Alone and Disowned...

Alone... - Alone...
@twoey68 (13651)
United States
August 26, 2008 9:33am CST
I think for everyone there are times in our lives when we don’t do what our families want us to do or we have major disagreements. Most of the time they blow over and you move on. There was a time when it wasn’t uncommon to disown a child b/c they married someone the parents didn’t approve of, picked a career they didn’t like or they got in trouble with the law. Being disowned generally meant that you were no longer part of the family and could expect to inherit nothing. Although times have changed ppl still get disowned now and then. Though now it’s more like being cast as the black sheep of the family…you’re still a part of the family but your rather looked down on. I was disowned once. My Mom and I had a falling out (looooooong story) and didn’t speak to each other for a year. It was horrible for me. I don’t think I have ever felt so alone in a world full of ppl. Several family members wouldn’t talk to me and that just made it worse. It didn’t matter who was right or who wasn’t…it still hurts to suddenly not be a part of the family anymore. We finally patched things up and moved on and we’re close to each other now but it isn’t just the same anymore b/c now I know that there’s a part of my Mom that can cut me out when things go wrong between us. I enjoy what time we have together and try not to think about the whole disowning thing but I do wonder if ppl realize how deeply it affects others before they do it. Have you ever been disowned? Have you ever disowned anyone? How would you feel if your parents disowned you? **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
12 people like this
28 responses
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
26 Aug 08
No, I haven't had that experience ,but it must be very painful for you.
• United States
26 Aug 08
I disowned my only child (daughter) two years ago. She has made a few attempts to contact me but I ignore them. She stole 98% of all my retirement saving which took me many years of hard work and doing my best to help her out when she needed it, my total 401K account, had 2 of my 3 dogs put to sleep and ruined my credit.During the past few years before completely becoming estranged I kept forgiving her when she stabbed me in the back...big mistake... it only made her think I was complete fool. Then to find out when I was in the hospital she could not wait for me to die so she could sell my house! Forgive her ..yes...forget...NEVER!
3 people like this
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
26 Aug 08
I wasn't really disowned but my mom was for a few years and since we were her kids we might just as well been. My grandmother didn't approve of my mothers choices and so when she got her third divorce my grandmother wrote her a note disowning us. She couldn't even do it face to face, because we were in a different state. It made my mom g trough some rough times knowing that she was the black sheep of her family and that she had no one to rely on anymore but us kids. I think that is what made me,my brother and my mom so close. We were broke and if it hadn't been for the goodness of some strangers we would have been off way worse. Isn't it funny how total strangers help more then family sometimes? So we were disowned when I was 9 till I was 13.My mom suffered from severe bouts of depression and even had a nervous breakdown, we got through it and moved on. But then my mom said she had enough and she went to visit and talk to her alone without us kids and then things slowly progressed to us visiting once a month or so. But it still wasn't the same as before everyone was so stuff and stilted with each other each afraid of saying something that would start the process all over again and we sure didn't have the closeness we had before the fallout. She tried in small ways to make up for it. She learned all the details and why the divorce had to happen he was a drunk..my mom just couldn't take it any longer and she seen that my mom didn't have a choice if she wanted to protect us kids. Me and and my mom had a small disagreement and it rippled he waters a bit in our relationship and I still have problems dealing with that still and it has been 3 years. We aren't as close as before either because of it. There are times I am depressed and feel all alone and that I have no one to turn to but I do I turn to Mylot and sometimes it helps me pull myself up by the bootstraps and continue on..
3 people like this
@gemini_rose (16193)
26 Aug 08
Yes I have been disowned many times. I always managed to get back on their good side though so it was all OK in the end. It never actually bothered me at that time being disowned, I could not have cared less to be honest. I never minded being left totally alone, at least then I had no one to please but myself because I just got sick of being a disappointment all the time. I think it would bother me more now I was older to be disowned, I seem to take things to heart more than I used too.
3 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 08
I was never officially disowned, but there were several really awkward years with my family. I basically only spoke to them at Christmas, and not at all through the rest of the year (and I'm pretty sure there was one Christmas where I didn't even speak to them). I was still close with one of my sisters, but other than her, I was very anti-family. This situation has all worked itself out now, and I'm actually about to go spend a week with my other sister, who was one of the biggest proponents of not speaking to me for those couple of years. I still only rarely talk to my dad and my brother, though that's more because of other situations than the nearly being disowned one.
