I was honest....someone asked my how my christmas was.....

@coffeebreak (17820)
United States
December 29, 2008 8:40pm CST
and I told them. This comes from a discussion while back someone here started, but I couldn't find in the "search", about when people, even strangers, say to you " Hi, how are you?" do you tell them how you really are or just say "oh fine". Well the discussion was about "what do you say when asked that?" Well, my response was that since they don't know me for a hole in the ground, why do they care how I am, so it is obviously just a "break the ice" thing or just goes along with "hi", like cookies go along with cold milk. So my response, depending on my mood, I will tell them how I am! They look at me like a calf looking at a new fence, but hey, if you don't want to know, don't ask. Well, this was the worst Christmas of my life, and the previous 3 weeks were from H-E Double Hockey sticks. So I finally was able to get out of the house and went to have my allergy shots, after not haveing htem for 3 weeks, and it was a new girl, and she asked me how my Christmas was.... and I just spit it right out without even thinking about it and said "It was the worst Christmas of my life, and the last 3 weeks were nothing but H-E-DOuble hockey sticks". She was stunned and speechless and looked at me like a calf looking at a new fence, and then said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I just have never heard anyone answer like that before". So I guess no one has ever been honest with her! But I threw in a chuckle and made her laugh about something else, and then told her have a nice day and she said 'you to, you deserve it". Should I stop being honest?
6 people like this
18 responses
• United States
30 Dec 08
No, not at all!! Honesty is the best. Sometimes its good for us to just get things off our chest. I unloaded the other day on the cashier at my grocery store. I too have had a terrible Christmas. I am happy that the holidays are almost over...I think that there are alot of us in this same situation this year. Hope that things are better for you in the coming weeks, and that you have a good 2009!!! Happy New Years!! Shihtzumama
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
Hey shihtzumama... same to you! I can only hope! I hope for the best but plan for the worst. What was the cashiers response or reaction to you?
• United States
30 Dec 08
She just looked at me...She was young probably still in high school and probably doesn't have alot of stress yet....Im sure she was thinking wow your loosing it, but she didn't say much .....its kind of funny when you think back on the situation.....
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
I'd a probably said "get ready for the real world... its on its way!". No, maybe not! I'm not a mean or rude person, just get tired of all the political correct crap and niceitites when none of it is returned! I gues that is my real problem. But I'll be nice! I promise!
@irishidid (8734)
• United States
30 Dec 08
Stay honest. I had a crappy Christmas too but no one asked me about it or I might have answered the same way.
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
Then tell me... 'how was your christmas?
@irishidid (8734)
• United States
30 Dec 08
Crappy.
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
31 Dec 08
Preachin' to the choir, my dear, preachin' to the choir!
@drannhh (15240)
• United States
30 Dec 08
A friend and I were just discussing that issue yesterday, coincidentally. Her opinion was that you should tell people what they want to hear. Mine was that people should stop asking phony automatic questions, and those expected to regurgitate some banal pablum should stop doing so. On the other hand, one doesn't like to be always throwing out downers, so maybe a good response would be, "Well, I certainly hope yours was better than mine!" Of course, I couldn't say that myself because I had a great Christmas. Sorry you didn't.
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
Glad you had a good christmas! I don't believe in just telling people what they want to hear. If they don't want to risk hearing something they don't want to know, don't ask. Throw in that you know they don't care, it is just a formality, so if it is formality to them, they have to accept what they get. Don't get me wrong, I am not a mean person... most of the time I just say the responsive formality back. They don't care, why bring it up?
1 person likes this
@drannhh (15240)
• United States
30 Dec 08
I'm not a mean person either and I completely agree with you on this. Expecting somebody to lie is mean, though. People should think about what they are saying.
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
And think about what they are asking!
@capirani (1841)
• United States
30 Dec 08
I think there is a time and a place for that kind of total honesty. Just because people ask the question does not mean that you are required to give them the entire history. They are following a pattern of good manners in asking and also in making small talk to pass time. Save the honesty for those who are close to you and would not be in such shock at getting those kinds of answers. If you don't want to respond to the question it is simple enough to answer simply and turn the question back on them to respond.
