To Have Or Not To Have?

@ahgong (10066)
Singapore
July 16, 2008 1:01pm CST
Hi all, just wish to have different thoughts on this issue. Family planning will not be happening anytime soon. But sooner or later, will have to face this issue. Having children is an irreversible choice. What made you decide on starting a family with kids? Or What made you decide on not having one at all? Whether you are pro-kids or otherwise, feel free to share your views.
2 people like this
6 responses
• United States
16 Jul 08
Hey there. Its amazing how similar my story is to mama's. I too was only 17 when my son was born and for my girlfriend and I at the time, having the baby was the only answer. It was a total surprise and not one that we planned at all but I have NO regrets whatsoever. He is now 20, going through college, working in a summer internship in the 1000 Islands region of upstate New York and I couldn't be more proud of him. He has also drastically shaped me into the human being that I've become and I like who I am as well. I guess you could say we both did pretty well by one another. To try and give some insight into your question, you have to realize that having kids changes your life FOREVER. Not only are there all of the responsibilities of raising them day to day, but when they're grown and gone, you're STILL a parent and continue to have those responsibilities. On the flip side, I wouldn't trade being a parent for ANYTHING on this Earth. It is an honor that I've been blessed with and I cherish each day. Hope this has helped and I wash you nothing but the best!
@ahgong (10066)
• Singapore
19 Jul 08
Yep yep yep...having kids is a life changing experience. Once the baby is conceived, there is no turning back! I too admire your guts and courage to bring a baby into this world at your age! At 17, many teens still do not know the difference between the responsibilities between being a father and being a grown up. I guess you were thrown into the deep end of the pools to struggle earlier than most other teens your age! And it is good that you made it good. I assume you too had a very strong network of support from your family and hers? Good for you! Thanks for sharing 21centaur21!
• United States
19 Jul 08
Yeah it was a choice that was made and I don't regret it for one second. I was forced into "manhood" alot earlier than all of my friends, had to give up a scholarship for college to get a job to support my son, and basically missed out on what most people consider the best years of their lives. I never really gave it a second thought though. I KNEW that I had to take care of this new life that I had helped bring into this world and that's all there was to it. And you are absolutely correct. The support from my family and friends was INCREDIBLE and I could not have done it without them. Good luck in all that you do my friend.
@34momma (13895)
• United States
16 Jul 08
what a great question. for me, i was only 17 when i had my first son. it was a big suprise to find out I was pregnant. but the moment the doctor told me, i know that having that child was my only choice. i just felt that having him was the right thing for me to do, even at 17. I am so glad i went with what i felt to be right. because today he is 18, smart, handsome, funny, and one of the most amazing people I know. He is about to start college. i think this is different for everyone. you will know when it is right, you just know
@ahgong (10066)
• Singapore
19 Jul 08
Wow, you are one young mommy when you were pregnant with your first child. I figured it must have been TOUGH to be bringing up a baby at that age! The finances, the energy to look after a baby, the fees and the medical charges involved, the milk powder... etc. You must have had one heck of a good support from your family to be bringing a little miracle of life to this world at that age! I guess when the maternal or paternal instinct kick in, there will be a way to conquer all the obstacles that lay ahead when the baby comes! Wow! *salute*
1 person likes this
@34momma (13895)
• United States
19 Jul 08
i just did it. i did what i need to do for me and my son. I had faith and family.I was then and even better now a good mom. thank you for you comments my friend
@squaretile (3833)
• Singapore
18 Jul 08
personally, I think there are joys that one would never experience if one does not have kids. of course there will be struggles as well, but from almost all parents I know, they would say that the joys far outweight the hardship, difficulties or struggles. yes it is an irreversible choice, and something that is a very weighty decision in our society especially, since there are so many expectations and pressures. Just visit any primary school during admission season and you'll get a taste of it. For me, I would say a family would be more complete with children and I would say that my hubby and I have always known that we'd go the family way. :)
@ahgong (10066)
• Singapore
19 Jul 08
It is good that both you and your hubby are planning for a family. All the best in your planning. So, we will be hearing good news from the both of you soon?
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
16 Jul 08
I didn't have a child until my mid 30's. It is not easy whenever you decide to have children, no matter what age. It really is just left up to personal interpretation. I believe if you are ready for children it is your choice. If not, that's also your choice. Your right, having kids is quite irreversible. I have a son who is four and I wouldn't trade him in for anything. Good Luck!
@ahgong (10066)
• Singapore
19 Jul 08
Ha ha ha ha... thanks for sharing that banakelly.
• United States
16 Jul 08
I think about this issue a lot. Part of me wants to have a child but the other part of me thinks 'are you nuts? do you realize how much of yourself and your personal time you would have to give away?' My personal time is very very very important to me. At this time in my life, given my finacal (sp?) situation, as well as being very selfish with my already small amount of personal time, I don't think that having children would be a very wise thing to do and I don't see myself changing my mind in the near future.
@ahgong (10066)
• Singapore
19 Jul 08
Yep. It is a sacrifice that one has to make when raising a family! Something that not all couples are ready for. Nor are they willing to at some stage in their life. The situation becomes worse when one spouse wants it, and the other doesn't cos of your mentioned reason.
@baileycows (3669)
• United States
16 Jul 08
God just blessed me one day with a child. I would have never had any. Then after my divorce I fell in love with a my new husband who already had one. I say I would have never had any, but i don't know what I would have done without my little girl. You can't really say that after you have one because they are so precious. My plans were to never have any.
@ahgong (10066)
• Singapore
19 Jul 08
That is good that you are blessed with a child. I guess life dealt you with a good hand. So you are now a happy parent with... three kids? It doesn't matter of one of them is not by you. As long as you love them like your own, they are still your kid to be called. Heh heh heh... good that you are enjoying your family life. So, what would you have changed if you had the chance to go back in life? Will you still make the same decisions to have kids? Or to totally not have them at all?