Can you make any relationship work?
@positiveminded1977 (7072)
India
December 25, 2008 12:31am CST
As far as I am concerned, I can never make some relationships work, however hard I try. In fact, the more I try, the more things go wrong.
I feel that a beautiful relationship is as effortless and spontaneous as a blooming rose. You don't need to struggle to make it work. In fact, if you have to struggle to make it work, then there is something wrong with it.
Can you confidently say that you can make ANY relationship work? Do you feel that it is up to a person to "make his/her relationships" work? Or do you feel some relationships work and some don't, and you are better off forgetting about what doesn't work and concentrating on what does?
What do you think?
Cheers and happy Mylotting
3 people like this
18 responses
@amyers06 (61)
• United States
25 Dec 08
First of all, I am sorry about your past relationships... I know how you feel! I can honestly say that you can make a relationship work. My grandparents just celebrated their 53rd anniversary. They have been seperated by war (my grandfather was a SeaBee in the Navy for The Korean War), suffered through money problems, unexpected pregnancies, deaths, and miscarraiges. I am not an expert, but by watching them and hearing their stories, I would say that they are each others soul mates. It took them a while to find each other, but it is a very romantic story. The point is, you have to find someone that is your soul mate. Someone who can finish your sentances and knows what it means when you play with your hair. Someone who knows exaclty what you are thinking and why you are thinking it. Mostly things that are otherwise not possible. That's how I knew anyway. This is terribly cliche, but you just know. And another thing for me... if I can't see myself somewhere or doing something in my head, it usually doens't happen.
Just please, if you take nothing else to heart, listen to this. TAKE YOUR TIME! It will never be too late for true love and definately worth the wait.
1 person likes this
@positiveminded1977 (7072)
• India
28 Dec 08
LOL! Well.. that is quite a big list. :)
Cheers and happy Mylotting
1 person likes this
@positiveminded1977 (7072)
• India
28 Dec 08
Your grandparents sound wonderful. :) Give them my warm regards.
Cheers and happy Mylotting
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
25 Dec 08
Well, not all relationship works well. Some people are struggling to make it work. There are people who are really hard to deal with and they eat up all your patience.
I agree with what you said that when somebody is in a struggle to make the relationship work, then there is something wrong with it. CORRECT!!! It is a fact that in every relationship, there is adjustment, and it the other one refuse to understand or is maybe selfish it is really hard to live with it. The reason why many relationships failed because of these reasons. Happy new year!!
1 person likes this
@zigzagbuddha (4601)
• United States
26 Dec 08
Hehehe, reminds me of the line 'anything you have to struggle to get you will have to struggle to keep'. Something like that anyway. But I apply it now at every opportunity. Every time I catch myself struggling at ANYTHING I stop immediately and get the idea of floating in a boat downstream. More and more I am only doing the things that have the same feeling to them as floating downstream in a well-stocked canoe... the sun is shining and the grass is green! The only time I use my oars is for steering.
@balasri (26537)
• India
26 Dec 08
Well Ican make any relationship work.Ihave a way with people.
I vibe with the rich and poor,educated and uneducated,urban and rural very effectively.But on one condition.These people must not be jealous of me.I just run away from the people and never face them if they are J.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
25 Dec 08
Why do you think Wolfie is very happily single! I could never ever enter into another relationship for the rest of my life, I love being single, I love the freedom, no strings, no hassle, no stress, my life is uncomplicated and I can do as I please without having to worry about anyone else, selfish? Maybe but I don't care, I've had enough of relationships to last me a life time, 9 years of shite I had, never ever to be repeated, I don't trust anyone, I don't want to be with anyone and I don't have the energy, inclination or go in me to make a relationship work, the barriers go up and I won't let anyone close to me. No one is ever going to trap this wolf again! Relationships is a dirty word to me and life hasn't been so good without them.
1 person likes this
@positiveminded1977 (7072)
• India
28 Dec 08
Hello Wolfie dear! As long as you are happy...that's fine! And I hope you will always be happy. :) And you can never say...you might meet that wonderful someone who will make you very very happy.