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
But you are putting it back on the answer-er. And that is not the person that started it. You said.."Just because people ask the question does not mean that you are required to give them the entire history" - well, if they don't want to know the answer, why are they asking the question? Why do I have to lie to them just to be mannerly? And if it is only for manners - why not say something like "I like your purse...where'd you get it?" at least that would be something that they are asking that they care about. IF they ask the question and I don't respond, that would be rude... if I answer it honestly... that is not good manners. So where does the respondent stand?
@capirani (1841)
• United States
31 Dec 08
They ask the question as a way of making some small talk or being polite. It does not mean that you give them the whole history. You can make the answer brief then ask the same question back and let the first person be put on the spot. It isn't that difficult. Example: 'How was your Christmas?' 'Oh it was just okay this year, nothing special. How was yours?' Then the person who first asked is answering now and maybe from there the subject will get changed to something else. I just do not believe in giving out all that information to people I am not close to and that is how I would handle it. Or I would just say that my Christmas was fine and leave it at that...and turn the question back on the other person.
@ersmommy1 (12600)
• United States
31 Dec 08
Nope. Honesty is best. And it works for you. You got how you felt off your chest. That can be helpful to you and your health. Let it out!Besides it may shock some people, others will find it REFRESHING!
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
31 Dec 08
You know what...we both left with a smie on our faces and I know she went back to the office girls and told them and they all had a good laugh about it too, so where was the harm? Truth doesn't always hurt! Makes me want to do it again! Get my stress out and give someone a laugh! What's wrong with that!??!?!
@echomonster (2227)
• Greenwood, Mississippi
30 Dec 08
I tend to give the standard responses when asked those types of questions, but on the other hand I don't mind at all if I get a honest response to a question like that. You can build a real conversation from an honest response, but typical answers rarely lead to anything but more superficiality. Of course people who are just being polite are often not ready to have a real conversation so they act bewildered when they don't get the response they expect. People who are really interested in you, though, will want to hear all about your worst Christmas, your bad day, or why you intend to imprison your children in your basement. You have to take the good and the bad in life as well as friendship unless you want to live in a delusion....I think too many people do fool themselves into thinking their lives are better than they are, only to have the truth hit them like a ton of bricks later on.
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
And that is part of my point - typical answers are superficial, so why bother with them! To ask or to answer. Why waste my time? Yes, those that care will ask you to elaborate with the intent to maybe try to help. Not to mention these kinds of superficial conversations do nothing buy hold up the line and make customers wait!!!
@ladybug565 (2217)
• United States
30 Dec 08
no, I dont think so. honesty is allways best. I am sorry that your christmas was bad and that you have had a bad 3 weeks. I know how you feel. I really only said the truth to my friends though.
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
If my friends would say it, it wouldn't shock me at all.. in fact I'd rather they say it and be honest so I know where we both stand! A friend that lies or sugar coats isnot a very good friend!
@teresat (156)
• United States
30 Dec 08
Despite what you might feel you have to say. Honesty is always best. If you're kind in your delivery, most people can accept your honesty even if they don't agree with it. However, there are a few, who won't and that isn't your fault. Your intentions were good and you did the best you could.
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
I did say it "nicely". I mean, I said it in a calm voice. Iknew it'd shock her so I did look at her with a "raised eyebrow" kind of look on my face and she did look shocked! But I commend her as she came back with honesty saying "I've never heard anyone say that before". She wasn't offended and she was honest right back instead of saying something like "Oh, I'm so sorry" or other mindless niceity! HOnesty on both sides... gotta love it!
@sacmom (14315)
• United States
30 Dec 08
No, you shouldn't stop. After all, it's better than answering "good" and leaving it at that. Like you, I've done this myself. Depending on my mood, when someone asks how I am I may just tell them. It definitely throws the person for a loop, that's for sure! LOL
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
YOu know, after all these responses, it just seems that it is the right thing to do. Not only telling the truth, but surprising that person that asked and giving them a spot in their day of surprise! And they can even take it back to the office staff (or whereever) and they all can get a laugh out of it. How wrong can that be!?!?
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
30 Dec 08
i think honesty is the best policy and i love honest people... so there is nothing wrong at all in expressing how you feel about your christmas as long as you are really honest about it... for me, i love honest people and if other people don't appreciate my honesty, then it is too bad... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
Give me an honest person over a fake any day of the week!!!! No better feeling than to know where you stand! Don't waste my time with sugar coating and fuzzyness. They can only make me gain weight and get itchy!
