Don't you hate it when....?

United States
August 18, 2008 1:47pm CST
A friend says "Oh, we should get together sometime soon" but then never attempts to make any plans. I have a friend who I haven't seen in over a year. We don't talk a whole lot, mostly on the internet. But everytime we talk on the internet she says "We have got to get together sometime soon", or recently she has said we should get together before the end of the summer. I've replied saying that's a great idea, but that's it, we never end up making plans. I know it's both of our faults, I could set the plans as easily as she can... Do you have friends that you always say you want to get together with, but never make the plans?
15 people like this
65 responses
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
18 Aug 08
This is my friend...she will always say, lets get together. Then I make the time, call her and see if she is available and she always says, I'll get back to you, then never does! She drives me crazy. If you don't want to get together, don't say you do. Then there are times that she will actually set the date with me to get together and then blows me off! This makes me ever more mad. Sometimes I wonder how come I consider her my friend.
• United States
18 Aug 08
Yeah that must be even more frustrating, but for me, the plans just never get made, so nobody's able to blow me off, lol. I'd stop making definite plans with her after that I think. I would just say "Well I'm going here for coffee on Sunday morning if you'd like to join me, you can just meet me there" that way you're making the plans for yourself, and if she doesn't show, oh well.
3 people like this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
18 Aug 08
I like your idea. Next time I will make plans for something I want to do and go anyways.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Aug 08
I was going to respond saying that this drives me up a wall, but then I saw this comment and stopped... it reminded me of another friend I had. We were really close in grammar and high school. After which we had a falling out of sorts. A while back, she called me in the middle of the night very upset over some personal issues. Even though we hadn't been on speaking terms for a while, she called me and I was there for her. We discussed her problem, had a few laughs and made up for lost time. She said we'd have to start hanging out again as we both missed each other's company. In the following months she called me twice. Each time we set up definite plans. The first time she blew me off completely. The second time I told her to call to confirm before hand and she never did, but I had counted on that so I had other plans already as a back-up. The next time she called, I didn't answer the phone. Instead, I messaged her through MySpace. That was months ago and I haven't heard from her since. I don't understand her motives or reasons but I've come to accept that this is the way she is... some people are like that for whatever reason and clearly, if they cannot make the time when you do, they are not true friends! After that novel :) back to the original question -- I am always the kind of person to actually make the effort to make plans when someone says this. And yes, a while back usually nothing ever developed. But as I'm getting older, I'm finding that a lot of times, we carry through with these promises. I guess it depends on whether you really want to meet with that person or not. Real friends will always make time for one another -- even if it's only once a month or so! Great question!
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
18 Aug 08
Yeah, I have a few friends that I'm in this situation with. Sometimes you just have to make that extra nudge and get something on the calendar. When they say 'we should.......', say 'how's next Thursday work for you?'
3 people like this
@schulzie (4064)
• United States
20 Aug 08
I haven't really ever had that happen to me. I find that the older we all get the more involved we all get in our lives and especially if you have children they take up a lot of time. I really am sorry that your friend is doing this. Maybe they have good intentions but a lousy memory to remember that they said they were going to make plans with you. Who knows? Have a great day and happy myLotting!!!
@Rintis (646)
• India
20 Aug 08
Absolutely HATE it. I have given up on some of my friends because of this reason. One of them keeps mentioning that we should meet up but then I come to know that she was at my neighborhood a few days ago and never even bothered to let me know. So I guess all that she told earlier was a lie, she said it just for the heck of saying so. It really hurts.
2 people like this
@walijo2008 (4648)
• United States
20 Aug 08
Yeah, that happens to me too, I have a friend that I haven't seen or talked to in a long time, the other day, was her birthday, so I sent her a text telling her happy birthday, I did call her first but she didn't answer, so I texted her. Later she wrote me back saying thank you, and that she'll call me when she gets home because we have alot to talk about, but she never did call. I have other friends too, that we're always inviting for dinner or go out to dinner, but it never happens. I guess neither one of us wants to do it..lol.
2 people like this
@poohgal (6848)
• Singapore
20 Aug 08
Sometimes I am guilty of that. It's not like I don't mean it but sometimes I'm just too busy or tired to arrange anything. In the past, I used to arrange a lot of these gatherings. After a while, I get really tired as some of my friends are really passive and they expect me to do the planning All the time. I also have friends who will make a din when I have to cancel the outing last minute. I know it's my fault to cancel it last minute but I really have something urgent on. I wonder why they can't be more sensitive. It makes me fearful of going out with them. That's when I start to focus more on friends who are more 'active'. I always meet the same few friends as we are always take effort to plan and we are comfortable with one another's company.
2 people like this
• Nepal
20 Aug 08
i have many friend who need me in each and every action but I make choice of them if it is good to do or go then I support them and if then i will not. I make them clear them the situation and other things they understand me and obey my suggestion.Mostly they purpose me for the tour to the hills and in the mountains I appericiate and help them
2 people like this
@shamzy18 (2319)
19 Aug 08
oh my god i hate when this happens . i have left college this year and friends always say and make plans to go somewhere but they never end up doing it!! why even plan it and everything if you not going to!! and then complain that we havent seens each other!!