Cheers and happy Mylotting
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
25 Dec 08
how profound is the discussion that you have presented here, positiveminded. yes, you are right that we cannot make relationships work. for it takes two to make it work, two at the minimum.
i had fallen victim to this one, too. i used not to have much patience with relationships, when i feel that we do not match well, i immediately give it up.
not so, with the last one. awww, the guy has already become what we term as a husband. so, i had to bear all the troubles. just a few weeks after the marriage, i knew that we are not compatible. but it was too late. that is how our culture is. there is only one husband that we can have for a lifetime. for as long as he lives, there is no way that i can entertain the idea of having anyone else. too bad for me, eh?
so, if you notice positiveminded that you need to exert extra effort at a relationship, shed it away at the fastest time. do not commit the same error as i did. i always feel so sorry that i did not leave my husband immediately, as soon as, i was convinced that we are way too different from each other to be able to lead a fruitful life. now, we got separated despite all efforts to make us whole all these years. what a waste was all of that.
@positiveminded1977 (7072)
• India
28 Dec 08
Hehehe..I had a relationship like this too. Our stupid culture says we must have ONLY ONE.. so I tried and tried to make it work with that ONE before gathering the guts to chuck the relationship. :)
Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@threeontwelve (30)
• India
26 Dec 08
I honestly feel every relationship requires some effort. It can never be as spontaneous as you think. I myself am in a very good relationship but even here it sometimes takes a little effort to make it work. It doesn't mean you are not being yourself or struggling; but expecting things to be spontaneously everytime is almost like being able to read someone's mind all the time. In short it cannot happen. If there are two human beings there's bound to be clashes of some sort. And honestly if that doesn't happen, I honestly feel you're not in a relationship. Half the fun of a relationship is in fighting and making up.
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
25 Dec 08
I do believe that any type of relationship to work requires that both parties strive hard to make it work. Otherwise it is destined to be a failure. A one sided relationship is stressful.
1 person likes this
@balacancer22 (1148)
• India
25 Dec 08
No idont think so i can make any relationship work because i'm not good that,even though i have reached college final year i have still not worked on a relationship and i hear my friends saying that i'm not good at it and most of my friends who have made these sort of realtionships have failed miserably making me to think about making one..if you have got some ideas please let me know so that i will also be benefitted..
Merry Christmas.
Happy New Year.
Happy Mylotting.
1 person likes this
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
25 Dec 08
Hello!
A relationship does not relies only on one person. However, if the effort do not come from both parts, then it certainly won't work. As you said, if you are struggling to make a relationship work then you should stop it, because that is not the right way. A relationship must work naturally. Usually, to make it work, it happens when the people get along well with each other.
I am an easy person to hang out with. I am comprehensive, and, despite having my own opinion, I can respect what others say. I have no trouble maintaining a relationship. When it is a love relationship, I am always the one to break the relationship up, and the girls usually get really attached to me when I start an affair with them. When it is a friendship relationship, people are never untrue with me. They are always clear and so am I. Therefore, I have no trouble at all. However, as I said, it depends on all the people involved. Some people don't like me. That's their opinion, I respect if they think I'm a nerd or a retard. This doesn't mean I will be angry at them. I will gladly greet them and, if they allow me to, I would also gladly talk to them.
Respectfully,
Munhozmib.
1 person likes this
@zigzagbuddha (4601)
• United States
26 Dec 08
Good question. I recently read somewhere that when you have trouble in a relationship it is not about them, it is about you. Most people don't want to look at it like that because they are so into 'blaming' that if they are not blaming the other person then they are compelled to blame themselves.
But I do not think the author of that statement was talking about blame. I think they were talking about responsibility. We are each responsible for our own feelings, so if I am choosing to feel upset over somebody else's behavior then it is more productive for me to look within for the beliefs that are attracting this sort of a person or experience into my life, and to deal with it there, rather than trying to control the other person's behavior.
Yes, I think that with a good use of focus - the ability to control your own vibration - you could make any relationship work.
1 person likes this
@GreenMoo (11834)
•
6 Jan 09
I think you have to settle for making a relationship the best that it can be under the circumstances, and that in some cases the best it can be is a polite 'hello' and that's it!
