I wish i was dead...!!

India
September 23, 2008 7:49am CST
I know better about life than what i wish for but there are times when i do feel like i shouldn't be alive. A little bit of house work, a little bit of dust and here i am gasping for air! I feel so so helpless at times when i try my level best to pump air into my lungs but i fail to do so. And with each and every effort that i make to breathe i start to feel that it would be better if i die. But i know that i have to be alive for my son, my husband and my mom. If i die, i know their life would be living hell. Atleast i know for a fact that my mom would not be able to take it. I understand that God has given me this life and i have no right whatso ever to end it, neither do i have the guts to do so! Forgive me, i just wanted to talk to somebody about how i feel as talking to my mom would hurt her immensly. Have you ever felt the same way that i do because of an illness??
4 people like this
8 responses
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Do you have asthma? I used to have that and it's horrible, horrible! It disappeared for the most part when I had my first child--an additional gift from God, I think. But I remember how awful it was to try to breathe and feel as if I was suffocating. Have you seen a doctor for this condition?
1 person likes this
• India
23 Sep 08
Yes i suffer from Asthma. My problem increased after my c-section but now it has decreased invariably. I think the weakness in the body makes it more worse. Yes i have seen the doctor about it but i do have to use the inhaler now and then.
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I used to take pills in additional to the inhaler and it really helped control the problem. Primatene and Bronchaid are both good and there are also prescription tablets that your doctor can prescribe. If your problem has become unmanageable and is interfering with your daily life, please ask your doctor about these tablets. They make a world of difference. They keep your lungs clear and you'll only be using the inhaler for the worst of attacks. In fact, the pills can prevent attacks and let you live a much better life.
1 person likes this
@ramangill (1479)
• India
23 Sep 08
i luv you,,, this is life all about ,, everybdy is having problems, yesterday i was going to college,,i saw an accident,,a truck moved over a person's legs,, he lost his legs for whole of his life,, this is life is all about,, love each other, mwwaaaah HUGS.
1 person likes this
• India
24 Sep 08
Yes i know, this is life and we all have to face the challenge that life throws at us. I know how to face hurdles in life but when it comes to an asthma attack i just feel horrible.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
23 Sep 08
I never have felt the same way that you do. I'm sorry to hear that. I think you should need an expert help because it's psychological problem. One question as you mentioned about God in your posting, how is your relationship with Him. Do you only realize that he's there? Or do you have personal experiences with Him? I understand that you cannot tell this to your mother, It will be very hard for her, and you'll only create new problem by telling it to her. I don't want to lead you to certain religion but I experiences how God relieved me from problems that I face. Just by talking to Him, expressing all your burden, and all that I feel to Him, you will feel free and fresh. He will surely listen to you and give to strength to survive. I will bring you in my prayer tonight. Hope the best for you in your life and everything you do. Life actually is beautiful, you just have to see it from a different side.
1 person likes this
• India
24 Sep 08
Thank you for including me in your prayers. Yes i do know that life is very beautiful and like to enjoy life to the fullest but when i get an asthma attack there is nothing that i can see or think. Each moment is like fighting to stay alive, trying to breathe. I am not the religious type who goes to church at all sundays and stuff but i do have a very special place for God in my heart. I know for a fact that He is the Supreme being and that everything happens fora cause. I converse with God a lot, mostly when i am alone and i can sit and cry to HIM!!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Sep 08
Hello again SangsTurks. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Not being able to, or even believing that you cannot get air into your lungs is such a horrible thing to have to experience. I myself do not suffer from this, but I know even from running up two flights of stairs to my bedroom takes my breathe away and that is very uncomfortable, I could only imagine what you are dealing with! Anyway, I know that sometimes we go through things in life that are painful,sad,etc. But w ehave to hold on. Everything passesand there are always better times to come. Like you said, you have a son to live for. Yes you do...and yourself! Stay strong SangsTurks! and keep posting!!
1 person likes this
• India
24 Sep 08
I donot know whether you have heard about it or not but you should try PRANAYAAM (yoga (breathing) exercises). It is amazing . But you need to learn it from an expert. It will definitely give you reief.
• United States
24 Sep 08
you shouldn't think that way consider your life as a gift ..........try to fight it..........do wat are u can do.....go to doctor..talk to him how u feel........
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (31696)
• Canada
24 Sep 08
Yes, I have felt the same. A couple of years ago I developed acid reflux after my mom passed away. It was horrible. Constant heartburn and constant throat burning. Spent so much time with doctors, medications and tried all kinds of alternative medicine including acupuncture with no positive result. I could not sleep for the pain, except when my body just shut off from exhaustion. At one point, I couldn't take anymore that I even said God kill me or Devil kill me but will somebody do it. As you can see I'm still here. Still burning as my esophagus valve is damaged. But because of a drastic change in diet it is somewhat better. Time will tell the future. God did give me the strength somehow to keep going. But as I( look around I see all kinds of suffering that people go through. So it's understandable that we get desperate. You have a family that needs you, especially your son, so please don't give up but keep going. I do hope that you can find a way to relieve the suffering a bit.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
24 Sep 08
SangTurks, Please do not feel desolate and down hearted. Asthma is manageable. All you need is to be a little more attention on yourself and surroundings, to keep your condition under control. I think one of the first things that you need to know is to avoid irritants in your house. Things like rugs, furry toys, pollen plants, carpets (non treated), dogs, cats and furry animals are the very things you can do without. You may need to vacuum clean your house and once a week vacuum out the whole place including back and top of cabinets. If you use the air condition in your house be sure to use it with a reliable air purifier. You need to reduce the amount of dust and irritants within the house for a start. Next, you should avoid cold fizzy drinks like sodas, coke, pops and what not. If you must just an occasional sip will do. Anything more or frequent will only be asking for a puff sooner. Drinking tea in general is healthy but never drink them when they are cold. If possible, drink more ginger tea. When you have a cough or flu you should avoid sugar in your beverages. You should also pay particular attention to your diet too. Fruits like citrus, oranges, green apples and pineapples should be avoided as these are well known asthma attack catalysts. Red apples, pears, bananas, grapes, cherries, Rock Melons, Honey Dews are some of the best advocates. Vegetables like the cabbage, Chinese white big cabbage (those used to make Korean kim chis) are to be avoided. I hope that the above tips will be of help. In all situations, I think besides lamenting over it, we should also try to accept and understand it. So, a lot of reading and sharing with friends and family doctor would really help you with your frustrations. Since you can be online, I am sure you would be able to learn a lot more about your condition and share with people worldwide who are in the same predicament like you. So, take care for life is short - live it the best that you can.