No Decisions Are Bad Unless It Kills You

@wolfie34 (26792)
United Kingdom
September 28, 2008 3:23pm CST
Or have you ever heard the saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger? Have you ever analyzed bad decisions that you have made in the past? Why are they bad, when we can learn so much from them and besides when we are given a choice and we seemingly go for the wrong option we are left wondering what if... How many times have you said if only, what if.... But do we ever wonder that the other decision might have put us in a much worst position, but because we didn't choose it we will never know!!! So when you look at decisions you have made which you blame yourself over for making the wrong choice, or regrets in life, think of it this way It might be a bad decision but did it kill you? Did you learn from it? Next time the same decision comes up, you'll know what to do because you have been there before Bad decisions equals experience and learning, sadly experiences does indeed come at the wrong end of life! But stop beating yourself up about making bad decisions, because you never know if you had made a different decision you could actually be worst off if that makes sense? So do you beat yourself up about making wrong decisions? Do you get angry at yourself for making wrong choices and wishing you had made a different choice at the time? Life is never easy but if we never make wrong decisions we could actually be missing out!!!
5 people like this
19 responses
@suehan1 (4355)
• Australia
29 Sep 08
you know wolfie your right in saying that any decision we make,bad or good is a learning curve for all of us,and there is no use in beating ourselves over the head with a stick for making a wrong decision.if anything it makes us stronger because we have learnt from past mistakes or wrong decisions.i live with the motto if in doubt don't.cheers sue
3 people like this
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
29 Sep 08
Hi Sue, the most important thing is that we learn and we don't go and make the same mistakes again, we can turn bad decisions around and a wise friend once said to me out of bad come good and that is so true!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
28 Sep 08
Well Sweetie I have made some bad choices and decisions but I always say well it is to late now I have to live with it and learn from it It is all part of Life, it is learning and living, if you made a bad Choice or Decision you either live with it or do something about it I do get angry at the time but then I think to myself oh well I will have to put it right somehow and work on that Really if we always made the right Decision we would not learn and Life would be so boring as there would be no challenges for us even if it hurts Big Hugs xxx
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
28 Sep 08
I think we hold so much regret, hate, and disappointment that it holds us back from moving forward and enjoying the future. We tend to dwell on the negatives and forget the good things, like the ying and yang. And as a wonderful close friend of mine always tells me 'out of bad comes good' and I hold that dearly. Hugs xxx
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
28 Sep 08
And Sweetheart that is very true it might take a long time but it is so true as I have proved that a few times Love you and little Man is back to being full of Mischief and is ever so cheeky he sends his love kisses and Hugs to his best Friend xxxx
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
28 Sep 08
Thank you for your understanding, hugs to my bestest mate xxxxxx
@ellie333 (21029)
28 Sep 08
Hi Wolfie, I think making no descision is worse than making a bad decision that we can indeed learn by. I am a great believer in that good will come from a bad situation somehow and even if that good is to not ever make that decision again then that is the good that is learned from it eh! I have no regrets, even my marriage which went wrong happened for a reason and the good that came from that was my two beautiful daughters so if I say if I had never had met him that would be taking them away so I have no regrets either, maybe somethings in hindsight which of course is a wonderful hing I may have done slightly differently but ultimately I have been lead to where I am now which is very happy and content so I can't have made that many bad ones along the way, either that or I made so many I have really learnt from them to get me here now LOL. Ellie :D
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
28 Sep 08
My beloved close friend always reminds me of that, 'out of bad comes good' and that is so true, once my tutor took me aside and told me off in the nice way 'stop being so damn hard on yourself Brian' and she's right, I guess it takes 5 years to realize what she said, she was very wise and I owe her a lot because it she who had enough faith in me to push me forward and get my NVQ. We just dwell on the negatives and when you have a little negative tape in your head playing negativity for 37 years you do find it hard to stop, take it out and replace it with a positivity tape, I keep trying but every time I put it in, it spits it out again!
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
28 Sep 08
Well put the posiivity tape onto CD so that it won't get chewed up and spat out and keep it playing, onwards and upwards and don't let the little triggers set you back off down the neg road, you are too special and have come too far forward to do that Wolfie. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
11 Oct 08
Hi Wolfie, I hope you put he tape onto CD and there are no scratches LOL. Thanks for the best repsonse. Ellie :D
@sweetie1026 (1723)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
Yes, i have heard of that saying my friend and it is true. I have made bad decisions in my life too and they have made me stronger. It is through these decisions that we learn in life. There are times that i regret having made them but some,i am happy that i did, no matter how bad they were. I have said that "f only and what if" many times in the past. Having decided to seperate from my girls' father was a tought one for me but there is the, what if i didn't? Would i be a better person than i am now. Then, there is the if only, i didn't, maybe i would not have this feeling of emptiness inside. But i am happy with what i have decided, there are times that i wonder about the "what if and if only" but that is just one factor that helped me become a better person. Sad to say, at times these bad decisions really make us stronger and determined to achive our goals in life. I swore to myself then, that i would do everything to make my girls' life a lot better than mine. I think, i did and they are better persons now, though i know they too have that feeling of emptiness inside which i can not fill.Yes, making bad decisions add color to our lives both negatively and positively, it depends on how we look at life.