In my opinion, some people are just not compatible with some others and will never be best of buddies however hard the relationship is 'worked at'. It also takes two to make a relationship work and there's no point in you beating yourself up about a relationship which the other party (or another outside influence) is sabotaging.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
25 Dec 08
I agree it either works or it doesn't. Unfortunately if it family then you may have to try to make it work occasionally. So just say a little prayer and ask for help before you try to make it work. Can't hurt. Blessings on the wonderful Christmas morning
1 person likes this
@modstar (9605)
• Philippines
25 Dec 08
Well, i can start a relationship but it seems like i cannot make it work. I've had 6 past relationships and none of them worked, obviously. Right now i'm single and i don't know when i'll have a new girlfriend. I agree with you, a working relationships is something we don't struggle to make it work. It will just work out naturally without trying hard. I still do think that even in a working relationship, we need to do something to be able to maintain it because times are changing and feelings might change too! Come on, be positive! You're positiveminded right? 
1 person likes this
@manixxx (116)
• Japan
25 Dec 08
hmmmmmm, i think we have a common problem when handling a relationship. whenever i try to make it work, it just won't work. i guess it depends upon your partner. if he/she is willing also to make your relationship work, he/she must exert also effort on it. just like to have a give and take relationship, i think that's the key in order for the relationship to work. becuase if only one who will try to make it, exert effort on it, it will never work. it is not good to say also that one is always giving and the other one is always taking. you can't also say that in making a relationship work, it must be spontaneous or effortless. how can you say that a flower blooms if you will not water it or put it under a shade or sunlight. i guess not. so, i guess, give and take relationship should be the answer in order for the relationship to work.
@positiveminded1977 (7072)
• India
28 Dec 08
You might have to water the plant, but have you ever seen a rose struggling to bloom? It just blooms beautifully. :) And some of these wild flowers in the woods hardly need the care that garden plants require.
A relationship with any human being always has pain in it. No relationship can be 100 percent happy.
Cheers and happy Mylotting
@ClassyCat (1214)
• United States
25 Dec 08
Relationships need to be entered into slowly, and
without expectations. Check out that person's
home life. How do they treat their parents?
How many times have the parents been married? Some
of these things need to be just 'observed' as you
are starting out. If they don't treat their parents
with respect, they won't treat you with it either.
Do they press you for intimacy? If so, that "can"
be a sign of selfishness - may not be, but it can.
Do they drink, and if so - how much. How do
they handle money? Do they keep thier word? Do they
have a bad temper? Do they drive recklessly?
These are just a few things to observe when getting
to know someone.
Don't consider seeing someone a relationship, until
you've known each other a few months. You need to
first of all be an observer, and a good friend. And
once you get into bed together - forget observing.
All that does is tie you together in an emotional
realm, where you'll have a lot harder time making
decisions, based upon what you've observed up to
the time before that line has been crossed.
Look around at your friends, and family members who
have moved too quickley in a 'relationship' and see how
they're getting along. And don't ever think that if
you just marry him/her - your love will 'change them,'
cause that just doesn't happen.
There's an old saying: "Good things come to those that
have learned how to wait for them."
Good luck.
C. C.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
25 Dec 08
nobody can make every relationship work, because there is two people in a relationship, if one wants it to work and the other doesn't it won't, if one does all the work and the other doesn't it won't work, hey you don't have to be a saint, just a human being.
@braveheart07 (2601)
• Philippines
26 Dec 08
This really depends. Personally, it is hard to make the relationship work especially if the person you are courting does not really like you at all.
I think it should be both wherein both of you have this chemistry and he or she feels the same way too.
I think patience is really needed if you really want the relationship to work out. Merry Christmas!
@MizzLadyB08 (1174)
• United States
25 Dec 08
You can make relationship work if both people want it to work. There may be problems but you can always make it work out if you try.
@azlimuna (52)
• Malaysia
25 Dec 08
I have no specific opinion. But I knew my wife 6 years before we got married. In early days, we do not have huge expectation between us. Off course, at first, I just like her to be my friend and then, my feelings towards her get developed. There are ups and down but we managed to go through. Now, we have 3 lovely kids and we just celebrated out 11th anniversary. I guess the answer to make the relationship work is our expectation. Do not place any huge expectation from the partner and probably the relationship will end up with marriage. I think!