2 people like this
@jnk3dfx (721)
• India
19 Aug 08
Ya.. Your friend will say 'Oh, we should get together sometime soon'... but they will not do that... ok tell me how much eager you are to meet them...? It upto you that you go and meet them or try to arrange a get togther, because they are your friends... Me and My Friends will meet First Saturday of every month if we miss then second Saturday... Most of them will join on that day... Its Upto you how do you keep the relationship between friends or relatives.
@derek_a (10902)
19 Aug 08
Yes, I have one or two friends like that and if I try to pin one down by saying, "OK. When shall we meet?" They either tend to get non-specific or give a date and time and then not bother even turning up. In my mind, if a person can't be definite and keep promises, then they are pretty stressed out!
2 people like this
@pumpkinjam (5774)
• United Kingdom
19 Aug 08
I've been guilty of that this summer. I have told a couple of people I should be able to get together over the summer but not been able to. With one of them though, the problem is that she only does things at her own convenience and expects other people to be at her beck and call (even after being told several times that I'll be working or taking the kids somewhere or something) but then won't do anything on a day that I am actually free, apparently assuming I have fallen out with her because I have a life beyond shopping. It seems this is not the case with you and your friend. Neither of you have made the effort but either of you could have done. I do hate it when I attempt to make plans with someone who always says no but I also hate it when people keep asking me to do things and I have to say no. Your friend may just have been too busy. I honestly thought I would have some time over the holidays but haven't. Perhaps that's the case with you and/or your friend. Why don't you get in touch and suggest something with her? Some people aren't very good at making plans and I know of a few people who say they will get together but feel they have to be invited to something to actually do so.
2 people like this
@mariechin (428)
• Philippines
19 Aug 08
Maybe the best way for us in order not to be disappointed is not to hope. Everybody wants to have a get together but everybody is too busy in their own life too. Maybe if one of you is a true leader, then maybe you could have the real get together. :)
2 people like this
• United States
19 Aug 08
Not really because I know that people have busy lives and that things come up.
2 people like this
• Australia
19 Aug 08
Oouch...had I known you personally, I would say that I'm that person you're referring to here...lol! Yes, me and my partner have moved into our new house in October last year and I've been telling my former lady boss that I would invite her and her partner for lunch at our place "one of these days". Well, guess what? Its been almost a year already and I still haven't got the chance to invite them yet. I really would love to have them but unfortunately, something is always coming up which makes me push that lunch get-together aside for the time being. What I'm trying to say here is, unless your friend is a "stirrer" by nature, you should give her some allowance, leniency and understanding for not being able to fulfill her promise. We don't have the same situations in life, the same free time and same schedules...there must be a very valid reason why your friend hasn't still got the chance to meet up with you. And its actually good that you still haven't got to that stage that you have actually made plans and then, she would not show up anyway...now, that would be more annoying for sure.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Aug 08
I know how you feel. There is a girl that I've been meeting to meetup with for months! She's always says "we should get together", but she doesn't make plans either. Yeah, I could make the plans, but it's like, she's the one who brought it up. I don't really call or text her anymore. So, that's that I guess. She has my #, she can always call, but she never does. In this case, we're not really good friends, but we were trying to know each other a little better. Now, she's just someone that I talk to mainly online as well.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Aug 08
I have a few friends that it is hard to hook up with. They work different hours and shifts then I worked. I use to work like 8-14 hours a day it is hard to see anyone when you put in long days like that! I see what you mean, You want to see them but things never fall into place!
18 Aug 08
man i totally know that your talking about one of my good friends from school that i havent seen for about 5 months we always talk on my space and even on mylot about how we need to hang out it difficult because she lives in another city but all we do is talk i have tried to go over there but then she'll call and say she isn't home
2 people like this
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
18 Aug 08
Its like that all the time with my friend. She talks about going out but then I never hear from her. The only time we get together is if I throw a fit about us not getting together. I have another friend who talks about us going to bingo but then she goes and never lets me know about it. I finally just take charge and plan stuff because I know that is the only way it will get done.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Aug 08
I have a friend who constantly tells us that she wants to hang out, but makes a long list of excuses why she can't. We then go through all the trouble of nulling those excuses. Last time it was "I'd love to go, but I can't because I'm allergic to your cat, I don't have the money to chip in for food, and I can't make it at 5 because I have another party that starts at 4." So we moved the location to a friend's who has no cat, told her not to worry about the money, we'd feed her anyway, and moved the start time back to 7. She said "Oh, that's perfect! I'll see you then!" She never showed. She never even made an excuse why she didn't come. And she certainly didn't say "I'm sorry I blew you off." Just recently she said she'd show up for another party as soon as she got off work at 6. She didn't. I'd love to tell her "You know, don't bother... you never come anyways..." But I'm too nice. _
2 people like this
@lemayan (188)
• Germany
18 Aug 08
yeah usually we just never get around to it the sad part is they live alittle far or they are too busy and when they are free i am busy that happens i remember this lady we were good friends with and everytime we met we always planned to go out together in a discoteque but we never really got around to it, until one time i just told her lets face it angie this will never happen
2 people like this