Would you apologise to a child if you were wrong ?

@ronnyb (6120)
Jamaica
December 5, 2008 7:29am CST
Or do you see yourself as the adult and as the good book says children should respect their parents? . Do think that admitting that you are wrong somehow compromises your position as an authority figure or cements that position .Are they any benefits to admitting that you are wrong and can make mistakes ?.Maybe you would admit that you are wrong but only for certain circumstances. Would you admit that you erred and what are the circumstances that you would do so? .Would you for instance apologize in front of his friends in the instance you did something wrong in their presence and is this situation only limited to your children ? Analyze and inform us of your position in this matter please.
20 people like this
96 responses
@wanted123 (121)
• India
5 Dec 08
i will surely say sorry because for me the childrens should see us and grow so we are their role model so what all we do only they will do by seeing it and learning i dont beleive in having complex between them and i surely need u guys to appologize to the children if u done fault and if u not tell them in low voice they will listen and we should teach them in good way and we should make the children to be mature more and well behaving
4 people like this
@rowe0525 (677)
• China
6 Dec 08
how right u are we should apologise the children when we done sth wrong i agree with u ,happy mylotting
1 person likes this
@munhozmib (3853)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
5 Dec 08
Hello, ronnyb! I would admit my mistake and apologize. Even though I am not an adult, yes, the child would probably laugh and say: "Hahaha, I knew it, you idiot". But the child would also learn that he should admit their mistakes and apologize when he has done something wrong. My authority can be regained. Everybody makes mistakes. The fact that you admit your mistakes will only make you more admirable. Every great leader, great parent, great anything makes a mistake once in life. And that's why they are great. They have learned from their mistakes. They make their mistakes known and people see that they have learned from it. "Wow, he learned really fast!" Respectfully, Munhozmib.
3 people like this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
5 Dec 08
Great perspective ,if you keep oup this level of thinking you will make a good parent eventually.
1 person likes this
@rowe0525 (677)
• China
6 Dec 08
yeah a good parent have good children happy mylotting
1 person likes this
@munhozmib (3853)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
7 Dec 08
Thank you! :D
@mensab (4207)
• Philippines
5 Dec 08
if i were truly wrong and hurt the feelings of a child, i would say sorry to him/her. my saying sorry to a kid would not diminish my authority and friendship, i think. in fact, by saying sorry, i would be able to earn his/her respect and build our friendship. it does not matter if i say sorry in front of his/her friends. what matters is that i am being true to myself and that will make my relationship with a child meaningful.
@rowe0525 (677)
• China
6 Dec 08
yeah if we done sth wrong we should say sorry to him i see eye to eye with u
@gtdonna (1740)
7 Dec 08
Preach mensab! Kids respect you more when you can admit you are right than when you know you are wrong, they know you are wrong and yet you wo't say sorry. This will then tell them that there is one rule for parents and one for kids and they will never really get over that.
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
More power to you.I would have done that.
@candymarie (1368)
• Canada
8 Dec 08
Yes, yes I would, and I've also done so. Doesn't matter who's there, if I realize I was in the wrong, to either assume because of what may have happened, or if they were falsely accused for example, I would apologize as soon as it was established that they weren't in the wrong. Just one of the examples. Because how else are children going to learn that they have to hear all sides before making a decision, that life IS in fact fair with SOME people, and that yes, some people DO like you, especially since they took the time to find out if something was true or not about them. I only say this because of my little cousin, with his HIGH exxageration of everyone hates him, my response is usually, "Do I hate you?" "...No...", "Does Mommy hate you?", "....No....", "How about your daddy, your brother, your friend, even though sometimes you fight?", "...I guess not...", "Well stop being silly and saying everyone, when you don't mean everyone, and whomever "hates" you, don't know the meaning of hate, just like you, they're 8-10 yrs old, and they shouldn't be using that word until they actually understand what it means, and hopefully still won't use it....now finish your homework please." lol.
