How am I going to handle this father thing?

become a father - parenting, how to handle?
Philippines
August 10, 2008 11:08am CST
I have girlfriend then she is now pregnant, she is 19 years old and I am 20. Until now I still can't believe that I am a father now, and I am always wondering what will happend if the baby comes out. How am I going to do my part as a father? The thing here is that, both our parent doesn't know about it. To all the father out there and parents, can you give some advise? pls. .thank you
2 people like this
24 responses
@cher913 (25891)
• Canada
10 Aug 08
well darlin, if you do the crime, you do the time...what i would suggest is go to the library. there are plenty of great books on parenting there that will be able to help you!
2 people like this
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
Ok, thank you for the reply. . .
@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
Be a good example to your child. Work hard to provide for your new family. Everything else you'll learn along the way.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
Thank you. that's what I am doing now. . .=)
@Muelitz (1592)
• Canada
11 Aug 08
Hey relax, technically you are not yet a father until the baby is born . But you really have to prepare in being a good father. What did you mean "girlfriend then", are you no longer together? I hope not. If I were in your shoes I would marry the girl and father the child. The problem you face is are you ready financially and emotionally. If you are it will be an easy task to let your parents know. They can't do anything about it anymore. The damage has been done. The reasonable thing to do is damage control. Think long and hard. It is ultimately your decision. I hope all works out well. Good Luck!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
I am actually planning to marry her and I am planning things right now. . .I need to work first so I can pay the wedding =) You're right, it is indeed my decision. Since I step on it, so I need to stand for it. Thank you for the comment. . .=)
11 Aug 08
It must a surprise for you both but now you will both have to responsible as you have a child on the way. You will have to tell your parents, and plan how you will support your child. You need a job to be able to do this! I have a friend who unexpectedly got pregnant recently and is now really happy. This could be a blessing in disguise, I wish you lots of luck!
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12845)
• Australia
11 Aug 08
well, it will come naturally i guess... once the baby is born, you have to take care of the baby eventually... so there is nothing to be scared about... in the meantime, there are many parenting books available in the bookshops or you can borrow them from the library... have a read and get as much knowledge as you can about parenting... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@Essie119 (673)
• Canada
10 Aug 08
There are a lot of people out there who have gone that road. My parents were your age when I was born, my sister was even younger when she and her husband had their first child. You need to step up to the plate and give your girlfriend your full support. The thing is - no matter the circumstances the baby is innocent in all this so he/she is just going to need a lot of love and attention. If you truly love the baby and want what is best for him then the rest will be a lot simpler.
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
Thank you so much, you give me an idea. . .never in my mind I plan to abort the child. . .I am giving my full support to her and no matter what happend, I'll stay beside her. . .thank you again and have a wonderful day.
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
Thank you so much, you give me an idea. . .never in my mind I plan to abort the child. . .I am giving my full support to her and no matter what happend, I'll stay beside her. . .thank you again and have a wonderful day.
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
Thank you so much, you give me an idea. . .never in my mind I plan to abort the child. . .I am giving my full support to her and no matter what happend, I'll stay beside her. . .thank you again and have a wonderful day.
@smacksman (6074)
11 Aug 08
Congratulations! I hope the birth all goes well and you are blessed with a beautiful, healthy baby. As far as your job is concerned, the theory is easy but in practice you have to work hard at it. But hard work should be quite normal for a man! First, you marry your girl and you promise to care for her in sickness and in health. You promise to care for her and, by extension, you promise to care for your children. Once you come to terms with that promise and the responsibilities that go with it you will be well on the road to a long and happy marriage. Marriage is great! I really recommend it. And years down the line, when the children are grown and flown the nest, the companionship of you and your wife is priceless.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
11 Aug 08
having a baby isnt a reason to get married.. its a mistake alot of people make and destroy not only their own lives, but the lives of everyone concerned.
@smacksman (6074)
11 Aug 08
Sorry to disagree with you but that is a common myth of modern western society. It is crucial that the man commits himself to supporting the mother and child and he shows that commitment to his wife and society by marrying her. He is making a statement that they both are an item - they are not available to other people to court and mate. They are one. They are a family. By not marrying he is making it clear that he is keeping his options open and can dump the mother and child at any time.
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
Both of you are correct, it just depend on the situation. Like example, if I impregnate a woman which is because of one night stand and don't love that woman, you are committed only to the child, but not to the extent I am going to marry the woman, which is a different story. You can't force a man to marry a woman. In my case, I love my girlfriend so I am willing to marry her and do everything I can to support our child.
@getnbuy (1315)
• United States
11 Aug 08
You are in deeper than you realize. Ofcourse the baby will come out! Ofcourse you will be responsible for it!You need to get a job so you can support this baby. When the girl's parents find out you will be in a lot of trouble, too. The best thing I could suggest is if you and your girl friend could find it in your heart to give the baby up for adoption. If you love your baby you will want him to have a good home. Give him to someone who can take care of him and love him. If you can't bring yourself to do this then you must be prepared to take care of him until he is 18 years old.