3 people like this
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
26 Aug 08
My oldest daughter and her family have disowned us. This happened almost a year ago even though before she told us she wanted nothing more to do with us things had gotten sort of bad. They would move and not even let us know where they were or if they were ok. The only time we would hear from them is if they wanted or needed anything. The last straw for her was when we refused to do any more. Her husband don't work and neither does she and they have 4 children. They live off the state and think everything should be given to them and if people don't then they get mad at them and remove them from their life. They have stolen from us before also. This also is a long story with them. I have figured out that I can not dwell over it all the time, yes it does hurt but the way they treated us also hurt very deeply. I would have never treated my parents the way my daughter has done us. There is just so much we can do, maybe one day they will come around but to tell you the truth right now there is still so much hurt and so many hateful things said to me I am not sure if I could allow her back in my life right now at this time with open arms. I am so happy that you got yours straightened out and that you are happy with it now.
3 people like this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
26 Aug 08
Think it would be very hard to take . But I am the blacksheep of the family for I dont conform to what they think I should do. I live for me and my kids not for my mom, sis or brother.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 08
I have been 'disowned' by some of my good friends in the past, and it hurts to know that they usually did it when I needed someone to be there for me. A lot of ex-friends left because they didn't want to deal with my problems, even if I was there for them. My parents have disowned me for short periods of time, and that is one of the reasons why I can't trust them anymore.
2 people like this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
26 Aug 08
I have never disowned anyone nor has any one disowned me in my belief. I do feel that I could have been shown more attention and affection growing up. It has affected me through life. I don't believe there should be enough animosity in a household where it comes to the point where disowning makes its way into the situation.
@snowy22315 (51029)
• United States
10 Oct 08
My parents would never do that. I dont talk to them alot but they would always be there for me if I needed to. My son wasnt too happy with me for awhile but he would not disown me. I think it is terrible for families to do something for that. It must be so hurtful. i went through enough trauma with my son.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Sep 08
I am so strongly against disowning that I would never, no matter what they did, disown my kids. My dad did disown me once, kind of. When I was sixteen, I got pregnant and then the father of my baby and I eloped. I know I hurt them because of the choices I made, and I got hurt as well. That night, my dad told me that if I walked out, I was never welcomed back. That was a very long time ago and we have since made up and things are great with us. I live next door to my parents now. I don't think he even thinks about it anymore and on the majority rule, I don't either.
1 person likes this
@cblackink (969)
• United States
6 Sep 08
The worst that ever happened to me was that my parents and I didn't have any contact for three months, which seemed like an eternity. I'm an only child and my parents are older, so I really worried about them. This happened about five or six years ago. It was just the worst feeling in the world. And it was me who wouldn't contact them, because of the way they had treated me.
1 person likes this
@jimbomuso (950)
5 Sep 08
Hi Twoey! I was more or less disowned by my mum and dad, They were too busy drinking, fighting etc. I disowned them in retaliation LOL! I have disowned someone and it has been the only time... they commited a crime that was so bad, I couldn't in all good conscience speak to them ever again. I'm ok with my mum(my dad passed a long time ago)but I'd be really hurt if she disowned me now.
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
3 Sep 08
I never got disowned or disowned anyone. Sorry that it happened to you, but each family has its own rule. There were times in my life when I almost had a fallout ith my mother too. She did say she would disown me and I told her that is her choice because between she and I we don't have much in common anyway. I was in love and she didn't want me to have a relationship with someone of different race, ethnic or religion. I fought this view of hers all my life but that was the one time I actually went to battle for it. She gave up, I knew she would, because she loves me. The relationship didn't work out though, I wanted to make sure that he was the one and then he made that mistake so it's over. I asked my mother if there is anything she wanted me to do to make it up to her, she said she is just glad I didn't end up marrying him. We learned about ourselves a great deal after that. I married my husband now, a Caucasian and non Catholic, without any problem from her in fact she was nervous about the wedding that it drove me crazy. and I learned that no matter how prideful she is, I can't get a better mother, even if I can pick my own parents. She will never disown her own and I can't entirely neglect her guts. I think she always knew I fell in love with the wrong person, only she didn't see that it is just who he is, not his religion ethic whatever.