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
9 Dec 08
That is a good way to lead by example,the example being set here is that no one is perfect and when you are wrong ,you should apologise
2 people like this
@lexus54 (3576)
• Singapore
5 Dec 08
I don't think saying sorry to a child compromises the adult's authority. I will say sorry to a child if I have wronged a child or made him/her suffer any hurts or embarrassment. There are many good reasons for this. Firstly, it earns respect from the child. It signals to the child that everyone makes mistake, and anyone who makes a mistake should apologize for it as a way of owning up, adults included. Secondly, it is a lesson in humility. We teach children to be humble by admitting to mistakes made, and what a better way to act this out by apologizing ourselves in front of them. When they see that someone in authority can apologize and not be arrogant, they too should follow the example. Thirdly, apologizing helps in bonding between the parent and child. Often after the apology (probably followed by a hug), it restores the bond between the two, because the earlier wrong committed may have inflicted some damage and placed a barrier in the relationship between the parent and the child. This act of apology is therapeutic for restoration of the relationship. Lastly, when we all learn to say sorry, we become more compassionate and considerate people. It is positive for behavior building, and especially good for children as part of their growing up process. Let me also say that there is also a positive impact on children if they see adults apologizing to one another, eg. between a father and a mother. Children also learn from the positive example of adults.
2 people like this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
5 Dec 08
Very good answer it suggests that you have thought about the topic thoroughly
@lexus54 (3576)
• Singapore
6 Dec 08
Thanks for your vote. I enjoyed reading this discussion thread...there are many good and sensible responses here which offer good advice for parents. Maybe I got the vote because I organize them into more discrete paragraphs. Good topic anyway.
2 people like this
@rajfoe (354)
• India
6 Dec 08
Exactly friend it hurts respect from the child and moreover the children won't get scared from us. Even i ask sorry to my small sister and brother if i do anything wrong to them and when it hurts them. Good to see your reply friend. Most of the people don't believe in asking sorry to the children. Happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
• Australia
6 Dec 08
Of course I would, and have. Children are adults in training, and teaching them NOT to apologise when they have made a mistake is a very good way of training them to be liars and hypocrites. There are ways of apolgising without losing their respect, and if you make a habit of treating them as sensible human beings you will more likely gain respect than lose it in these situations. Lash
2 people like this
@sharra1 (6342)
• Australia
6 Dec 08
I quite agree. I believed this when I was teaching and I have always tried to put it into practice. I have never had children of my own but I treat any child I interact with like this. How can they respect us if we lie to them and they will always know that we are lying.
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
7 Dec 08
I agree with this point too and I like the way your view of children as adults in training
@robert19ph (4584)
• Philippines
17 Dec 08
[i]Hello ronnyb, Yes, I will apologize to a child if I am wrong. We adults should show respect even to a child because when they grow up, they will remember what their elders have done to them. Their mind is like a sponge and they absord everything they see, experience and heard and so it's a good thing to show them how to behave in several situation so when they grow up they become good citizens. Regards.[/i]
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
17 Dec 08
Not many persons realize that the children today will be the adults of the future and whatever they learn today from us they will act out later may be even on us .
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
5 Dec 08
absolutely! i want my children to know that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. i dont think it diminishes your authority but it shows them that you are willing to admit your mistakes, are human and not some fake person. i dont know, i just think it is important. to get your kids to respect you, you have to respect them, not by being their best friend, but their parent.
2 people like this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
6 Dec 08
Yes and there is no better way to teach this principle except by demonstrating it
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
Yes, I will apologize to a child. To children of a certain age, one does not lose authority or the aura of authority even if one commits wrongful acts repeatedly. On the other hand, because one is considered a person of authority by the child, his/her wrongdoing becomes right and worthy of imitation. Before long, the child will ultimately imitate the wrongdoings, if s/he is not properly guided, and point to the adult as his/her teacher or justification. Apologizing to the child, even in front of his/her friends, explaining why a specific act is wrong, teaches the child and his/her friends about right and wrong, the circumstances, the context. It also serves as a preventive, a warning for adults to exert efforts to avoid committing mistakes.
2 people like this
@wrangel15 (1443)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
It is good to think what the children will learn if you say sorry to what you've done. Children imitate the things they see the older people do. We should be alert on occasions like that because it is one of the important attitudes we want children to imitate as they grow older. It would be better also to say it won't happen again and explain the implications of the wrong you've done.
2 people like this
@mimico (3619)
• Philippines
6 Dec 08
Ideally, yes, we ought to apologize to children if we were wrong. That's what humility is all about. But a lot of times, we see ourselves as better than they are just because they are children, so we don't do what is right. i guess it's okay too because children aren't that sensitive yet so they won't mind if you don't apologize to them. But at the same time, we have to teach them how and when to apologize, and what better way than by example?