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
29 Sep 08
Don't you just hate the what ifs and if onlys in life? We can waste so much time on them and what do we get out of it? Procrastination, regrets and sadness, you can't change the decisions you have made but you can learn from them and next time you change the what ifs and if onlys because you have been there before and you have done the ifs and onlys! Bad decisions have actually given me more experience in life and I can also help others by sharing my experiences and that in itself is rewarding!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
Yes, that is so true. I have spent too much time with the what if and if only and i never want to do that again. I am a better and stronger person now than i have been before. Bad decisions made in the past has surely thought me many experiences. Thank you for sharing my friend. I really am glad to have met you here. Thanks again, and have a nice day!
@Humbug25 (12551)
28 Sep 08
Hi ya wolfie34 Well I think we both know what bad decission I have made in the past but then like my dad always says (good ole dad) it must have been the right the decission at the time and I certainly wouldn't have three beautiful children if I hadn't made the decission I did. I guess I could have got beautiful children elsewhere with less hastle though!! . I don't get angry from making the wrong decission it is all part of the learning process and I don't think we ever stop learning as long we don't make the same mistake twice of course which then means that your learnt nothing at all from the first time around!!
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
28 Sep 08
Do you know it's taken me a year to realize that I am being too hard on myself, yes I had a bad manipulative controlling relationship but hey it wasn't 100% bad, I mean I got to see Prague for example, I would never had gone to Prague on my own, so I have my ex to thank for that! Things like that which I quickly forget and base everything on the negative. It's been a year October 7th since I left my ex and now I'm thinking yes ok it was bad but there were good times too, it's funny isn't how the positivity and good things seem to fade and yet the negativity and hatred burn like beacons in a misty night!
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12551)
30 Sep 08
Most of the time I do keep focused on the negative just to remind me how bad things were and to justify why I left the way that I did and took his kids away from him. I thank him for nothing, like I said I could have got my beautiful children from someone who was kind and loving and with less hastle! I am positive now but not about the past only the future (well the last 2 years have been great and very positive) it is the only way to go but something will often trigger off something to do with the past, it will happen, it was part of my life whether I like it or not!! Keep smiling!!
• India
29 Sep 08
Are you asking me if I regret the choices I have made in the past? Well, sometimes I do! That's human nature, isn't it? ;) But not for long!! Actually, I thought I was being very smart when I made those decisions. And when I examine the situation carefully, I think it has all turned out for the best. I mean I am quite happy now. So my past decisions must have been right!! Of course, it is human nature to think, "If only I had chosen B instead of A, I might have been Bill Gates by now"! But the truth is you never know. You only think you might have become Bill Gates. What if something different happened if you had chosen B? So, I am happy with whatever I did in the past, however wrong it might seem. :) Cheers and happy mylotting
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
29 Sep 08
Wrong or right decisions make us who we are today, and if we made different choices then who knows what path we'd be on, too many hypertheticals! In theory a choice made differently could have ended up with our mortality!
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
29 Sep 08
Well I have made tons of wrong decisions in my life and I do regret many of them. But, since you can't go back and fix them or take them back or change them then what else is there but to go on and try harder to not make the same mistakes again! I have tried to stop beating myself up about some of the decisions that I have made in the past, but sometimes it's not that easy. I have learned to try to put things that I can not change behind me because there is nothing that can be gained by dwelling on it. The only way to get over things is to move forward. If you continue to dwell on things that have already been done wrong you will not be able to move ahead. I have found that this is quite true. But in essence it is easier said then done. But with time and practice I have gotten better at letting go of the bad things in my life and am trying to forge ahead since that is the only way that I can go. There is no point in going backwards because it doesn't help you get anywhere.
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
29 Sep 08
I guess I have got into a stagnation period of my life where bitterly regretting my decisions in the past has got me trying to walk through toffee in my journey, I can't move on until I let go the strings of the past, slowly I am cutting the cords that keep me from moving on. Acceptance is a big thing my friend and when you can accept yourself you are making the journey ten times as bad, no a hundred times bad!
@Bobbysox (224)
28 Sep 08
Maybe one time I used to get annoyed at a bad decision that I had made,but as time has gone by I just make the decision that I think is the right one and then leave it at that,if the decision turns out to be the wrong one,then so be it,we cannot be right all of the tme,we are just humans after all,and theres no good in beating yourself up about a wrong decision,or a wrong move.
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
28 Sep 08
Excellent point, we are only human! Thank you
1 person likes this
@cdparazo (5768)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
I don't really believe that there is such thing as wrong or right choices or decisions. What may be right for me may be wrong for you. Depends on whose perspective. What is important is we learn from it. Also, we make choices and decisions based on our own personal preferences and beliefs. Even if it kills us, it was still made based on our personal convictions and choices and that I believe is what should one uphold. I don't like dealing with what ifs because its a waste of time, energy and emotion. I focus my mind on the future always.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
29 Sep 08
so crime is not wrong? This is called situational ethics.
