My dog has been give days to live ~ My heart is hurting so bad!!!!

@makingpots (11922)
United States
October 9, 2008 10:32pm CST
My dogs name is Mocha. She is a sweet, gentle soul and a wonderful companion. She went in today to have an absess tooth removed. They called us to say she has an agressively growing mass in her throat. She gags a lot and has a hard time breatheing. It is only a matter of time. Mocha and her fury sister, Holly were my children during the years that I was unable to become pregnant. I think somehow it caused an even closer bond because I had so much maternal energy that got expended on them. For discussion purposes...... What advice can you give me for helping my four year old son understand death? How much of this should I allow him to be aware of as far as her failing health in concerned?
11 people like this
17 responses
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
10 Oct 08
Hi dear Sad to hear about it, Its really hard to absorb such loss But again i would say, Its Life. And dont need to say anything to ur kid as he is too young for that, and u can handle him once he will not see Mocha for few days and in few days he will forget about it, Time is really a healer, it heal every thing or atleast dont let them so painful for longer time Wish u all the best Bye
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (99424)
• United States
10 Oct 08
At four years old, he will know and remember. I think that Makingpots is so talented, perhaps she and her son can write a little book about Mocha, and about losing a pet.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Gerty~ what a kind thing to say..... and a wonderful idea. Thanks so much.
2 people like this
@jaygee96 (316)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
I really dont know what to advise coz I also havent gotten over the hurt when we lost our dog Petita two years ago. I still get sad and hurt whenever I think of her.I just wish God cure and give some miracle to Mocha.
2 people like this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
12 Oct 08
I'm sorry to hear about Petita, jaygee96. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164652)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Oct 08
makingpots how dreadful poor mocha, is there nothing that can be done, like surgery, thatsso awful, the poor thing. I can see 'you have a special bond with them too.Its going to be hard to tell a four year old son about this. The best I can suggest is that you prepare him in a way by telling him that Mocha is very ill and God is going to take him to Heaven. I am not sure how you can keep all of this from him, but I would not let him dwell on it too long as it could really upset him so much. just sort of take it easy with your little son. I am so sorry for all of you. its never easy losing a beloved pet. I wonder if the absessed tooth had anything to do with the mass in her poor throat.
2 people like this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
12 Oct 08
Thanks, Hatley. It is possible the two are connected, we can't be sure. She had a thorough check up a little over a month ago and nothing was found then. The mass is very large and they can tell from the byopsy that it has and will grow quickly. They didn't even bother pulling her tooth, the antibiotics were working well enough on it. The vet has been very good to us, not charging us for anything but blood work.
2 people like this
@owlwings (39259)
• Cambridge, England
10 Oct 08
I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. It really is so hard when a loved animal comes to the end of its life. We only had our dog for six years but, when he was about 12, he developed a cancer in his brain that made him progressively lose the use of his back legs (and later of other functions in the nether regions). We never thought that he was in pain but it was obviously distressing for him, even though dogs don't have quite the same sense of memory and understanding of the future as we do. They live mostly in the present. My grand-daughter was four or five at the time and when we had to discuss having Taff put to sleep, we explained that he was not well (which she could see) and that he was getting old and would never get better. We told her that the vet would give him some special medicine that would make him sleep quietly and peacefully and that he would no longer be in pain. She quite understood and accepted this and we didn't need to create fictions about a 'dog heaven', though when the question of 'heaven' came up later, we assured her that Taff would be there waiting (as I believe that he will, in a sense.) Deciding to have a pet put to sleep is a really heart-rending decision but, in our case, it was obvious that Taff was hating the fact that he could no longer run around and was also getting distressed about being incontinent (his mute looks of apology when he had an accident were enough to make anyone weep). From what you say about Mocha, I think that you would hate for her to have to end her life in starvation or suffocation and you should think about an alternative decision which, though I know is a very distressing one to make, is, thankfully, available to us for animals. I, for one, would not think you in any way heartless for making such a decision because I have had to make the same one twice in my life now. I wish you good luck and many fond memories of Mocha for you and your son. We shouldn't try to shield ourselves or our children from grief and we should certainly make it understandable and acceptable.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Thank you for such an understanding, beautiful response. It will be very hard to make the decisions we are faced with. It is so very helpful to hear encouraging things from others who have experienced it. Thanks, owlwings.
2 people like this
@gemini_rose (16193)
10 Oct 08
I am really sorry to hear about your dog, it is so hard to lose a friend like that and even worse when they have been a part of a family for so long. I had my dog from when I was 18 and she was 11 when I had to have her put to sleep and it was heartbreaking, I would never put myself through it again because it is just so sad.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
12 Oct 08
Thanks, gemini_rose. It is very heartbreaking and sad.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Oct 08
Hi there: I am so so sorry about your dog, Mocha I hope she is not in a lot of pain you say its only a matter of days? That breaks my heart; I've lots many a pet over the years its never easy, we all become so attached to them; as to what to say or not to say to your 4 year old, that's a tough one I would just tell him whatever you feel is right as far as whether or not he'll understand you know? We all react so differently; I really am sorry and I feel your pain already; I'll be thinking of you , Mocha and your son;
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
12 Oct 08
Thank you so much, dreamweaverjan. Everyone's support has been so appreciated.