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
Hehhehe what you just said is the same as what my friends told me. The adoption thing. Well, I can't imagine I am giving up my baby to others. Even if it is hard being a father, providing the needs of the family. I don't want to give up, I love my baby and I love my soon to be wife so I am giving it all I got for us to survive. . . .thank you. . .
@getnbuy (1315)
• United States
12 Aug 08
Well, I am glad to hear that you are going to marry your girl friend. You are stepping up to the plate and I'm sure you will be a good father. Just love your baby and do your best for him. best wishes to you!
• United States
11 Aug 08
Honey, it is too late tourn back now. The parents are going to know soon, so better you face it and tell them yourself. It is not going to be easy. They may be mad at first. Hopefully, not for too long. Get a job if you are not already working and show them that you are really taking responsibility. There is government assitstance if your girl friend is not insured. She will need prenatal care. while babies do not come with a "how to manuel", I know you will figure it out. You will be a great Dad!
• United States
11 Aug 08
As far as getting married,,, Follow your heart. I am sure you are scared. If you love her, give it a try. You are going to be obligated to her for the next 18 years reguardless. If you do not love her, be honest in saying so. However, you MUST no matter what take care of that child. If there is one peice of advise I could give you, it is this: Decide what is in your heart to do about this situation. If you decide to marry her or not marry her then do so not blaming or holding it against her. Remember it takes 2 to make a baby. If you chose to marry it will be hard. If you chose not tlo marry, it will still be hard to watch another man raise your child. You will still have to support hte child. It is the law and well, you just should. I know it is scarry! Pray about it. Talk to your parents. However, in the long run it is you alone that can know what is in your heart.
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
Thank you for the nice idea, I am starting to realize things now. It is really hard when it comes to financial, I hope I can get over this hard situation soon. . .
@pehpot (4762)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
Oh well you seem responsible enough because you are asking for help. just be there for your girl. what her going through is a lot harder. be patient and try to understand her always. She is experiencing hormonal changes and maybe a lot moody now. And when the baby is born, well change diaper often and help on taking care of the baby.
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
Hehehe thanks for the attitude tip, I know lots of people here experienced the same thing I am experiencing now. . .and I know they can strengthen my determination and make me realize who I am now by having an advise. Thank you again and have a blessed day. =)
• Canada
11 Aug 08
Well I was 17 when I found out that I was going to be a mom for the first time, and I was scared outta my head!!! Basically this is what I have to tell you, be the best father that you know how to be, these ideas come from Ideas that you have from how you were raised, how you saw friends raised, you take a bit of this and a bit of that, but most importantly you listen and talk to your girlfriend above and beyond anyone else. Everyone will be quick with advice on how to raise the baby...but while you listen to this advice, talk to your girlfriend about what you have heard, and the two of you together decide what is right for you and your baby. I commend you for staying by your girlfriends side...I was not that lucky. Every baby deserves a daddy to love and protect them. If you do right by this baby, by making sure it's basic needs of food, shelter, clothing and love are met, you will be a good father. Don't be afraid to change a diaper, to get up at night, or to help with the feeding when you can. As for telling the parents, talk with your girlfriend, decide when you are both comfortable (probably sometime before she's in labor would be good ;) ) and take the plunge... what I have learned is that while people may be upset or have a bad reaction when you tell them the news, they soon forget the hard feelings and get excited for the baby. Some take a little longer, but most times once they see the baby...their thoughts change, because every baby is a miracle of life, pure unadultrated innocence. You will be fine and so will your girlfriend, you will do the best you can do with that you have, and as long as that is the basics, and putting this baby first you will be fine my friend!
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
Wow, thank you for that advise. . .it makes me feel better. .I love my soon to be wife so I am not giving up. . .thank you again. . .=)
@samijo719 (1054)
• United States
11 Aug 08
I'm sure you will do wonderfully. Just let your parents know, be upfront and hoenst with them. I'm sure they will be understand and supportive they are your parents they are there to love and support you, give them a chance. And as for being a dad I'm sure it will all come natrually. No one is ever "ready or prepared' but once you see your little baby your instincts will kick in and you will know what to do. Good luck with everything!
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
HEHEHHE you're right, thank you for that. Hope I can do it. . .I am planning to tell them soon. . .still trying to find a good timing.
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
I know this is a blessing since God have the trust in you to have this angel but I think this is also unfortunate since both of you still doesn't have the plan or any kind of preparations for this new life. Though your both young but I guess at your age, you should be able to face your own parents and explain everything.. In every actions there is always an equal reaction. just face it and do it right.
