Does your child ever tell you to shut up?

United States
July 27, 2008 3:53am CST
My daughter picked up this nasty phrase "Shut up!" from a movie. Or, at least, I think she did. The first time I heard those words coming out of her mouth at me, I was stunned. I had no idea she would even want to say such a thing to me. We had a very long and serious talk about appropriate language and when/where you could or could not say certain things. Now if she feels like saying those things, she says them to the wall or one of her stuffed toys. I still don't like the words, "Shut up!" cause it's so rude. But I guess it's better that she say it to something inanimate than one of her parents. Kids get frustrated too and need a safe way to vent. Has your child ever told you to shut up?
10 people like this
24 responses
@Shaun72 (15972)
• Palatka, Florida
27 Jul 08
My niece has told me to stop talking she didn't feel like talking to me today. That sort of upset me. I wonder where she learned that from. I just hope when she starts school this year or next month that she doesn't tell her teacher or a student this.I mean that was really rude to me coming from a 5 year old. So i understand completly how you felt. I am not sure if she picked this up from a movie or from one of her older step sisters.
• United States
27 Jul 08
yes whenever we are playing he will slip up and say shut up but then thats when i have to stop right there and let him know that we are playing but he still has no right to say that me. and i let him know that i am his mother and he is my child and should respect that.
3 people like this
@elanad (1)
• United States
27 Jul 08
My children have never in their lives uttered that phrase to me and I believe they never will. I have a very strict policy about what is appropriate and inappropriate language for them to use even when they're "just playing." Allowing your daughter to utter those words to her stuffed toys is just as insubordinate as allowing her to utter them to you. Although children do get angry and frustrated just like adults, it's important they not be disrespectful when expressing themselves. As parents, it's our (challenging)job to get to the root of what our children are really saying with their rudeness (if anything) and give them acceptable alternatives. Give your kid permission to say (respectfully)if she disagrees with you or would really prefer to play quietly without your commentary. Perhaps the incident wasn't that deep and she was just mimicing something she heard to see how you would react, in that case you've done the right thing by "nipping it in the bud."
3 people like this
@Darkwing (21591)
27 Jul 08
I think all kids go through this phase. The little grandson of my neighbour used to repeatedly say it both to his mum and his grandma. It's a part of their learning what is good and what isn't... they test you out, my friend, to see what they can get away with. Yes, mine went through it too, but they were soon put on the straight and narrow, as you have put your daughter on it. You did the right thing, I feel. You might find she'll go through it again in her early school years, but just gently remind her of the talk you had recently, and you should be ok. Brightest Blessings, my friend. xx
• United States
27 Jul 08
Thank you, my friend, for your kind and understanding words. She is a very well mannered child now. Very considerate. Not rude at all. And as you mentioned, it was just a phase. She was just developing her language skills at the time and did not understand the true meaning of some of the words she was saying. No harmful intent on her part. As you say, all children go through this phase. Happily she is out of it now. Thanks for your encouragement. I will keep these things in mind. Be well. Have a blessed day!
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21591)
29 Jul 08
Firstly, thank you for BR, my friend. Yes, they soon realise when they've done something they shouldn't and mend their ways. She'll be fine... you're a good Mum, and your daughter should go far. Brightest Blessings. xx
1 person likes this
@ersmommy1 (12607)
• United States
28 Jul 08
No my daughter hasn't told me to shut up. She knows better. She will say "mommy I am angry with you". Or "mommy that is frustrating me" But we allow her to express these. Shut up isn't one of her phrases.She'd learn quickly why not if she tried to use it with us. She'd get it explained calmly by my hubby or me. She wouldn't like it said to her.
2 people like this
@raclie (1735)
• Singapore
28 Jul 08
wow.... you have taught your child really well!!!! that is soo disaplined of her!!!
1 person likes this
@Elixiress (3899)
27 Jul 08
I do not have children, but I have said shut up to my parents many a time, because they interrupted me when I was talking. I see nothing wrong with that. If parents are talking and the child interrupts then the parents will tell their child to shut up or be quiet, so can the child not do it if the child is talking to someone. If is was not allowed wouldn't it be a little hypocritical?
2 people like this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
27 Jul 08
yeah, once and he never repeated it again or else... The first time he said it was when he was 7, he was in grade 2, i think. He heard it from a classmate who has ADHD. He said it in a casual way and not really directed to me, so I didn't get mad. Asked him what he meant by that word and he said he doesnt even know. So, i explained to him in full details because I want him to know that that is not a good word if said to a person. But gave him sample sentences that are of different meanings. Like "shut the door". I gave him that example because he might be confused with the word "shut" and "shut up". I gave him also a sentence like, "shut up when I'm talking" and asked him the difference. I laughed when he said, "what if I use PLEASE and still use the word "shut up"? So, I said, even if he uses the word "please", it would also be a mean thing to say to a person. After that, I didn't hear it again... A lot of times, kids copy what we say or what they hear from the outside world. Some, would know what it meant and some don't. Most kids would use terms like that to catch our attentions.. We always have to be on guard because we cannot always be by our kid's side to tell them what is right and what is not..Let's just give them the benefit of the doubt when a new bad word comes along because they might not simply know that that is really bad..