1 person likes this
@dizzblnd (3073)
• United States
10 Oct 08
awwwwwww hon, I am so sorry. My heart aches for you. Losing a pet is just as hard as losing a human part of your family. I think you should tell him whats going on now, it's hard for her to breathe. She has a boo boo inside that can't be kissed and made all better. Tell him that soon, he won't be seeing her anymore and that she will be going to a place where all good dogs go. He will not understand until hegets older, but children are resilient when it comes to stuff like this. He will be sad for a few days after she passes, but he will "forget" about her in time. (she of course will always be in is heart) Good luck to you. Give Mocha and your son a hug from me. ((((((((((to you)))))))
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Thanks for the very sweet response, dizzblnd. I gladly deliver those hugs for you. My son and Mocha both love to receive hugs!!
2 people like this
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I am so sorry that you are about to lose your special dog. I think with small children its best to be honest as much as you can. Explain to your son that the dog is sick, and will soon die. Explain (if it is your religious view) that the dog will go to doggy heaven and will be very happy there. It is very hard to lose a pet I know. I assume you are having the dog put to sleep, rather than letting it suffer while struggling to breathe? It would be kindest. Blessings to you.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Thanks, TessWhite, we are making all the best decisions we can make. It is very difficult..... far more than I thought it would be.
2 people like this
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
10 Oct 08
First let me say how sorry I am about your little dog. It's always hard to deal with these difficult situations. I've been in your shoes many times and it still hurts. You might explain to your son the angels in doggy heaven came to get Mocha and take her to a better place since she was so sick. Our kids weren't that small when we lost our dogs. I don't envy your situation but know you will get through it with G-d's help.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Thanks so much, carolbee.
2 people like this
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
10 Oct 08
the only you can do is make your son as happy as he can be doing his last days.iam sorry about your son being sick i know he has been a strong comfort for you these last few years.no don,t let him no let him be peaceful.iam so so sorry you lost your love one mat god be with you and your son.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Thank you, annjilena.
2 people like this
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
10 Oct 08
First off I am so sorry for your situation and my heart goes out to your family. I also love my fury family member(kitty)so very much I would feel sad too. I also understand a bond that can happen when you are lacking another form and yes that can make it that much stronger. Secondly as for your son, I think this is a time where you can introduce your morals and faith in what you believe and in 4 year old understanding tell him what is happening. Best wishes Vicki
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Thank you for the understanding input, vicki2876.
2 people like this
@donna22 (1120)
10 Oct 08
Im so sory to hear about your dog. I love animals and have a dog of my own who I love very much. Do you beleive in God? If so I think the best thing to tell your Son is (when Mocha goes)is that she is in Heaven with all the other dogs and the angels are looking after them and she is looking down on him and checking that he is being a good boy.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I do believe in God. Thanks, donna22 that is beautiful.
2 people like this
@wangkai (798)
• China
10 Oct 08
Sorry.i do not know how to do.it is a pity.good lucky to you.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Thank you, wangkai.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (99424)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I can give you very little help here. I will say for pete's sake do not tell him she is going to sleep or being put to sleep. That makes children afraid to go to sleep. Help him celebrate Mocha, and maybe make a memory book about her. Incorporate your spiritual beliefs, because they are his beliefs as well. There is a story about "The Rainbow Bridge" and if you type that in to a search engine, you will find it, and find it very touching.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I love The Rainbow Bridge, thank you for sharing that with me. Thanks for the great ideas.
2 people like this
@KrisNY (7592)
• United States
14 Oct 08
: ( I'm so sorry to hear this news. My heart is with you. I'm also sending you a BIG hug! Dealing with losing a pet is terrible. They are family! I'm sorry! This will be tough for your son too. He is pretty young to understand all of it. I think I would tell him all about doggie heaven and that he is sick and needs to go. I'm sorry!!!
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
15 Oct 08
Hi, Kris. It was so nice to sign on and see a response from a friend tonight. I'll take that BIG hug....thanks!
@jordan04n (463)
• United States
14 Oct 08
My 15 yr old dog Lady recently passed away. I explained to my 6 yr old that we must be very careful with her and say good by everyday because one day soon she will not be with us anymore. He was great with all the information and helped me daily care for her. We talked about it everyday for long periods of time recalling memories of Lady when she was younger and went through her back surgery. We also looked at pictures of a happier Lady. We had to carry her outside when she barked and take her to her food. He was there when she passed and I did not do well at all. I thought she had choked and tried to revive her as I sent him next door to get a neighbor to help. He ran all the way. I overreacted and went hysterical. I really thought I was ready to give her up. The truth is there is no way to prepare for such a loss. My husband buried her in the woods and the next day we made a huge rock headstone for her and laid her to rest with our other dog Peppy. We have two dogs left Sammy Sue and Scruffy Buddy. We now have the time to give each one of them more love and attention. I don't think I can take on the care of another dog. Lady was our fourth to lose and it gets harder every time. I encourage you to pray and let go a little more everyday. Life is tough and it hurts.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
15 Oct 08
Thanks for the understanding and the very good advice, jordan04n. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and how hard it was on you. I completely understand. Talks with our son are going well and we are enjoying the memories and stories with him. I think he will come through this pretty well. Suddenly it's mommy (me) that I worry most about. Thank you for sharing your story.
@AmbiePam (49115)
• United States
12 Oct 08
I don't know what to say besides I am so so sorry.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
13 Oct 08
Thank you, AmbiePam.
1 person likes this