1 person likes this
@cdparazo (5768)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
Crime? In what country? From my point of view, it is wrong. When would a crime become a crime? who says that its a crime? Each of us is guided by different culture, upbringing, environment and beliefs. Terrorism for me is very wrong...But you try asking the terrorist and they never think that its wrong.
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
29 Sep 08
The ideal situation is one in which we learn from our mistakes. But as we look around at society we see many people who keep making the same mistakes over and over and over. The more the same mistake is repeated, the more it can be seen as an intentional mistake. This can be said of repeat offenders in jail as well as people who choose the same wrong type of person to share a relationship with. Some people actually never learn. Or is it that they "learn" to like their own mistakes?
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
29 Sep 08
I am in the wrong type of person to share a relationship with category, but after two bad relationships I have finally stopped the pattern, I realized what was happening and owning up to mistakes and realizing what I was doing and stopping the pattern from repeating itself is half the battle won.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
29 Sep 08
Good for you!I think many of us can become used to our misery and find it to be our comfort zone. "The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know" kind of thinking.
1 person likes this
• Canada
29 Sep 08
I try not to let any bad decisiosn I make infere with my life and try to move on. I do not like when things do not work out but I do not want them to bring me down either and just try to forget about what I did and move on from there. I try not to dwell on things and feel better about it this way.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
29 Sep 08
No matter how hard or how much time you spend dwelling on something, it never changes does it? The only thing you can change is it happening again, it's the future than you need to dwell on, you can change that, not your past!
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (104403)
• United States
29 Sep 08
Yes, wolfie, you make sense. It does not make good use of our time to live in the past, dressed in regret. We learn from everything we do. The other road might have been even worse. I am thankful for the paths I have taken.
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
29 Sep 08
Have you ever seen the film Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow? When two decisions are explored and both have different consequences, brilliant film, I must watch it again sometime as it's very relevant to my discussion
@nannacroc (4049)
28 Sep 08
I've made many decisions which may have been the wrong ones. Marrying Mr Croc was a big mistake if I look at it from one point of view. The fact that he loves me after over thirty years and we have three lovely girls and three wonderful grandsons, none of whom would be here if I hadn't married him, makes that seemingly wrong decision to have been a good one. When I look back and think 'what if', I have to think about the good consequences of making the so called wrong decision.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
28 Sep 08
Even the worst decision we have made in our lives can actually bloom roses, sometimes we can't see the woods for the trees because we take so much for granted, it's easy to focus on the negatives, I believe everything has a balance, a decision can't be 100% wrong or 100% right, make it and move on and reap the rewards whatever choice we have made. Mr Croc is a very lucky man!
• United States
28 Sep 08
I agree with everything that you've said. We have to make mistakes before we learn anything. You never know where that other choice could have lead you and it makes no sense sitting back and wondering "what if" because you can't go back in time and change it. The best you can do is to take whatever lessons you've learned from the mistake and move on. If you live in the past then how can you move on to the future? There were times in the past when I've made mistakes and now that I think back on them I realize that I've learned a lot from them. Sometimes it's hard to see that at the time though and it takes a while before you can actually appreciate it. Usually I get mad at myself for making some mistakes but in time I'm able to gain some perspective and see it in a better light.
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
28 Sep 08
I am guilty of living in the past, and you forget your future and even the present, no one has a time machine and even if you do go back and reverse some of the decisions then my life could actually turn out worse than it is, if that makes sense, the past is gone, get over it, the present and the future is what matters now and it's time for me to close and bolt the door to my past! Thank you and belated welcome to Mylot!
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
28 Sep 08
Hi wolfie, I agree that we can never be sure about good or bad decisions. I sometimes think that certain things are meant to be. We really don't know what would have happened if we had taken the other road. There is certainly no point in blaming ourselves and we have got to get past that. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
28 Sep 08
It's like fate has a hand in our decision makings too! I've got to the grand age of 37 so I can't be doing that bad with decisions! Blessings to you my friend!
@saundyl (9690)
• Canada
28 Sep 08
Wrong decisions are a fact of life...but they arent terrible unless you dont learn from them. Very few decisions will actually kill you...they'll make you feel bad or good happy sad... You're right that we'll never know if we dont make the choice...but theres always choices to make.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
28 Sep 08
That's what makes us human I guess having to choose, we choose to get up each morning, we choose what to eat for breakfast and we choose whether to get married, break the law etc, life is a choice in itself. But I think it evens out doesn't it, the wrong and the right choices in the end, balanced!
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
29 Sep 08
I really agree with you on this topic, you will never learn unless you make mistakes. On a lighter note, there's one mistake you can't regret though, when you say "I DO!"
1 person likes this
@mojcica (1512)
• Slovenia
29 Sep 08
I always belive that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger or in other words, everything happens for a reason. I also belive that if things would happen diferently in my life I wouldnt be the person I am now..and that would be ashame, cause I do like me as I am now ;) Filling sorry or questioning yourself what if... theres no point in that, it just wanst meant to happen and thats it!
1 person likes this
@ja_gwen (55)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
making a mistake is a learning process for us. It will only be wrong when we repeat the same mistake again. No one is perfect, learning from our mistake will make us grow wiser.