and sometimes after they talk about something Mom will come back and tell us something different. But, we expect Mom and Dad to tell us the same thing. If Mom says "No" than Dad says "No" simple as that. Sounds like this kid needs a reality check. He shouldn't have given the tires away and if you can't get them back than he needs to go out and get a job, then all of his pay checks go to you till you get the money for the tires.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
15 Jul 08
Ugh..no not legally my hubby, just been together for over 7 years. He's usually deserving of a whole two page rant all by himself but I won't get into that here. He did have a big long "talk" with the boy yesterday about things...it seems to have done no good at all. S/o's biggest problem is he doesn't always follow through after these big "you'd better straighten up or..." talks. We really need to be able to see comments not just the original response when we reply...I know there was more to your post that I wanted to address...
@Trace86 (5034)
• United States
15 Jul 08
The house where I live is my house, I pay for everything in it, and I am still allowed no discipline of my stepson. I would have kicked him out long ago but his father keeps making excuses for him. If I didn't love his father so much, I would have left myself ages ago! He needs to be made to call his friend and get your tires back! They weren't his to give away! That is theft. Call the police and press charges. Or threaten to. It may not be your house, but it is your car. Where you are living seems like a very unhealthy place for you to be. You should take the girlfriend and get your own apartment and then bar stepson from coming over. Oh, wait, you said there was a rant about her, so maybe that is not something you would want. Your stepson's father and mother need to kick some sense into him. Tough love and all that. Maybe he needs to get out and earn his own way if he plans to eat! Heck, when I buy treats for myself, I have to hide them so stepson doesn't eat them all before I even get one bite. Call the girl's parents and tell them why you think she is in danger from stepson.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
15 Jul 08
Glad you stopped in here. I happened across a months old discussion from you about your stepson and saw the similarities. What is it with theses kids and their fathers! It's so weird girlfriend and I usually get along really well. I think they are acting out right now because s/o tried to put his foot down about things yesterday. Her mom knows all about stepson's behavior and tells her to stay away from him...but then they let her leave and stay here for a month, I don't understand. I have to hide things too...not just treats but my shampoo, razors and laundry detergent. Last summer when she and her friends stayed here at the same time I did (I wasn't living here full time yet) I had so much come up missing, make up toiletries, shirts...even underwear, how gross is that!
@Trace86 (5034)
• United States
15 Jul 08
I hear you about that! I use the pink Daisy razors. One day I saw "my razor" by the edge of the sink. I thought huh. I went to put it back in the shower where I keep it normally. Hmm....There was mine where I left it. He took one of mine out of the closet without asking me. I took the rest of my razors and hid them in my room. It's not that I wouldn't have let him have one, its that he didn't bother to ask. On Saturday, I was at Walmart with my sister. Hubby texted me to get him a new deodorant as he was pretty sure his son was using his! How disgusting! I told him I would, but to keep it in the bedroom. He didn't listen. He put it right in the bathroom. It is his own fault if the same thing happens again. I just don't understand why kids today think everything belongs to them and they can just take it. Yours needs a serious kick upside the head for giving away your tires! You really should call the police, if only to scare the crap out of him.
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Jul 08
foxyfire your stepson is becoming abusive with his livein 'maid girlfriend and evidently she does no have the brains to get out of this before he actually hits her. I say turn him into the authorities for the way he treat her, and I do hope] for your sake they do leave.Foxy why are you living with these' people.wouldnt you be much better off living in your own place/ take your mustang and sell it as is and eliminate some of the problems.foxy getout from this mess, even if you have to take a one room apt, better than this stuff.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
15 Jul 08
LOL...well actually I do have a plan to get out of here which in part involved the money from my Mustang so we're already on the same page there! It won't be much but it will sure be a lot less stressful. All my friends here will be the first to here about it when it all comes through!
1 person likes this
@Trace86 (5034)
• United States
15 Jul 08
Or go stay with friends! There has to be someone who would be sympathetic to your plight and take you in. Or take your kids and go to a shelter. Anything to get out of there! I actually sort of fear for your safety. If he throws a glass at someone he supposedly loves...What would he do to a little stepsibling or stepmother?
