Is it really a threat? Please can you help her???

Philippines
July 27, 2008 5:18am CST
Got a friend who seem so focused with her career, and just a reward she received a higher position or promotion. With these, she received high salary and even now owned a car and able to build a wonderful house. But this is her problem, her love life stinks. It became her concerned despite doing well professionally. Becasue basically men seem to be intimadated by her success. She is even beautiful and attractive but men hesitate to come near her once they get to know her. She'd been asking me, does she need to be "less succesful" to attract men? Is it really a threat?
6 people like this
20 responses
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
28 Jul 08
I am sure it is not her success that is causing men to avoid her. It is her demands, her conditions of accepting a man into her life that makes them avoid her. When a woman is successful, she tends to have a standard set for herself which she wants to see in the person she feels she wants to be her partner as well. Similar to the way she handles her job. If there is a flaw in the project, she will try to fix it. And if she sets these standards too high, men will naturally avoid her. Cos in a relationship, not all flaws can be fixed. I am not saying that she must lower her standard to the point of being cheap to attract a man. What she needs to do is to learn to accept the love of a man who wants to be with her and not nit pick on all his flaws. Relationships is like two people balancing on a ball. Constant adjustments needs to be made to keep the plank that you and your partner is on in order to keep the plank straight and balanced. If the both of you do not cooperate, it will never work. If one is demanding, and the other doesn't accept the demands, then it is only natural that the other will leave. So, tell your friend this, "Set your standards a little lower. Know the person for who he is without nitpicking. Open your heart and the love will get the chance to fill it."
@CharRay7 (1549)
• United States
27 Jul 08
Hi my friend, I believe some men do find successful women hard to get to know, especially if they are not successful themselves. The do probably feel intimadated by her once they find out how successfurl she is and what possessions she has. She might have to try a different circle of men, maybe more successful men. Of course, some men don't like to date or get serious with a woman who is more successful than they are. They have a problem with that. Happy MyLotting, Char
@dextornap (333)
• India
27 Jul 08
No all men are not like that. Its her bad luck that she got only that type of men who want to be more success than girls. They take it to their ego. But there are some men who is ready to accept her as she is. My advice is tell her to wait for right person.
• Philippines
27 Jul 08
yeah... thats what I've been telling her...
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
28 Jul 08
Honestly sometimes it can be a threat ... But that doesn't mean she should descend her self from success!! See at the bright side it is keeping her away from coward men!!! Yes some times it can be suffocating. Tell her to try not to tell about her occupation and success to any one unless she is asked .. or even if she is asked about that very often tell her to just give them an idea about it.. don't give them the full information. And believe me there are many men who are attracted to only successful independent women!! I know many guys who like strong women.
@zhizunbao (148)
• Sri Lanka
28 Jul 08
hehe.. its depends upon your culture.. some men doesn't like that their wives to be more success than them. its up to her.. she should decide what to do.. happy posting
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
28 Jul 08
well, i think she just have to let go a bit and let men get close to her... don't boost about her careers accomplishments when she is near the men... men have their ego and most of them dislike to be near with women who are more successful than them... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
@Hatley (164389)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Jul 08
sweetbarbie yes some guys insecure guys are threatened by a woman more successful than they are but thats okay as she probably would not be too comfortable with one of these losers anyway. she needs to find men that are sucessful also' and get to know them, maybe from her workplace or maybe men her co workers know who are successful and not insecure, then she need to loosen up and not talk careers at first at least. She could try a dating service and ask to be connected only with successful guys not insecure losers.
@joliefille (3696)
• Philippines
28 Jul 08
She doesn't need to be less successful just to attract men. We all must think of ourselves first. I try to think that something like this is just an unlucky coincidence. I have a friend who's also successful in her career and is beautiful too but she doesn't worry about it. She's been single for about 5 years now but she's happy and content with her life. According to her, she is joyous that God has let her wait that long because she knows He is preparing her and her potential other half. If it were me, I'd have really been depressed. Your friend just have to trust that she will find someone who won't feel threatened by her state. Always remember the law of attraction, if you wish harder for something and be specific about it, it will come to you.