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (24579)
• United States
27 Jul 08
My kids never speak rudely to me because they know they'll get their mouth washed out with soap. I've never stood for that sort of misbehavior. Although they are rude to each other quite frequently, but that's siblings for you.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (71513)
• Marion, Kansas
27 Jul 08
I do not think my kids ever said "Shut up" to me. I always said that my son did not learn bad habits until he went to school and was around a lot of other children. We did not say "Shut up" He did not say "Shut up". Now when he was almost three, and we were at the pool at the YMCA he did take my face in both hands and say "Mommy, don't talk". I was talking to an adult, and not paying attention to him.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jul 08
Actually that's the same context that my daughter said it to me. She's one of the most polite people I know. Very well behaved. I think she was two 1/2 years old at the time, maybe three.
1 person likes this
@PRIYANK1992 (1678)
• India
3 Aug 08
No I am a himslef a child.
• United States
28 Jul 08
Hello there. Great discussion topic! I am not a parent and will not be for quite some time. But When thinking about this and my parents. Neither I or my other siblings would NEVER be allowed to say this to our parents. We know it's crossing the line. And if we did, we knew we needed to run or move out because a BIG hurt was coming. lol. I guess anger sometimes gets the best of you though. But I don't think I've ever said this to my parents. Not just because of being scared of the "BIG hurt" but just because it's disrespectful. I really do honor respect and honesty. And that would just be way out of line. There are more respectful ways of communicating your disagreement or anger other than using the phrase "shut up".
@raclie (1735)
• Singapore
28 Jul 08
i was telling my cousin off yesterday... he was telling my youngest brother to "just shut up" i was sooooo mad at him!!!! i try my best to tell them to "keep quiet" but sometimes... when they are crying and fighting..."shudder" it is really difficult to keep my cool... try to never say that word though....
• Canada
28 Jul 08
I don't have children. I think you handled it well. I agree with you about kids getting frustaed and needing to vent. The sad thing is that as adults we don't even know how to vent (I mean the aduls in the media who would teach kids words like that!!) so how are we to expect kids to know how to handle themseles? I tink you did a great job handling the situation.
1 person likes this
@lilybug (21184)
• United States
27 Jul 08
I can't remember my son ever telling my to shut up. He has told me to be quiet a few times very sternly though. As far as I know my daughter has never told me to shut up, but if she did I would not understand it anyway.
1 person likes this
@dhangski (3197)
• Philippines
27 Jul 08
I've taught my kids not to say rude words. It's part of how I discipline them. The first time I heard my son say bad words, I immediately corrected him. I've told him not to play with other kids, with whom he heard it. Keep posting. HUGZ!
1 person likes this
@laglen (19783)
• United States
27 Jul 08
I have never allowed that phrase in my house. We say be quiet please or something similar. When my daughter was younger, I had a daycare in my house. I told one child not to use that phrase while in my house, they all policed themselves!
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16208)
27 Jul 08
As of yet no, I do not think that any of my kids have told me to shut up. I am pretty sure they would not dare too. But if any of them are going to tell me to shut up it is going to be my daughter, in her I have met my match as we are both very similar to each other. Quite scary how alike we are in things!!
1 person likes this
@alori61 (345)
• United States
27 Jul 08
My kids and I have developed some kind of secret code. When they were little they were allowed one time to say something, (that is one time ever) they were told not to do it again and why) from that point on if they said it again they got "excuse me?" if they repeated it they got a quick pop in the mouth. They soon learned "excuse me?" meant no you don't talk like that to me. Now they are older they still get the "excuse me?" and they know they have crossed the line and stop. As for you allowing your little girl to say it to the wall or her teddy when she's mad at you it could very likely come back to haunt you. As she gets older she will back talk and say she was talking to her doll or the chair or whatever is handy. My 14 year old lives under slightly different rules because she has downs syndrome, so she doesn't learn quite the same and when she gets in trouble now she says she was talking to her doll that she always has with her so now she's not allowed to back talk her dolly no more either.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (109815)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Nov 08
hi beauty queen26 yes kids do get frustrated but they should not tell their parents to shut up. If I had done that, my mom would have shook me til my teeth rattled.However kids do pick up stuff from the movies too.so we have to give them a little leeway there.My adult kid has said that to me several times, and'I have told him say that one more time, and you will wish you hadnt. So that stopped that. We are too much alike, my son and I, both have quick tempers
@SomeCowgirl (32277)
• United States
3 Aug 08
Well as you know I do not have children yet, however, I know that I used to say shut up alot and I honestly wish that my mouth would have been washed out because it brings me such regret for ever using the word. I know that I will do much the same as you when I do have children because I don't like the word and I know my fiance does not like it either. To be honest I think the word brings more trouble then good as it helps harbor anger. You tell someone to shut up, they yell at you for it, you get more angry, and then you just keep saying it. I hope your daughter does well with this method! Good Luck! Have a wonderful day beautyqueen26!