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
15 Jul 08
If you can't discipline him then there is no reason to worry about his behavior however you can do something about him stealing the tires off your car (and yes it was stealing is taking something that does not belong to you without their permission). As for the girlfriend all you can do is warn her and hope he doesn't really hurt her before it is over.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
15 Jul 08
He was told yesterday to get my tires back...if they don't turn up by this weekend, I'll call his friend myself.Not sure what to do if that doesn't work but his friend is always polite to me so I think it will be ok.
@GardenGerty (99351)
• United States
15 Jul 08
At that age he should have some self discipline. And if the girl is underage she should be at home with her parents. I do not think that there is any advice I can give. Whose house is it anyways?
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
15 Jul 08
We live with MIL and FIl so it's their house...not what I would have chosen but it is what it is. You are right about stepson and his girlfriend. She will be 18 in a month but her parents have little control over her either. They don't want her dating stepson but won't make her stay home either. I have spoken to the mother one time ever...girlfriend got mad and refused to go home, her mom asked me to please make sure she came home that night...I should have told her to come get her herself instead of putting it on us to force her to go home...maybe I'll remember that next time.
@palonghorn (5486)
• United States
15 Jul 08
Ok, first off you did say it is your stepson? Why don't you have any say in discipline? and why is it not your house? I'd be for telling him, he doesn't want to do his part, he dropped out, fine.....he better find a job, and save some money up because he has 'x' amount of days/months to find his own place. Sometimes it takes tough love to get through to people like him. As for him selling the tires off YOUR car, ohhhellll no, he would be getting them back and putting them right back where and how he found them! Sounds like you need to talk to his dad more than his mother! As for the girlfriend, sounds like she wants to put up with the way he treats her, if that is the case, she isn't going to listen to anyone.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
15 Jul 08
Because that's they way it's always been...I'm "not the parent" and s/o never listened to what I had to say about anything. I now know that should have been a red flag a long time ago but I just went along with it for the first few years. This is s/o's parents' house. It's not my choice to be here but it's the only option right now...they make the rules for everybody and again, what i say doesn't matter. S/o did talk to/lecture stepson yesterday about everything, including my tires. I think that's why he's being this way today...a few minutes ago he even tried to scam me out of his dad's credit card number. He claimed his dad told him he could use it a few days ago (he just deposited his paycheck yesterday and we were flat broke before that so I know that isn't true), then he claimed he called s/o at work and s/o told him I had the number (s/o knows I don't because he has it in his wallet in his pants that he is wearing right now). I agree about the girlfriend...really it's her parents that need to have some tough love with her and simply not allow her here no matter what they have to do.
@redkathy (3375)
• United States
16 Jul 08
It doesn't matter if it's your house or not nor if you have no say over discipline. You can still "voice your opinion". Did you try this?? - Try talking or "loudly giving your opinion", yet on their level. For example, Yo man, what is that??? You throw a glass and think it's funny? I know you know that GLASS IS BREAKABLE? Don't you give a crap about anyone?? What's up with you? If I was your girlfriend I would walk out the door. You're not the only guy on earth you know! And you two aren't married remember? I'd watch it if I were you, she might just leave your butt one day! I would say all this rapid fire and then walk away! I find that with young people, being real and on their level makes them think. You might never see it, but they do. Good Luck
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
16 Jul 08
I feel for you. If my son gave away my tires, I would insist that he get them back. Period. A car isn't much good without the wheels and tires. If my son refused to do the work he was supposed to do, then I'd take his car keys from him until he did the work. Period. And if my son treated a girl/woman like that, I would make an issue out of it each and every time he did. I would tell him that in my presense he was to treat all people - male and female - with kindness and courtesy or he could stay away from me entirely. I would not put up with that kind of behavior at all.
16 Jul 08
What a difficult situation to be in. It is just so difficult as he is not your son. I guess all you can do is make sure your husband supports you if you need it. He sounds really immature. It sounds like you both are trying your best to discipline him. I hope you find a way of getting things to be easier in your home. It sounds like he needs a change in attitude, but sometimes that is something you can't teach!