2 people like this
@Natara (171)
• Canada
5 Dec 08
I would definitely apologize. It makes me really frustrated when an adult tells me I am wrong when I am sure I am correct, because yes, I'm not an adult (yet). If a child is told they are incorrect when they are right they might lose confidence, or get angry because they are always told they are incorrect and it could get annoying.
2 people like this
@caskins (689)
• United States
5 Dec 08
hello ronnyb, i would and have apologize to my child when i was wrong. parents make mistakes too. we are all not perfect. happy posting!
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
5 Dec 08
I like your perspective back in my day I cant remember hearing of that happening so you must be a modern parent.Keep up th egood work with your child
@rowe0525 (677)
• China
6 Dec 08
yeah how right u r well/ no body is perfect so we should say sorry to her happy posting
@ahgong (10066)
• Singapore
8 Jan 09
No body is infallible. And if as a parent, you are apparently in the wrong, there is nothing wrong with apologising for it. But do not keep apologising so much so that the child thinks that as long as he or she can make you feel guilty, you are in the wrong. Children are very smart at picking up these kinds of situations where they can exploit. And once it becomes a habit, they will always be playing the guilty card to make the parent feel sorry enough to want to compensate the situation all the time.
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
25 Jan 09
Very good point about over apologising I think that is the point I was trying to make about it reducing your parental authority.Good answer
@misspipsi (237)
• Bulgaria
7 Dec 08
Your kids should respect you.But apologizing is even better because they will respect you not as the BAD person.They`ll fell respect that you were brave enaught to addmit your mistake.So I think you should apologize your kid if you were wrong,but I think you should be alone in the room.
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
7 Dec 08
Point taken as to why you should apologize but why do you think you should only do it when they are alone in the room ,what if you embarassed them infront of their friends.Dont you think other kids may learn from you as well. Thank you for your response
@izathewzia (5142)
• Philippines
7 Dec 08
I will do it. I will apologize to a child if I commit a mistake. So he or she will learn what is right and what is wrong. We are their role models. So we must show them the right things to do.
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
7 Dec 08
Yes we must be a role model at all times even at the expense of our infallibilty
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
6 Dec 08
If I am wrong, whether it be a child or adult, I will apologize or say that I was wrong. I do that with my students, too. That is how children learn that it is okay to admit when you are wrong. When I am working with them (I teach dance), I will ask, after working on a dance combination, "Did anyone think that they messed up?" Some will raise their hands, most won't, even if they messed up. I will say, "If you messed up, it is important to let me know so that I can help you." Once they learn that you cannot improve unless you admit your mistakes, they are more willing to admit to error. Even if they are not behaving I may ask, "Ok, I heard someone talking. What was it?" but never with a nasty tone. If they admit to it I will say, "Thank you for being honest. I really respect that. Let me remind you not to talk so you do not miss anything important." People who act as if kids should have a different set of rules, will learn, the hard way, that kids will do as you do.
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
7 Dec 08
What you have written is a very practical way to show that making mistakes is not a bad thing and whats more improtant is to learn form these mistakes.Thank you for your response
@srganesh (6349)
• India
6 Dec 08
Yes!I will.We shall not be egoistic of being a parent.Apologising to a child,you need not feel uncomfortable.On the other hand ,we are educating the child with good manners and behavioural patterns.He /she will be more generous to her then relationships.After all admitting one's error is good to anybody.
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
27 Dec 08
Being a parent often involves doing things that might show us up to be human we need to learn that nothing is wrong with that .
• United States
5 Dec 08
Why would apologizing compromise your position? All if does is show you are a bigger and better person. If you are wrong about something and the child knows you are wrong about something and you don't say anything then you just look like an idiot. How much respect are you going to get if your child things you are stupid?
1 person likes this
@rajfoe (354)
• India
6 Dec 08
Exactly friend we have to ask sorry if we are wrong. Nothing is gonna hurt us if we ask sorry. Happy mylotting.
@ladynetz (968)
• Canada
5 Dec 08
Yes, I would, and I am always when I'm wrong. Specially now, that they are teenagers, it hard to know everything.From time to time I was wrong and had to apologize.it's not very nicewhen your parent asks you to gorgive him/her, that they made a mistake. So I'm trying to say something if I really know the answer, if not, just say"I don't know". In my opinion is better not to know (because we ar only human, not robots), than give a wrong answer.
1 person likes this
@rowe0525 (677)
• China
6 Dec 08
as if all the people will do that if we are wrong so i see eye to eye with u happy mylotting