1 person likes this
@Munchkin547 (2778)
3 Sep 08
That must have been awful for you twoey, i'm sorry you had to go through that! I have got to be one of the luckiest girls in the world to have got the parents i did, they're very understanding and never go nuts at me when i make mistakes, as long as i learn my lesson, every time they ask for advice they always say the same thing, they guide me to do the right thing but tell me they don't care what i do as long a i am safe, got a roof over my head and most importantly happy! I don't think they would ever disown me but i'd be devastated if they did it'd be like losing my two best friends as well as my parents. i hope you can continue to repair your relationship with your mum! xxx
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
3 Sep 08
I've never done anything to be disowned. As many bad things as my brother did he wasn't. I think my dad had some of that kind of stuff going on from his mother's family - tho I'm not sure it had actually happened to him. It might've been a bit different if we had actually lived around the extended family. Because we were 1000 miles away from the rest of the family we didn't get drawn into the fight between some of mom's cousins when one divorced his wife and one cousin took her side and wouldn't talk to the rest of the family. It was very stressful for the family since in this case it was a brother not talking to a brother or was it a sister...? Like I said, the distance made us immune.
1 person likes this
@littleowl (7157)
29 Aug 08
Hi Twoey I was disowned by my father once when I was living with my coloured fiancee my dad is totally racist and it didn't go down well at all with him eventually the only people that were there for me was my mun and one of my sisters..I felt very alone and hurt and that was a really bad time of my life but now everything is different and we have patched things up..littleowl
1 person likes this
@sharra1 (6342)
• Australia
28 Aug 08
My father walked our of my life when I was 25 and we did not talk for 20 years. He seemed sad when he walked out just before my birthday that I did not invite him to attend the party. He never seemed interested in me when I was growing up and my mother convinced me that he never wanted wanted me. Then when he walked out I was angry with him. I saw things from my mum's point of view for years. I was very close to my mother until I realised she had been lying to me about a lot of things and we were never the same after that. It took me a long time to realise that maybe I had misjudged him. I eventually made my peace with him but I never really got to know him and now there is nothing but a blank in my life where a father should be. I regret that very much. They say that a girl uses the image of her father as an ideal male image. Well I had no male image and it took me a long time to find a man I could connect to.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
27 Aug 08
I have not, and I never did it to anyone, not to that extent. I am familiar with the concept however, or I got familiar with the concept once I got married , since hubby's family are quite good at it.But I had never experienced it or even heard about it within my own family. WHen I"m upset at something I prefer to discuss even if there are no grounds for an agreement than to cast someone aside or stop talking to the person. I have, however, distanced myself from some people when I had valid and strong reasons to feel it was my best option. I didn't stop talking to them, I just cut out most of the socializing aspect of our relationship.I did it because it was safer to do so, and because if the person hurt me, I really don't feel like socializing with her/him/them But I am quick to apologize and if the person is willing to give the first step in direction of fixing things, I would accept it without keeping anything negative inside.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Some people have a way of shutting family out when things don't go as they think they should go,that is an awful thing ,for a person to do things like that.We need our family & sometimes people that do this is not mature in their thinking...Try to think of it this way,they have a problem & some day they will learn that you have to love unconditional,some people have a problem with this...had your mother actually disowned you ,she would not have made up with you..I think mothers feel that when their children do wrong ,they blame themselves & cannot face their pain as a failure,they fail to realize that you are an individual and they look at you as an extention of themselves....She was hurt & angry and probably told everyone and now that the hurt has ended she can now deal with her disappointments...I have been hurt by my family & i am sure that i have hurt them as well..We have to learn that we are NOT responsible for our childrens faults or failures...I have a son and i would say he is a failure at anything he goes at..he has been in prison most of his life and when he is out he always does something to land back in trouble...I have 5 children & the rest are not like that.i use to blame myself but had i not realized that this was NOT my fault,these children were all raised the same way,so where did i go wrong? I finally ralized that just because you give birth that child has a mind of their own...I have always loved him unconditional,been there for him & hes my child & i will always love him..Am i disappointed ? Yes but the reason i am disappointed is because he has so much going for him..he is handsome,talented,a hard worker,a great personality,but thats what disappoints me ,he has the potential to do so much but yet he will not.i have never disowned any of my children and a real mother never disowns her children but we are disappointed at times and have trouble handling it so we draw back at times to relieve the stress...I am glad that your family is back together,,,I am sure if you ever ask your mom ,she would tell you that she never stopped loving you...
1 person likes this