@lixiaos77 (1030)
• Shijiazhuang, China
28 Jul 08
Perhaps she join some club will help her somewhat. Woman shows different imiage in work and in daily life. She show her ability in her job in stead of her softness. Man love girl who is soft to him. If she go to a club and make male friend there, her friends will be impressed by this lovely girl.
28 Jul 08
Hello sweetbarbie22 Tell your friend not to worry these people some men don't like women in hig jobs because it threaten their egos and some hate to work under a women, they don't like the idea that women are just so good as them but hey expect women to be the underdogs like the always were but now they got a shock so don't men scare and well done in her job. Tamarafireheart.
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
27 Jul 08
Well, you can blame that strong or aggressive masculine pride or what they call as machismo. Its been in a our culture and others have it too. Society still regards men to be the ones who are more providing at home while the women should be there and keeping it together. I guess its hard to get over something being practiced for a long time even though society has already now recognized that men and women are potentially equal with anything that do. Your friend is having problems attracting men who are less succesful than her? Then that just means that men who are more successful than her would be interested and I think you did mention that she's very attractive.. beauty and brains. Can rely on her own to get what she wants. Tell your friend that she doesn't have to demote herself just to accomodate men who aren more attracted to women that are not very succesful. There are more men than women out there and surely enough, she'll see someone who'd find her more than just the achievements and success that she has made. Men who are with successful women should find the drive to do more and be successful on their own, so as if to prove that they can also be more productive and providing.
• Philippines
27 Jul 08
good day... In some society yes it could be a threat but I believe that if she stay loose socially and try to know the person she's dating, show her other perspective like her sense of humor that way she'll look less intimidating,and have a chance to have a working relationship.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
27 Jul 08
i don't think it's a threat. when the right man comes along, no matter in what level of her career is she, that man will show his love to her. it's true that most guys feel intimidated with women earning so much better than them but i think it's pure pride in the part of these men. about your friend, she does not need to be less successful to find true love. could be that it's not the right time for her yet. anne
• United States
27 Jul 08
Your friend need to let loose and have some fun. She needs to stay away talking about her career until she really knows the man. If a guy asks about her job all she needs to do is say she works in an office and move on to a different topic in conversation. When the guy really knows her than she can talk more about her career. A woman should never have to think she is less successful to get a man. It is all in the wording when she talks to a man.
@alori61 (344)
• United States
27 Jul 08
Why does she have to let the men know how successful she is? Why not talk about other things, get closer first, talk about stuff that doesn't have anything to do with her income level. Maybe what is chasing them men off isn't how much she makes but how much she talks about how much she makes. Even as a woman I find it a total bore and an even bigger turn off when a guy talks about how much he makes and the things he has. Maybe she should leave all that stuff out of the conversation and see how it goes not let the man know then she'll know if it's her or her money.
@roanne05 (1292)
• Oman
27 Jul 08
some men would be really intimidated by her. what with her success and all who will not be intimidated right? but it would be up to her..she not need to stop her success but just keep in mind that there is always someone out there for everyone, including her. all she need to do is to wait. Good Luck!
@darksorrow (4671)
• Bangladesh
27 Jul 08
I don't think that it is her success that is keeping men away from her. I as a man can say that it would not be a reason for me to keep away from a girl especially when she is beautiful. I don't know but does she always talk about professional matters to men. Or does she try to dominate men. For now i can think of these two situations. If any of these are the reason tell her to change these attitudes.
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
27 Jul 08
How could a successful and pretty woman has no love life? Some guys do intimadated by her success. If the guy is not successful as she is. There might be a problem with the relationship. Or the man of his dreams doesn't arrive yet.
@dragon54u (31663)
• United States
27 Jul 08
No, she doesn't need to change herself, she needs to change the caliber of men she's meeting. She's way out of their league! Those men are bad news, they have fragile egos and aren't at all secure. Tell her to be patient, don't settle for little wussies like that, and eventually the right man will come along. She should hang out places where other successful men and women hang out. Does she have a successful girlfriend who might know some decent, confident and secure men?
@Theresam (1181)
• United States
27 Jul 08
She probably needs to let loose socially when she is out. There is no need to put out a resume of your accomplishments when you are out a bar. Has she tried any dating services either?