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
30 Dec 08
no, why should you stop anyway? I mean that's just a simple q & a where will lying take you? I think she was a new girl trying to have a simple chat and didn't expect to hear the 'worst christmas' because I guess eveybody else just said 'great!' family and all. well they might be honest too LOL they did have a good one
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
All the girls say this every time I go in - which is twice a week! I know they don't care how I am and I know it is just casual conversational talk... but still... I dont' see why I should lie, either! And I gave them a laugh... how bad is that?!?!!LOL!
• Singapore
30 Dec 08
I just shun the question so i didn't bother to ans......
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
My point exactly... if you don't want to hear the truth, don't ask (or respond to ) the question! GOod for you!
• United States
30 Dec 08
Hey be honest. In my opinion people shouldn't ask if they don't really want to know. I always tell people when I am having a bad time when they ask...not every day is hunky dorey! We all have bad days...and when someone says to me that they are having a bad day...I just say "oh sorry to here your having a rough time....hope I can make it a little happier~!" I think most people just ask that cause they don't know what else to say and its' considered polite..but they really don't care to begin with. Sounds like you threw her when you said what you did and she was astounded cause she didn't have a planned statement for that response...
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
Yeah, I know it is just part of the niceity. ANd the usual response is just part of the niceity. But since they don't care how you are, and are thrown when you tell them other than the usual niceity, and since they don't care anyway, why do they ask? Why not say, "hey, this weather is really great, isn't it!" or "I love your sweater, where'd you get it?". I'd much rather that be the conversation starter. If they ask the question, why should I lie? Yeah, I threw her - she even said so! Which that made it kind of funny and we both left chuckling and I am sure they all had a few chuckles after I left - - so the truth and honest brings on laughter - what's so wrong with that?!
• United States
30 Dec 08
Yea, I agree with the others here. I don't think there was anything wrong with being honest about your Christmas. Mine was kind of bad too due to another who really seems to hate holidays but only when it comes to me for some reason, this person seems to be able to be jolly and happy around others, and I used to just keep quiet and everyone thought I was hunky-dory and then if I ventured a small complaint later they thought I was "acting spoiled." So this time I just told everyone I knew what went on this holiday. They were surprised, but a lot more supportive and more there for me when they realized what was going on, that my Christmas holidays weren't filled with all joy, etc., and I found I felt much better, plus it seemed to make them feel better to know what was what there. So I don't have a problem with people being honest about this. Sometimes it encourages others to open up about the same thing and gives them emotional release as well in realizing it's okay to tell about bad holidays, now or in the past, and seems to make everyone feel better for it after all sometimes.
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
I got this way cause of the same issue you mention you had. I just got tired of always being the one that covered everything, that everyone left to fill in the gaps and pull it all together and make every happy. Well, no one was making me happy, so I just got tired of spending my life and energy trying to make them happy!
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
30 Dec 08
I dont think you should stop being honest.. but i guess like everything.. there is a time and a place.. and you seem like a pretty level person from your discussions anywasy so i guess just use your better judgement and go from there in different situations ;) Like you wouldnt want to be honest about every negative thing in your life to every person you meet.. they may think your a negative person or dwelling even though you are just being hoenst.. that and you dont want everyone to know every Cruddy thing that happens to you do you ?! i dont!! *hugs* I hope the new year brings you better luck.
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
I'm level... just tilted by common sense and reality. Quite a struggle to keep them from fighting each other!
@keasling (724)
• United States
30 Dec 08
I don't think anyone should stop being honest with how they are. Myself, I tend to do the ok. Sometimes I will it bites or something but don't get into to much detail. But when family asks especially my parents I go all the way into every detail. I think honesty is always the best policy even though sometimes I have problems following my own advice :) So be yourself that makes you who you are :)
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
30 Dec 08
I am sure I gave the office something to talk about!
• United States
11 Jan 09
I am sorry to hear about your Christmas. Well , there is always next year.Unlike most people, when I ask how are you , I really want to know.if we are friends, then I Really want to know. If we are acquaintances, I still would like to know.Anyway I am glad you are feeling better.Talk to you later.
1 person likes this
• India
31 Dec 08
Honesty is best policy. But only when you are going for a policy. soicial aspects are of paramount imortance for a ny social person .Otherwise you become unsociable and people try to avoid you. This may not be visible straightaway but has got long term implications. so choose your word sensibly, they may just be coming back to you.