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
Wow, third law of motion by Isaac Newton. Well, I know choosing the right path is not the easiest one. I know it is a blessing so I hope I can take good care of this blessing. She will not be pregnant unless if an unbalanced force acted upon her so it is my responsibility.
@cripfemme (7718)
• United States
11 Aug 08
In my opinion, the most important thing about being a father is to be there for your kid. Even if you make a lot of money your kid's not going to know from that or care about it. Although you should try to make money as well because that is part of parental duties. The first mature thing you need to do is tell your parents. They might be disappointed but they will get over it because they want to see their grandkid.
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
Well, I know that but as of now, it is kinda hard to tell because I am thinking a lot consequences that might happen. I'm still looking for an exact time to tell them. Hope they'll still support me. . .thank you for the idea. =)
@ZephyrSun (7385)
• United States
11 Aug 08
Everyone here can give you an opinion as to how parenting goes and what you should do but no matter what they tell you, it will never prepare you for what you are about to experience. I remember how when I told my friends and family that I was pregnant they all had some sort of advice but I can tell you that it's all meaningless until your child comes, and it isn't "if the baby comes out" but when. I can only tell you that you and your girlfriend will just sort of wing it like all the rest of it lol. When something you try doesn't work, you try something else. Best of luck to you and your girlfriend and may you have a healthy happy baby.
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
Thank you so much for the comment. . .I know that but at least at some point, I can learn something from them. Most likely, all experiences about parent are just the same.
• United States
10 Aug 08
Hello, I am 18 and have a 16 month old son. My boy friend (babys father) is 24. and it is scary to think that you are going to be a parent. it was really scary for me because i was never around babys or little kids. but we took classes at our local hospital..... i dont know if they really worked because they were more based on birthing and not raising. but i think for me after i had my son parenting just came natural. at times it is really frustrating because they cry and you might think that they are hungry or need changed when they just want to be held and comforted. I hope every thing works out great.
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
Thank you, I bet your parents support you. . .well, as of now I consider lots of things like what would be the reaction of her parents and my parents, what are the rumors and comments they throw to us, how are they going to judge me and etc. . .it is hard to accept those things. In my part being a father, I am doing my best now trying to earn money in my work so I can support my girlfriend and my baby. I hope everything will be ok.
@fcangel9 (51)
• United States
10 Aug 08
I have been in your position, well as a mother. First thing you need to do is tell your family, they may actually be more receptive than you think and once that baby comes your gonna need all the help you can get. Children arent all that bad, the intial cost of kids is the hard part. But watching them grow and change is something magical. You are having the jitters that all parents have, not just first time parents. But being a father is something great and before you know it your gonna have a child that looks up to you and wants to be just like you. My husband had the same fears but being a parent will come natural, dont stress and tell your family.
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
Thank you for that wonderful idea. . .well, I am looking for a good to tell both our parents. What I am afraid of are the rumors like I ruin my girlfriend's future, I am just like the others who can't wait and other bad comments. In my part, as soon as I can earn money, I will let my girlfriend finish her study.
@alori61 (344)
• United States
10 Aug 08
The one thing that jumped out at me about your post is you said 'if the baby comes out' honey that baby is going to come out whether you are ready or not. Time to grow up, if you want to play you have to pay so get ready baby's ain't cheap. Theres nothing more exciting then that first moment you see your new born baby. Be there for your little one, take care of him/her, give lots and lots of love and find a good job. Love comes natural.
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
I know that, I just said that because I am really out of my mind. . .I don't know what to do or what to think, I can't focus. But now, I am slowly accepting the fact that I am a father and no turning back. As of now, my problem is her parent. .maybe they might think I ruin the future of their daughter.
@mamaK947 (63)
• United States
10 Aug 08
me and my guy went through the same thing you are going through. i was 18 and he was 19. It was really hard telling our parents, but after we did they were very supportive even thought they didn't like the situation. i was terrified about being a mother but so far its not as hard as i thought it would be. you'll be fine you just need to get into a routine after the baby is born, it will be hard at first but you'll get the hang of it and im sure you will be a wonderful father. good luck.
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
The thing there is they are supportive, but me. . .I don't know. That is why I am giving it all now trying to find money and focus on ny work so I can pay any needs when the time comes. As of now, I am not expecting any support from my family and also to the girl's side. I am ashame in the fact that I am doing it but can do nothing about it that is why I am trying my best to be a responsible father and not depending to both family. I am afraid what others and our family may say. THANK YOU FOR THE STRENGTH =)
• United States
10 Aug 08
Try taking a parening class .. it may help you both ... I am sure your familys will be a good support system for you both.. Just work together and you both should be fine .. support groups are a wonderful thing ;) Best of luck to you both
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
Thank you for the reply, I am also thinking of it. . .I don't want to be an irresponsible father. . .hope I can make things fine. . .thank you again =)