A Tradition (death in the neighborhood).

@Chevee (5915)
United States
December 7, 2008 10:24am CST
My neighbors son was killed in a car accident. It is a tradition here to help the family out by taking things that are useful during this time of grief. Things like food for the family and friends that are visiting the relative. Or things that they might give out of because of the high traffic of visitors. I have to go to the store and get something for them. I think I am going to get some paper products for them like paper towels, toilet tissue etc. I see a lot of people going in and out and know they are using a lot of these products. Do you or your area have a tradition that you follow when you have death in the neighborhood?
4 people like this
23 responses
@TheCatLady (4696)
• Israel
12 Dec 08
We bring food to the family. They won't feel like cooking and aren't going to be going to the store for a week. I usually bring a fruit basket with a selection of fruits from the grocery store. Fruit is easy because they don't have to cook it. Sometimes I will bring a loaf of good bread and some cheese so they can make sandwiches. Basically anything they can eat with a minimum of effort. I won't cook unless I know they will eat food made in my kitchen and I know what they like.
1 person likes this
• China
11 Dec 08
I still remember that difficult time of my grandpa and grandma passed away together. The whole family fell into a great sadness.Each one of us had no idea what tradition we should follow.Even if i was heartbroken,there was a warm came up my mind.Because the neighors and relative around us did not hesitate to give us a big hand,arranged everything well for us.And during the time of grief,they took alone with food and candy when they were visiting each other.Almost the same like what Chevee mentioned instead of paper products.One more,we have to visit friends or relaive after one month.In case we must meet someone,we should give them red paper envelops with money inside,can keep away from misfortune.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20248)
• United States
9 Dec 08
I never thought about paper products, you are so right to provide them, I mean how much food can people use. Thank you for this idea, it's very smart of you to do this.
1 person likes this
@nanajanet (4437)
• United States
8 Dec 08
I am sorry to hear that. My son was killed in an auto accident by a drunk driver, almost 5 years ago (he was almost 24) and all the help that people gave us helped us a lot in dealing with things. You are not in the mood to cook, clean, etc. and people brought us food, everyday, offered to run errands, etc. What you are doing is more important than you know. The only thing that I tell people, is that after the initial loss, people go back to normal and all that attention stops and you are back to reality, without your loved one. It takes time so after all the main attention stops, try to keep up some sort of assistance, even if it is just a visit to talk. Most people DO want to talk about their loved ones yet many are afraid to bring it up because they fear that it will remind us and we will be sad. Too late, we are already sad and always reminded. But asking about the person's life and memories can help. One of the parents of one of my students started a memorial website for me where we and others could post memories, poems, pictures and thoughts. It was a real healer. In the beginning, so many posted. Now it is now and then, even for us, which shows the healing. Bless you for being so thoughtful. They will appreciate it.
1 person likes this
@fifileigh (3621)
• United States
8 Dec 08
how about get them one of those large baskets filled with things they might need to relax with...herb teas, aromatherapy, relaxing cds, etc. to help them get through this time.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Dec 08
For those of us who have been in the neighborhood a long time, it's a tradition to send food to the grieving family. The neighbors also collect money to buy flowers. Also, almost everyone comes to the wake. Members of the church do the same thing.
1 person likes this
@Charente (113)
8 Dec 08
What a really thoughtful thing to do. I've never heard of that before. Isn't it heartwarming to to know that with all the evil and nastiness in the world, there are really good people who will go out of their way to help other people in their hour of need?
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
16 Dec 08
That is a very sad thing and I am sorry to hear of this. It is a shame when a family loses a loved one especially to a tragic accident that was unforeseen. I am kind of new to my neighborhood and the surrounding area in which I have moved with my family some seven months ago. I know that if I were in a neighborhood in which I lived before there was a special community that would let everyone know about the loss of someone special and the members would do their best to see to it that the family of the loved one would be seen after with either special thoughts or gifts. It is good when people stick together and help in times of struggle and hardships. There are many people that need others for support and this family that you are talking about are really going to need the extra support and outreach from as many people as possible. I really don't think that a family would want to be alone right now in their grief. It probably helps a lot to have an outpouring of compassion from everyone around them so they feel that they can move on with the proper support. When something tragic like this happens it can really shake up a family and leave them feeling scared and that no body will come by to see them but in some cases there are those that know there will be aid in times of horrible grief. Take care Chevee and you are doing a great thing to help these people.
@Keola12 (717)
• United States
8 Dec 08
In my neighborhood, people also follow the tradition of taking food to neighbors whose loved ones have passed away. Although, it doesn't bring the the deceased back to life, it gives some sort of comfort to the family or families of the deceased loved one(s). At least this was the case for me 20 years ago when my brother was killed in a car accident at the tender age of 17. There is just something about comfort food that is so soothing.
• China
8 Dec 08
yeah,in china when you konw this thing .you should give then family some money to fell sorry about it. or you may bring them some presnt
@aprilten (1977)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
Actually this is the first time I heard of such a tradition. But, if there is such a tradition where I live I will observe and respect it.
@cortney09 (1348)
• United States
8 Dec 08
We have not come upon this issue yet. Well, not that I know of. I think that your idea for getting paper products, is a great idea. I think stuff like that is something that people don't think of getting and they will sure appreciate that.
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
In the Philippines, it is normal to help your neighbor during these times. You help can help by cooking foods, dish washing, lending your utensils, etc. People even go EVERY night (in Filipino: Lamay) during the wake, especially the last night before the burial. You can also help by playing cards. Card games are legal during this time because a part of the bet was given to the bereaved family (Filipino: Abuloy)..
@riyasam (16582)
• India
8 Dec 08
we do not have a specific protocol but it is sort of manners to visit a bereaved person.we usually take fruit juices as they tend to neglect their eating and drinking.
@cripfemme (7719)
• United States
7 Dec 08
Back home in PA we used to take food. Where I live now we don't have much of a neighborhood sort of spirit so that sort of thing doesn't really go on. At least as far as I know.
@bunnybon7 (32526)
• Holiday, Florida
7 Dec 08
oh that is so nice. never even thought of that one. we usually just bake, cook, or buy something good to eat.
@camomom (7537)
• United States
7 Dec 08
We don't have any traditions but when my moms fiance was killed by a drunk driver, we received meals from friends and a fruit basket. We also received boxes of tissues, it may seem strange but it did help. Someone brought us a business sized coffee maker and coffee. I think someone else brought us donuts one morning for breakfast so we wouldn't have to cook. I think it's a great idea to bring them paper products, we all use them and if they run out, they won't want to go out to buy more. Great idea!!!
@fwidman (11519)
• United States
7 Dec 08
We don't have such a tradition here, but most of the people living here are of the same attitude as those in the big city of Los Angeles (or any big city I guess). At best, they may take candles or flowers or sympathy cards and leave them on the property. Your idea of paper products seems like the right choice. If they are getting lots of visitors then they will surely need these things
@Anne18 (11036)
7 Dec 08
We don't have any traditions like that, but I think it is a lovely idea espically yours to take toilet rolls etc.
@Blondie2222 (17586)
• United States
7 Dec 08
Sry for your neighbors loss. Thats a great idea to help them out in this need of time. I was never known to do that our neighborhood does nothing. But I do help out friends that lose loved ones and stuff like that....That's a very good thing you're doing right there. But still a sad situation.